Same sun, different angles

Reading this article awoke my blogging sense though I'm actually very sleepy by now as i was sorting out my photos to find a sunset photo... a particular sunset photo...

It was the last sunset photo I took in Melbourne during my metamorphosis process. To me, it is the most treasured process. And when DK was busy trying to find all the 'sun' spots, we start wondering what is the difference between sunrise and sunset. And which one do you love most?

I say sunrise because it is the hardest to catch. I guess I'm the type who is always up for a challenge. But the more I pondered over their differences, the more I wondered if there really was any. Was sunrise really that elusive? And I even stumped a street artist when I asked him which drawings of his were sunset photos and which were sunrise.

It turns out, sunrise or sunset, it still is the same sun, same size, just a different angle. And neither is more elusive. Especially now that I'm in Tokyo, I still haven't got a chance to see sunrise or sunset :(

So indeed like what the article mention, this video really says it best.

And I don't know what is my current Tokyo designation yet.. Will give it some thoughts some day... when I finally am out of that race that Tokyo seems to imposed on me. 

Are these my 10 desires?

After reading Hugh McKaay's What Makes us Tick, the first and foremost desire is the desire to be taken seriously.

So that's why children loves to grow up and be taken seriously.

Then there is a desire to believe in something. Like one's belief in religion. Or like me reading my horoscope to believe in the stars...

And then there is the desire to connect. How else to explain why the strong attraction towards Facebook and blog and other social media networks. How else to explain why I'm always whatsapping my friends and being so 38  haha.

But most importantly the desire to connect to myself, the constant questions i ask .. who am I? What do I want??

I also hope to connect back to the nature. So maybe I should reply the email and hope to be able to continue my docent year for another one more year?

Next is the desire to be useful. That s why I probably work so much. Because right now, only work seems to make me feel I'm useful.

The desire to belong is probably something that I bury deep down. Because I don't seem to be able to belong anywhere. No matter how hard I try. Hmm...

Then there is greed, the desire for more. Greed can be good or bad, depends how one make use of one's greed I guess.

My friend says I have a strong desire for control. If things don't go my way, I will not be overly happy about it. Hmm... really???

Then there is the desire for something to happen. Like your next holiday trip. Hmm my desire though is for a peaceful day if possible.

Finally the desire for love. Which needs no further explanation.

But are these really my desires? Maybe my desire is to do nothing... haha..

Make sense of your yesterdays

That’s what heaven is. It is God’s way of finally answering all the questions you had been asking in your life. But I have lots, lots of questions. Would 5 people I meet be enough to make sense of my yesterdays? Or maybe, right here, right now, I am meeting all these people to get my answers? After all, didn’t Mitch Albom says that there are no random acts. And that we are all connected.

I guess that is terribly bad news for me. Because for the past few weeks, I felt that my privacy has been invaded. And I have been wishing to be left alone. But Blue Man tells me, that no life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. So I have been wasting my past few weeks wishing to be alone. Because I am unable to handle the close proximity of these strangers, strangers that are just family you have yet to come to know.

Sigh. In some sense it is the truth. These are the only family members I have here. And like all family, we each have our own characters and quirks. And thus we will have our own squabbles and discomforts. But I build a wall so high around myself, and keep myself so secluded that sometimes I guess I asked for it when I get excluded. Because people like fairness, and thus if you don’t include them, they find it hard to include you too. And I can sense it better now because of the proximity which explains my resentment towards the move. This also explains why on a sunny weekend, I am cooping myself at home, watching the film version of a book by the author which I still very much admired. And retrieving the rest that I was not entitled to last weekend.

Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to. Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to somebody else.

I sacrificed my last weekend because I have no excuse not to go. Even though it may sound like a nice gesture by the company, I admit I did not appreciate it because of all the hassle it had involved, all the flying hours it had accumulated and only for a short break. It had not been my style and if I really chose to fly that far, I would have spent more time. But that sounded like an ungrateful kid. We all make sacrifices but I was angry over my sacrifice.

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do to others, we do to ourselves. No one is born with anger. It builds up over time, with the things we don't say and the things we bury. When we die, the soul is freed of it. Free to see the truth.

Hmm, though I don’t envision myself to die just to see the truth, that I had been childish to be angry with myself. That I have been stubborn to ask too many questions; not knowing if I will ever get the answers or not. But I did wonder, if I ever know I am going to die, will I do something different? And when I die, what happens to the lost love?

Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory, memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't."

So that was what memories are for, to accompany you when your loved ones depart. It need not be permanent departure. Although sometimes I do worry about that; especially pertaining to my parents. It is often said that parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. And it is not until much later, as the next birthday comes, as the body gets weaker, that the children will understand, their stories and accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their parents.

But what if I had accomplished nothing? Zilch. What if the feeling that I was never supposed to be there, was right all these while. The feeling that I never belong here, that I am a nobody. Would I ever meet a Tala (which means ‘star’ in Tagalog and reminds me so much of my sponsored child) to explain to me my existence and worth? Maybe I should pay someone a visit. And understand that everyone has a purpose to life that not only affects their own lives but unknowingly touches the lives of others.

And that when the life ends, it is an opportunity to examine our lives, who we have touched, the choices we have made and the consequences of our choices. It was never about judgement day.

Photo thoughts: When I was thinking of a photo to accompany the post, Luna Park came into my mind. Later while researching I found out that the fictional Ruby Pier draw many parallels to the real life amusement park "Luna Park" located in Coney Island. These parallels include...
1) Both parks are named after people close to the original owner
- Luna Park for owner's sister Luna
- Ruby Pier for owner's wife Ruby (one of the people Eddie meets in heaven)
2) Both parks had fires that lead to the loss of the original ownership
- Ruby Park's fire leads to the selling of the park
- Because of the expensive costs, Luna Park is let go by the original owner(s) (not sold away)
3) Both parks had/have very grand entrances

Credits: The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom (Book and Film version)

Leading a GPS of life

After reading Slice of Life “Deciding on Your own Path” by Eugene Loh , and “Navigating life – with our inner GPS” by Chip Richards, I became very motivated in taking stock of my life and decide on the path that’s right for me.

Both of them told me to first imagine myself as the beginning for all things. Listen to myself and start making my needs my priority. Feel about myself, my needs and where my life is going. Is this the life I really want or the one I’ve been conditioned to desire?

Once you determine your destination, key into our GPS of life the destination. If we don’t do so, the GPS will be unable to guide us to our destination. Thus tell the GPS in clarity where we want to go. The GPS will then happily begin guiding us to our destination. (In the words of Chip Richards, note that “by claiming our responsibility to choose our destination, we are not overriding the power of Universe or GPS, we are only acknowledging and fulfilling our sacred partnership with it. We play our part by clarifying our intentions and following our deep inner promptings, and the Universe plays its role by reflecting those intentions back to us in our experience.)

Also if you notice how the GPS works, after the destination is keyed, it will then calibrate and calculate the best route to take. It may show you the entire route but when it delivers its directions, it goes step by step. And it only displays what the next 2 steps will be. It keeps you in the present, to only understand what you need to understand now.

Lastly, if you make a wrong turn, the GPS will not scold you or ask you to please turn back and go to that route again. Instead the GPS will just re-calibrate and show you the next best route to your intended destination. It does not judge that we should take the previous route which is more cost effective. It does not decipher our movements as good, bad, right or wrong. It takes these moves as just part of life choices that we made along the path, and that we will continue to make another one too. Perhaps at times it may acknowledge that we had indeed stray from the most direct path, but if we remain open to the infinite possibilities of the moment, even our straying will eventually lead us to where we want to go. Not a lesser way, just a different way. And perhaps there is a reason why we had to turn left instead of right at that time, just that we do not know it.

And thus I decided, it is time to harness my GPS of life to lead me to my life destiny.

Source:

Slice of Life “Deciding on Your own Path” by Eugene Loh

“Navigating life – with our inner GPS” by Chip Richards

Grandparents

If you are not a grandparent you will still love this. If you are it shows
how precious the babies are and what we mean to them.

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own.
They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see
them.. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they
drive us to the shops and give us money.*****BIG CNY Gang pows specially..................

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves
and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we
shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart..

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come
dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the
same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have
television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with
us.


They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers
with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA
LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

Bflygal comments: I read this via an email on 8th Feb 2011. And was reminded about the scene on 3rd Feb 2011. CNY first day. The first time my grandpa did not give me his CNY blessing. As I wished him happy CNY that day, I realised how fast a person can age. It seems to be like a roller coaster ride down as one approaches the end of his life. But how sure are we that the end is coming soon? Have we given up the hope of life too early? Forgive me that I do not have as much memories of him as I do of the rest of my other grandparents whom have all left me when I was young. Forgive me that even though I stayed with him for the recent years, I could no longer exchange much words with him by then. Forgive me that whatever past contributions he had done had been lost since we had sold that house though it was for his sake we had to move. And forgive me that as his granddaughter, I really did not and could not do anything at all. I could only wish that he is able to retain any beautiful memories that he would like to cherish to accompany him. I could only hope that this CNY, even though he was no longer aware of it, he would be able to enjoy it sufficiently.

p/s: Lately, quite a lot of people has been commenting that I am heartless. As my own worst critic, if I keep allowing these people to say such stuff to me, I probably will break down. Truth is, I don't think I am heartless. Is just that I need to put in effort and that takes time. And sometimes, I really don't know what are their demands. I remember sempai in the past define friends as someone who must meet regularly. And always say I'm not a good friend. But after awhile, he realised that meetups are time consuming and dropped his expectation of friends. Because seriously if I listen to his demands, I probably will tire out only. Anyway sigh I know I still owe capricorn friend an email just as I owe CL lots of emails.. I also wish I have 72 hours a day because I don't seem to have sufficient time to accomplish everything. I really feel that human relationships are so tricky that I really want to be a hermit soon. Then perhaps I will not feel so guilty at not spending sufficient time and effort with everybody whom I care for.

A deeper understanding of love

Checking email and saw this article sent by A Slice of Life again. You know I always said A Slice of Life can read my moods because at certain appropriate time, it will tell me a story that I will endear to. But then maybe it is because I easily relates anything to anything haha. So everything can endears to me.

Hmm how many to-do travel posts I still need to do? Italy, Batam & Malaysia (I rem I had 2 short trips then), Manila, Melbourne, and now Sydney.. I guess I have to take my time. So although I'm back from Sydney, it will be a long time before I write about it which I always felt is good as then what I write is what really stays in my memory.

As for this article. I thought of 2 person when reading it.

I remember before I came back SG, I had bought a scarf which I thought of giving to her. In some sense, whenever I travel lately, other than buying for my family, it has been a habit to buy for her and probably her family too. Because I always thought she will become part of the family too. But I quite like the scarf too so I wanted to take a pic (I did anyway) and ask mum for opinion. But somehow I managed to find another pretty gift for her and so this scarf became mine to keep. But when I was back in SG, I sensed something was wrong already. As usual my gift was passed to her via the messenger. But something seems wrong. I may have only stayed a few days back home but it is impossible not to have seen her either.

Actually messenger and I do chat from time to time. But while I was in Melbourne, messenger did not mention anything to me. But I did find out from another source. And I start to worry. In some sense, it really never occurred to me that love could be so fragile even after a promise has been made. I wondered if I felt such pain, how much did messenger endured. Messenger also did not say much other than the facts.

When I went back Melbourne, there was this night messenger wanted to talk to me. I told messenger to find her to clear up everything. Because I have learn never to bottle up thoughts and feelings because nobody will ever knows. Even writing it out is better than not doing anything. But for immediate effect, face to face talk is the best. Somehow though it was a wrong move as messenger did something wrong still. And somehow after that messenger did get a closure.

Then messenger had a headache on the upcoming trip. I was very sure she will not join and I was right. While in Sydney, there was this day I felt something queasy and decided to email my source and ask about them. Source told me that messenger went on alone. Shocked and worried and yet I really for once saw the strength messenger has to learn to overcome these hurdles. I remembered during the trip, on and off the people around me told me certain stories.. about how distance caused a shift of change even though there was already a flat in waiting.. or how someone's brother managed to survive through too. And in the back of my mind, I really wish messenger strength. That was why a chapel fascinated me then because I had no other outlet then. Stayed there for a short while and kept thinking.

And when messenger asked me last night to see the nicely taken photos, even though I was really tired, I went to check. I just wanted to make sure messenger is at peace. And I really hope messenger is. After all,

To love someone is to want the best for someone, even if that 'best' thing isn't you.

So if you were wondering, messenger is the person I thought of sending this article to.

Peace of Mind

Sneezing away while reading this article. Somehow I fell sick the moment I reached Melbourne. Thus I did not even have time to blog about my 1 week stint in SG... probably when I'm better. Just that even in SG, I realised I was waking up at 4am daily. Somehow I did not adjust back to SG time zone. And I realised that in SG, having more friends, I will not think of certain things and be able to get my peace of mind. This is something I had been thinking about since I went Manila. At that time I kept thinking of a certain past which I cannot get back already. Probably at that time I realised leaving SG no longer serve the purpose I wanted initially.

So what made me wanted to go Mel. Maybe is to fulfill the promise I once made. But I realised that being in Oz, I ended up thinking of something else which I don't wish to dwell into too. And the people who I can contact become limited to those in the area. Especially now with a cold, I thought about an advice once given to me about taking vitamin C after you caught a cold is rendered useless. Anyway though it seems too late to be loading on Vit C, Snr says it might aid recovery. I hope so too thus I continue loading up on it.

Anyway I'm still thinking in life if there are people who are your 鍾無艷 and 夏迎春? I guess I don't want anybody to be divided into such category though. Anyway I did not sms or email about it in the end because I decided I don't want to keep contacting the few limited people. I don't want to rely on anybody. That was the reason why I leave SG now. To learn to be independent. Thus,  I just want a peace of mind now.

p/s: CL asked me about the past... it is like what MZZDWAN says... the past is an integral part of me and makes me who I am. It comprised of everything that has happened to me and I was wondering if I went back to the past, would I repeat doing what I did.

Top Gear (UK)

Top Gear - UK version is highly hilarious. I remember watching it the first time with Thai gal and the invited guest was so humourous. For the second picture, I did not had the chance to watch that episode but reading it was just as interesting. It had Stig looking incredulous annoyed while the team took out everything (unnecessary in their definition including Stig too) just to make the car as light as possible. Imagine sitting on a plastic chair instead of a leather chair just to lessen the weight. Haha. And for a guy like Stig that is covered up from head to toe, being able to emit emotions via his posture was something I find remarkable. I certainly prefer Stig to Mr. Bean 100 times better.

The third picture is on Maserati. I remember seeing my first Maserati in SG at my ISS mate's wedding. And I did not know what was a Maserati then. Just that the car really stood out. And I thought it was his wedding car (sadly no). Then the guys with me keep saying, Maserati.. and I was like, what's that. Haha. I don't think I took a good photo of it though as it was nighttime and I did not bring my camera then either.

I still don't know how good a Maserati is. I just know I like it when I first saw it and I will never be able to afford it so I can forget about it haha.

Sigh I'm going to miss the UK version as starting this week, it is replaced by the OZ version (no surprise since this is where I am now.. hmm can I switch place with CL?? hahahahha)

A Slice of Life - Creating Beauty

I like this article very much. Creating a beauty that you self-appreciated.
Lately xL was saying cooking is troublesome when you cook for more than one person and need to cater for that person's tastebuds. Which I totally agree that it is easier to just cook for yourself and whether it is nice or not nice, you will just dump it into your stomach. So that is self-appreciated beauty.

I'm currently quite moody as I cannot believed 45 days have passed and my Thai lady has flew back to Thailand. Sigh I miss her.. and her cooking.. and her touring.. :(
But oh well, I know it is time for her to go back and visit her mum too. 2 more weeks and I'm back too!

p/s: memories of her apartment etched in my memory...

Trading Psychology

This advertisement reminded me of an entertaining story I read before about how strongly psychology can affect a market. It is from the book The New Gatsbys.

It takes place at the Chicago Board of Trade. Soybeans were sharply higher. There was a drought in the Illinois Soybean Belt. And unless it ended soon, there would be a severe shortage of beans. . . .

Suddenly a few drops of water slid down a window. "Look," someone shouted, "rain!". More than 500 pairs of eyes shifted to the big windows. . . . Then came a steady trickle which turned into a steady downpour. It was raining in downtown Chicago. 

Sell. Buy. Buy. Sell. The shouts cascaded from the traders' lips with a roar that matched the thunder outside. And the price of soybeans began to slowly move down. Then the price of soybeans broke like some tropic fever.

It was pouring in Chicago all right, but no one grows soybeans in Chicago. In the heart of the Soybean Belt, some 300 miles south of Chicago the sky was blue, sunny and very dry. But even if it wasn't raining on the soybean fields it was in the heads of the traders, and that is all that counts. To the market nothing matters unless the market reacts to it. The game is played with the mind and the emotions.

In order to drive home the point about the importance of mass psychology, think about what happens when you exchange a piece of paper called "money" for some item like food or clothing? Why is that paper, with no intrinsic value, exchanged for something tangible? It is because of a shared psychology. Everyone believes it will be accepted, so it is. Once this shared psychology evaporates, when people stop believing in money, it becomes worthless.

So do you really believe Forex can let you earn 405% of the return? Unless you really are a genius in reading the minds of the human and astute in your judgment...

Afterthoughts of Eat and Pray

Finally finished Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert within 2 days...

To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it is like you have four legs, instead of two. That way you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God.

Bflygal's comments: And thus this is the image I conjured. That is probably why I like reading, because I conjure my own images. And now that I have finished the book, I can watch the movie and see how others conjure the image haha.

The great Sufi poet and philosopher Rumi, once advised his students to write down the 3 things they most wanted in life. If any item on the list clashes with any other item, Rumi warned, you are destined for unhappiness. Better to live a life of single-pointed focus, he taught. But what about the benefits of living harmoniously amid extremes? What if you would somehow create an expansive enough life that you could synchronise seemingly incongrous opposites into a worldview that excludes nothing.

Bflygal's comments: And the author wanted 3 things... Eat, pray and love. But how do one immerse in the dual glories of a human life - worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence? Once again, an image popped into my mind... Ji Gong - the Living Buddha. The image of him savouring wine and meat totally undefines a traditional monk.

Kalos kai agathos (Greeks) - the singular balance of the good and the beautiful.
Dolce vita - the sweet life
Bel far niente - the beauty of doing nothing
It is a cherished Italian ideal. And you don't need to be rich in order to experience this either.
L'arte d'arrangiarsi - the art of making something out of nothing.
Anyone with a talent for happiness can do this, not only the rich.
It may seems like self-indulgence but Italians do not see it that way.

Bflygal's comments: my friend spent a few months in Japan before heading to UK for studies. And I remember how I strongly encouraged her to do so too. On hindsight, she probably could write a book on it too haha. Another friend of mine is now happily enjoying life in UK on a work-holiday visa. (Sigh I should have applied with her that time if I know what fate befalls on me.. but then on second thoughts... I will come to that later.. ) As for myself, having played for the past 5 months in Singapore, I guess I can still continue playing. Anyway I think I am destined to go Italy with my parents (that's the second thoughts), just felt so. After that, I hope that my heart will take control and lead me on the right path.

So be lonely Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human existence. But never again use another person's body and emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

Romans not giving her second looks. When
she was 19, she was constantly harassed. While it is certainly nice of course, to not get pawed by a disgusting stranger on the bus, one does have femine pride, and one must wonder, what has changed here? Is it me? Or is it them?
Bflygal's comments: Back from Italy and this post is still in draft mode haha. Anyway I wasn't harassed either but then, I'm not carino enough so that explains.

Pizzeria da Michele in Naples has Italy's best pizza, and Italy has the best pizza in the world. Thus to infer, Pizzeria da Michele has the world's best pizza.
Bflygal's comments: pity I did not have a chance to visit.

Piazza della Republica - fountain of bodacious naked nymphs
Bflygal's comments: I might have visited the place but did not find the said fountains.

I still can't say whether I will ever want children. I was so astonished to find that I did not want them at thity, the remembrance of that surprise cautions me against placing any bets on how I will feel at forty. I can only say how I feel now - grateful to be on my own.

Virginia Woolf wrote
Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword. On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition, and order where 'all is correct.'

But on the other side of that sword, if you are crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, 'all is confusion'. Nothing follows a regular course. Her argument was that crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman,but you can bet it will also be more perilous.
Bflygal's comments: and I admit I want to cross the sword...

It is better to live your destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection.
- Bhagauad Gita, that ancient Indian yoga teacher

Wary of the danger that if I drift around this world randomly for too long, I may someday become the Family Flaker.

Do you believe that every city has a single word that defines it, that identifies most people who live there. If you could read people's thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought. And if your personal word does not match the city, then you don't really belong there.
Rome: sex
Vatican: power
NYC: achieve
LA: succeed
Stockholm: conform
Naples: fight

What is the autho's personal word?
Family,
Depression
Seek? Or hide?
In Italy, it had been pleasure.

Anyway, I picked up some Italian words from the book...
HAttraversiamo - let's cross the street. A word the author seems to fell in love. Probably the journey of crossing appeals to her.

Parla come magni - speak the way you eat. In other words keep your language simple and direct.

Sei una trottola
You are a spinning top

Carina: cute
Grazie mille: thousands thanks

Goethe says without seeing Sicily, one cannot get a clear idea of what Italy is.
Bflygal's comments: I must schedule a second visit to Italy - Sicily to see what Italy is then haha. Maybe a Greece-Sicily.

No town can live peacefully, whatever its laws, when citizens do nothin but feast and drink and tire themselves out in the cares of love.- Plato

Of course one cannot live life like this forever. To learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than it pleases your ear to hear it. To nap in a garden, in a path of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain, and then do it again the next day. Real life and wars and mortality will interfere eventually.
Bflygal's comments: Sadly. I would love to exchange anything for the freedom I have now to last eternally... No wonder 自由价更高.

Next scene shifted to Pray - Yoga - India.

Om
Na
Mah
Shi
Va
Ya
Om Namah Shivaya
I honour the divinity that resides within me.

Yoga in sanskirt can be translated as union between:
Mind and body
Individual and her God
Our thoughts and the source of our thoughts.

Yoga can means trying to find God through mediation, through scholarly study, through the practice of silence.

Imbalance: Taoist
Ignorance: Buddahism
Islam blames our misery on rebellion against God
Juedo-Christian attributes all our sufferings to original sin
Freudians say that unhappiness is the inevitable result of the cllash between our natural drives and civilixation's needs.

The yogis, however, say that human discontenment is a simple case of mistaken identity. We're miserable because we think we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentments and mortality we wrongly believe that our limited little egos constitute our whole entire nature. We have failed to recognise our deeper divine caracter. We don't realise that somewhere within us all, there exists a supreme self who is eternally at peace. That Supreme self is our true identity, universal and divine. Before you realise this truth, say the Yogis, you'll always be in despair, a notion nicely expressed in this exasperated line from the Greek stoic philioopher Epictetus: You bear God within you, poor wretch, and know it not.

Yoga is the effort to experience one's divinity personally and then to hold on to that experience forever. Yoga is about self-mastery and the dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your non-stop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yoursel and your surrounding with poise. Only from that point of even-mindedness will the true nature of the world (and yourself) be revealed to you.
Bflygal's comments: I haven't been doing yoga for years since I left my 1st perm job...

Our whole business therefore in this life, write Saint Augustine rather logically, is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen.

Guru - 2 sanskirt syllables
1) darkness
2) light
Out of darkness into light

The resting place of the mind is the heart. The only thing the mind hears all day is clanging bells and noise and argument, and all it wants iis quietness. The only place the mind will ever find peace is inside the silence of the heart. That's where you need to go.

A true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everyting that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can shape your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your wall and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mate, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you and then they leave.
Bflygal's comments: and then.. They leave...

Look for God,
Like a man with his head on fire,
Looking for water.

If something is rubbing so hard against you, you can be sure it is working on you. This is what the Gurugita does. It burns away the ego, turns you into pure ash.

If faith is rational, it wouldn't be by definition - faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face first and full speed into the dark. If we truly know all the answers in advance, as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be a prudent insurance policy.

Italian joke:
Poor man who goes to church everyday and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging
Dear saint, please, please, please give me the grace to win the lottery. This lament goes on for months. Finally the ecasperated statue comes to life, look down at the begging man and says in weary disguise,
My son, please, please, please buy a ticket.
Bflygal comments: Purely for humour. No offense intended. And beneath the humour lies a saying I strongly advocate - "God helps those who help themselves."

Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation but cannot even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half of the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well considered intention.

God dwells within you, as you.

We all seem to get these ideas that, in order to be sacred, we have to make sure some massive, dramatic change of character, that we hear to renounce our individuality.

Antenvasin: one who lives at the border. In between. Lived in sight of both worlds, but he looked towards the unknown. And he was a scholar.
Bflygal's comments: this is the author's personal word and I quite like this word.


The hub of calmness - that's your heart. That's where God lives within you, so stop looking for answers in the world. Just keep walking back to that center and you will always find peace.

This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.

Karma: recycle back to the earth again in another form in order to resolve whatever relationships or mistakes you left uncompleted the last time. When you finally achieve perfection, you graduate out of the cycle entirely and melt into The Void.
Bflygal's comments: I strongly believe in this theory.

7 places up to Heaven - 7 happy places
7 places down to Hell - 7 sad places
Universe is a circle. Go up, go down, is the same at the end. If it is same in the end, it is better to be happy on the journey.
Bflygal's comments: haha a good one. Which is why I always say I'm heading towards the path of heaven :)
And you do realise I did not comment much on Love. I don't deny that Love is an absolute necessity in the world because "Make Love not War". But either I do not possess much interest in the Love that the author talks about or, like some reviews mentioned, the author did have a weak ending towards the last section. However I believed I learnt lots from her for the first two-thirds of the book and thus it has been a pleasure to read the book. Now to wait for the movie... and Julia Roberts *anticipation in glee*.

p/s: In between my Italiano posts.. decided to post this up due to my latest artwork. If I'm hardworking, I hope to change my artwork monthly. A big IF...

Interesting facts

Honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life.

Chewing gum while peeling onions keep you from crying.

In Tibet, it is considered good manners to stick out your tongue at someone.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

A newborn baby sees the world upside down because it takes some time for a baby's brain to learn to turn the image right-side up.

You can use pinecones to forecast weather - the scales will close when the rain is on the way.

Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

Banana oil never saw a banana; it's made from petroleum.

An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights.

People with blue eyes are better able to see in the dark.

A chef's hat is shaped the way it is for a reason: its shape allows air to circulate around the scalp, keeping the head cool in a hot kitchen.

Wearing yellow makes you look bigger on camera; green, smaller.

Left handed people live slightly shorterlives than right handed people.

Hawaii is moving toward Japan 4 inches every year.

Brushing your teeth regularly has been shown to prevent heart disease.

Fifteen people are known to have been crushed to death tilting vending machines towards them in the hope of a free can of soda.

You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.
Bflygal's comments: where did the missing 94 bones went? Did I swallow them?????

Fortune cookies were actually invented in America, in 1918 by Charles Jung.

In Europe coffee was once known as Arabian Wine.

91% of us lie regularly.

An egg will float if placed in water in which sugar has been added.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

- Stephen Leacock

Eckhart Tolle - Using And Relinquishing Negativity

I first learnt of Eckhart Tolle through Susan G. Wooldridge's Foolsgold. She had shared with us this phrase:

Watch any plant or animal and let it teach you acceptance of what is, surrender to the Now.
Let it teach you Being. Let it teach you integrity - which means to be one, to be yourself, to be real.
Let it teach you how to live and how to die, and how not to make living and
dying into a problem.

Nature nurtures us.
Nature enlightens us.
Nature is our teacher.

So I did a google search on this phrase and found Eckhart Tolle's Using and Relinquishing Negativity article.

I can veer into extremes easily though thankfully I never stayed in either sides too long for comfort. I believed that one must know unhappiness to appreciate happiness and must have negative thoughts to understand how to make things positive for you.

But the author reminded me that
No other life form on the planet knows negativity, only humans, just as no other life form violates and poisons the Earth that sustains it. Have you ever seen an unhappy flower or a stressed oak tree? Have you come across a depressed dolphin, a frog that has a problem with self-esteem, a cat that cannot relax, or a bird that carries hatred and resentment? The only animals that may occasionally experience something akin to negativity or show signs of neurotic behavior are those that live in close contact with humans and so link into the human mind and its insanity.

Hmm then the zoo animals who do exhibit certain signs of depression probably had too much human contact?

But it is indeed not hard to figure out why these animals are actually your best zen masters. Afterall
This is natural wisdom, and it is easy for them because they do not have a mind that keeps the past alive unnecessarily and then builds an identity around it.


But of course do not discount negativity. Use it as a kind of signal that reminds you to be more present.

And most importantly remember the Banzan (Zen master) story.
Before he became a great Zen master, he spent many years in the pursuit of enlightenment, but it eluded him. Then one day, as he was walking in the marketplace, he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer. "Give me the best piece of meat you have," said the customer. And the butcher replied, "Every piece of meat I have is the best. There is no piece of meat here that is not the best." Upon hearing this, Banzan became enlightened.

When you accept what it is, every piece of meat (every moment) is the best. 
That is enlightenment.

Fail to imagine

JK Rowling delivers her Commencement Address, “The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination,” at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association on June 2008

Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

It is not really half my lifetime ago where I was striking an uneasy balance, but half my lifetime ago, I had planted the seed for my dream job. And this seed caused the imbalance a few years later of which I relented too.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

Precisely why even after so many years had gone by and though I regretted never pursuing the vocation I wanted, I know I cannot blame my parents. They were not as open as they are now. A few years later, they did finally realised that what I wanted had immense potential but I had invested too much in my current vocation. And since the expiry date has been made effective, it had been my choice to not continue pursuing this dream vocation (at least not yet, I am still kiv-ing it). And thus while I did not experience poverty (yet, thankfully) and had accidentally gotten into a lucrative industry only to be kicked out (probably the only failure I tried to acknowledge though seriously, I felt it is just a wake-up call that I should be doing what I planted half my lifetime ago.) I strongly believed everything happens for a reason and I am convinced my current vocation has its merits to fulfil my dream job too.

I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

I asked doc if she remember what is my dream job. She is actually the only one I told exactly what it is (if my memory did not fail me.) The rest only had vague idea actually.. till today when I really had to made a decision and so had divulged to CL and my ex-colleague exactly what my dream job entails. Whether they remember it or not is another thing but that is of secondary importance to this point. This point is about “set free” because doc thought setting free is my dream job. Hmm. Can one really be set free though? However if…

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

Then I guess it is true that one can truly be set free. Imagination sets one free. So..

One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise. And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

Fail to imagine. That is why I came up with this blog title. The failure to imagine, is the failure to be set free. And thus I am free all these while if I want to correct doc. Because I day-dream daily haha.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality. That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

Haha I did not blog at 18.. probably did write diary though but am too lazy to take it out. But I have written so many reviews of interesting articles over the years, and Steve Jobs’ Stay Hungry Stay Foolish was one of those which I had been triggered to remember today at a senior’s advice.

So if JK Rowling felt that at aged 18, in search of something she could not define then lead her to What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality

then for me at the year 2006, while in search of whether my masters is a wise choice gave me opportunities to make friends with people who shared with me Steve Job’s article that

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever--because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.

And so this time it is my choice to leave SAP industry (I could wait for opportunities I guess but I am disheartened with that industry already).

Which somehow reminds me of Steve Jobs when he was fired from Apple which turned out to be a blessing in disguise and allowed him to meet his wife.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Do not settle because brick walls are there for a reason. But know when you should cut loss as sometimes the so-called brick walls are created by the devil. So is back to my question on resolve. Hmm...anyway back to JK Rowling's speech on imagination...

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

As the empowerment card says, “to believe I am more powerful than I realise and instead of worrying what others think about me, I should use the power to make the world a better place”

So today, I wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

I wish you all very good lives.

It is the journey that matters, the process and not the duration. It is the quality that matters. It is the sincerity that counts. I decided.. that I shall faster finish reading Elizabeth Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love and get my final conclusion.

Foolsgold

Foolsgold by Susan G. Wooldridge. A book I randomly picked in the library previously but had lots of fun with. The author wrote in a somewhat haphazard style, very random and yet theme-based. Somehow she likes boxing up a particular day, a particular thought, a particular theme.

So what is foolsgold?

Foolsgold describes a paradox, the value in what may seem to be worthless. Foolsgold reminds us to look beyond appearances, even in ourselves.

Below are the quotes I obtained from her. It has been a pleasure to read this light-hearted book. And it makes me feel that life really should not be too serious (there is a fine line between responsibility and workaholic kk).

Dont ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. - Harold Thurman Whitman

Dear coeur ,

Come sta?

Sto bene.... Just lost....

Rgds,

Bflygal

Write a letter to ur heart in the middle of the night. Let your heart write back through you. You might not get answers. Just beginning to pay attention to your heart in your body is enough to help you begin to open to your heart's creative, healing ways.

It is only with the heart that we see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eyes.
- Antoine de Saint Exupery

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
- Lao Tzu

If we have to be right about everything, we won't allow ourselves to change, and to free our creative natures.

Listen to opposing viewpoints. Look at opposites. Seek a third way.

We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend. - Henri Bergson

Dragonfly haiku

No spring dragonflies

Just slow summer butterflies

Float into my day.

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson

I know nothing in the world that has as much power as a word. Sometimes I write one, and I look at it, until it begins to shine. - Emily Dickinson

Socrates said 'All I know is that I know nothing.' If we don't know anything we have room for expansion. It's all these categories in 'knowing' that can get us into troubles.

Your only limitations are those you set up in your mind, or permit others to set up for you. - Og Mandino

If you express what is inside you, what is inside you will save you.
If you don't express what is inside you, what is inside you can kill you.
- Gospel of Saint Thomas
bflygal's comments: Luckily I blog, at least it has kind of been expressed cryptically hahaha

We cannot live in a world that is interpreted for us by others.
An interpreted world is not a hope.
Part of the terror is to take our own listening.
To use our own voice.
To see our own light.
- Hildegard von Bingen.

The mind can be stopped through the act of writing.
Once the mind is stopped on paper, thoughts can remain stable.
- Loving what is, Byron Katie

The future is not some place we are going,
but one we are creating.
The paths are not to be found,
but made.
And the activity of making these,
changes both the maker and their destination.
- John Schaan

I wonder if our creative calling is sometimes something we fear, and if we are lucky, end up being pullled into in spite of ourselves.
If we follow our hunches, those little flashes of intuition, ask within, and listen to ourselves patiently, maybe it can be easier.

I have found that you have only to take that one step toward the gods, and they will then take ten steps toward you. That step, the heroic first step of the journey, is out of, or over the edge of your boundaries, and it often must be taken before you know that you will be supported.
-Joseph Campbell
Bflygal's comments: Reminds me of my short turtle story on "The first step is always the hardest".

Creativity exists in the present moment. You cannot find it anywhere else.
- Natalie Goldberg

The personal life deeply lived always expands into truth beyond itself.
-Anais Nin

The words "I wonder" seem to open the way for a solution on at least a possibility.
I wonder how I'll come to truly understand that our individual world is our place to create, dream, conjure, heal, plant, grow and be.
Bflygal's comments: I wonder how I will fulfil my life's mission, my promise to God and GA.

God's comments are conveyed by the images in the natural world.
- George Keithley on Galileo

By believing passionately in something that still does not exist,
we create it.
The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.
- Nikos Kazantzakis

Sometimes when we give up and let go, everything is over.
Other times, our work might just need time to incubate.
However you'll never know till you fully let go.. like the director and accept not knowing.

Every child is like a seed and nobody, especially the parent, he stresses, knows what the seed will grow into.

Souls recognise each other. The passage of time is unimportant.

The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.

I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?

I hear my being dance from ear to ear.

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Oh those so close beside me, which are you?

God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,

And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?

The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great nature has another thing to do

To you and me; so take the lively air,

And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.

What falls away is always. And is near.

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

I learn by going where I have to go.

- Theodore Roethke

bflygal's comments: A personal favourite. I learn by going where I have to go... Oh-yes!

In the emptiness we may get an inkling—as if something lights up and twinkles—of how we'll begin to form and open to who we're becoming, who we most truly are. We need to leave space both for what we will discover and what will emerge to discover us.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

- Jelaluddin Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks

The moment one give close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.
- Henry Miller.

Sw: I have a resistance to gluing stones
Mum: yes, it's sort of sacrilege to take a nice wild thing and glue it down.
bflygal's comments: another favourite. The wild things can never be tied down! Thus I have another quote about it here...

You were wild here once. Don't let them tame you. - Isadora Duncan

If the fool persists in his folly,
He will become wise.
- William Blake

The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing. - John Muir

Elisabeth once said her only fear is not death, but that she won't find a way to express who she is in the world.

Nichtalelloudi
A night flower that opens in moonlight when it's safe, when you might even be asleep, sneaking up on yourself in dreams.
bflygal's comments: I wonder how does a nichtalelloudi looks like.. my fantasy leads me to this...

Many people treat their bodies as if they were rented from Hertz - something they are using to get around in but nothing they genuinely care about understanding. - Chungliang Al Huang
bflygal's comments: Eeks.. I promise body, that I will ensure we have mutual understanding.

I can make things sound serious and arty, but truly what I've been doing - not only all this time but all my life, I must confess - is playing.
bflygal's comments: Yup yup, that is what I aim to achieve.. and achieve to aim.

Mermaids might be beautiful but they don't do well on land.
bflygal's comments: So please let Ariel return back....

The value of life differs with policies

Source: Is driving more dangerous than flying through ash? - Julian Baggini

The focus of this article (which I got from a friend's friend) is that driving is as dangerous as flying through a volcanic ash cloud.

My focus though, is on.. the value of life.

This means that that the price placed on a human life by different policies varies enormously.

The writer quoted 2 examples (which I have no knowledge as I'm not from the country but I believed that every country would have their transport policies and thus would have their tabulation of the value of life.)

For example, the Train Protection and Warning System put in place after the Ladbroke Grove disaster cost £15.4m per life it has estimated to have saved.

On the other hand, when the US government allowed speed limits of freeways to be increased to 65mph, dividing the extra dollars earned due to efficiency gains by the number of lives lost resulted in a price of $1.54m (about £1m) per life.

But what struck me was this line which make me re-read the article

Faced with the choice between risking someone's life in Africa and an optional new gadget, we routinely choose the latter.

And the best example he gave was this:

Indeed, you could argue that we all often value a life at less than £160. Research by the philosopher Peter Singer suggests the cost of saving a life in the developing world ranges from around $250 (about £160) - $3,500 (£2,270). And how many chose the iPad (about $500) instead of two lives saved in the developing world

I am not trying to say we should all give up our ipad, iphone, laptop, facial, gym and any other indulgences and use the money to save life. What I am saying is many a times, we will buy things on an impulse and in a more readily manner but we will take a long time to save a life.

Bflygal is the best example. Gosh I almost forgot when I first thought of sponsoring my child.. luckily I had my pensieve to re-read.

Been thinking about it since 2004.. Been weighing it since 2006.. Finally sponsored one in 2008.

4 years, that is exactly how long I took. And I remembered the year before I offended a gym consultant stating the money spent in the gym membership could be used much more efficiently. Yup that time I already considering being a donor. I could say the reason for the hesitation is due to family's disapproval but a year has passed and they have accepted it. So that is something else I learn too, that time will make one accustomed to foreign ideas. Haha.
(Oh and for that record, I did sign up for a gym membership at the end of 2008 too so well I guess I chose both..)

FYI, Julian Baggini is the author of Do They Think You're Stupid?: 100 Ways of Spotting Spin and Nonsense from the Media, Celebrities and Politicians.

Hmm I have a feeling I will like these articles.. 100 ways of spotting spin and nosense hahha..

p/s: This is digressing but if CL is fated to read this, these quotes are for you. The only problem, I cannot remember who told me this hmm..

“When you want to do something, you take a bold step forward into the unknown. You try it with all your heart.
If it fails, you take a step backwards BUT .. you are just back to square one. Never worse off.
What is failure? Never measure failure with what you might have, measure it with what you might never achieve.”

The psychology of investing

The psychology of investing 2nd edition
John R. Nofsinger

I read this book a long long time ago and had written down some pointers but forgotten about it.. so here's what I noted down (and hope I still make sense).

Behavioral finance
Overconfidence affects investor decision.
Men tends to be more overconfident that women in tasks perceived to fall into the masculine domain, such as managing finances.

Over confidence also affects investors’ risk-taking behaviour.

Illusion of knowledge
Over confidence comes partially from the illusion of knowledge. This refers to the tendency for people to believe that the accuracy of their forecasts increases with more information.

E.g. When you roll a six-sided die, you should have 1/6 of a chance of getting any no from 1-6. but if the last 3 rolls u rolled a 4? You start to waver even though the probability did not change.

Illusion of control
Online investors can routinely experience these attributes.
Choice: make your own choice what and when to buy/sell
Outcome Sequence: positive outcome during bull market
Task Familiarity: more familiar people are with a task, the more they feel in control of the task
Information: greater amt of info is obtained, the illusion of control is greater as well
Active involvement: participates a great deal in a task, the feeling of being in control is also proportionately greater.
Past success: the more successes people experience, the more they will attribute it to their own ability, even when much luck is involved.

Online trading exacerbates the overconfidence problem, inducing excessive trading. Ultimately, investor returns are reduced.

Individual investors can be overconfident about their abilities, knowledge and future prospects. Overconfidence leads to excessive trading, which lowers portfolio returns. The lower returns result from the commission costs associated with high levels of trading and the propensity to purchase stocks that underperform the stocks that were sold. Overconfidence also leads to greater risk taking due to underdiversification and a focus on investing in small companies with higher betas. Last, the trend of using online brokerage accounts is making investors more overconfident than ever before.

Pride and Regret

Selling winners too soon and holding loses too long.

People act or fail to act to avoid regret and seek pride, which causes investors to sell their winners too soon and hold their losers too long. This behaviour hurts investor wealth in two ways. First, investors pay more capital gains taxes because they sell winners. Second, investors earn a lower return because the winners they sell and no longer have continue to perform well, while the losers they still hold continue to perform poorly.

House-money effect: After people have experience a gain or profit, they are willing to take more risks.

Risk-aversion or snake-bite effect: People becomes more cautious and avoid risk

Trying-to-break-even effect: People jump at the chance to make up their losses.

Effect on investors
The house-money effect predicts that investors are more likely to purchase risky stocks after closing out a successful position. In other words, after locking in a gain by selling stock at a profit, investors are more likely to buy higher-risk stocks.

The snake-bite effect

Memory and decision making.
The further the pain trials were in the past, the less painful the students remembered them to be.

Cognitive dissonance and investing
Buy low sell high. Why is it hard to practice. House money effect causes investors to seek riskier investments. This often manifests as the buying of stocks that have already had substantial increases in price. These stocks are risky because expectations have been elevated too much. In short, you buy high. If stock prices decline, you feel snake bit and want out, you sell low. The psychological bias of seeking or ignoring risk because of the house money effect contributes to the creation of a price bubble. The psychological bias of avoiding risk in the snake-bite effect leads to stock prices that are driven too low after the bubble collapses.

Also the human memory is more a recording of emotions and feelings of events than a recording of facts. This can cause investors to remember actual events inaccurately or even to ignore information that causes bad feelings.

Cost/benefit matching of mental budgeting
* pay 6 monthly installments after the washer arrive
* pay 6 monthly installment during 6 months b4 the vacation

Have you ever wonder why prepaid vacation more pleasurable than one that must be paid for later and yet people prefer to work first then get paid??

Aversion to debt

Sunk-cost effect
Negative impact of a sunk cost depreciates with time
Will the family go to the baseball if the storm occurred when
1) tickets bought yesterday : yes
2) tickets bought a year ago : maybe no

Economic impact
People tend to prepay for some purchase and prefer to get paid after doing the work. By accelerating payments and delaying income, they are not taking advantage of the time value of money principles.

Selling a losing stock closed the mental account, triggering regret. Tax swap – sells a stock with losses and purchases a similar stock

Less emotionally distressing for the investor to sell the losing stock later as opposed to earlier

Portfolio theory
1) expected theory
2) level of risk (standard dev of returns)
3) correlation between the returns of each investment
e.g. stock A and B frequently move in opp directions. Buying both stocks creates a portfolio with reduced risk. That is the value of your portfolio varies less over time when you own stocks A and B than it would if you owned only one of those stocks. However, creating a portfolio that reduces risk (in the modern portfolio theory sense) means considering the interaction between different investments. Unfortunately, investors often treat each investment as a different mental account and tend to ignore the interaction between those mental accounts. Therefore the most useful tool in constructing portfolios and reducing risk, the correlation between investments, is difficult to utilize because of mental accounting.

Perceptions on risk.
Viewing each investment as a separate mental account causes investors to misperceive risk.
Standard deviation is a good measure of an investment’s risk. The rank order and magnitude of risk contribution of the three different groups is similar to the risk ranking using standard deviation as the measure.
However standard deviation measures the riskiness of the investment, not how the risk of the portfolio would change if the investment were added. It is not the level of risk for each investment that is important; the important measure is how each investment interacts with the existing portfolio.

e.g. to reduce the risk of your portfolio, you should add real estate and commodities. Viewed by themselves, emerging markets stocks are the most risky investments in the example. However, they would interact with the existing portfolio such that they would reduce the risk of the portfolio, if they were added.

Building behavioral portfolios
1. investors have a goal of safety. Therefore they allocate enough assets in the safest layer (the bottom of the pyramid) as required by their mental accounts. Then mental accounts with higher levels of expected return and risk tolerance could allocate assets to appropriate investments in another layer. For e.g. retired investors need investment income. The income goal is met in a layer of the pyramid with assets invested in bonds and stocks that pay high dividends. After the income goal is met, the retiree’s next goal might be to keep up with inflation. This investor would then have a set of assets in a layer that invests for growth.
Overreaction: too optimistic in predicting future growth and the stock price falls

Companies with high P/E ratios are more glamorous than firms with low P/E ratios
Value stocks outperform glamour stocks using the P/E ratio measure
: good companies don’t always make good investment. Past operating performance of the firm is representative of the future performance, and they ignore info that doesn’t fit this notion.

Familiarity breeds investment
“home bias” e.g. company’s stocks which is lack of diversification. .

Tend to buy more of company’s stock after price increased

People learn through interacting with other people.
The more we talk about investing, the more we do it. Conversation allows rapid exchange of info. Social environment e.g. social norms, similar lifestyle also plays a part.

Trading behaviour is consistent with overconfidence + disposition effect

Herding : magnifies the psychological basis. Feel of the herd instead of the rigor of formal analysis. Feeling of regret on pricing a loser is lower when you know that many others picked the same stock. Misery loves company.

Overvaluation and herding occurs because of human psychology. New economies and new tech are only the rallying cry for the herd. When overconfidence is combined with emotions, a problem results. The problem is magnified when everyone is expert in making psychology-based decisions.

Misattribution bias. 
People in good mood view the future differently than people in a bad mood. Emotion drives the process of complex decision making.

Good moods will increase likelihood of investing in risky asset.
Investors who use qualitative methods e.g. fundamental analysis must include educated guesswork about some assumptions.

Sunshine
A lack of sunlight leads to depression which in turn leads to suicide.

Optimism
1) do less critical analysis in making stock decision
2) tend to ignore/downplay negative info about their stock

Price of stock frequently set by the optimistic investor. If many investor optimistic about the stock and many are pessimistic, the price will be driven by the optimistic because pessimistic stay in the sideline while optimistic buy. A stock will have a large number of optimistic and pessimistic when there is a large degrees of uncertainty about the prospects of the stock.
The more things change, the more people stay the same.
Emotions play an important part of the decision making process. Especially for decision involved in a high degree of uncertainty e.g. investment decision. Emotion overcome logic in this process. Too much optimistic leads investors to underestimate risk and overestimate expected performance. Optimistic investor tends to set good buy and be less critical. Pessimistic investor tend to be more analytical. Extended extreme optimism can cause price bubble.

Markets motivated by fear and greed
As Warren Buffett, the best investor of the 20th century, once put it,

"Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy only when others are fearful."

Planner Vs Doer
Doer: consume now instead of later and procrastinates on unpleasant tasks
Planner: save for later consumption and completes unpleasant tasks now
Conflict between desire and willpower. Occurs because people influenced by longterm rational concerns and by more short term emotional factors.

Rules of thumb + envt control leads to decrease desire of willpower
1) understand the biases
2) know why you are investing
3) have quantitative investment criteria
4) diversify
– by enough diff stock types
– little of the firm you works because income already dependent on it
– invest in bonds
5) control your investment
- check your stocks once per month
- make trades only once per month and on the same day
- review portfolio annually to see how it lines up with your specific goals.

1. Avoid penny stocks
2. Avoid Forums: overconfidence fostered, familiarity magnified + artificial social consensus formed
3. Must know more about the stock : are you sure?
4. earn the market return : fully diversify because they inhibit your biases
5. review psychological bias annually

Most importantly, understand yourself. Don’t allow psychological biases to control their decisions.

Sway By Ori and Rom Brafman

Sway
By Ori and Rom Brafman

A very short post on this interesting book I got from the library. One of the game play is the dollar splitting proposition. Usually in this game, take for e.g. To share 100 bucks, one will propose and the other will either agree or disagree. If proposition fail, nobody gets a share. In modern society, the proposer might offer 50-50 for the so-called fairness. And if the ratio is biased towards the proposer, the responder will usually reject out of indignation. Such is the 'destructive' thinking of if I am not treated fairly, you will not get the priviledge either. Quite scary I suppose. But in the less developed countries, these responders just accept that the proposer is lucky and whatever he propose, the responder will agree. It is afterall an extra bonus to either party.

I personally like their thinking. 'Unfair' is but a child's word. In life, can one say 'unfair' to the natural disasters or man made accidents that took away their love and wealth. In life, I am but a responder too, I can try to haggle but it is still within my fate boundary. And what God decree at the next second, I can only accept it.
Another game they played was the auction game. Usually the one who win the bid will get the price. But in this auction, the second highest must honour his/her bid without getting anything in return. So how much will you stop loss for a bid of... say 20 bucks? You be surprised that the bid can racked up to 204. It shows people finds it hard to stop loss.

Overall, the book provoked me to think how much more irrational than I choose to believe in myself.

Next book to read if I can get my hands on:  Malcolm Gladwell's What The Dog Saw

Chasing Daylight

The day started with a gruelling interview that once again deflated me totally. Actually I never like interviews, and to handle 2 person interview is propably the max I can handle. This is the first time I face 3 interviewers. Funny when he told me not to take this as an interview but a knowledge sharing session. Because, it really taugh me one thing, to re-read my sap notes thoroughly and be fully prepared. I guess I really was caught by surprise.

As my mind drew a blank, I ended up alighting at bugis area to pray. Due to the crowd, I thought it must be the first day of the month and was chided by my mum who told me if it is the first, it would have been CNY. Hmm.. conclusion, I lost all logic at the moment.

Then I thought of the book Chasing Daylight again and decided to spend my afternoon reading. I did not expect to find 2 entirely different books of the same name and ended up flipping through these 2 books to motivate and perk me up.

Book 1: Chasing Daylight by Eugene O Kelly


He was once a CEO of the big 4 and a high flyer. Then he was diagnosed with an illness that left him 100 days to live. He call it a gift as how many will know when death comes?

To him, the business of dying is difficult with the physical wrapping up and emotional winding down. The tedious paper work to sell your business, set up your will and properly transfer your assets is mind-bongling even to the average Joe. What's more the emotional farewells you have to say.

To the author who seems a bit of a control freak, admitting that things don't go according to his plan in reality is indeed a hard to swallow fact. Thus he tries very hard to treasure the present which most finds it difficult too. How many times you watched a good movie and you immediately say you hope to see the sequeal. Or you read a good book e.g. Harry Potter and all you can think about is what J.K. Rowling is going to write next? To some degree we must plan for the future but how to do so and yet enjoy the moment? That is the challenge.

The book summarised the 4 points:
1. Face reality to see the big picture
2. To simplify life by considering all aspects of our experience
3. Live in the moment which will centers us and being centered puts us in the moment
4. Recognizing perfection which requires us to observe where we are at any given moment. Achieving balance is the ability to be centered wherever we are.

I guess it is no surprise that the author died in peace as he had first accepted that he is dying. Which made me compare this books with the likes I read before e.g. Prof Randy Pausch's Last Lecture or Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie or even Richard Carlson's An hour to live, an hour to love. I felt to read how an accountant account his dying months is a refreshing perspective.

Book 2: Chasing Daylight by Erwin Raphael Mcmanus


This is a religious book and the topics are as follow:
Choices - choose to live
Initiative - just do something
Uncertainty - know you don't know
Influence - breath in, breath out
Risk - live before you die and vice versa
Advance - go unless u get a no
Impact - leave a mark
Movement - ignite a reaction
Awakening - wake the dead

Have you ever encountered a moment filled with opportunity and yet you let it slip away? It is the chance to do good, but you chose instead to do nothing. It is not choosing to do evil, it is purely choosing not to get involved - to be neutral.
>> Will you regret it once the moment is lost? I definitely did and no matter what I did after that, I still felt the pangs of regrets.

The greatest danger that success brings, aside from arrogance, is the fear of losing what has been gained.
>> Guess that's what most successful people fear.

Sideliners have the talent but lack the confidence. Thus they try to hide themselves and be as inconspicious as they can be. Most of the time, they are the spectators wishing feverently to be given a chance to be performing too. Or the player who is sitting on the bench.

If everything remains uncertain, be clear on this point, there is a calling on ur life. There is a level of clarity you can have about what to do next. Serving others function like a compass. The unique way God has designed you - with talent, intellect, gifts, personality and passions - informs you about how that service will be expressed. But don't look for God to fill in all the blanks. Don't wait for Him to remove all the uncertainty. Realize He may actually increase the uncertainty and leverage all the odds against u, just so that you will know in the end that it wasn't your gifts but His power through your gifts that fulfilled His purpose in your life.
>> Judging how uncertain I am.. I wonder is it really training me up? The last thing I want to do is to do something wrong.. But what is something wrong?

Often divine moments look like inconveniences on the front end.
>> I can only hope I can define the inconveniences.

Divine moments live in between the sweet beginning and the savory ending. You do yourself a disservice when every story has a happy ending in this life. It's far more important that there be a meaningful middle.
>> Yesterday Dr Yeoh in the 7pm show says it does not matter if a story has a bad beginning so long its ending is good. Apparently not true if following this theory.  No wonder people always say is the journey that matters.

After risk comes advance.  After "no turning backs" comes "you must go forward".  The closer you get to a divine challenge, the bigger it will seem, and the smaller you will feel.


Prayer is not about informing God of your needs, nor is it even abt trying to convince God to help you. Prayer is about connecting to God. It is about experiencing his presence and moving with him in intimate communion.