女王的心声

吉克隽逸《我是女王》
擦干泪 你要勇敢向前
呼吸自由
准备好 不后悔 oh
抬起头
现在为自己活
像从来没受伤过
不退缩 oh

伊能静 秦昊 《我是女王》插曲《谢谢你的爱》
男：谢谢你教会我爱自己
将彼此放过
虽然你现在已在他身边
但我答应自己会振作
女：谢谢你爱过我
你的微笑 温柔还存留
虽然现在你握着她的手
我还学不会祝福
男：亲爱的别后悔 曾经爱错
是那些伤让我们懂
女：爱不能强求 无法掠夺
两败俱伤不如放手
你曾给过我太多（你给我太多）
从今天起（从今天起）
告诉自己好好过（你要好好过）
谢谢你陪我做过梦（陪我做梦）
清醒了 我要微笑不回头 （微笑不回头）
依然敢哭（敢哭）
敢爱（敢爱）
敢相信 也敢做梦

胡夏《替我照顧她》
我知道维系一段感情是不容易的 　　
也知道缘份早就注定了你的人生 　　
这些年自负了 终究会明白的 　　
学会放开了手才是懂爱的人 　　
就替我照顾她 　　
你能给她我给不了她的翅膀 　　
今后的幸福就是属于你们俩 　　
别牵挂 别让泪落下 　　
就替我爱着她 　　
我可以假装自己其实很大方 　　
成全自己最深爱的人 　　
不害怕 只是受了一点伤 　　
流点泪才会长大

A-Lin 难得孤寂

累得不想有表情
忙得厌烦了呼吸
难得和这城市中断联系
在一个人的途上
途人不会怪我不回信息
路灯不会问我
有问题 怎么处理
 让我在我的人生里消失
把来历都忘记

什么关系 都没关系
只有空气 不用争气
暂时跟这个世界保持安静的距离
热闹容易 难得孤寂
我才舍不得问自己
从哪里来又要往哪里去

累得不想有表情
忙得厌烦了呼吸
难得和这城市中断联系
终于不用有动机
喘口气不用那么有出息
难得在人际的夹缝里找到空隙
让我慢条斯理无所事事 把时间都忘记

什么关系 都没关系
只有空气 不用争气
暂时跟这个世界保持安静的距离
热闹容易 难得孤寂
我才舍不得问自己
从哪里来又要往哪里去

总是有太多事需要顾忌
总会有太多人须要惦记
总是要活得太小心翼翼

哦 什么关系 都没关系
只有空气 不用争气
容许我和这亲爱的世界若即若离
热闹容易 难得孤寂
只有我不追问自己
从哪里来又要往哪里去
甚至懒得知道我在哪里

When I started this post, I didn't know what to blog. <<我是女王>> is not exactly a fantastic movie. But it has Chen Qiao En. And so I watched. At that time, the flight back to Singapore was a life-changing trip. Now that I look back, maybe all these events really did take a toil on me. Falling sick upon reaching back Melbourne, on a v-day/ren-ri is not exactly what I envision. And on such a day, I was forced to accept the ending too.
一向来，她自创自导自演，也从来不曾问我的意见。。都习惯了。小公主长大未必会变女王。。但若真的变女王，我想她的心声是孤独，而她的泪水只能往肚子吞。

Eating the panadol, coughing my guts out. I asked myself repeatedly, why.
为什么 每次都要在异乡生病？
为什么 小公主需要长大？
为什么 DK 寄了 <<小幸運>>?
为什么 流点泪才会长大？
为什么 一定要懂从哪里来又要往哪里去？

我真的不想知道我在哪里。。。

Lost in our times

I was so happy to watch <<我的少女時代>> in Jan. So happy that I forgot my sadness then.

But now that I sit down to blog about all the quotes, all the sadness have come back to me...

时间会改变一个人，会改变很多事。
但是，只有一件事不会被改变，那就是---回忆！

the memories each time I'm cutting celery...
the memories each time I use the thumb drive...
the memories each time I type my password...
No wonder some people try to alter memories... Maybe if that is successful, the world will be less painful... and less love...

或许一直以来都是远远望着谁的背影，
却忘了身边让自己最自在相处的那个人，最让人动心。

I agree we always take for granted the Present. This nicely boxed up gift, who will always be there. Or at least you thought so. Until one day you realised this gift is missing. And then you start getting frantic where it went. Even if I'm prepared for the Present to be lost. I still wish for otherwise. After all everybody wishes for the wistful Past. Which will always be glorified in our memories.

人理所当然的忘记是谁风里雨里一直默默守护在原地。

People in my line realised this phenomenon. Before we had this job, friends were never committed to meet us that frequently. But after this job, every time they know we are back, they will schedule a catch-up session. And we ended up seeing them more often than before. So sometimes I wonder is leaving a good thing? It might make people treasure us more but actually we are the same we. So has it been mis-valued just because we are no easily accessed by them. I guess I digress again.

世界太快了，总有一首歌，你忘不掉；
人海茫茫，总有一个人，守候在角落，等你回首。

Yes the world is going full speed right now. I don't know if I can handle the next avalanche of questions directed at me. But then it could just be me assuming. Maybe nobody will ask me anything. Because everybody is busy asking questions too anyway.

在那个没有手机，没有网路的年代
消失，是很容易的事！

In this time, people can still get lost. My sponsored child for e.g. has now left for greener pastures. I always know she is the intellectual one. Funny I once thought that I will improve my Chinese letter writing for her sake. And that Doc can also write to her. And suddenly I was told that she has left this community for further studies. And the unique journey has ended. I do wish her well in her future studies from the bottom of my heart. Just that I realised this gap feeling I have in me keeps growing.

And so I thought about it, if I R today, will they still be able to contact me. Do I want them to contact me? Will I be gossiped about. In my world though, I no longer can leave silently. Footsteps are everywhere. But at the same time I am thankful of all the blog posts. Just have to get used to the digital imprints.

原来《我的少女时代》还有那么一小段，在戏院都被删了。。

Amber Light

You really don’t know much about the sweetness that life has to offer.
I want to take things easy at the amber light instead of coming to a halt at the red light or going full-speed at the green light.

<<Oh My Venus / 오 마이 비너스>> 

I wish I am at amber light now too. But maybe I have been on amber light for the last few years.

So since Dec 2015, it has been green light and I have to keep driving. Even though I'm so tired. That I only slept less than 5 hours a day for the last few days. That I nurse a headache. I kept driving. Driving myself to finish <Return of the cuckoo>. To understand why and what. To realise that Chu Ge Ge resemble Doc so much. To miss Doc's way of living. The naggings. The actions Chu Ge Ge took.

I always believe that everything happens for a reason. When I saw this last friday, I was shocked. I had reached the last episode of the drama then. I had been depressed for a few days, partly cos I need to submit my R on Sunday. Decided to go Crown to catch the CNY deco and watch my colleague play poker. Who knows I ended up lending a ear and hearing a sad tale. And seeing this phrase "祝君好运". I always wonder why the female lead name is 君好. And what does the song 祝君好 means. Aas her favourite song for so many years, I only know it today, what it really means to her. It saddens me to know that perhaps, I hardly know her.

Maybe I'm like 君好. I cannot decide. So I let GA decide for me. In a way, I let circumstances decide. But in a way, I feel that is because I just take one step at a time, letting the puzzle unravel before putting the next piece.

Sometimes I wish I can go to the future and see what's it like. Then decide on the present what should be the steps. But this isn't like a novel where I can read the ending first and then go back to the middle. But everybody keeps asking me what is my next move. Is not that I didn't. But sometimes one cannot rush the follow-ups either right. Alot of times, my actions impact not only myself but others too. So it cannot be just me making all the decisions.

Just like I keep WA someone that has blocked me, all I can do is just wait... and perhaps blog this entry in hope to understand why....

p/s: I got an answer why even before this blog is published. Such is life...
So on such a life day.. I wish such a person to have the best luck in such a future...