Is she quiet or is she not quiet?

"Butterflygalz needs to be more out-spoken"

It's been a long time since I heard this action item. Since young, every year in my report, it will always be "Butterflygalz is a hardworking girl but she is too quiet". Or "Butterflygalz needs to articulate more".

And now in the working world, where I thought as long as you do your work well, you ought to be forgiven for being quiet. Yet I am expected to "be more active during group discussions in the new project" as part of my action list.

But hasn't Susan Cain clarified that introversion is not a disease?

“If you're an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause deep psychic pain. As a child you might have overheard your parents apologize for your shyness. Or at school you might have been prodded to come "out of your shell" -that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and some humans are just the same.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

I'm not a 100% introvert. I only prefer to devote my time to a few close friends who can think with me and enjoy in-depth conversations with me. And for every close friends I make, I put in 101% of my effort to keep in contact with them. And though I have been taught many times that people WILL alight from your bus journey and you may be sad to see them go, but you have to continue your quest for your holy grail. Still it hurts.

It hurts to lose a friend. Just as it hurts to be misunderstood. If there is zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas, then why am I penalised for putting my best work on programs and not on presentations.

“I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they're good talkers, but they don't have good ideas. It's so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent. Someone seems like a good presenter, easy to get along with, and those traits are rewarded. Well, why is that? They're valuable traits, but we put too much of a premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

 I guess this is when CL delivered me the answer. Indirectly.

How to Develop Mental Toughness?

By being positive. By acknowledging that Quiet has its merits (which I'm still halfway into Susan Cain's book though I have watched her TedTalk and watched the RSA Shorts) I understood the yin and yang theory a long time ago. Just as I understood that I can be an ambivert. But there are some days where one feels low especially in an extrovert ideal world and being sucked dry by the "vampires" that she almost attempt to conforms just for the sake of struggling less.

“Introversion- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness- is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.”
 ― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Come to think of it, an introverted woman probably suffers twice the blow in this extrovert men's industry. So it should come as no surprise that I really was beaten up badly this time. Plus the fact my current project is going to end soon. 3 years of forged relationships and hardwork coming to an end. Let me indulge in my depression for a while more.

Next week, new challenges await me. Till then I wish more people will learn the art to interact with introverts. It cannot always be me that needs to be changed!