Is she quiet or is she not quiet?

"Butterflygalz needs to be more out-spoken"

It's been a long time since I heard this action item. Since young, every year in my report, it will always be "Butterflygalz is a hardworking girl but she is too quiet". Or "Butterflygalz needs to articulate more".

And now in the working world, where I thought as long as you do your work well, you ought to be forgiven for being quiet. Yet I am expected to "be more active during group discussions in the new project" as part of my action list.

But hasn't Susan Cain clarified that introversion is not a disease?

“If you're an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause deep psychic pain. As a child you might have overheard your parents apologize for your shyness. Or at school you might have been prodded to come "out of your shell" -that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and some humans are just the same.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

I'm not a 100% introvert. I only prefer to devote my time to a few close friends who can think with me and enjoy in-depth conversations with me. And for every close friends I make, I put in 101% of my effort to keep in contact with them. And though I have been taught many times that people WILL alight from your bus journey and you may be sad to see them go, but you have to continue your quest for your holy grail. Still it hurts.

It hurts to lose a friend. Just as it hurts to be misunderstood. If there is zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas, then why am I penalised for putting my best work on programs and not on presentations.

“I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they're good talkers, but they don't have good ideas. It's so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent. Someone seems like a good presenter, easy to get along with, and those traits are rewarded. Well, why is that? They're valuable traits, but we put too much of a premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

 I guess this is when CL delivered me the answer. Indirectly.

How to Develop Mental Toughness?

By being positive. By acknowledging that Quiet has its merits (which I'm still halfway into Susan Cain's book though I have watched her TedTalk and watched the RSA Shorts) I understood the yin and yang theory a long time ago. Just as I understood that I can be an ambivert. But there are some days where one feels low especially in an extrovert ideal world and being sucked dry by the "vampires" that she almost attempt to conforms just for the sake of struggling less.

“Introversion- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness- is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.”
 ― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Come to think of it, an introverted woman probably suffers twice the blow in this extrovert men's industry. So it should come as no surprise that I really was beaten up badly this time. Plus the fact my current project is going to end soon. 3 years of forged relationships and hardwork coming to an end. Let me indulge in my depression for a while more.

Next week, new challenges await me. Till then I wish more people will learn the art to interact with introverts. It cannot always be me that needs to be changed!

The Ivory and Gold Tablecloth

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc, and on December 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity, so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory coloured, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colours and a Cross embroidered right in the centre. It was just the right size to cover the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc, to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the centre aisle. Her face was white like a sheet.

"Pastor,” she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?"

The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten "The Tablecloth". The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria.

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. He was captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home. That was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighbourhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike.

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a prison. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

Written by Howard C. Schade and printed in Alice Gray’s Christmas Stories for the Heart in 1998, and in the December 1954 issue of Reader’s Digest.

The few details contained in the tale seem to indicate that the couple separated sometime after the German annexation of Austria (also known as the Anschluss) in 1938, which means that if their story had been written in 1954, they [would] have been split up for more than 16 years.”

Source: Snopes.com

Bflygal comments:

The Christchurch earthquake had been my morning news for the past few days. I remember when I first heard about it from my brother, I thought of my friend in Christchurch (thank goodness for FB, that I learnt she is safe). I remember I cried upon learning that some victims who did not make it, and I asked myself why am I here and what can I do to help. I remember the day the media was finally allowed to view the quake carnage, in 2 busloads of journalists and photographers, what it felt like when they stopped at an international educational centre where children were supposedly trapped. And it is indeed painful for these journalists to bring the message back to their own homelands.

So while reading this story, even if it isn’t true, I just felt that sometimes, disaster strike for a reason. We may not see it now, we may not see it 3 days later but if we stay strong and continue as planned what we wanted to do, we may find what we least expected. Because imagine if the pastor had really given up and postponed the Christmas Eve service, would the couple ever reunite?

Anyway I remembered in this morning news, I had found a pastor words very thought provoking.

1. He had commented that it is not only the significant Christ Church Cathedral that had collapsed, and there are many other significant churches and cathedrals damaged. 3 men who were supposed to remove an organ had died under the merciless hands of the earthquake. Sigh, the grief felt by their loved ones must be immense.

2. He had prayed that the excavation workers to first and foremost take extra care and caution in doing their job. And secondly, to recover the dead bodies as precariously as possible so as to return them to their loved ones. Indeed, respect must still be given to these dead bodies because it is the only precious thing left to their loved ones.

3. He had asked for all to pray, regardless of race and religion, in their own respective beliefs. And I recalled how the news here kept talking about sending their aid over to NZ to help. And that my friend told me back in SG, the news also talk about how they are sending THEIR aid over to help. Actually to the Kiwis, where these help are coming from probably isn’t important. They treasure every little help and assistance rendered to them.

Thus I guess praying is the only thing I can do now. Praying that there will be no more hoaxes which will waste these workers’ time and effort. Praying that there would be more miracles. Praying that people will be able to return to normalcy soon.

Note: 3 weeks later, as Prince William is preparing to visit the disaster zone which was off to everybody still, one can see that there is still much to be done. Sigh.

Pencil and Eraser Conversation

Pencil: I'm sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational.
Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil.
They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes.
Sometimes along the way, they get hurt, and become smaller / older, and eventually pass on. Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.

All my life, I've been the pencil.
And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day.
For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have.

This is to all the parents out there.
- Extracted from an email

bflygal's comments:
It really is a sweet but sad story. And reminded me of a few days ago I had some minor disagreement with my mum as she wanted me to take leave for CNY even though technically I am already working half a day due to time zone. But sigh I cannot stand her grumbling and end up submitting my leave instead. I know everytime I am heading back SG, she will definitely have something to grumble about, like finding a bone to pick. Not that she does it on purpose, probably she has some reservations about how I am leading my life now. I wonder though if one day, I really can accomplish my dream, will she be able to accept it? Reminded me of my recent conversation with senpai. Oh and we finally are able to meet in SG after him being in Japan for so long haha.. he was telling me that his mum scolded him an ingrate and that once a year also cannot come back and meet ah. Haha. cL, you better watch out as you had mentioned you might not want to fly back within these 2 years. Hahaha.

But ya despite all these disagreements, I know parents purely have the best intentions. So right now, all I can do is to try to make as little mistakes as possible so that the eraser will not get smaller? Hmm...

And thus I am still racking my brain to think what to buy back for them this CNY. And my friend had suggested trying yellow peaches which are on season now. Hopefully I can find some sample this weekend and then probably drop by the market again closer to my departure. I have another 10 days more hmm.. time shall flies.

Life’s Observations

Was reading this article because of the following paragraph.

“ Today’s times are uncertain, we have just had a federal election with an unexpected and challenging outcome, the US is realising that a double dip recession is on the cards. The Europeans are just coming back from holidays and realised that the world does not get better after a siesta but that their problems must be tackled head on.”
- by a Finance Director of a big company which I don’t wish to divulge though you are entitled to guess

My sentiments exactly! While later on (i.e. today), the election probably had unlocked its deadlock (not really my business though I happen to read its headlines today while waiting for my colleague to go to office together.. fate brought us to be in the same apartment and level.. though considering she came here earlier than me by a week, and The Blackman was opened just a few weeks ago thus having some opening special, it is no surprise why we both chose to stay here haha.. admit it, we just got good tastes!)

Anyway I digress (as usual). My main focus of this post is I find their quotes in the article highly entertaining and would like to share…

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back that little bit too far.
##Well fyi, their chairs do have that tipping edge and I have witnessed people caught unaware of it..

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so that I know not to answer when they call
##Good strategy!

‘Do not machine wash or tumble dry’ means I will never wash this, ever
##Hee hee I like this because living in a zen life now, I have to do handwash for all my clothes (well there is a washing machine somewhere in this room but I need to save $$ .. and save Gaia!) thus I welcome buying clothes with that tag I guess.. just kidding!

How many times is appropriate to say ‘What?’ before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
##Depends on mood I guess. Sometimes I just nod immediately if I had concluded on the spot that…

Sometimes I look down at my watch 3 times and still not know what time it is
##Hmm have you been looking? Maybe is the time zone difference?? Haha

Wooden Fish

It always amaze me why the chanting instrument is called Wooden fish (Chinese: 木魚, pinyin: mùyú), (Vietnamese: mộc ngư), (Japanese: mokugyo), (Korean: moktak 목탁), (Tibetan: ཤིང་ཉ།)

A search in wiki told me an interesting story...

A monk from China had went to India to acquire sutras. On his way to India, he found the way blocked by a wide, flooding river. There was no bridge nor boat in sight.

Suddenly, a big fish swam up. It offered to carry the monk across the river. The fish told the monk that it wanted to atone for a crime committed when it was a human. The fish had only one simple request, that on the monk's way to obtain sutras, to ask the Buddha to guide the fish on the pathway to attain Bodhisattvahood.

The monk agreed to the fish's request and continued his quest for seventeen years. After getting the scriptures, he returned to China via the river, which was flooding again. As the monk worried about how to cross the river, the fish appeared again. It enquired if the monk had made the request to the Buddha. To the monk's dismay, he had forgotten. The fish became furious and splashed the monk, washing him into the river. A passing fisherman saved him from drowning, but unfortunately the sutras had been ruined by the water.

When the monk reached home, filled with anger at the fish, he made a wooden effigy of a fish head. When he recalled his adversity, he beat the fish head with a wooden hammer. To his surprise, each time he beat the wooden fish, the fish opened its mouth and vomited a character from the sutras. He became so happy that whenever he had time, he always beat the fish. A few years later, he retrieved back from the wooden fish's mouth what he had lost to the flood.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wooden_fish

Teacher vs Educator

Source: Email

Lipstick in School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Sydney 's Eastern Suburbs was recently faced with an unusual problem. A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the Headmistress decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet bowl, and cleaned the mirror with it.

The silence was broken by a large number of gasps, a few girls vomited and apparently someone fainted. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers . . . and then there are educators.

Bflygal comments: Lately I have been thinking alot, from should I go back schooling (but I don't want to waste my money and time hiding in school anymore... I rather self-learn stuff I want to learn) to should I try teaching (of which this story reminds me that what I really want to do is be an educator.. except do I have the capability?) to if only I am good in photography to be able to join Photography without borders and picture a better world. Unfortunately I am neither good in medics, nor in photography. Headache.

Not interested in your religion

Having filled countless of application forms always asking me about my religion, I find this emailed dialogue between a Brazilian Christian Theologist Leonardo Boff and the Dalai Lama especially thought-provoking.

In Dalai Lama's opinion,

the best religion is the one that gets you closer to God. It is the one that makes you a better person.

And a better person means

Whatever makes you
more compassionate,
more sensible,
more detached,
more loving,
more humanitarian,
more responsible,
more ethical.

And he proceed to say that he is

not interested, my friend, about your religion or if you are religious or not. What really is important to me is your behaviour in front of your peers, family, work, community, and in front of the world. Remember, the universe is the echo of our actions and thoughts.

How wise the words sounded. Indeed, I am not interested in which God you are praying to. I just want to know how sincere your prayers are... I just want to know what is your attitude towards this matter... I just want to know if you can help lighten the burden and alleviate the suffering.

Dalai Lama said that Karma is the law of action and reaction.

"If I act with goodness, I will receive goodness. If I act with evil, I will get evil. What our grandparents told us is the pure truth. You will always have what you desire for others. Being happy is not a matter of destiny. It is a matter of opinion."

I know I have been disrespectful. I know I have been selfish. But for the best of the situation, I have to made such a prayer.

I remember another email about US pennies...

God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him..

For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me , God is patient and pennies are plentiful!

Actually in religion, what matters most is how strong your faith is, and this person's faith is strong. Much cannot be said for another person. He had expressed the lack of confidence in his prayer. I don't begrudge him though I firmly believed he chose his life, but most importantly he chose his actions and values. If possible, I wish both of them could let go, it seems that so many years have passed but they have not matured up. But out of pure respect, I bit my tongue and focus instead of my own prayer. I trust my faith, I trust my GA, I trust my God.

I don't wish to prolong the suffering. It is not in my hands to do so too. But I sincerely hope and am willing to be subjected to any punishment for being unfilial, as long as it can be the best case scenario. This morning, mum has already voiced the exact thought I had last night. I can only hope that it will not increase the burden.

"Take care of your Thoughts because they become Words.
Take care of your Words because they become Actions.
Take care of your Actions because they become Habits.
Take care of your Habits because they will form your Character.
Take care of your Character because it will form your Destiny,
and your Destiny will be your Life."

Take care that I do not become too highly strung up and think of negative thoughts as the situation forbids that.

Rebirth

Recently received a rebirth powerpoint from email.

I lost a childhood toy … but have the memory of the person who gave me that gift with unconditional love.
I lost the privileges and fantasies of childhood … but had the opportunity of growing and living free.
I lost a lot of people whom I loved and still love … but had the affection and now have model from their lives.
I lost moments of life because I cried instead of smiling … but I discovered that: it is from planting love that love is harvested.
I lost many things many times in my life. But in that “loss,” today I aspire for the value of “gain;”
… because it is always possible to fight for that which we love; and because there is always time to start all over again.
It is not important the time of life when you tired. Important is that it is always possible and necessary to restart. Re-birthing is a new opportunity; it is renewing the hopes in life; and more importantly, it is believing in oneself.
Did you suffer greatly sometime?
… that was a time for learning.
Did you cry a lot?
… you were cleansing the soul.
Did you feel spiteful?
... it was a lesson on forgiveness.
At times, were you alone?
... it was because you closed the door.
Were there times you believed everything was lost?
... it was simply the beginning of your improvement.

“It isn’t that we dare because things are difficult;
it is that we don’t dare that they are difficult."

Reminded me of 败犬女王学长's Reborn photo.

And coincidentally, when I was figuring out the han yu pin yin of 否 while commenting Doc's post, I happen to see this word 否极泰来 although seriously this doesn't apply to me because I am not a misfortunate lot. But blogging it to remember myself that 否 has another way of pronouncing it - pǐ.

否、泰：《周易》中的两个卦名。否：卦不顺利；泰：卦顺利；极：尽头。逆境达到极点，就会向顺境转化。指坏运到了头好运就来了。出自中国典籍 《周易·否》和《周易·泰》。近义词：苦尽甘来。

【成语读音】pǐ jí tài lái 

【英文翻译】out of the depth of misfortune comes bliss；When misfortune reaches the limit， good fortune is at hand；after extreme bad luck

【成语解释】逆境达到极点，就会向顺境转化。指坏运到了尽头好运就来了。

Source: Baidu

All these strengthen the theme that I planned to write this week... A definite conclusion is I will leave the SAP industry, an industry I accidentally stepped in as a contract staff. But this is not the time of rebirth yet. It is the time of metamorphosis. And I hope to be lead to the path I want to embark for so many years. May I have the courage.

Lastly, obtained from an agent's email signature:

I met money one day. I said, "You are just a piece of paper."
Money smiled and said, "Of course I'm a piece of paper, but I haven't seen a dustbin yet, in my life".
This is the attitude!

p/s: I did not fare well but that is of secondary importance to me already. (Special mention though the agent has been very kind to try to help put in some good words considering he doesn't really need to as both were his recommendations.) These few days too much has happened... I only hope we are doing what we think is right... and I can only wish that I can stay awake as long as possible... This fragility in life can be imposed so suddenly within hours and cause an upheaval to the peace that once prevailed... I really don't want to see a life turned fragile... please...

Test of Three

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students…? ”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”

“Test of Three?”

“That’s correct,” Socrates continued.

“Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say.. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man replied, “actually I just heard about it.”

“All right,” said Socrates.. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, “You may still pass though because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really…”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

Bflygal's comments: Hmm today I'm in a mood for literary.. flipped through Merchant of Venice, Charlotte's web and now a little bit of Socrates hmm...
Oh and youtube seems to be having problem in my blog hmm...

Source: Jaslyn Go's Blog
Bflygal's comments: I did not know she was from SDP at the time of reading. When my friend commented that this lady is a strong lady, I asked why and he asked me back, did I read the blog or not haha. Well I read the first page, the latest entry.. and skimmed the rest seeing words like SDP. Through it I had already formed a first impression and termed her as probably someone afflicted with the opposition party.

I am definitely well taught by our media. Because I used the word opposition. As what my friend said, what did the party oppose to be termed opposition? If Republicans and Democrats are just 2 entirely different political party sharing the same sentiments to serve the US citizens well, then who am I to generalise that any parties not from PAP are termed opposition parties. Indeed the correct english should be An Alternative Party.

But if I have any thoughts of this lady.. it is just well her attitude is commendable especially how she juggled the trial and her life commitments. And of course her courage for voicing her thoughts and hopefully translating into actions. But I'm very sure she is not a stupid person and thus once again I believe there exists bias in her (personal) blog. So I still maintain my stand to read it with a pinch of salt.

If you want an example of what I meant on read everything with a pinch of salt, look no further than here .

Successful people forget self...

The only thing that stands between a person and what they want from life is often the will to try it and the faith to believe it’s possible
Rich De Vos

If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.
Alan K. Simpson

There is little difference in people but that little difference makes a big difference.
The LITTLE difference is attitude.
The BIG difference is whether it is positive or negative.
W. Clement Stone

The key to happiness is having dreams;
The key to success is making them come true.
James L. Allen

You don’t have to be great to get started,
But you have to get started to be great
Les Brown

The reason so many people never get anywhere in life is because when opportunity knocks, they are out in the backyard looking for four-leaf clovers.
Walter P. Chrysler

We can do anything we want
If we stick with it long enough.
Helen Keller

You are today where your thoughts brought you;
You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.
James L. Allen

By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail
Benjamin Franklin

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
James M. Barrie

Failure should be our teacher,
Not our undertaker.
It is delay,
Not defeat.
It is a temporary detour,
Not a dead-end street.
William A. Ward

Successful people give more than they take, so…
Keep your heart free from hate,
Your mind from worry.
Live simply,
Expect little,
Give much.
Scatter sunshine,
Forget self,
Think of others.
Norman Vincent Peale

Source: http://www.bestofsuccessmovie.com/land.php

Bflygal’s comments: 2 weeks and I will make my final decision. Initially I felt very troubled. I even went to do my readings but could not properly read them. Felt bad to ask for the extra time. Then I realized, if they had rejected, I would have just take it as fate and give up. But ‘fated’ this word as told by my friend, is an excuse for us to feel less guilty in our life. The boyfriend whose girlfriend cheated him will be comforted with phrases e.g. ‘they were not meant for each other’. But were they really not meant for each other? Weren’t those past months of relationship proof that they WERE meant for each other? Had the past been nullified as we proceed to the future? Was life fated and unfair for him? And should life remains unfair because if life is fair, it is predictable and the rich must be with the rich (to be fair) and the pretty must be with the handsome (to be fair) and the experienced must be promoted regardless of skillsets (to be fair). Is a fair life ideal then?

And so what my prospective boss (if I chose the job) say rings true in a fair life, you gain some, you lose some. But because life IS NOT fair, I should not feel obligated to anybody already. So this time, I am going to make sure Angel of Life and Saint Anthony will help me realize my childhood dream, one way or another.

Life’s decisions seems to be not by choice. But you don’t control anything as it’s all in God’s hands.

Quote of the week

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
-BEACONSFIELD.

Discipline yourself to do the things you need to do when you need to do them, and the day will come when you will be able to do the things you want to do when you want to do them!
-Zig Ziglar (Zig Ziglar's Little Book of Big Quotes)

Time for me to set my sail for a good Year ahead :)

Rally

I have never been to a rally. But I know its power and how it always seem to motivate it. It is an essential ingredient and secret recipe for any MLM companies except you always must pay. And I never believing in paying to satisfy my curiosity, that is probably my only minus point and obstacle.

So when I was invited to attend one for free, I just say yes. Afterall when I join the company, I wanted to know the insides of a MLM style minus the MLM. And it had been rewarding as I am listening to all these motivational speakers teaching you how to fulfil your dream. As mentioned, to be successful, you have to be with the successful.

The first speaker was James Greaves, vice president of the Appco sharing with us how the founder Chris Niarchos had a vision for his company - global expansion. His sales was not good but each day when he return to office, Chris will just repeat his vision and he will perserve for one more day for that dream. That was 23 years ago.

Second speaker was a Singaporean, Wong Chee Wai. He uprooted himself to Thailand to be their organisation head. He had 4 tips:
1. Think big
2. High standards
3. Stay humble
4. Embrace failure
5. Never give up

Because it does not matter how long you take to reach as long as you get there.

Chris Niarchos, the founder, also made a speech sharing with all that not everybody is a natural. Most actually use their own fortes and maximise them. As usual he believed if you want to be something more, you have to be around people who are that. However, most importantly, is how one defines wealth - because wealth is what you are comfortable with as you write your own ticket.

Michael Scully, country head of Germany, feels that we must believe in what we do. When people doubt you, it is a challenge but when you doubt yourself, you gave people the reason to doubt too.

When an idea becomes a dream, and you empower it, it will come true. Thus never let those who doubt you steal your dreams.

The last speaker I was listening to was a guy who doesn’t believe in luck. He only believed that the harder you work, the luckier you get as you make your own luck. Most importantly, you should never take your foot off the pedal.

Afterall, progression happens only if you are teaching others your job.

Anyway the rally was held in Putrajaya, somewhere in KL. I did not have spare time to explore this place though but the scenery where the building is located is fabulous.


My last thought of this trip probably is this little sticker found in my hotel… What was running in my mind was – “I think the sticker is too far away from the sprinkler”… hahaha

Letting Go

Source: A Slice of Life by Eugene Loh

Letting go does not mean that you stop caring.
It means that you can no longer do it for someone else.

Letting go is not cutting yourself off.
It's realising that you can't control another.

Letting go is not trying to change or blame another.
It's about making the most of yourself.

Letting go is not caring for, but caring about.

Letting go is not about fixing, it's about being supportive.

Letting go is not judging.
It's allowing another to be a human being.

Letting go is not denying.
It's accepting.

Letting go is not adjusting everything to your vagaries and desires, but taking each day as it comes and cherishing yourself in it.

Letting go is not about regretting the past.
It's about growing and living for the future.

Letting go is fearing less, and loving more.

Letting go emotionally is endlessly harder than letting go physically. But if you practise it, you'll find it easier and easier to do. Choose peace of mind.

Quotes of the week

Source: 橘子- 只是好朋友

『從朋友變情人有個好處是，因為兩個人已經熟到了某個程度，所以可以省略初交往時的尷尬期。』
「那如果從情人變朋友呢？」
『那會更珍貴。因為我們相愛過，我們失去過，所以我們會更了解對方，更懂得珍惜這份得來不易的友情。』

 「那如果從朋友變成情人，又從情人變成朋友呢？」
『那我會希望妳是個比我還幸福的朋友。』庭羽說，『因為能當朋友是種珍貴，能夠相愛是種珍貴，在世界上幾百億的人當中，我們遇見彼此，我們變成朋友，然後我們心動，我們勇敢，我們相愛，就算最後又變回朋友，我會希望對方是比我還幸福的人，因為我們擁有過兩次珍貴的機會。』

 所以，如果我們還是失敗了，從情人又變回朋友，你會希望我過得比你幸福？」
『那當然。』凝望著我，庭羽又說：『不過，我會努力讓我們都幸福的。』
「幸福需要努力嗎？」
『不努力怎麼幸福？』

Bflygal's comments: I am tempted to read this book.....

Nothing happens but first a dream

Source:
A Slice of Life by Eugene Loh - "Running Toward Your Best"
A Slice of Life by Eugene Loh - "Using discontentment for self-development"
Joy Movie

Eugene Loh started of saying everyone wants a better life. Of course the definition of better life is entirely subjective. But most people who dream, do not believe their dreams can actually come true.

Like The Alchemist, most people will just forget their dreams, especially their childhood dreams. We have been conditioned to think that the present lot is the best we're ever going to have, and venturing out is dangerous. I wonder if it is only the Singaporean who will have such thoughts having been spoon-fed by the government for the entire life. At least I felt I had been.

So he quoted Helen Keller words, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." And goes on saying the following:

Do you really want to sit at that desk ten hours a day, typing till your wrists and back ache? Do you really want to continue accepting lowly assignments from a supervisor who bears a grudge against you? Do you really want to carry your talents and love to the grave?

Every one of us possesses a skill that is vulnerable. Almost any hobby can be turned into a business. And if you note every idea that pops into your head, no matter how common or silly at the time, you'll realize that if you had the gumption to develop them, you could be the next entrepreneur du jour!

Opportunities are out there. Even if you think you haven't a shred of talent, which I doubt, simple hard work and determination to succeed will get you places you never dreamed you could reach. But before all that can happen, you must make up your mind to step out and grab your share of life.

It may seem frightening to step out. But this fear lasts only a while. The comfort of conformity soon pales in comparison to the empowerment, passion and excitement that come with any bold, new purposeful action.

I typed and shared this out with only one purpose; that hopefully CL will read it. Seriously I have constantly told her many times my thoughts and she has constantly reminded me her fears. As it has become a vicious cycle, most of the times I no longer want to dwell with the situation nor repeat saying what she already knows. It gets too tiresome and if I were to follow what Anthony Robbins taught, then one has to drop off pessimistic friends to be able to go further. Of course pessimistic and optimistic are two sides of a coin. I can sway from one extreme to another, so can all my friends. And if my friends have a potential to sway to the optimism sometimes, it doesn't hurt to stretch a helping hand. A big IF though.

As what American essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote: “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” So in a way Anthony Robbins isn't wrong because if your friends are helping themselves, then the reason of forsaking them would cease to exist. But if your friend refused to be helped, then no amount of help on your part will be able to change anything. For that, then I would definitely conserve my energy and move on because I sincerely believed that there is so much more I can do.

After all like the opening of the Joy Movie says

Life can be complicated, but..
Happiness is really pretty simple

I once quoted from this movie
And I would like to re-iterate certain quotes relevant to this post.

Change your thoughts and change your world
Norman Vincent Peale

Nothing happens but first a dream
Carl Sandburg

Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction

Throw your heart over the fence
And the rest will follow.
Norman Vincent Peale

Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes it is quiet voice at the end of the day, saying... "I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The only things that stand between a person and what they want in life are the will to try it, and the faith to believe it's possible.
- Rich Devos

It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny.
- Jean Nidetch

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers

So to me, to CL and to the rest who do have dreams, I wish you have the courage, the quiet voice to spur you on before you get run over.

Like the last line in "Using discontentment for self-development" - If you're unhappy about your condition, change it! Strive to find fulfillment. Don't envy others. Make yourself worthy of envy!

Quotes of the week

有人说恋爱要找自己喜欢的人，
结婚要找喜欢自己的人，
都是片面的。
恋人不喜欢自己有什么可恋的？
老婆自己不喜欢怎么过一辈子？
- 云端天籁/马蹄达达辑

不管多大多老，
不管家人朋友怎么催，
都不要随便对待婚姻，
婚姻不是打牌，重新洗牌要付出巨大代价。
- 云端天籁/马蹄达达辑

不要为了负责而去结婚，
要知道，
不爱对方却和对方结婚是最不负责的。
即使当时让对方很伤心，
但是总比让他几年甚至一辈子伤心强。
- 云端天籁/马蹄达达辑

不要为了寂寞去恋爱，
时间是个魔鬼，
天长日久，
如果你是个多情的人，
即使不爱对方，
到时候也会产生感情，
最后你怎么办？
- 云端天籁/马蹄达达辑

拖鞋理論

吳淡如說：我真的覺得，女人尋找適合的男人
就像是尋找一雙適合的鞋子
在年輕的時候，女人買的往往是最華麗
最能墊高自己高度的鞋子
或許是高跟鞋、或許是恨天高
即使難穿也沒關係
因為妳覺得妳自己可以忍耐

但是，如果有一天
妳忍耐到拇指外翻、腳起水泡
妳才會發現，鞋子最重要的功能
其實是要陪妳走路而已
而走路是要往前走的，不是要站在原地的

婚姻就像找鞋標準一直在變
所以，這時候妳就會去找一雙很舒適的
會保護妳的腳的、會陪著妳一起向前走的鞋
而不是去增加你的高度，因為妳就是這個樣子

吳淡如說：「但是這其中也有一個前提就是妳也不能找太醜的鞋
因為如果太醜妳就不會喜歡它」
婚姻其實就像每個人在找鞋而已

祝福大家都能找到一雙適合自己 . 很舒服 .能走長久的鞋 .
若是鞋子已經穿在腳上.可能不太舒服 ...也不太好走 .....
我的想法是...
不妨多忍讓一下 .多協調一下 .試著走一段時間 .....
經過磨合. 調整..... 穿起來自然會舒服些..

如果... 不能舒服些 ...嘿嘿 ....要踢掉 ..要換鞋 .. 要光腳 ....由你決定囉!

>> Hmm was thinking of the phrase I wrote a while back.. shoes, feet, feet, shoes.. 換鞋? 光腳? 光腳? 換鞋?

Story time

A story about an old dog half-asleep on the porch of the general store, moaning and groaning in the sun. "Why is your dog acting that way?" a customer asked the store owner. "Oh," answered the man, "he's lying on a nail." "Well, why doesn't he move?" "Because it's not hurting him bad enough."

Source: Slice of Life

Blfygal's comments: Suppressing the pain will accumulate the hurt, till you reach your limit to force yourself to take drastic measures. That's the typical human being behaviour. Sigh.

*****

One night a group of nomads were preparing to retire for the evening when suddenly they were surrounded by a great light. They knew they were in the presence of a celestial being. With great anticipation, they awaited a heavenly message of great importance that they knew must be especially for them.

Finally, the voice spoke, "Gather as many pebbles as you can. Put them in your saddle bags. Travel a day's journey and tomorrow night will find you glad and it will find you sad."

After having departed, the nomads shared their disappointment and anger with each other. They had expected the revelation of a great universal truth that would enable them to create wealth, health and purpose for the world. But instead they were given a menial task that made no sense to them at all. However, the memory of the brilliance of their visitor caused each one to pick up a few pebbles and deposit them in their saddle bags while voicing their displeasure.

They traveled a day's journey and that night while making camp, they reached into their saddle bags and discovered every pebble they had gathered had become a diamond. They were glad they had diamonds. They were sad they had not gathered more pebbles.

Source: An article written by John Wayne Schlatter, from the book "A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul".

Bflygal's comments: It seems that only human understand the concept of "not having". That is why they will go out and fight for what they do not have making them forever hungry in life. It is also the reason why they will never be satisfied with their lot and end up both glad and sad with their bag of diamonds.

*****

My primary four English teacher Mrs Yeo taught me this golden rule of always drawing a one-centimetre margin on the left-hand side of my exercise book. For the longest time, I wondered about this need to waste space, as I could have written more words, saved more paper and made my exercise book last longer if not for those margins. I really believed it was a silly rule but I reluctantly drew them anyway.

Fast forward 30 years. One day as I was tidying up my house, I found my primary school exercise book. As I flipped those pages of yore, I could not help but smile. There was something special about this book that made me treasure it. It was the margins. At every margin, Mrs Yeo would pen some encouraging words like, “I am happy that your ambition is to become a teacher”, “Interesting narration of a pencil-box life? love your ideas of giving birth to little baby pencils”, “You are the only boy whose best friend is a girl – keep it up”. Sometimes she would draw a star, a sad face, a smiley or just a simple tick to show her reaction to my statement.

I noticed a few pages on which I did not draw margins; there were no remarks. How I wish I had drawn them.

.....

I thought drawing those silly margins was a waste of space and was worried that my exercise book would not last the whole year. The fact was, the margins turned out to be the highlight of my book and by the end of the year the book was only three-quarters filled. Yes, I had worried for nothing. The worth of the exercise book is not measured by its length; it is measured by its content. Likewise, time is not measured by seconds; it is measured by the moments. I shall continue to create such moments by drawing those silly margins in my life!

Source: YAP TAT MING
Extracted from A Slice of Life

Bflygal's comments: Make allowances in your busy schedule to give you time to reflect. That is what I felt when a friend was telling me his weekly schedule yesterday. I felt there was no breather to self-reflect. But I also find that I self-reflect too much haha. Alright I will be busy soon...

*****

Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.

Source: Dark Knight

>> Bflygal's comments: I finally watched Dark Knight just to see that Edison 2 seconds fame haha. But I found out Lau is a Singaporean actor (Chin Han). Kudos! And Dark Knight is handsome.. sadly all these people can only be the angel in the background. Such is life.

Questions.. and answers...

What's the easiest thing to do in life?
Mistake.

What's the greatest obstacle?
Fear.

The most profound tragedy in life?
Abandonment.

The root of all evil?
Egotism

The most wonderful entertainment and fun?
Work.

The greatest failure?
Lack of faith.

The best teachers?
Kids. (Totally agree.  The children I meet in the zoo always taught me something.  So do the adults!)

The absolute prime need?
Human contact. (Is it?  Judging what I am doing lately, hard to believe this answer...)

What brings a person the greatest feeling of satisfaction?
Being of help to somebody and being appreciated. (What if you don't get appreciated? What if you keep being made use of?  What if you become like 便利贴女生 - everybody wants to work with you but nobody wants to be you?  But sometimes I wonder why must you change.  People change only when there is something wrong.  But being helpful isn't wrong, being overly helpful isn't wrong.  If it isn't wrong, why must you change?  If it is the other party's fault for making use of you, why not make him change, why must you be stronger.  I don't get it, why must the one not at wrong change while the one at wrong goes around leading a happy life.)

The greatest mystery?
Death.  (Is it?)

The most serious human failing?
Lack of sense of humour.

The greatest enemy?
Deceit and lies.

The worst emotion?
Anger.

The most wonderful gift?
Forgiveness.

The quickest way forward?
Certainty.

The most wonderful feeling?
Inner peace.

The best defense?
Smile.

The best medicine?
Optimism.

The greatest might on earth?
Faith.

The people of whom we need most of all?
Our parents. (FAMILY!)

Quotes of the week

To hide the key to your heart is to risk forgetting where you placed it
- Timothy Childers, author

纯纯的“对不起”。
“对不起”的快乐。
“对不起”也是一种承诺。
“对不起”，谎言的开始。
“对不起”，只是个敷衍的方式。
这样的“对不起”太伤人。
原来“对不起”也可以是种结束。
每个人在自己的生命里头，一定会遇到一个自己真正该珍惜的人。
请你好好的珍惜那一个人，不是每一句的对不起，都可以换来每一句的没关系。
Bflygal's comment: “对不起” is Chen Xin Yi's pet phrase. And as usual I always fall in love with the "sidekick". Baron Chen, my new love interest. Haha. But why do I always fall for the guardian role. Maybe because Ethan Ruan is really hateful. And because I am still watching the beginning. But I roughly know what the plot will be because it is still the typical idol pop. And because I caught a few episodes in Taiwan last year. Most importantly I know the ending will be a happy one. Haha! But guess the "sidekick" will once again 割爱!

And because of it, I suddenly came up with this phrase...
鞋子有几双
脚却有一对
为何为了一双鞋子
折腾这对玉脚？

相同
男人有几百种
而赤心只有一片
为何为了一种男人
弄碎此玻璃心。

天使的爱

Both Angel's Love & To Grow with Love has a love theme.
Both shows I watched the first episode.
Both shows I watched the last episode.
Both shows I gave up going through the plot because they took too long to load and had far too many episodes.

But while I really felt nothing much towards To Grow with Love because I don't really believe in discrimination towards plump people. So long it is true love, it will happen regardless of race, size and age.

Angel's love on the other hand is something I wanted to watch for a long long time. Sadly I had lost patience with tv series (just felt that I'm wasting too much time repeating theories that I should have known. Maybe I just don't want to get too intoxicated for all the wrong reasons.)

But I don't regret watching the ending. Because of the quotes:

天使的爱必须平均地分给每一个人，这是他的使命
当天使拥有爱情的时候，上帝对他说：‘你必须放弃，因为天使不能拥有爱情~！’
爱不会因为放弃而消失，爱会延续下去，因为你说过：‘爱是你曾经存在的证明’ 。

没有爱，就没有这个世界，只要心中有爱，每个人都是天使
只要懂得付出，懂得关怀，懂得尊重生命。
我知道你一直都在我身边，我也一直不孤单。

天使，是上帝给我们最好的礼物。
只要继续相信，天使的爱,永远也不会消失。
这就是我们期盼的天使情人。



發現真愛
- 183 Club

Cause you and I all got an angel's eye
快张开这双眼
你就会看见真爱

你在他的身边
却看不见
永远不是永远
没有终点
不要象个刺猬
动不动就是拼命防备
留一个小小空间
给等爱的人自己体会

Cause you and I all got an angel's eye
快张开这双眼
你就会发现真爱
Cause you and I
都开始更明白
这爱情的真谛
就是要放手简单
you and I
Angel's eyes
Oh Baby

直到了那一天
你发现爱 Oh No
时间不能重来
或者倒转 Oh no
跨越这地平线
要找寻守候你有多难
或许你真的不懂
要如何才能好好爱我

Cause you and I all got an angel's eye
快张开这双眼
你就会发现真爱
Cause you and I
都开始更明白
这爱情的真谛
就是要放手简单
you and I
angel's eyes wo yeah

也许你听不到
多么大声的说我爱你
也许你也看不见
但我会一直守在身边

Cause you and I all got an angel's eye
快张开这双眼
你就会发现真爱
Cause you and I
都开始更明白
这爱情的真谛
就是要放手简单
Cause you and I all got an angel's eye
快张开这双眼
你就会发现真爱
Cause you and I
都开始更明白
这爱情的真谛
就是要放手简单
you and I


Anyway I saw Marie Digby on CNA today. Considering I have been hearing about her arrival on the radio, not overly surprised but still pleasantly surprised haha. And decided to hear a song from her... a song about walking away...

Beauty In Walking Away
- Marie Digby

A light shines off in the distance
A pale flickering glow
How many times do I have to dream that I could be there
The time is here and she won't be waiting for me to find the easy way out
I've lost count of the days that were wasted

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
There's a beauty in walking away

I float on the streets that are empty
Take the path that the wind only knows
Tonight is the last time that I'll ever be here

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
There's a beauty in walking away

It's never quite simple, it's never that safe
It never seems perfect until it's too late
It's never the right time to find a new way

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
There's a beauty in walking away



Sometimes, I think, I should not read news because everytime I flip the papers, I don't seem to see much good news. Once again I flip the paper only to find out the 5th H1N1 death... the pretty lousy match of the Lions & Liverpool (Well I caught the Man U & Malaysian match while in Genting and it was so much better I suppose.).. Back to my books to cheer myself up!