Leap Musing

It took me 21 hours later to register in my mind that today is 29th Feb 2008 which is supposedly “significant”. I remember the DJ mention Leaplings which I just acknowledge as a common phrase.. guess I was busy.

Then when I came back, my friend had mentioned something about the leap year which I replied him instinctively while watching Linger…

Only when I was searching for the blood donation advertisement print and chanced upon this paragraph

In Irish Tradition, the Leap Day is the only day that women are allowed to propose a marriage to a man. It is because the Leap Day exists only once in 4 years. Besides, today if a man is ever asked by a woman for a date, the man is not supposed or allowed to reject the date.

Then suddenly it hit upon me that today is a significant day. I got curious to know what I had blogged 4 years ago. Unfortunately I did not blog anything. Feb 2004, is my last sem of my undergrad years. It is a coincidence that 4 years later, I’m at my last sem of my postgrad years. Haha I might have skip school one week to go Australia with my family that time as I remember there wasn’t a term break for that sem because the school actually thought we do not need a break. Luckily the SU make a fuss and got back the term break in the following academic year though by then, I grad already.

Hmm but seriously I don’t feel any significance. Just glad that I managed to rekindle back some fire and clear some stuff. And grateful for the term break. And worried that I might not be capable enough. And aching and sleepy due to my cough that interrupted my sleep and hurt my back. Zzzzz

p/s: I still cannot find the advertisement. Hmm wanted to comment about it and share about the XBox ad.. too bad!

李冰冰 - 只有回忆

只有回忆
-李冰冰
Theme song for Linger

总是在 消失了才看个明白
手一松心就会期待
总是在 静下来心跳如钟摆
在无处可逃要对自己坦白

可惜在往往尝透了悲哀
才更懂什么是爱
快乐总存放于未来
忘记了抚摸现在

遗憾在 念念不忘受过伤害
才怀疑 那是因为爱
遗憾在失去了沉默的关怀
才醒悟感情原本无需表白

可惜在要把一切放下来
才感到 曾经存在
纠缠时眼睛睁不开
清醒时只有无奈

遗憾在 念念不忘受过伤害
才怀疑 那是因为爱
遗憾在 失去了沉默的关怀
才醒悟感情原本无需表白

遗憾在 发生过的不容修改
眼泪是 为过去还债
最遗憾在 爱总是来不及明白
只有回忆能证明真爱何在

Who is Rich? Who is Poor?

One day, a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the countryside so he could give his son a glimpse of how poor rural people were..... They stayed one day and one night in the farm house of a very humble farm.

At the end of the trip and back home, the father asked the son: What did you think of the trip?

The son replied: Very nice Dad

Father: Did you notice how poor they were?

Son: Yes

Father: What did you learn?

Son: I learned that we have one dog in the house...and they have four.
I learned that we have a fountain in the garden and they have a stream that has no end.
I learned that we have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars. I learned that our garden goes to the edge of our property; they have the entire horizon as their back yard.

At the end of the son's reply the father was speechless. His son added: "Thank you dad for showing me how poor we really are."

Author’s comments:
I had gotten this from an e-mail quite sometime. Sometimes, there really is a different way of seeing things. Last night’s conversation made me realised that I have been focusing on the wrong thing. Truth is I know what I should focus, but I did not listen. Luckily GA was patient with me.

Actually I feel a bit guilty, because there is something I did not say. But it is hard to converse with someone whose mind is preoccupied. I believed as long as GA knows I appreciate it can already.

It is a different way to see a certain matter. And I cherish what had happened on Tuesday even if nothing fruitful turns out. At the very least, I did try to grasp the opportunity. Whatever happens later, will depend entirely on THE PLAN. Most importantly, at that point, I felt that GA had replied me, and promptly. For that, I’m very grateful.

The past few days had also been queer in a least expected way. My pet project was down on Wednesday’s noon due to technical issues. Because of it, I ended up mailing my suppliers, something I did not really want to do because it will create a commotion. But the site refused to up after a few hours had passed and I had no choice but to send out the 400 emails. Naturally I spammed my own mailbox because of the read receipts and the undelivered mails received. And today, I had to send another email to inform them the site is back in operation. Due to this event, my phone became the hotline, which isn’t really good news because I don’t have much voice to entertain haha. But I ended up making them aware of my pet project once again, especially to those inactive users. And they started asking me for userid and password. In some sense, I felt at least something positive and fruitful happened due to this downtime. Afterall I always wanted my suppliers to make use of my pet project if possible, to try to eliminate paper waste haha.

星星王子： 不安定的男友

Source: Sina

人说双子座的男人最花心，射手座的男人最不安定，其实对女人而言，她所遇到的那个男人就是最不安定的星座。

双子座：

他不是不想安定下来，他只是太喜欢站在舞台上，享受众人的掌声，爱上他的女人请变成他的舞台，而不能只做个追星族，记得适时给他掌声。

巨蟹座：

他非常害怕被背叛，看上去愈是冷静的他愈危险，他会花很长的时间来观察你，他很容易躲进壳里，你一定要搞清楚他逃跑的原因，爱上巨蟹男，需要非比寻常的耐心，请勿心急。

狮子座：

他其实是最有家庭观念的星座，是传统价值观加诸男人的典型，他总是要做强者。你做狮子座的红粉知己，不要成为他另一个敌人。

处女座：

没错，他对爱人的要求一样那么完美，爱他要很专心，因为他永远不会巴望一段不确定的恋情，所以你要比他还专心、还确定，铁了心的爱他！

天秤座：

温柔而任性的天秤，是兼具危险情人与哲学家的恋人，他的不安定是天生的使坏，３０岁之前的他是抓不住的，爱上他，你要有置死地而后生的准备，不要一开始就告诉他：我跟定你了。

天蝎座：

他们是很过份的，专门欺负比他们软弱的人，他们本身很安定，非常擅于等待，他在你身边并不一定就表示承诺，他最爱的还是自己。对付他只有一个办法：以其人之道还治其人之身。

射手座：

这是据统计最多女人喜欢的星座，他们的不安定还真是有口皆碑，那是因为好奇和对自由的憧憬，想留住他就放他走，他累了就会回来，如果他的未来没有你，劝你及早抽身，爱上射手，宁可心碎，也不能心软。

摩羯座：

他们绝不是那么容易了解的人，爱上摩羯会有一种无力感，他的问题你看得到但解决不了；他的优点你看得到却用不到，爱情和面包？不用怀疑，他一定选择面包。所以要爱情，先做他的面包吧！

水瓶座：

他对这个世界充满好奇，水瓶男人成熟得很晚，对爱情的体认也比较晚，与水瓶座相爱是技术层面的问题，你最好设法成为他的初恋情人或是当他最好的朋友。

双鱼座：

这是一个专门混淆女人感觉的星座，他非常的害怕寂寞，你不妨去请教专家，如何跟双鱼斗智？你要比双鱼更了解双鱼，更有耐心。他需要你给他时间和爱心。

白羊座：

这个男人有点无理取闹，你不知道他到底要什么？他的不安定是连自己都不知道为什么？如果你爱上男羊儿，必须了解他的英雄主义，他接受单挑，不接受倒追。

金牛座：

他的不安定其实是因为他太愿意安定，所以他不是早早婚就是晚晚婚，斗牛的要诀是要让他看到希望、实际和未来，给他安全感，千万不能若即若离。

Bflygal's comments: Koped from Y.E.S 933 DJ Jiafa's blog actually... Because I really like this phrase "其实对女人而言，她所遇到的那个男人就是最不安定的星座。"

Actually there is another reason why I posted this.. but.. only GA knows my thots bah.

Queer Monday Musing

It had been a queer Monday for me.

I had been expecting a particular news, a particular fear this year. And it had finally materialized. While I willn't say anything about it, I find life queer at times. (And that I'm not sure if I strive to be balance or I am balanced.) Because I was both happy and sad at the same time. I do think it is a good piece of news, just not that good on my part. But timing wise seems appropriate thankfully.

That news and the fact that 2 of my friends are currently in dating stage and the news of some weddings got me thinking - Did I move forward or did I retreat or did I stay stagnant or...??? I have been looking for a particular poster that I saw years ago with Pte. At that time, I was fascinated by the picture and the quote, "The only constant is change". Queerly I had that same thinking in Nov 2006 as quoted in my previous post. Gosh is this a déjà vu? A cycle? And Pte had mentioned that I might have been in a cycle.. which actually come to think of it, is true. Because I had went through that news before, sad that I have to go through it again. But I must emphasis, I still want that to happen, and that it MUST happen.

Anyway I just couldn’t find the poster online. But this poster caught my attention.

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

As mentioned it is a queer day today because after that, as the day progress, something queer happened too. On one side, my colleague was collecting money for something worth celebrating. On the other side, another colleague was collecting money for a death event. 生死一线之差(roughly translated as life and death is just a string’s distance away which means there is not much difference between life and death.. I think.. ). It reminds me of those TV shows you watch on some hospital scenes where you see a baby crying past through the protagonist and then seconds later a sobbing family clinging to the bed past through the protagonist. Life.. and.. death… (Darnz, am I too balanced that I keep seeing a balance in life?)

Oh by the way after many attempts, I finally found the book I wanted. End up I had to finish a little book because I maxed my borrowing quota. Maybe I should sign up for the premium services but I rarely use it. Perhaps after I graduate..

Maybe because I read something in the library, I came home and ended up slacking again. Watched Cashback, which is about a male protagonist who can freeze time (note he mentioned one can speed time, slow time, freeze time but can never undo time and reverse what had been done) and appreciate still beauty. In it, I found 2 quotes interesting:

Crush. It's funny how the same word for the feeling of disappointment can be used for the feeling of attraction. The Oxford English Dictionary states one of the meanings for the word crushed as "a strong and unreasoning, but transitory attachment."

-- > Err 1 word, 2 extreme meanings? Oh no, I really have a penchant for such stuff.

Once upon a time, I wanted to know what love was. Love is there if you want it to be. You just have to see that it's wrapped in beauty and hidden away in between the seconds of your life. If you don't stop for a minute, you might miss it.

-- > Out of the whole movie, I think I only like this scene. The snow, the 2 leads, it was romantic.

And yupz the whole show was just.. hmm one can consider it an artsy film I guess. It’s a rather slow paced movie, which I like as it allows me to multi-task though I did not really do anything. I had wanted to finish up my readings and query my lecturer. But I ended up falling asleep. When I next woke up, I saw my group mate asking for information on another module.. so I ended up doing that instead. And being a girl with no sense of priority, my next activity was not sleep, not readings, but blogging. Haha.

Still not sure if I want to sleep or not as I will be woken up 2 hours later. Oh ya the only “cool” point of Cashback is that the male protagonist suffer from insomnia. I’m not saying suffering from insomnia is cool, I’m only saying that he realised he suddenly got an extra 8 hours to spend, as if his life has been extended by one-third. Yes, I wish to have an extra 8 hours to spend too, then I can read all the stuff I want to read (which is what the male protagonist did) and watch all the stuff I want to watch. But I have the tendency to zone out.. err so I wonder how much will I still achieve…

Hmm queer Monday … Oh but it had been a good Monday too because I cleared a debt.. Yeah, as mentioned, I really do appreciate the term break that falls nicely on ... this week. Thanks!

Happy Note

Yeah I finally found my Rubik's cube keychain. I went Comics Connection last Friday but had only found the big Rubik's cube. Today, to make myself happy, I decided to go Toys"R"Us and find the keychain version. Walked a big round before realising it is actually near the cashier counter. Hmm Toys"R"Us seems such a happening place that I couldn't help smiling.

Actually my area was bustling with activity this Sunday too as there was a Total Defense exhibition. And the kids were happily claiming their stamps for redemption. I overheard a mother commenting that this year games seem so much more fun. That's good news for the organisers. Unfortunately I did not have a camera and the phone was down so no photo-taking hmm...

Oh ya, I headed to the library after that to find materials for my case study. But no matter how many times I scanned through the shelf, I couldn't find the book. I decided to borrow other books in the end. But I couldn't accept that I cannot find that book that I ended up asking the librarian about it. And I realised the book is in the Singapore collection. Hmm.. the title was "E-Government in Asia", I seriously would not have thought that it will end up in the Singapore collection.. but.. I guess it is their way of cataloguing. At least it taught me 2 lessons
1) Next time I should find my books in the Singapore collection too.
2) I should not give up so easily in finding a book. Because of this book, I had to go out of library to “book drop” one of the book as there is no self-returning counter inside the library before borrowing it. Quite dumb I guess but well the person who had drafted the process flowchart must have been focus on cost efficient than user-friendliness.

Hmm was supposed to either read my book or take a nap, but I ended up whiling my time on “No Reservation”. Thought was some culinary show, but I ended up crying more for the little girl who lost her mother.. sighz..

Tired.. feel like sleeping… think I gonna lie on the bed soon. After last sem, I kinda realised the more effort I put in for my studies, the worst it becomes. And my health is deteriorating this sem because I practically don’t eat dinner anymore… I’m quite tired to the extent I’m letting go the reins already… if that would make me happier…

p/s: Hmm my brother messed up the Rubik and I can't fix it... Help!

Random Musing

I had finished watching TOB. 42 episodes... Maybe because I know the ending is sad, which suits my mood.

I kind of give up already. Even though I still send an email to TA to ask for clarifications. I guess I will only do the tidy up next Saturday already. I need to settle other stuff that I kept postponing already. Besides keep going to lab makes me sick...

Anyway when I left the lab, I had to go to the lib to get a book. And I passed by the bus stop which had an accident yesterday. 2 guards were there, maybe to inspect something. Maybe because it was dark already, maybe due to my mood, but seeing the bus stop, I couldn't help feeling sad. After I finish borrowing my book, I walked back to the bus stop just as they walk back to their office. And I overheard them saying maybe it is fate. I guess so. As mentioned, life is indeed fragile. Who will expect a freak accident to claim 3 lives. And it is indeed true that bus stop tends to have students waiting for internal shuttle bus. Guess it is pure luck that no students were there at that time. Seeing the fallen trees ... sighz

I remember yesterday's article in MyPaper by Anna Thomas - “Busy? It’s just a great escape”. She mentioned that "I’m busy” are the rudest words in the English language.

Claiming to be busy implies that one is capable of utilizing time, but that time is reserved for issues more important that the person one is speaking with.

Guess one should not keep claiming to be busy, in view that life is fragile.

He who is too busy doing good finds no time to be good.
- Tagore

I just want to finish my tasks come Monday... I'm grateful for the term break.

Quotes of the Day

It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.

- Wikihow
>> It took DK 2 days of mindless wanderings to figure out that maybe he should care for himself more to better understand his situation.. hmm... "You must love yourself before you can love another.".. it should be that theory bah...

It is hard for you to realize that your low are most other people's highs and that the best remedy for feelings of failure is to count your blessings.

- Numerology

Kid, you will never give up. Find a way. Because that is what winner do

- Surf's Up
>> watched this today. I always treasure my days when I can reach home early. And days like that, I will tend to slack.. haha.. Don't know why I chose this movie either. Because weirdly, yesterday I had been pondering if I should give up. Then I met the TA yesterday. I can only hope this Saturday I will figure something out again...

Venture Funding

Source: Seeing What's Next

Our research suggest that the source of money is not a critical determinant of success for recent disruptive ventures. Storage maker EMC was self-funded from its beginning. Cisco only attracted venture funding after it had developed a profitable business model. Bloomberg launched its disruptive terminal using funding from Michael Bloomberg and Merrill Lynch. Charles Schwab couldn’t find a venture backer for his discount brokerage model in the 1970s.

Consider the creation of the personal digital assistant (PDA) market. Whose money helped create the market and whose money hurt? Corporate money seems not to have been helpful. Apple’s efforts to create the PDA market are a well-studied flop. It invested more that $350 million in creating its Newton product. Apple tried to use a bevy of new technologies to create a miniaturized version of a personal computer, but the product never performed well enough to appeal to customers. Venture capital money didn’t help a whole host of would-be disruptors. Kleiner-Perkins backed a start-up called GO Corporation that spent $75 million and then WENT. All told, these companies and venture capitalists invested more than $1 billion trying to crack the market.

On the other hand, Palm was venture funded. But it was not spending its venture capital money that helped Palm find its foothold. Palm spent less than $3 milliong developing its Palm Pilot. Backed by venture capital funding from Merrill, Pickard, Anderson & Eyre and Sutter Hill Ventures, Palm first created a product called Zoomer PDA, which according to Fast Company “did lots of things, most of them badly.” Like the products launched by Apple and GO, the Zoomer failed. But Palm had stored up enough cash to develop a second generation. It decided to find out what the handful of Zoomer purchasers actually thought of the product. It stumbled onto a surprising revelation: People did not want a replacement for the computer; they wanted a complement that was limited but simple to use. Palm came up with a relatively simple device that was limited applications such as an electronic Rolodex. It forced users to use an intuitive, simple writing style instead of relying on complicated handwriting recognition software. The Palm Pilot seamlessly synchronized with a user’s computer, allowing the consumer to have a consistent repository of data. This was a disruptive innovation – simple, cheap, and limited, but positioned squarely on a job that delighted users.

Armed with its winning idea, Palm sought additional VC financing. But purse strings had tightened after the recent explosion of hype surrounded the handheld market. Finally Palm decided to contact U.S. Robotics, a leading modem manufacturer, who decided to acquire Palm for $44 million in stock.

Palm started the PDA revolution, which created massive amounts of new growth that many believe will ultimately culminate in a product that disrupts leading computer manufacturers. Which funding source should we credit with starting this revolution? Categorizing money as venture capital versus corporate is cutting the world the wrong way. Good money providers are those who help a company spend a little and learn, until it has a viable strategy and business model.

Bflygal's comments:
Extracted this article from "Seeing What's Next" by Clayton M. Christensen for stressor to read haha. This book has a few interesting chapters though I had been too tired to really read the book. But the author has some interesting pointers. I'm also not sure why I typed this extract out.. but just found it interesting that sometimes funding needs not means success.

There was another chapter on healthcare that was interesting too. It was about rabbit test and pregnancy kit haha. Hmm maybe when I'm less tired, I shall read the book again and the author other series.

Mark Gungo - Tale of Two Brains

Source:
Youtube
Multiply - I uploaded too since I have the video

Saw this video this morning... Tale of Two Brains by Mark Gungo.. Highly hilarious, entertaining and yet thought-provoking. Here's what I caught from the video:

Man's brains are made up of little boxes. Boxes for the kids, boxes for you. And the rule is the boxes don't touch. When a man discusses a certain topic, he only opens that box and discuss what is in THAT box. At the end of the conversation, he will close the box and make sure carefully, that he did not touch other boxes.

Woman's brains on the other hand is make up of a big bob of wire. Everything is connected. (You should see his reaction haha). It is like the Internet. And it is driven by an energy we call emotion. This is one of the reason why woman tends to remember everything. Because it reacts with the emotion which will burn into the memory. It happens to man too but not very often because man don't care. Woman, however, tends to care about everything.

There is a box in a man's brain that a woman don't know about. It is the Nothing box. And it is his favourite box. If a man has a chance, he will just go to his Nothing box everytime. That's why a man can do something completely brain dead for hours e.g. fishing. In fact a study discovered that man has the ability to think about absolutely nothing, and still breath.

Woman cannot do it. Their mind never stops. And they don't understand the Nothing box. And nothing drives a woman more crazy or makes you feel more irritated than a man doing Nothing.

Oh man! Suddenly I feel so enlightened.

Tired Musing

Tired... very tired.. thus my body broke down today. Sighz everytime I sore throat, by the end of the day, I will definitely end up cold and feverish.. and yet I'm never sick enough to take MC. Because I will try to curb the bug by drinking lots of water but was never in time to stop developing the symptoms full blown... Sighz thankfully yesterday I had a lift .. thus I managed to sleep early. But today is the tiring part because not only lessons end late, they usually drag.. and today I really feel listless.

Should I give up the 29.5 marks of lab.. I took 4 days just to code and score 10.5 marks. How much effort do I need to secure that 29.5 marks? I feel like giving up because it is really an uphill task. Tired..

Anyway lately a lot of things are in my mind... Maybe I'm shivering inside but I am suddenly so disheartened by the world. I don't get it why Gillian attempts to get back her life has to be thwarted by the critics. The reason I don’t get it is because this happens 6 years ago. 6 years is a very long time… Do we not make mistakes 6 years ago? Do we need to be punished after 6 years? I can’t bear the thought if my mistake came back to me now, to haunt me. Because I once was as naïve to this world as she is. Anyway is also not don’t really understand, just sad that when these people criticise her, do they ever thought back 6 years, 12 years, 18 years ago, did they make some mistakes which might scar them forever?

Just as I don’t get it why a 21 year old relief teacher could blog on such stuff. Blogging is not private. Have we gotten to a stage we forgot that what we typed in the cyberspace can be seen by others too? Do we not be responsible for what we blog? They are just primary school kids for goodness gracious. I might have written worst compositions than them even. Just ask my Chinese teacher haha, I think he is quite exasperated with my Chinese.

Maybe I really don’t understand the teenagers of today. Just as I don’t understand the chopper-wielding gang… it shudders me that I’m walking home late tonight.. hmm.. but I should be fine because I always look on the floor one bah.

Weird though, it’s such a cold world out there.. my lab is so demoralising.. and yet all I can think about is how fragile life is? When Lydia Sum’s death was announced, I told my colleague about it. And she told me about her daughter’s senior who just departed last Sunday. Hearing the struggle, the filial actions she did, how she put off the life support and tried to give herself one more chance to live… I suddenly remembered my JC mate. Life is fragile… so fragile... I told my colleague to treasure the present. She end up telling me after my masters, please go and do what I want to do. Haha.. I wish to do that too.. just that this semester has been sorely unbearable. Even my classmate agreed with me too, and he is quite bo-chap with studies one. Or rather his priority is also work.. actually most people I know, places more emphasis on work. Thus it gets demoralising when your work performance gets affected because of the studies. He’s happy though that lately he has manage to clear his debts.. but I don’t feel happy yet leh haha. I’m very worried come next month, of what is expected of me. And I do wonder how much more can I withstand. But when I think about how fragile life is, I guess my worries is nothing compared to them bah.. Hmm yah, I really should think more positively.

Hmm anyway there is another news that perks my interest – Singapore Airshow 2008. Sighz 2 years ago, I went to the Asian Aerospace because it was their last time being held in Singapore. 2 years later, the event has been replaced with Singapore own’s airshow. I had thought of going but the transport puts me off. 5 dollars for a single trip to the place. Gosh. It used to be free… Guess they need to cover back their costs. Even the taxi has surcharge. Transportation is never cheap for major events *shakes head*. I saw some videos from a friend… I still remember that time I went with Pte, my camera wasn’t that fantastic. I remember how awed I was about A380 then. 2 years later, it really landed in Singapore already.. and yet I still did not have a chance to take a pic of it. Sighz.. I still have not make up my mind if I want to go… but I guess after checking the website, I’m more interested to watch the Death Note movie now.. it’s cheaper haha.

<-- Sighz life is unfair, people gets to see the real thing while I only get to see the model 2 years ago… haha.. joking!

Yes or No?

Source: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

We're always making choices. How we will use our time, how we're going to get to our destination, what we're going to have for lunch, what colours should be used for our logo, what proposal should be dumped and which one should be taken up. Every step that we take presents us with an option of "Yes" or "No".

All these decisions, or in the case of some of us, in-decision, affects our happiness. How consciously do we make our choices? What happens when we can't make a definite "Yes" or "No" is that we become stuck in the wilderness of "Maybe" land. When we spend too much time in this place, we allow others to decide how our lives should be led. Here we have no hope for fulfillment because when things go well, we can't take the credit. And when things go awry, we blame ourselves for trusting the judgement of another.

Imagine that your partner or friend prefers to watch a particular movie and you'd really like to see another but you don't say anything. You give your partner or friend a weak "maybe", "it doesn't matter" or a reluctant "oh ok?" Later, you feel resentful and angry because this always seems to happen and you "never get to see the movie that you want to see."

Sometimes we justify this by believing that we don't assert ourselves because we are easy-going or generous. If this is the case, then why do we subsequently feel lousy and on the losing end?

Now, asserting yourself doesn't mean being demanding or unreasonable. By all means, empower yourself by expressing your feelings clearly, but be ready to negotiate or occasionally give in or come to a compromise. The important thing is simply to make your feelings known. Hiding behind a mask of indifference creates a lot of inner tension which may explode in the future.

It's very important to empower yourself to make conscious choices to create the relationships and life that you want. A lot of people feel anger and resentment toward others but what they're actually feeling is resentment towards themselves for not having the courage to go for what they really want.

Whenever you're faced with a decision, take the time to go within yourself and ask yourself what you really want. Is it true that it doesn't matter? Is it something you can take lightly? Or something you feel strongly about? When you evaluate your options consciously and express your feelings clearly, you'll feel more empowered, and as a result, move confidently toward creating the kind of relationships and life that you want.

Dreamgirls - Family

Family
Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Hudson, Beyonce Knowles

Effie:
What about what I need?

C.C:
Curtis says it's the best thing for the group.

Effie:
What about whats best for me?

C.C:
He feels that dreams can cross over.

Effie:
What about how I feel?

C.C:
But when we're famous. I'll write great things for ya, Effie, do it for me.

Effie:
What about me?
What about me?

C.C:
It's more than you
It is more than me
No matter what we are
We are a family
This dream is for all of us
This one can be real
and you can't stop us now
because of how you feel
It's more than you
It is more than me
Whatever dreams we have
They're for the family
We're not alone anymore
Now there are others there
And that dream's big enough
For all of us to share
So dont think your going
Your not going anywhere
Your staying and taking your share
and if you get afraid again
I'll be there.

Everybody:
We are a family
Like a giant tree
Branching out for the sky
We are a family
We are so much more
Than just you and I
We are a family like a giant tree
Growing stronger, growing wiser
We are growing free
We need you
We are a family

Bflygal's comments:
When the guy sang
"It's more than you
It is more than me"
I was entranced.

I'm hurt.. but I can tell nobody. It hurts badly, very badly. But I can't even blog it.. I can only keep telling myself, I chose it. And I have to bear the outcome. But I really really can't bear it. GA, are you really here with me? I know what my family will says, I know what the rest will say, and I know I am grateful for what you gave me too. But GA, as a human, I still feel hurt. Sorry for sounding ungrateful. But it hurts and I can tell no one.

Touching Photos

This morning, a colleague had sent me 10 touching photos... and these 2 touched me ...

Caption on the photo: That day the English teacher arrived in our village.
She taught us our very first sentence in English: "I want go to school."

Did you hear it? It is a most heart-rendering cry.

No rose, no diamond ring, but if this is not love, what is love?
With enthusiasm, love your life! Love the people around you!

I'm speechless...

Oh btw I'm not sure who the photographer is though but credits to him/her whoever he/she is. They were truly well-taken.

Lost Musings

I was flipping this week i-weekly in the morning.. and saw Rene Liu’s blog

I like this post very much.

你記得去年的今天你在做什麼嗎？
你記得前年的今天你在做什麼嗎？
你記得十年前…..？
一切都不重要了
再重要，
也必須學著遺忘
當重要的
不再屬於我們的時候

Extracted from here

(My translated thoughts...)
Do I still remember what I did last year?
Do I still remember what I did the year before?
Do I still remember 10 years ago?
Maybe in the end, nothing matters,
Even if they are important,
Because the moment doesn’t belongs to me anymore.

I read Pte’s entry and was quite tickled at the question Angie had asked. Anyway the one thing I wanted is communication but you closed up. Maybe that is the difference between Man and Woman. Man tends to use physical actions to show their feelings, while woman only wants emotional bonding. But I admit, I never dare to let my heart rule either.

And that’s why it hurts now that I decided to my heart rule.. because I’m facing another closed wall. i-weekly had this article analysing about love or something, and mentioned that ladies have an acute 6th sense which allows them to detect if a guy is having an affair accurately (I agree!). Unfortunately their 6th sense NEVER works on them and they turn to fortune telling to understand their fate.. which I also agree. The more lost I feel, the more I want to turn to the signs. And I ended up more lost such that it becomes a vicious cycle and the only way to get out of it, is to numb my senses.

A few days ago, due to another depressing lab session, I watched High School Musical 2. Thus the last few days, the only songs I had been listening are from HSM & HSM2. And I remembered this song, “When there was me and you”

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

Anyway a friend told me sometimes it’s hurtful to listen to your heart. But all these hurtful things will make one stronger. The important thing is to be sure if you are following your heart or making a wish you want your heart to follow. I don’t know how to balance the heart and the head.. that explains why sometimes I buy too much and sometimes I don’t spend at all. Actually I don’t know why I let my heart rules this year but maybe Pte is right, it is time to let my head takes control already. Just that I don’t know why I really wish to just silently be there… but if it is a wish then I guess no point. I should obediently listen to the plan instead. Even if my heart only wants to be there…

Oh ya Doc, I love the child singing字母歌 although sometimes he seems to be shouting. (It’s a he right?) Were you talking background and playing the piano? Thanks… haha I did not expect that special song.

Ok shall share with you some of the HSM2 songs.. actually I like Everyday very much…

Once in a lifetime
Means there's no second chance
So I believe that you and me
Should grab it while we can

.....

They say that you should follow
And chase down what you dream,
But if you get lost and lose yourself
What does it really mean?
No matter where we're going,
It starts from where we are
There's more to life when we listen to our hearts
And because of you,
I've got the strength to start

Maybe that is what got me confused… I really don't know...

Title: You Are The Music In Me

Na na na na
Na na na na yeah
You are the music in me

You know the words
"Once Upon A Time"
Make you listen?
There's a reason.

When you dream there's a chance you'll find
A little laughter
or happy ever after
your harmony to the melody
It's echoing inside my head
A single voice (Single voice)
Above the noise
And like a common thread
Hmm, you're pulling me

When I hear my favorite song
I know that we belong
Oh, you are the music in me
Yeah it's living in all of us
And it's brought us here because
Because you are the music in me

Na na na na (Ohh)
Na na na na na
Yeah yeah yeah
(Na na na na)
You are the music in me

It's like I knew you before we met (Before we met)
Can't explain it (Ohh ohh)
There's no name for it (No name for it)
I'm saying words I never said
And it was easy (So easy)
Because you see the real me (I see)
As I am You understand
And that's more than I've ever known
To hear your voice (Hear your voice)
Above the noise (Ohh ohh)
And no, I'm not alone
Oh you're singing to me (Ohh yeah)

When I hear my favorite song
I know that we belong (Yeah ohh)
You are the music in me
It's living in all of us
And it's brought us here because
You are the music in me
Together we're gonna sing (Yeah)
We got the power to sing what we feel (What we feel)
Connected and real
Can't keep it all inside (Ohh)

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Yeah yeah yeah (Na na na na)
You are the music in me (In me)
Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na
You are the music in me

When I hear my favorite song (Favorite song)
I know that we belong (We belong)
You are the music in me
Yeah it's living in all of us
It's brought us here because (Here because)
You are the music in me
Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na (Ohh yeah)
Na na na na
You are the music in me (Yeah)

Title: Bet On It

Everybody's always talking at me
Everybody's trying to get in my head
I wanna listen to my own heart talking
I need to count on myself instead

Chorus:
Did you ever?
Zac:
Loose yourself to get what you want
Chorus:
Did you ever?
Zac:
Get on a ride and wanna get off
Chorus:
Did you ever?
Zac:
Push away the ones you should've held close
Did you ever let go?
Did you ever not know?

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am
I'll give it all I got, that is my plan
Will I find what I lost?
You know you can
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it
(Bet on me)
I wanna make it right, that is the way
To turn my life around, today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say?
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it

How will I know if there's a path worth taking?
Should I question every move I make?
With all I’ve lost my heart is breaking
I don't wanna make the same mistake

Chorus:
Did you ever?
Zac:
Doubt your dream will ever come true
Chorus:
Did you ever?
Zac:
Blame the world and never blame you
Chorus: I will never
Zac:
Try to live a lie again
I don't wanna win this game if I can't play it my way

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am
(Who I am)
I'll give it all I got, that is my plan
(That's my plan)
Will I find what I lost?
You know you can
(You know you can)
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on me

I wanna make it right, that is the way
To turn my life around, today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it

Oh,Hold up
Give me room to think
Bring it on down
Gotta work on my swing
Gotta do my own thing
Hold up

It's no good at all
To see yourself and not recognize your face
Out on my own, it's such a scary place

The answers are all inside of me
All I gotta do is believe

I'm not gonna stop
Not gonna stop 'til I get my shot
That's who I am, that is my plan
Will I end up on top?
You can bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it
You can bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it

I wanna make it right, that is the way
To turn my life around, today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it

You can bet on me


Title: Gotta Go My Own Way
Troy & Gabriella

Gabriella
I gotta say what's in my mind
Something about us
Doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
Is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok...
I've go to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
World someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away
Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall everytime
Another color turns to grey
And it's just too hard to watch it all
Slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause I've
Gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok...
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
World someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away

Troy
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

Gabriella
What about trust?

Troy
You know I never wanted to trust you

Gabriella
And what about me?

Troy
What am I supposed to do?

Gabriella
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

Troy
I'll miss you

Gabriella
So
I've got to move on and be who I am

Troy
Why do you have to go?

Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy:
I'll try to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place in this
World someday
But at least for now

Troy
I want you to stay

Gabriella
I gotta go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am

Troy
What about us?

Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy
I'll try to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place in this
World someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away

Title: Everyday
Troy & Gabriella

[Troy]
Once in a lifetime
Means there's no second chance
So I believe that you and me
Should grab it while we can

[Gabriella]
Make it last forever
And never give it back

[Troy]
It's our turn and I'm loving where we're at

[Both]
Because this moment's really all we have

[Troy]
Everyday
Of our lives,

[Gabriella]
Wanna find you there,
Wanna hold on tight

[Troy]
Gonna run

[Both]
While we're young
And keep the faith

[Troy]
Everyday

[Both]
From right now,
Gonna use our voices and scream out loud

[Gabriella]
Take my hand

[Troy]
Together we
Will celebrate,

[Gabriella]
Celebrate

[Both]
Oh, everyday

[Gabriella]
They say that you should follow

[Troy]
And chase down what you dream,

[Gabriella]
But if you get lost and lose yourself

[Troy]
What does it really mean?

[Gabriella]
No matter where we're going,

[Troy]
It starts from where we are

[Both]
There's more to life when we listen to our hearts
And because of you,
I've got the strength to start

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Everyday
Of our lives,

[Both]
Wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight
Gonna run
While we're young
And keep the faith.

Everyday

[Troy]
From right now,

[Both]
Gonna use our voices and scream out loud
Take my hand
Together we
Will celebrate,

[Gabriella]
Oh, everyday

[Troy]
We're taking it back,
We're doing it here
Together!

[Gabriella]
It's better like that,
And stronger now
Than ever!

[Both]
We're not gonna lose
'Cause we get to choose
That's how it's gonna be!

[Troy]
Everyday
Of our lives,

[Gabriella]
Wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight

[Troy]
Gonna run
While we're young

[Both]
And keep the faith
Keep the faith!

[Troy and Gabriella, all]
Everyday
Of our lives,
Wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight
Gonna run
While we're young
And keep the faith

Everyday
From right now,
Gonna use our voices and scream out loud
Take my hand
Together we
Will celebrate,

Everyday!
Live every day!
Everyday!
Love everyday!
Everyday!
Live everyday!
Everyday!
Love everyday!
Everyday!
Everyday!
Everyday!
Everyday!
Everyday!
Everyday!
Everyday.

Love my Future

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

Jeremiah 29:11

A student had passed me a booklet from EveryStudent on Monday. And this quote caught my attention partly due to the context of the article. The article was talking about Singles (again.. I think it is the Vday feeling so all the articles I read about has to do with Singles, Love, Sex).

The thing is this quote seems a bit weird thus I did a research. And found the actual phrase in the Old Testament is

"For God knows the plans He has for you. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
eremiah 29:11.

The Message Bible translates this passage as "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."
Referenced from Biblegateway

I just suddenly wondered aloud, does God have an expert system to help with the planning. Hmm think I study too much.

Anyway I prefer the original context. “not to harm you”, “’to give you hope”, that is all I asked for.

While flipping through the booklet, the main focus it seems was on premarital sex. Coincidentally, that day my brother was showing me Edison Chen’s latest scandalous photos. And I really hope that the youngsters of today, to really consider their actions because it really has an impact on the future. What may seemed fun now, can be nightmarish when the rose-tinted glass is removed. There were a few girls (interviewed in the booklet) who really regret what they did before, and I have to say too much of an intimacy, without the commitment, is really not a good thing. The conflict will increase tremendously because females think differently on such things as compared to males. And if you really want to take pictures … really think twice, thrice..

You know while flipping through those photos, I only felt pain and agony for these girls. Reports have stated how Cecilia is trying to salvage her marriage and how strong Gillian is to silently admit everything. They did all those in a moment of fun, and had to pay a hefty price. I know there are people who felt they deserved it, but seriously, nobody; absolutely nobody should be put into such a shock.

I know a few years ago, there was a similar situation in Singapore where the schoolgirl had her video distributed. At that time, I told my mum that she deserved it, because she had to take responsibility for her actions. I still maintain my stand that these girls have to take responsibility for their actions. But the difference is this time, I saw the photos. (haha that time I refuse to watch the video I think.. don’t know why also.. maybe I felt I will grossed out.. although this time I really felt sick too.. but I couldn’t resist the curiosity when my brother sent me bah haha.. ) I guess those photos soften my critical stand. And make me really hope that youngsters of today, please don’t do things that will come back to haunt you in your future. It really is a scary world out there.

Which is why my focus today is to “Love my Future”. And to love it, I have to trust that the plan(s) is/are there. And to love myself more especially with this Vday mood around and to never do anything foolish.

With that, I shall present 2 cute little flowers from Facebook’s Growing Gifts (one of my favourite few application) to wish all of you a Happy Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!


<-- I like this so much I gave one to myself in Facebook hahaha

Self-discipline - Price tag of leadership

Reference: My previous post on John C. Maxwell - Developing The Leader Within You

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the
Something that I can do.

I have been thinking what the test is this round? 3 days in school, the codes half baked. The due date is in 3 weeks time. If things don’t work out well, I have 5 days to consider if I should drop this module. And if things work out well, I got 1 week to consider registering for my paper in December. Everything hinges on this lab. When I look through the timeline, my first thought was – GA does love me afterall else why such good planning haha.

My ECA mate had told me don’t be too ambitious because the paper is tough. This is why I had postponed taking it end of the year. But he is right, if I can’t clear my last semester, then no point thinking about it.

Then that day, I happen to hear a particular podcast on leadership. It is said that leaders don’t always do the stuff they like. Sometimes they do the stuff they don’t really like, but they know it will help them. That is self-discipline. And maybe this time, it is not strength but discipline that I’m being trained for. I am very ill-disciplined. It is hard for me to concentrate and I tend to become impatient after awhile.

Yesterday, my classmate had thoughts on dropping his module. I’m not sure why he suddenly got “stressed” in the festive mood. Though I know this semester is different from the past 2 years and is most probably foreign for him. I told him I’m persevering since I already burnt my CNY for it… as for him, he has to understand why he has thoughts to give up.

But I suddenly thought about Mei’s blog on school drop-out. And I jokingly told him that if I really give up, I most probably will drop school and make sure my career will be as famous as Bill Gates… haha. Hmm if I do preserve, of course I will then look up to Larry Page as an idol liao haha.

Self-discipline is really very tough especially so for an impatient person like me. I think I shall take a break from my lab today.. time to read up on another module …

Full Tarot Reading on 11 Feb 2008

What Covers You That which influences the general atmosphere or environment (current situation)		Queen of Swords Briefly: Her future lies in learning to trust others again. In Detail... Physically usually (though not always) tall and/or slender woman. Quite often has dark hair. Refined appearance and conservative in dress most of the time. Gracious manner. She prefers sophisticated clothing. Personality is cautious and clever. Can be cunning, destructive and manipulative. She is often aloof and distant. She keeps her distance and puts up barriers around herself. She displays an air of unemotional responses. She may appear hard, selfish and self-controlled. Beneath her facade she hides much previous emotional pain and/or hardship. She has learnt how to survive. She is a woman alone. She is either a widow, divorced, a spinster or without a loving partner. She may have spent a long time on her own and keeps up her defences and her sword drawn to protect her at all times. She has a fondness for red roses. She looks good in black clothing. She likes to wear expensive or perhaps antique and conservative jewellery most of the time, though sometimes she wears some bold jewels. She knows she would or could be seduced if she lets her guard down. She is not a social butterfly. She can seem to be unforgiving in some circumstances, but this is her self-defence mechanism being activated to avoid feeling pain and disturbing emotional reactions. She cries in her sleep, and little elsewhere. She feels more in control if she can avoid having too deep feelings for anyone, lest they puncture her heart and give her reason to despair. She can become big hearted if in the right company and circumstances and when she feels safe and secure. There is hope for her and she is wise enough to know it. She is symbolic of the rose, seductive and potentially dangerous, capable of cutting the skin and making it bleed, yet the soft velvety petals can blossom into the most beautiful arrangement and captivate your heart. She is wistful and reflective, serious yet sensuous, yet always alert. She is capable of being the Goddess or the crucifier. Occupations suited to her would be the head of a company or large organisation. Also she would make a great surgeon, doctor, police officer, dentist or anything that involves the use of sharp items or weapons. She would make a good soldier, warrior, fighter or leader of a revolution. She knows only one truth, her own. Her future lies in learning to trust others again. She has been severely betrayed in the past by women and men alike. She may need to take a leaf out of the book of the Queen of Cups, who is more giving, loving and affectionate. She could have a love relationship but only if total trust exists. There is no room for dishonesty or lies. If she is betrayed, she severs her relationships completely and irrevocably and never goes back. Friends are cast off and not seen again should they make the mistake to betray or abuse her. Her goodwill only stretches so far and behind that she may lose some of her sense of compassion, knowing that others should learn to be more self-reliant, like herself. She may go to the extreme of cutting off her husband's head, should he betray or deceive her. Querent's card. If this is you, then you may be being called to meet the challenge of your strengths and you will meet this head on regardless of whether this produces success or failure. Even in failure, you will learn where you went wrong and this is the ultimate lesson. If you are not the querent and this card appears, I suggest that you make an ally of this woman, because she can be a powerful opponent if you should cross her. She is loyal and steadfast to those she gets close to, just don't mess with her, because you will wish you hadn't.
What Crosses You Obstacles, conflicts or opposition in the path		Queen of Pentacles Briefly: You are on your way to fame and fortune. In Detail... The picture on this card shows a beautiful woman wearing lovely clothes and a crown on her head, placed on top of lovely beaded headwear. She holds in front of her a large pentacle and her hands are slim and well manicured. She wears a special ring, which has a large oval stone set in it, which is possibly a ruby. There are mountains in the background, similar to those in Hawaii. There is foliage around her and nuts growing on these. Generally she has blue eyes, though could have any eye colour. If you are this person, you are on your way to fame and fortune. You may come into a windfall, marry well, or somehow stumble upon a unique way to increase your income. You will be well liked by your friends and loved by your family and husband. You are serious, yet vulnerable. You are calm, yet can be set back by those who stir conflict around you. The comforts of life are important, more so for your own peace within your own mind knowing that you have what you need. If you are not this woman, then you will meet someone like her who supports you in many and varied ways. If you are a female, this woman will become your most ardent fan and friend. If you are a male, this woman may become your lover or your wife. Cherish her, for she is loyal and affectionate and has your best interests at heart.
What Crowns You That which has gone before you, those past events and influences that have led you to this path		Eight of Wands Briefly: A new love is coming into your life and very swiftly at that. In Detail... This card has a picture of eight wands running right across it. For some this can mean that a new love is coming into your life and very swiftly at that. It brings things quickly into focus and gives you the opportunity to seize a brilliant opportunity or improve your life in some way. You could also be about to move to a more tranquil setting in either your home life or the location or your work. A river or other picturesque scene may be part of your new environment, or you may meet someone special in just such a location. If you are planning a pregnancy, now may be your most fertile time. The energy of the season of Spring may make you feel inspired to be especially creative.
What is Beneath You The current foundation and what you have access to build upon		The Chariot Briefly: Travel awaits you. Should the other travel card, the six of swords also be in your card layout, then this is an indicator that you are to move across new ground, or maybe even purchase a mode of travel such as a car. In Detail... Generally speaking this card depicts some kind of travel. Should the other travel card, the six of swords also be in your card layout, then this is an indicator that you are to move across new ground. However, even by itself, as this is a major arcana card, travel is still a strong possibility. You may travel quite a distance and your goal is to get there, by whatever means you can find, even horseback if necessary. This can also mean that someone is coming from a long distance towards you. For some people this can represent getting a new mode of transport, such as buying your first car, or buying a new car or bike or whatever. The emphasis is on getting to your destination by the quickest route available. This card too is about choices. You may have to make a major decision around this time that will alter your circumstances quite dramatically. Do not resist change for that will disrupt the natural flow of events that are waiting to unfold for you. Also I have seen this card manifest in matters to do with re-decorating the home. Sometimes it is just new curtains or cushions, however the aim is to bring comfort into the home.
What is Behind You The past events or influences that have played a major role in bringing this situation to light		Ace of Swords Briefly: Broaden your horizons and make sweeping changes. Your future is about to move ahead in many and varied ways. In Detail... When you draw this card, you are being given the urge to broaden your horizons and make sweeping changes. Your future is about to move ahead in many and varied ways. This card cuts aside those things and people that you no longer need or are relevant to your life. This can also too be a fertility card, so if you are seeking to bring a new baby into the world, this can help to manifest it. It is possible that you may feel like making a new beginning in your life and starting over. You could move house, change jobs, get married or have a new baby arrive. Whichever you choose, it will be a welcome change and one that will require additional energy on your part, however you will more than adequately meet the new challenge. Physically, it could mean that an operation is imminent, and that your health is undergoing some changes. It is possible that something has to be removed, whether that be a tooth or other body part, and it may be replaced with an artificial part. This gives the ability to recover quickly and to get on with the rest of your life. You may also be undergong major psychological changes where you are feeling more confident and outgoing. You may start becoming more ambitious or self-motivated and ready to take on new challenges and dare to do more than you have ever done before. Luck is on your side.
What is Before You Immediate future and influences all about to come to light		Seven of Wands Briefly: You are now on your way to your destiny, to fulfil some mission that you know you have to do. In Detail... This card has a picture of a strong man, bearded and moustached on it and he is wielding a long wand and in front of him are six other wands. Each of these wands has a few green leaves on it symbolising fertility. He is a man of courage and strength. He has strong hands that are put to practical use. If you are this man then you are now on your way to your destiny, to fulfil some mission that you know you have to do. You are capable and wise. You are reaping the harvest and bringing home the bacon so to speak. You are not afraid of challenge nor hard work. You set your goals high and you always attempt to achieve them, despite whatever difficulties may get in your way. If you are not this person, then this type of man is going to enter your life and make a lot of changes to it. He is only there to help and to guide you. He will not push you anywhere you don't want to go, though will be available for advice and counselling where necessary. If you are a woman who has not yet had her first child, it is possible that a pregnancy is indicated by this card. The child may be conceived or born in winter. You will surmount all obstacles and achieve your dreams.
Your-Self How you see yourself: a true reflection on your current attitudes and belief systems		The Sun Briefly: There is also the possibility, for those who desire a child, that a pregnancy is imminent. Any new business venture also has the signs of success written on it, so proceed with confidence that all will be well. In Detail... This card depicts the Sun and in the front of this are a male and a female looking deep into each others eyes. There are sunflowers on the card, some greenery and a wall in the background. Often this card symbolises Summer or is associated with the sing of Leo. Perhaps an important event will occur around your own Summer month or during the one month time span of Leo which is from July 23 up to August 22. For some this can mean a very special relationship on the horizon, and one that may very well lead to marriage, this will be a successful union and bring much happiness into both people's lives. There is also the possibility, for those who desire a child, that a pregnancy is imminent. Any new business venture also has the signs of success written on it, so proceed with confidence that all will be well. Also a distinct possibility is a trip to a warm location in the near future.
Around You How others from home or work or family view the situation		King of Swords Briefly: Now is the time to make a clean break with what you have been doing up until now. In Detail... Physically he is usually tall and relatively slim. Sometimes bearded and with piercing eyes, either blue or black. He sometimes gives an austere appearance. He may look like he doesn't smile too often. He may not age well and could tend to look rather weathered or older than he actually is, even at a young age. Mostly he would have dark hair. Conservative in attire most of the time. Serious manner in appearance and clothing. Personality: Can be abrasive, tactless and have a harsh attitude towards life and his efforts for survival. He may have fought various battles, personal or in times of war, that have left him feeling empty and scarred. He may even have a physical scar on his face or hands. He tends to treat people abrubtly, as if they annoy him just by their presence. He is serious and often secretive. Often, what he doesn't say, says it all. His look can condemn. He likes to be in charge and in control of his life and his environment. He is generally in business suits or a uniform of some type. He appreciates the discipline of keeping up appearances and likes his boots polished very well. He may actually collect old relics or swords as a hobby and enjoy cleaning and polishing them and putting them on display in his home. He is generally tidy by nature, methodical and despising clutter and useless items. He believes that life is meant to involve hard work and he would not like to be unemployed at any time, as he likes the structures of time and discipline in his well-ordered life. He would appreciate a good steak. He dislikes waste and frivolity. He has the gift of intelligence, commonsense and foresight. He likes to have well-defined plans and goals. He is a stickler for rules and doing his duty. He is a born leader. He appreciates time. He is capable of being the instructor. Occupations suited to him would be the head of a company or large organisation. Also he would make a great surgeon, doctor, police officer, dentist or anything that involves the use of sharp items or weapons. He would make a good soldier, warrior, fighter or leader of a revolution. His future lies in being more open to others if he is to feel fulfilled at the end of his life. He could fall in love again, or renew his vows with his wife if already married. He is faithful though observant of the beauty of women. He especially admires women of grace and good manners. He is as vulnerable as the next man, but rarely shows it. He will have a relationship if she shows enough direct interest in him. Querent's card. If this is you, now is the time to make a clean break with what you have been doing up until now. Sever the past and start anew. You can heed the challenge. You are brave and can face anything the future holds. Just say yes! If you are not the querent and this card appears, I suggest that you allow this person to be themselves. Do not stand in this man's way, he will rollercoaster over you without even noticing you were stood there in the first place. He can be the most sincerest friend, only after you have proven your friendship to him, never before.
Hopes and Fears That which one coverts that lies deep inside, hopes and fears are but a razors edge apart		The Devil Briefly: This could be the little devil who is prankish or disruptive in the classroom or with other playmates. However it can also be a strong and forceful element in a grown up that unleashes its tremendous energies at whoever stands in the way of his/her desires. Someone can be incredibly possessive and dominating around you if you pull this card out in your reading. In Detail... This could be the little devil who is prankish or disruptive in the classroom or with other playmates. However it can also be a strong and forceful element in a grown up that unleashes its tremendous energies at whoever stands in the way of his/her desires. This is considered a Trump card, and therefore contains many powers to be utilised as the needs or desires arise. Someone can be incredibly possessive and dominating around you if you pull this card out in your reading. Often they have a love/hate relationship with someone and it could be getting out of control. Someone is madly in love with or wants to control the actions of another and this should not be allowed to continue as it represents one persons victory at the cost of another's defeat, and to great distress for the one defeated. If you are trying to succeed in business it is likely that you will with this card as there is no stopping the determination and the will to succeed. Someone may be power hungry around you and their ambitions are stirred to such an extent that failure is inconceivable to them. Do not anger or irritate those who show the slightest signs of violence or hostilities, for to unleash the devil has no boundaries or limitations to the trail of devastation it can leave in its wake.
The Outcome Eventual outcome based on current card path		Page of Cups Briefly: Time to discover some new career direction that will lead you towards prosperity. In Detail... The picture on this card is of a youngish person, who is often male, though this can indicate a female. He is colourfully dressed and wears a hat and some plumage in it. He carries some red flowers, and a cup with a fish jumping about in it. He looks content and yet very innocent. He could be about to embark on a new career or had just graduated from college, university or from law school. He is clean shaven, either blue or black eyes and has lovely sleek hair. He loves to wear bright coloured clothing which reflects his warmth and compassion for others. If you draw this card and the person is yourself, you may discover some new career direction that will lead you towards prosperity. If it is someone else, they could become very important to you, either by becoming your new best friend, or your lover or husband/wife. This person is also highly sensitive and should therefore only mix with people who are positive and enthusiastic. There may also be some special occasion coming up where you have to put on your best threads.

Bflygal's comments: The last tarot reading I had was on 11 June 2007... Time flies... My friend had mentioned about fortune telling and I remembered this... My fate.. seems a blur...

CNY Musing

My symptom of stress is easily detectable - when I started feverishly playing a certain internet game. And this time it is (fluff)Friends from Facebook.

I created Ashlyn on 26th Sept 2007 to remind myself of my vision. But when (fluff)Race started, I never once bothered about her nor train her. Thus for all these months, she has been losing battles.

Things started to change on 1st day of CNY. If I compared my first day of CNY with the previous years, it does look like nothing much has changed. But this year CNY is indeed different. Maybe that is why Ashlyn changed at this time too.

As usual on the first day we will visit the usual places. This year I got the chance to visit one of my cousin’s new flat which is quite cosy. Then at my uncle’s house, I chatted with one of the cousin about her childcare job. And she was telling me how some parents neglect their children. Sigh is childcare the right solution for the working parents? With questions like “Why is the childcare not operating on Sunday and Public Holiday” or “Why is it half day on CNY eve?” or “Why do you only provide breakfast, lunch and tea? What about dinner?”. Do you not want to spare some time with your children at all? Why do you think it is a hassle to look after your own children and keep claiming you want to rest, or you are busy on CNY eve too. The childcare people are also people who has family that needs them, and they too need to go back to look after their family. Sigh!

Chatted briefly with other cousins too so at least my first day of CNY is still very festive. But by night-time I suddenly felt stressed especially due to certain condition, and I ended up surfing Facebook. That is when I realized how neglected Ashlyn had been and I decided to feed her and train her up in the race. Initially I was clumsy in the game and wasted unnecessary “munny” because I couldn’t grasp the betting portion. I realized gambling is not for me in the end because I kept losing (a lot) and ended up working hard for my “munny” by petting other people’s pet. Then I kept feeding Ashlyn with food that will power her up. As usual, I got addicted fast enough to spend the whole night doing the same cycle that the application had to verify that I am not a “botter”.

So much so the next day, my friend commented “Wow.... Finally Ashlyn is flipping....” haha… and I replied I hope to catch up with his pet haha..

I guess that addiction is to balance myself bah. Because on the 2nd day, I decided to go gym then school to do my lab already. And I have to say my lab session on that day was pretty demoralising partly due to the fact that my dad called me to tell me that we had relatives visiting and yet I’m stuck in school. Gosh, this is the first time I had to sacrifice CNY for school, and I hope it is the last because it really is lonely in the lab. Even the corridors seem so quiet....

Initially I had wanted to head home because once again, I have problem accessing the building. But there were some guys nearby and I asked one of them if he could let me access the building which he obliged, thankfully. (To my brother: I finally figured out why you have ended up in SOC.. so that I can borrow your card to access the building for the next few days haha). Then my torturous lab session began. Haha.

<-- Stairways to "Hell"?? Joking.. just that my lab is in a basement so.. In the midst, I think the TA came too although I had initially thought he is a student when he asked me if he can restart the server. Then when he said he needed to do something at my computer, it puzzled me. Till he said he had to do for 12 pcs manually did it suddenly occur to me that he could be the TA. Gosh and he had asked me if I have problem with the lab and I replied (truthfully) that my biggest problem is I don’t know how to do. Then he told me to check out a site which I said I did already and that I will definitely code something out. I had thought he was a student … zzz… But he was nice because he came back after updating all the computers and gave me some pointers. He told me last year’s assignment was much worst.. gosh.. and I’m already sweating for this one. However his pointers were useless because that day, I couldn’t even connect to the device. And with no connection, nothing could be done. By 6, I decided to give up especially when another student told me that she did manage to connect to the device, just that she couldn’t read the contents. I concluded that I must be stupid and thought I should head home for dinner. I kinda broke down at home though when my mum commented that she was so busy trying to entertain the guests and I wasn’t around. I did not know my cousins were coming along too but if I have a choice, I rather be at home chatting with them then being the only Chinese in the lab. I wasn’t even in talking mood with DK and Doc. But I’m glad that DK made it a group chat.. at least it was fun to read his banter with Doc while I watched Dreamgirls – A simple story, an open ending and beautiful songs. Anyway yesterday was much more fruitful. I asked the TA why I couldn’t connect to the device at all and thankfully he actually replied my mail. I realised that I have been compiling wrongly. I guess my mood got better then even though I still couldn’t decipher the contents. I left the lab in a better mood, thankfully as I was heading to a friend’s house and I did not want to feel depressed 2 nights in a row. <-- In a better mood that I actually caught this beautiful scenery... I was also grateful that Pte had offered to pick me from school. At least I managed to salvage some festive mood while in my friend’s house (I always like visiting new place). Oh and their house is so warm and cosy. Watched their marriage video and honeymoon photos (time flies sia.. they just got married last month only.. and I’m seeing them again haha).. as well as their past expedition photos. They are quite a model couple because they share the same interests in touring and outdoor activities. Very lovely (and loving) couple haha. Even lau yu-sheng with them.. come to think of it, last night was the first time I lau yu-sheng for this year because I missed it on the first day as there were too many people and I was chatting with my cousin. Haven’t done it with my family yet.. and colleagues one should be on Thursday. Haha.. Oh ya before that, Pte had driven to West Coast McDonalds.. K i know I sound very "mountain tortoise" but that is one place I wanted to go but never got a chance. And I did not realise it is so close to school. Caught a few pictures too...



Do hope today will be able to code more. Sighz supposedly 4 days of CNY and I am spending 3 days in school… Argh it is really depressing.. but I guess if I don’t sacrifice my CNY, it would be work that I have to sacrifice.. and I think Pte also commented it is a waste..

Hmm.. on a bright note, Ashlyn looks so much more tough.. and she is my vision so yeah I should be able to overcome it…

Sprint Cleaning 2008

I thought of this phrase last Sunday noon when I suddenly started to panic about my spring cleaning. It is an annual ritual that I will execute. My spring cleaning usually take a few days although this time, it took about a month. In the process I will usually re-read some letters, look through my key chain collections (took some photos for some collections) and stamp collections (haha by then is dinner time so got lazy to take photos already).

I still remember that Sunday was a rainy Sunday. And I got lazy that I decided to skip gym. Besides I had wanted to finish my spring cleaning. Weirdly I ended up eating more junk food that day though. Not sure is it the spring cleaning burn the calories away thus making me hungry that I kept munching away.

Anyway I did manage to finish the clean up that Sunday although I ended up hiding some stuff under my bed again. But the amount is considerably lesser than last year as this year I harden my heart and throw out certain stuff. The only problem is I was trying to recycle most of the stuff I throw out and ended up with quite a bagfuls of plastic, paper and toys. As these “rubbish” took up a corner of my room, my parents started nagging at me to throw them away.

Hmm I also managed to finish "The Rape of Nanking" by Iris Chang which really is such a sad book that it made me depressed that period when I was reading it. To hear the selfish nature of mankind which causes disunity and defeat. To hear the beastly nature that causes pain and suffering... Sighz I really wonder how most survived such terrible times. It hurts even to hear the encounter. Anyway to balance myself, I ended up watching Goong S which though may be on unrequited love and politics but still has some love and humour felt.

After finish clearing up my room, I guess I feel less stressed too. And I started taking photos of my "new" room for fun. With a lighter heart, I hope I can concentrate on my studies better now.

Happy Chinese New Year to All! May all your wishes come true this year =D

The Old Man and His Shoe

Source: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

One day an old man boarded a bus. As he was going up the steps, one of his shoes slipped off. The door closed and the bus moved off so he was unable to retrieve it. The old man calmly took off his other shoe and threw it out of the window.

A young man on the bus saw what happened, and could not help going up to the old man and asking, "I noticed what you did, sir. Why did you throw out your other shoe?"

The old man promptly replied, "So that whoever finds them will be able to use them."

The old man in the story understood a fundamental philosophy for life - do not hold on to something simply for the sake of possessing it or because you do not wish others to have it. We lose things all the time. The loss may seem to us grievous and unjust initially, but loss only happens so that positive changes can occur in our lives. We should not always assume that losing something is bad, because if things do not shift, we'll never become better people or experience better things. That's not to say of course that we only lose "bad" things; it simply means that in order for us to mature emotionally and spiritually, and for us to contribute to the world, the interchange between loss and gain is necessary.

Like the old man in the story, we have to learn to let go. The world had decided that it was time for the old man to lose his shoe. Maybe this happened to add momentum to a series of events leading to a better pair of shoes for the old man. Maybe the search for another pair of shoes would lead the old man to a great benefactor. Maybe the world decided that someone else needed the shoes more.

Whatever the reason, we can't avoid losing things. The old man understood this. One of his shoes had gone out of his reach. The remaining shoe would not have been much help to him, but it would be a cherished gift to a homeless person desperately in need of protection from the ground. Hoarding possessions does nothing to make us or the world better. We all have to decide constantly if some things or people have run their course in our lives or would be better off with others. We then have to muster the courage to give them away.

Bflygal's comments:
When I read this story, I thought of the stuff I lost. Then I realise I never really lost anything. I had only given it away to someone who will cherish it more.

Gen Y

Source: Recruit (January 23, 2008)

Article contributed by Guy Day, managing director, Asia, of Ambition, a specialist recruitment and contracting group covering the Hong Kong, China, Singapore and Australia markets. For information, visit www.ambition.com.hk

Gen Y represents those born between 1982-2000, immediately after Gen X (1965 to 1981).

They are the largest generation since the baby boomers (1946 to 1964).

Gen Y has its own set of values, view of authority and ideal work environment.

Known for better education and open-mindedness, they are the hottest commodities in the current job market. Employers like their energy, drive and skills.

They are young, smart, able to grasp new concepts quickly and are used to adapting to different situations.

However, these young employees are somewhat impatient, mobile and have not seen the cold wind in the job market.

Unlike baby boomers who place higher value on career and stability, Gen Y workers have different priorities.

They value things other than an office with a harbour view, impressive job titles and high salaries.

Gen Y workers have high expectations of themselves and their employers. They aim to work faster and better than others, and they want fair and direct managers who are highly engaged in their professional development.

They also seek creative challenges and view colleagues as vast and useful resources from whom to gain knowledge.

Gen Y-ers like freedom, place importance on diverse experiences and are socially driven.

If you have a hidden agenda or are not open with your communication, these young people will react negatively and distance themselves from you.

In some surveys, Gen Y workers have been labeled as demanding and poor communicators. They are more difficult to deal with and have less respect for seniority.

In their mind, the boss is not always right. Gen Y employees want their suggestions to be heard by their employers.

Gen Y workers are comfortable with constant feedback and recognition from others and feel lost if communication from their employers is irregular.

Reviews should be held quarterly to ensure that expectations are being met by both parties.

As Gen Y employees come of age under the influence of the Internet, their expectation of online communication is higher than ever.

While older generations may expect a phone call or a face-to-face meeting on important topics, the younger generation prefers e-mail communication.

The training format for Gen Y tends to be different as well as these employees are unlikely to pay attention in full-day sessions.

Training should be available in different interactive platforms and preferably in smaller groups.

Use humour and create fun learning environments.

The training modules should also be downloadable to their computers or PDAs so that Gen Y-ers can study the details later.

Author’s comments:
This is not the complete article as I got lazy to type the rest in the end. I just want to remember the description of Gen Y-ers. I remember I ever read an article which says that even though Gen Y-ers are the future, the work culture should be such that a manager should not just focus on one generation e.g. Gen Y and forget the others.. which includes the Gen X & the baby boomers. A cohesive environment between all generations is crucial for the success of the organisation.

Having said that, at least to know my working attitude will allow me to understand myself better at such time.