Does Gold Card matters?

The email came when I least expected it and in some sense it is gratifying news because of the waiting time I had to spend in the airport due to the intense flying I had planned (again my poor planning)

Ego defined by the external is the most common kind and the most flimsy. Because how the world responds to you affect your ego.

What I hope to attain is the internal ego defined by my own terms. To focuse on what makes me happy and forget the rest.. and hopefully everything sorts out itself.

p/s: Picking up another old draft to finally publish it. Written on 20th July 2011. I don't remember what photo I had wanted to post already cos the link was broken. But it's been 2 years since I lost THE gold card. Sometimes I might remember to use the other Priority Pass that comes with 2 free visits. But most of the time, I no longer care. I know there was a period of time I will play pokemon in airports and thus do not wish to be tied to one place. And other times I will be so sleepy I just made my way straight to the gate and wait outside till it is open. Perhaps I did finally lost that ego that was defined by many. Though sometimes boarding the plane is a pain that I wish I still have my Gold. Regardless what boarding group I am in, people no longer follow instructions. And maybe I should stop flying so much so I wouldn't have the chance to complain about this even and just enjoy it when I do fly. But it amazes me that re-visiting a 6 years old post, the mindset really change. Will re-visiting the memories change the relationship too? Mum had once in a while wants me to ask the Doc questions. But each time, it is Google that replied her. Sooner or later she will sense something. I guess just have to blame me this unfilial daughter for not being around their side and yet still unable to ease their worries away.

Second goodbye to Melbourne

The first goodbye was 4 years ago. I remembered most left and I was extended for 2 more weeks. Plus the base team that stayed.

To come back Melbourne again a second time, 2 years ago, I thought it wouldn't last long. At that time, I had already gave up a life here because my mind couldn't make it work no matter how I think. But I guess I had been too optimistic that the friendship can still work. When it broke down, everytime I see this book, it pained me. And so at my previous trip here, I finally decided to give it away .. back to Melbourne where it came from.

I think my body system must have been giving me some foretelling too. Even till this trip, the moment I reached, the eczema came back within a week. I no longer cherish any hope of running here anymore because the back of the knees are just too raw and itch easily no matter how much lotion or coconut oil I tried. The only relief I had is the cortisone cream I brought along which I always hated to use after what she once told me that it contains steroid and I might gain weight.

And with all these signs, today I should have gone back home for good. But the project stress was taking so much toil again that I once again extended myself for 2 more weeks and decided to fly to NL straight from here. Bad decision I know. But I have taken so many bad decisions, I no longer think 1 more matters anymore. Perhaps cos I always tell myself it is the last time I will do the client this last favour. Or because it did came as a surprise that this was supposed to be my last trip considering I had extended the invitation to my dad to visit in Aug and consume his air ticket privilege while he still has them. But then he has also reached a stage where travelling doesn't matter to him anymore (much like me) and probably is just pondering when he wants to retire and nurse his health properly.

In any case, probably the week in Aug, I will then feel the impact of this heavy heart that I will really leave this place for good already. If I ever come back Down Under in the next decade, it will never be Melbourne or Sydney anymore because these memories pained me so much that I now only hide at home on weekends and work if my colleagues did not asked me out. But I'm glad to still have gone back to Prahran twice already and relieved those initial memories.

I think I am still hoping for a salvation. Thus I'm writing this. I don't know. Perhaps, let's end this post and get back to work instead. Goodbye.