Back from Taiwan

Just a post to say I’m back from Taiwan, Taipei to be exact since I only visited Taoyuan (Airport & 小人国) and Taipei ( 龙山寺，台北 101, 阳明山，渔人码头， 野柳 and a few night markets.. as well as 西门町 since we stayed there). I will consider writing another post when I sort out my stuff, and rested well after my mini operation.

Just want to say I’m grateful for everything that turns out because I was supposedly the tour guide so if I can be writing this post, it means somehow I did not lose my way back home. Actually it had been quite challenging I guess. And given the unpredictable weather, and the language barrier due to the lingo and culture, I think everything that had happened had been sufficiently wonderful and beautiful. Although I feel upset that my mother tongue is just not up to mark haha.

The trip has been good still no matter what. Did some shopping.. hmm I think Taiwan is a good place for ladies to go shopping. But if I’m going back again, I wish to go to the places which I did not go and absorb their culture and nature.

During the trip I finally read the book on Lasik given by a friend. Somehow the book is dry because it is after all a medical technical book, and I’m not sure but I’m feeling apprehensive of what I’m going to face later. It should be normal human reaction I suppose. Anyway on the way back I was reading Paulo Coelho’s The Valkyrie. Somehow I feel disturbed about it though as in, there is just something I don’t get it this time. Maybe the truth is scary at times, especially when the truth is stating that man always kill the thing they love most. Is that why people get bored of life? Is that why love gets lost? Is that why people end their life, their career, their dreams? I don’t know…

Let me sleep a few more days…

p/s: Hmm not sure if this post is in time for Monday reader.. if so, just wanna say hey I got you and your wife a tiny momento (got a spelling error trigger here only to realize momento is considered a variant spelling and the actual word is memento as it is related to “remember” and not “moment”) .. also got one for NUS senior which will have to trouble your wife to pass to him. Oh and that I’m troubling my French teacher aka your lunch buddy haha.

Description of a writer

Source: Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coehlo

(a) A writer always wears glasses and never combs his hair. Half the time he feels angry about everything and the other half depressed. He spends most of his life in bars, arguing with other disheveled, bespectacled writers. He says very 'deep' things. He always has amazing ideas for the plot of his next novel, and hates the one he has just published.

(b) A writer has a duty and an obligation never to be understood by his own generation; convinced, as he is, that he has been born into an age of mediocrity, he believes that being understood would mean losing his chance of ever being considered a genius. A writer revises and rewrites each sentence many times. The vocabulary of the average man is made up of 3,000 words; a real writer never uses any of these, because there are another 189,000 in the dictionary, and he is not the average man.

(c) Only other writers can understand what a writer is trying to say. Even so, he secretly hates all other writers, because they are always jockeying for the same vacancies left by the history of literature over the centuries. And so the writer and his peers compete for the prize of ‘most complicated book’: the one who wins will be the one who has succeeded in being the most difficult to read.

(d) A writer understands about things with alarming names, like semiotics, epistemology, neoconcretism. When he wants to shock someone, he says things like: ‘Einstein is a fool’, or ‘Tolstoy was the clown of the bourgeoisie’. Everyone is scandalized, but they nevertheless go and tell other people that the theory of relativity is bunk, and that Tolstoy was a defender of the Russian aristocracy.

(e) When trying to seduce a woman, a writer says: ‘I’m a writer’, and scribbles a poem on a napkin. It always works.

(f) Given his vast culture, a writer can always get work as a literary critic. In that role, he can show his generosity by writing about his friends’ books. Half of any such reviews are made up of quotations from foreign authors and the other half of analyses of sentences, always using expressions such as ‘the epistemological cut’, or ‘an integrated bi-dimensional vision of life’. Anyone reading the review will say: ‘What a cultivated person’, but he won’t buy the book because he’ll be afraid he might not know how to continue reading when the epistemological cut appears.

(g) When invited to say what he is reading at the moment, a writer always mentions a book no one has ever heard of.

(h) There is only one book that arouses the unanimous admiration of the writer and his peers: Ulysses by James Joyce. No writer will ever speak ill of this book, but when someone asks him what it’s about, he can’t quite explain, making one doubt that he has actually read it.
Extracted from Like the Flowing River - Preface by Paulo Coehlo

Bflygal's comments:
Hmm.. shocked when I read the Preface.. and to find the book Ulysses to read too.. Actually I'm never a writer... haha..

Anyway I finished this book and Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. Oh and in The Last Lecture, I like this line

If you lead your life the right way then the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

Beautiful...

Grateful Muse

For every whining muse, there must be a grateful muse to balance myself right? Right! Haha.

QR was surprised yesterday at my chirpy mood partly because the previous 2 days when he msn me what a beautiful morning it was, I disagree vehemently. And I started the conversation along the line that “he” did not turn up for lessons and I had to know it from my “teacher”. Truth is his actions should not affect my mood especially when he doesn’t need to inform me in the first place.

It’s interesting how both Saturdays did not happen as expected and yet I preferred it that way. The previous Saturday my friend had worked herself tired so it really wasn’t a good time to meet. Plus meeting the bride on Wednesday actually allowed me a chance to see their house.. and gosh till now I’m sill smitten by that pool view.


They are staying at 3rd floor where you really have the urge to jump into the pool from their balcony. The night view plus the after effect of a drizzle really make the pool so enticing, I almost couldn’t bring myself to head home. And her hubby is nice to give me a lift back.. (maybe requested by her, joking.. both are very helpful and thoughtful people). Except I didn’t realise I haven’t seen her for so long that she did not even know I took my masters and graduated already. The last time we met was at her commencement where that graduate bear was bought for her… haha and was a motivation picture for me a few months back. Gosh how time flies…

As for this Saturday, I did want to personally send my greetings but he wasn’t around.. plus I had procrastinated and couldn’t even send out the parcel in time. But I believe that this might have been a better arrangement. After all, the most important thing is to have faith in The Plan.

Anyway to do a wrap up, I’m very grateful for how the events turned out. I did manage to rush out my stuff. I still remember on Thursday how I panicked when I realised there is version conflict issue. And I was irritated when vendor quoted 3 mandays when I did it in one morning with the help of my TA and senior.. thankfully they are all M$ experts. However I was not at the scene so maybe their negotiation included other stuff which I’m not sure. The point is, I’m really very grateful for the help rendered on Thursday… because I was rushing to transport it on Friday morning before my users login. Although on Friday evening, there was another hiccup but we managed to resolve it another way such that I will only need to amend the program when I’m back. Just that I needed to do another last minute adjustment and I was coding as fast as I could haha.. hmm I’m grateful that my DM waited for me that day and gave me a lift home too.

Ok I should sleep soon. Initially I had plans to schedule some posts while I’m away but my brother had succeeded hosting his own MS so I ended up gaming again haha… When I’m back, there are so much things I need to do…


One of them might includes this hee hee.. a chance encounter allow me to catch sight of it (I usually don’t make a big roundabout at Bugis junction).


Oh and did I mention Alvin and the Chipmunk is indeed a very cute movie haha. I have been listening to their OST for the past two days… The concept of the movie was rather.. interesting too..

Oh oh.. before I forgot, I was checking my cousin's TW pics and saw that she saw Bang Bang Tang. Then I asked QR and he told me he saw Sweety and Xiao Gui... Hmm and I suddenly thought about the possibility of seeing MDQE? Hahah.. because I definitely cannot recognise Bang Bang Tang nor Xiao Gui (I only remember he is a male artiste) and I'm highly not interested in Sweety because the first time I know them, I already "hated" QQ due to her rumours with MD. Hmm.. so so so.. will I get to see MDQE??? Wonder wonder wonder..

Whining Muse…

Let me whine before I get back to work…

One, I seem to have a knack for taking leave at a wrong time. Just when I’m about to go on leave, I was informed that the codes will be ready by this Friday and the system will go live beginning of next month. I can only say luckily I told my boss that I’m extending my leave else I really don’t know how to save myself in the meeting yesterday. But I ended up with more worries… and unease. I hate going on leave knowing something will happen.. arghhhh…

Two, I came back to see a pretty postcard.. and after some serious consideration plus asking the imaginary yellow bird (mentioned in Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie) on my shoulder if I should enlightened my friend that postcards are never private (whether it is the postman, or anybody involved in the delivery will tend to read them.. even if I don’t haha) I decided to inform her. But no matter how much thought I put in the message, the message still went across with the wrong effect. Sometimes I wonder if a child believes in Santa Claus, should you tell her the truth or should you just let her believe it forever or figure it out herself one day?

Three, my spectacle has caught news that I’m going to ditched it after my operation.. and decided to first retire itself. Which means Blindness! Sian.. I rather my contacts retire than my specs.. because I can’t wear contacts the whole day.. Now I’m only praying that my mum could find an optician to make a pair of spec for me asap.

Four, I’m still planning my itinerary.. and dad just asked to go a few more places which means need to find out more.. zzzz… and without my specs now, surfing seems a giddy affair..

Five, I'm sleepy hahaha... zzzzzzzzzz

Neither Magic Nor Risk

This is in response to Paulo Coelho's Magic or Risk post (Source: Paulo Coelho's Blog)

Commenter Aart (I vaguely remember this commentor once comment on my another Paulo Coelho's article haha... a very loyal fan indeed) had reminded me about this website.. I usually only have a habit of reading other sites when reading their books and I have not been able to borrow much of Paulo Coelho's books either because the previous time, my uni lib said I have graduated and refused to let me borrow (hee hee so I went a roundabout and used my brother's card last Saturday.. that is why I managed to borrow Like the Flowing River.. the only prob is his loaning period is so much shorter than mine.. zzz..)

Anyway back to the question. Paulo Coelho asked

Would you try to find your soul mate through magic or by taking risks, making mistakes?

I concur with one of the commenter, I prefer for God to reveal to me too. Though hmm.. I was thinking can GA be my soul mate as in.. hmm.. I don't know.. I don't feel like finding my soul mate. If it is meant to be, then just appear.. if not then just disappear... hahaha

Regina Spektor - The Call

Regina Spektor - The Call

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Author’s comments:
It is a song from Prince Caspian and is the only highlight of the entire movie. Imagine me watching the movie monotonously and suddenly sit upright when the song was played towards the end … all because of the first few lines

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

I still remembered a conversation I had a month ago with my friend.
He asked if I have gotten over and I asked where the feelings went.
Unlike others, he actually has a reply for me.

Feelings don’t go anywhere, they fade.
Feelings intensify when you have memories of the person, especially happy memories.
Feelings fade when the memories are no longer important to you due to a change in priority.

Till now, that conversation still stays fresh in my mind, guess my friend impacted me deeply that time. Anyway it’s almost a week since I last posted something. I was having withdrawal symptoms from not being able to borrow Mitch Albom’s The 5 People You Meet in Heaven and torn between wanting to buy the book. (Sidenote: Paulo Coelho had mentioned in Like the Flowing River, that he only keeps a precious collection of books that he will re-read. Most books which he buys, he actually prefers to give them away because books are meant to travel and not for display. However I’m not so rich plus I love library books.. and I love to visit the libraries I guess. My friend had once commented he was a librarian for a few years when I said he doesn’t seem like a library person, and I told him I was a librarian since primary school and even in Uni, my ECA’s environment is in the central lib.. of which he replied I’m gone case… zzzz)

Till date, I still have not borrowed the book yet. And to curb my withdrawal symptoms, I ended up gaming in MS on a private server instead. I can’t remember was it a Tues or Wed that I created that account and I just got addicted to levelling up. The last time I played, I never managed to finish 3rd job advancement. All 3 accounts were close to there but never made it. So this time, I “die-die” also want to complete 3rd job which I did succeed except now there is a 4th job and it is getting tough to level up already. What impressed me though is the guy hosting the game was able to modify the game to suit people’s needs. Most gamers know that levelling in MS is tough thus he had actually multiplied the experience we actually got. In fact, I only got to know yesterday from my brother that he and the lot playing are actually Singaporeans. No wonder their conversations have a very strong local flavour. Then yesterday they had some argument because like any typical Singaporean in MS, there is a tendency to turn “selfish” where one claims the particular map his own and shoos other people away with a “CC” message meaning “change channel”. In the end the guy patched the game that night to only have one channel, thus nobody can ever messaged “CC” anymore haha. I have to say he is ingenious.

Then times I’m not gaming, I was reading Jane Goodall’s Harvest for Hope. It got me quite worked out though that in the mid-week, I was telling a friend (after asking his opinion of my character for fun) that true half of the time I’m the nonchalant type who don’t care and yet ask a lot of questions, and the other half of the time I’m the solitude type who hate mankind. This book mention the atrocious acts mankind had done to Mother Nature and the harm it caused to the soil, the plants and the animals. It also contained stories of genetically modified food, the cons more than the pros I suppose. One such famous example should be the tomato especially now that it is on news lately. It is quite ironical why cash corps are grown in countries littered with starving people and exported to countries who themselves have abundant of food from their own local products. Sigh!

However, this book also spewed with examples of courageous individuals who FYI, can be a child adamantly wanting to be a vegetarian or adults fighting for their rights and against those big corporations who only care about profit and not about farming. I’m not the cook or the person buying the grocery though, so it is hard to convince my mum to find out where we are buying our food and to switch to organic if possible. Besides it is indeed hard to find local products here. Maybe I will try to talk to her more during our Taiwan trip. Here is an excerpt on World Hunger.

800 million starving people in the world, and nearly 30,000 children dying of starvation. Not due to lack of food per se, but to a variety of different factors such as: political turmoil; poor food distribution; corrupt governments at both regional and central levels; the degradation of soil due to overpopulation and overgrazing; corporate takeover of rural farms with the resulting threat to local farming cultures that were developed to suit local conditions; and finally the hundreds of thousands of peasants who are deprived of their means to live through subsistence farming, and the migration of these peasant farmers to the cities. This last is a tragedy being played out on a grand scale as peasant farmers become increasingly poor and disenfranchised.
Source: Jane Goodall's Harvest for Hope

Hmm anyway I realise time flies even when I’m not actively doing something. I had dinner on Thursday at Botak Jones .. happy because it was something I wanted to try.. though the likelihood of going back is not high unless I’m in the vicinity again… because I don’t want to get lost again haha. So CMI, I actually got lost in Bedok even though I did check the map… zzz.. but it did let me understand why my friend used to say his house is also quite near Kembagan haha. Then I got the Taiwan stuff which I’m still procrastinating though I read a bit this morning on my bus journey before falling asleep again. And I had my Lasik pre-evaluation on Friday which was surprisingly long. The “more scary” part would be when she dilated my pupils because my near sight got blurry and the effects lasted pretty long. On the way back home, I actually couldn’t see under bright sunlight and was making my way home like a blind mouse. My brother, on the other hand, had none of that experience. Then the weekend came of which Sunday is the more interesting day because I met a JC mate who I haven’t seen for a real long time and got some updates from her. Actually I was supposed to meet another one on Saturday too.. a bride-to-be but she had to finish up her last minute packing as Sunday is the “Ping Li”… so called the day to negotiate bride-price. Never mind, I postponed it to a weekday dinner in nearby vicinity so should be fun too haha. Oh and I went to the zoo on Sunday too… for certain reasons which I might divulge someday bah hahah… Shall get back to work especially when I’m going hols soon.. Hmm time… really… flies….

P/s: Was rushing this post .. for my Monday reader X haha. Actually last week, don’t know why I suddenly feel like saying thanks for being a good senior during my uni days haha. Then today, I decided to rush out this post because I needed to add that.. hey your lunch buddy is now teaching me French… hahahaha

梦想型？ 红楼梦？ 我的梦？

当你漂流到荒岛，又饿又渴时，你会选择以下哪一种方法来最快喂饱肚子呢？
A。设陷阱抓山鸡
B。采椰子
C。在岸边捕鱼
D。捕猎野猪

选择A：你是“打拼型”上班族。在你的人生字典中，除了奋斗还是奋斗，你心中真正的想法，通常都不会告诉别人，但会处心积虑，暗中想尽办法得到。请留意方法是否恰当，以免得到“只顾自己，不顾旁人”的评价

选择B：你是“梦想型”上班族。你没什么事业野心，但对梦想很执着，为了实现梦想，你可以牺牲物质享受，也不和人夺权谋利。你却甘于如此，而且自得其乐。

选择C：你是“聪明型”上班族。你很聪明，很清楚如何在工作时省力和掌握重点，在短时间收到效果。你也是老板的宠臣，但你的耐性不足，很容易虎头蛇尾，需要加强耐力训练。

选择D：你是“脱线型”上班族。你虽然很想功成名就，但常搞不清楚事情的来龙去脉，属于状况外的人，公司里的消息，你通常是最后知道的。常容易把事情想得很简单，直到真正去做，才发现完全不是那回事。

Author’s comments:
Hmm the description seems apt and yet not apt.. haha.. The logic of the question is questionable so I’m not sure if the results are true.

Anyway I have just finished watching Dreams of the Red Chamber. I have always wanted to know Cao Xueqin’s classic Chinese novel Dream of the Red Chamber since my secondary school days and thus resorted to watching a China production of it to understand the story. Of course it is not the exact story replica but is sufficient to let me see the power corruption of the bureaucracy, the decline of a powerful family and the ill-fated lovers of Lin Daiyu and Jia Baoyu. Daiyu is a highly emotional lady which is prone to weeping partly due to her fate of repaying her “debt of tears”. She is also highly critical especially of the current feudal system and loves burying the withered flower. She is the exact opposite of Xue Baochai’s who later became Baoyu’s wife due to family’s arrangements. The marriage is also the cause of Daiyu’s death and is a stark contrast of a joyous occasion and a solemn one.

The ending is one of sorrow and gratefulness. When the Jia Clan falls into disfavour with the Emperor, and their mansions are raided and confiscated. The servants were sold or committed suicide to pledge loyalty. The main characters either sentenced to death or grieved to death or were sold too. But those who once accepted the favour of the family had actually came to give whatever little assistance they could to help the living. In one scene was the old lady who actually sold all her possessions to redeem the daughter of a main character. It shows that the world can be very cruel and yet very kind too.

Guess I’m a Daiyu type of person, not the beauty or intellect part, but the moody and critical part… And right now, I’m just grateful for seeing the balance in everything considering my penchant towards extreme and paradox. Maybe there are times I ponder why I don’t wish to aspire higher in career considering my competitive nature, but when I see the indulgence and politics of that world, I knew the reason why. But I’m also fully aware that money, which may be the root of evil, is an essential evil. So I end up indecisive about my dreams...

Hmm guess I’m just thankful to be surrounded by people who care for me. Yesterday I realised 2 of my friends gathered I have graduated through my blog.. haha and one chided that I did not tell him but hey you were on leave and so wasn’t online so cannot blame me hahaha. Thanks for dropping by. And I still don’t think I look like Wang Zhen Zhen with my specs. In fact, the only comment I remember is a not so flattering description of my be-spectacled look where my glasses were described to be thick when seriously I doubt it is thicker than the commenter… But that is like eons ago. So when you said I suddenly look 斯文, the naughty me said you are implying that the usual me is fierce la.

And I’m still grateful for M for offering a spare ticket on the very day my brother had discussed that he will attend this round. It’s like God-send and I’m not the only one who felt that way, my mum also used the exact same words when I told her about it. Hmm see if I remember to recount this incident to you personally as I have once again forgotten to mention it when I messaged you. And as much as I applaud your recycling effort of converting the gown to a probable curtain, I highly doubt it will materialise haha. Talking about recycling effort though, I was quite shocked to receive a plastic flyer from Starhub last Sunday in Orchard. And I thought plastic price is increasing because of the rise in oil prices? I really don’t know if there really is a need for flyers especially when most of it goes straight into the bin…

That reminds me, hey QR, have you scan finish? Haha .. After which I can say thanks to you too “p

Give as you would receive

“Give as you would receive”.

It was a msn nick from a friend, and I had a mini discussion with him and another 2 friends last Friday. Of course the actual meaning is to ask you to treat others like how you want others to treat you. But I decided to only give and not receive because I’m afraid of what I get back. Like my friend said, give love, receive heartbreak is also a valid give and take scenario. Afterall it is a perceived value. Anyway after that discussion, we got busy working and I kinda forgot the whole matter other than a little event on Saturday where I give a cake to someone and received something least expected. I’m not putting names in anyway, and as I mentioned, I give but don’t expect to receive so I don’t want to blame or begrudge anybody. Just that… sigh never mind.

So the give and receive theory should be out of mind with the arrival of a new week except that I happen to be reading Jane Goodall’s Harvest for Hope and came across this story “The Tale of the Giveaway Buffalo”.

A major part of a Washo’s life is centered around something called ‘Giveaway’ – the way of all life. The two-legged, four-legged, the birds of the air, the fish of the sea, all know that to be centered they must participate in the Giveaway. Everything in our universe practices Giveaway in one way or another. Among Native Americans the spirit of giving is very important. We believe that ‘without sacrifice there is no real expression of love.’ We give away to friends, relatives, and even to people we may have never met before. We give away for many reasons. We give away if we feel good, or are thankful, or if someone is in need. We express thanks, or attempt to spread the good feelings we have, by giving gifts.

This is a tale of the ‘Giveaway Buffalo’… The Sundance is a twelve-day ceremony of sacrifice, purification, and renewal in which dancers abstain from food and water for four days, dancing from sunrise to sunset while drummers sing ancient prayers and families and friends watch (and dance) from the arbor. Before they dance the dancers and supporters go through four days of purification. The last day of the Dance is the piercing day. The Sundancers are pierced in the chest and tied by leather ropes, which are attached to the upper part of a Sacred Tree. This is done as a sacrifice to the Creator for the healing of a friend or loved one or so that next year the people will have enough to eat.

After the Sundance is over there is a great Giveaway and a wonderful feast with all manner of good things to eat. One of the special foods at the Sundance is that of Taanka, the buffalo, the sacred one given to the people by the Creator to give life to the Nations. It was their food, their clothing, their medicine, their lodging, their tools, and more.

… the miracle of Giveaway. The people were not hunting the buffalos, they weren’t going to take one, or to go out and drag one in, they were waiting for one to offer himself as a gift to the people, in the same way that people may offer themselves to the Creator by giving their lives.

All of a sudden the singing stopped, the valley fell deadly quiet, Luta (a Lakota medicine man) raised the prayer stick and asked for the one whose turn it was to give away to come forward. A large young bull began to walk toward Luta. As he prayed, the bull walked slowly past the elders and headed straight for the medicine man. Luta handed the prayer stick to one of the elders and placed his right hand out to accept Taanka’s sacrifice. When a buffalo comes to offer the Giveaway he will place his head in the hand of the medicine man and then drop his head to die. But just before the young bull reached Luta’s hand an older, larger bull came from out of the middle of the herd, and running in front of the young bull he pushed him away and placed his head in Luta’s hand. Some of the herd came and circled the young bull as though to hold him back.

It was quite an amazing sight. There is no greater love than this – that a man (in this case, an animal) lay down his life for his friends. … I left there more thankful for all those that have given away to me in my lifetime and inspired to give more of myself away than ever

Source: “The Tale of the Giveaway Buffalo” from Jane Goodall’s Harvest for Hope

I did not type the full tale entirely (as I got lazy) but I was amazed to find such a story in this book. The truth is I borrowed this book out of curiosity because Jane Goodall in my memory, is the lady who love, respect and research on chimpanzees. So I was amused to see her as an author of a book on mindful eating. The book can be dry at times, thought provoking at other times and interesting the rest of the times (and I haven’t finished the book FYI).

I think the story of a bull laying down his life for his friends is going to touched me for a long time. It’s like reading all those sacrificial stories related to the recent disasters, it’s like knowing all the sacrifices your family made for you… it’s like sensing the care and concern your friends have for you…

Sometimes, you really don’t have to receive when giving…

Paradox of our times

Paradox of our times
By Dr. Bob Moorehead

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals; we have more food, but less appeasement; we build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit "Skip Ahead"...

Author’s comments:
My paradox… is I have much to say but am unable to vocalise the thoughts… Solitude, a word my friend used on me… I think it will stick with me for some time… I feel like denouncing the culture that has been part of me for so long… I feel like stop thinking about those high flyers… I feel like hiding in the mangrove swamp… it has a damp musky wet wood smell today partly due to yesterday’s rain unlike last week when I visited it… I think I should just to back to my books and movies…

爱心变了质

潘君琴 from MyPaper (5th June 2008) has written a short entry on “你捐了吗” (“Have you donated?”). She mentioned that this is a common introductory phrase lately in China. (It used to be “你吃过了吗？” which means “Have you eaten?”)

Somehow she reminded me of an incident my mum recounted previously. My mum was querying for some travel arrangements when the representative suddenly asked if she watched the charity show that day. When my mum replied “No”, she immediately conclude my mum doesn’t have sufficient compassion for not watching, before next asking if my mum did donate. I do wonder if my mum had replied “No”, what is her final conclusion going to be?

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t donate. To donate is your personal preference. How you wish to donate is also your personal preference. Lastly, the amount you donate is also your personal preference. I just don’t like the fact that everybody is just judging everybody else by the action and the amount. There are other ways one could contribute. True at times I feel so ashamed of myself because I find my donation a paltry sum compared to what others have donated but that is comparing me with others, which is another matter entirely.

Anyway lately, I have also been thinking how much compassion we have (not with respect to the natural disasters). While reading news, I realized that lately people have a tendency to swipe out their handphone to take a photo to send to Stomp for news. I am ok with people wanting to be ad-hoc “reporter”, to share quirky scenes and first hand news. But recently I remember seeing a photo of a motorcyclist banging into another vehicle and it occurred to me, when the photographer had taken out his/her handphone, did he/she first call the emergency helpline or did he/she take a photo first?

GA, if ever one day, I used my camera-phone irresponsibly, I promise never to own another camera-phone. To take a photo instead of rendering help, pains me.

潘嘉丽 - 愛, 無力

愛, 無力
- 潘嘉丽

最后我们分开了
虽然还是朋友
但做回朋友的情人
想摆脱关系不太容易

寂寞变成了习惯
习惯靠着孤单
想念该遗忘
不该在身旁
陪着我的每个夜晚

我只想对着天空轻轻的呼吸
寻找我最爱的人到底在哪里
在混乱中
翻箱倒柜寻找记忆

有一种爱的曾经住在我心里
陪伴我熬过多少的无声哭泣
不懂爱情
我的心如此无力

最后我们分开了
虽然还是朋友
但做回朋友的情人
想摆脱关系不太容易

寂寞变成了习惯
习惯靠着孤单
想念该遗忘
不该在身旁
陪着我的每个夜晚

我只想对着天空轻轻的呼吸
寻找我最爱的人到底在哪里
在混乱中
翻箱倒柜寻找记忆

有一种爱的曾经住在我心里
陪伴我熬过多少的无声哭泣
不懂爱情
我的心如此无力

其实我很清醒
其实我很冷静
看着眼泪已握在手心

我只想对着天空轻轻的呼吸
寻找我最爱的人到底在哪里
在混乱中
翻箱倒柜寻找记忆

有一种爱的曾经住在我心里
陪伴我熬过多少的无声哭泣
不懂爱情
我的心如此无力

最后我们分开了
虽然还是朋友

p/s: Heard this song so many times but only realise today, what she was singing about...

Not many people knows I graduate (other than those who read my blog and my classmates and a few friends who I have caught up with)... and one of them, should be him. Lately, I have been thinking if I should update him that.. But he rarely goes online now. And when he did last night, I was packing my skincare products (I still haven't total how much I spent lately on skin care while trying to find a product to expedite the recovery of a scar or conceal it for yesterday's commencement interview). Anyway if he should know, somehow he will know. Just that certain parts of my uni will remind me of my undergrad days and somehow some parts of the memories will have him.

Having said that, to my friends, please don't worry or ask if I got over already. I still believe there is nothing really to be getting over about. It's just another phase I'm heading to of which the past memories are there to highlight, to improve and to treasure.

Oh and yesterday interview was very fast which is good because I was dragging myself to school for it. Besides the 2 min interview will still be cut further for the clip and hmm, I'm quite ok if in the end, they did not take my clip hahaha.. Posting my script here for you guys to read. And thanks to those who were involved one way or another for this. In the end I did not need to memorise my speech because there was a teleprompter.

What have you learned from NUS in your academic field of specialization?
The one thing I learned from NUS is that learning is a never ending process. It is especially so in the ever-changing IT industry. The vast knowledge acquired and accumulated here has widened my perspective and provided me with new insights and relevant skill sets in my field of specialization.

What have you learned from NUS in terms of dealing with fellow students and the community?
As this is a two and a half year part-time Master course, where we had to juggle between our work, studies and family, the little times I get to spend with my classmates were very precious. I’ve learnt to trust my coursemates to be self-disciplined and also to deliver our share of work at the designated time. I’ve also learnt to be very understanding of each others’ work commitments and to help out when any of us miss classes due to overseas posting or last minute meetings.

Now that you are graduating- what does NUS mean to you and the future?
During the Freshman Inauguration Ceremony in 2001, where I was one of the new freshmen, Professor Shih had welcomed us to NUS to embark on the journey of discovery and learning, a journey towards our dream. He quoted that “Dreams give one wings, dare to soar and succeed”.
I do believe that NUS will always be a platform for me and the future generation to develop our essential skills, to embark on our life-long learning and to realise our dreams.

Ok off to enjoy my day..stuffed with dumpling because it is once again the dumpling festival... still remember my last year post on it.. haha.. Thanks mum!

Everything - Jody Watley

Lately
I feel so all alone
Can't find the joy
You know that I'd be with you now
If I had the choice
I know I hurt you when I said goodbye
And I don't know the reason
I ever stopped believing
I never needed anyone but you, oh

I was too blind to see
When you belonged to me
You were my everything
Now I'd give anything
To feel the love you bring
You were my everything

They say time can mend a broken heart
And fix you up
But my life will never, ever be the same
Without your touch
I know you're still afraid to let me in
And I don't blame you really
I wouldn't let you see me
I took for granted you would always be there

I was too blind to see
When you belonged to me
You were my everything
Now I'd give anything
To feel the love you bring
You were my everything

I know I hurt you when I said goodbye
And I don't know the reason
I ever stopped believing
I never needed anyone but you

I was too blind to see
When you belonged to me
You were my everything
Now I'd give anything
To feel the love you bring
You were my everything

You were my life
You were my love
You were my everything

You were my life
Yeah
You were my everything

Bflygal's comments:

Malaise
1 : an indefinite feeling of debility or lack of health often indicative of or accompanying the onset of an illness
2 : a vague sense of mental or moral ill-being
A feeling that describes me now.

Omen
A sign that it was never meant to be. My destiny has been decided. My promise must be kept.

世间什么才是最珍贵的？

从前，有一座圆音寺，每天都有许多人上香拜佛，香火很旺。在圆音寺庙前的横梁上有个蜘蛛结了张网，由于每天都受到香火和虔诚的祭拜的熏托，蛛蛛便有了佛性。经过了一千多年的修炼，蛛蛛佛性增加了不少。

忽然有一天，佛主光临了圆音寺，看见这里香火甚旺，十分高兴。离开寺庙的时候，不轻易间地抬头，看见了横梁上的蛛蛛。佛主停下来，问这只蜘蛛：“你我相见总算是有缘，我来问你个问题，看你修炼了这一千多年来，有什么真知拙见。怎么样？”蜘蛛遇见佛主很是高兴，连忙答应了。佛主问到：“世间什么才是最珍贵的？”蜘蛛想了想，回答到：“世间最珍贵的是‘得不到’和‘已失去’。”佛主点了点头，离开了。

这样又过了一千年的光景，蜘蛛依旧在圆音寺的横梁上修炼，它的佛性大增。一日，佛主又来到寺前，对蜘蛛说道：“你可还好，一千年前的那个问题，你可有什么更深的认识吗？”蜘蛛说：“我觉得世间最珍贵的是‘得不到’和‘已失去’。”佛主说：“你再好好想想，我会再来找你的。”

又过了一千年，有一天，刮起了大风，风将一滴甘露吹到了蜘蛛网上。蜘蛛望着甘露，见它晶莹透亮，很漂亮，顿生喜爱之意。蜘蛛每天看着甘露很开心，它觉得这是三千年来最开心的几天。突然，有刮起了一阵大风，将甘露吹走了。蜘蛛一下子觉得失去了什么，感到很寂寞和难过。这时佛主又来了，问蜘蛛：“蜘蛛这一千年，你可好好想过这个问题：世间什么才是最珍贵的？”蜘蛛想到了甘露，对佛主说：“世间最珍贵的是‘得不到’和‘已失去’。”佛主说：“好，既然你有这样的认识，我让你到人间走一朝吧。”

就这样，蜘蛛投胎到了一个官宦家庭，成了一个富家小姐，父母为她取了个名字叫蛛儿。一晃，蛛儿到了十六岁了，已经成了个婀娜多姿的少女，长的十分漂亮，楚楚动人。

这一日，新科状元郎甘鹿中士，皇帝决定在后花园为他举行庆功宴席。来了许多妙龄少女，包括蛛儿，还有皇帝的小公主长风公主。状元郎在席间表演诗词歌赋，大献才艺，在场的少女无一不被他折倒。但蛛儿一点也不紧张和吃醋，因为她知道，这是佛主赐予她的姻缘。

过了些日子，说来很巧，蛛儿陪同母亲上香拜佛的时候，正好甘鹿也陪同母亲而来。上完香拜过佛，二位长者在一边说上了话。蛛儿和甘鹿便来到走廊上聊天，蛛儿很开心，终于可以和喜欢的人在一起了，但是甘鹿并没有表现出对她的喜爱。蛛儿对甘鹿说：“你难道不曾记得十六年前，圆音寺的蜘蛛网上的事情了吗？”甘鹿很诧异，说：“蛛儿姑娘，你漂亮，也很讨人喜欢，但你想象力未免丰富了一点吧。”说罢，和母亲离开了。

蛛儿回到家，心想，佛主既然安排了这场姻缘，为何不让他记得那件事，甘鹿为何对我没有一点的感觉？

几天后，皇帝下召，命新科状元甘鹿和长风公主完婚；蛛儿和太子芝草完婚。这一消息对蛛儿如同晴空霹雳，她怎么也想不同，佛主竟然这样对她。几日来，她不吃不喝，穷究急思，灵魂就将出壳，生命危在旦夕。太子芝草知道了，急忙赶来，扑倒在床边，对奄奄一息的蛛儿说道：“那日，在后花园众姑娘中，我对你一见钟情，我苦求父皇，他才答应。如果你死了，那么我也就不活了。”说着就拿起了宝剑准备自刎。

就在这时，佛主来了，他对快要出壳的蛛儿灵魂说：“蜘蛛，你可曾想过，甘露（甘鹿）是由谁带到你这里来的呢？是风（长风公主）带来的，最后也是风将它带走的。甘鹿是属于长风公主的，他对你不过是生命中的一段插曲。而太子芝草是当年圆音寺门前的一棵小草，他看了你三千年，爱慕了你三千年，但你却从没有低下头看过它。蜘蛛，我再来问你，世间什么才是最珍贵的？”蜘蛛听了这些真相之后，好象一下子大彻大吾了，她对佛主说：“世间最珍贵的不是‘得不到’和‘已失去’，而是现在能把握的幸福。”刚说完，佛主就离开了，蛛儿的灵魂也回位了，睁开眼睛，看到正要自刎的太子芝草，她马上打落宝剑，和太子深深的抱着……

故事结束了，你能领会蛛儿最后一刻的所说的话吗？“世间最珍贵的不是‘得不到’和‘已失去’，而是现在能把握的幸福。

Bflygal's comment:
It is a story I obtained from e-mail. Actually even before I finish the story, I know the answer already. And I realised that many times, we are like the spider, we only see what we want to see. For 3 thousands years, she did not once notice the grass and yet she noticed the drop of dew that came into her life for a few days only.

I asked a friend yesterday, why mankind always treat strangers better than their loved ones. Why do we care so much for a stranger, even if you believe he/she will one day be your family? And yet we tend to treat our family shabbily.

I let go, not because of that. I stop thinking, not because I’m afraid or that I know the ending. On the contrary, I don’t know anything. I just don’t want to neglect what is precious to me. I’m back to living a life not for myself, temporarily. The commencement, the interview, if is their wish, I will attend.

I know why I’m lost again. It’s been a long time that I use the excuse that I have not graduate to delay all planning. And when I finally got my results on Saturday, and know that I finally graduate, my initial thoughts were relief. But people started asking me what my future plans are, do I want to continue studying, do I plan to make any major changes.

By Sunday, my mood got very foul especially when I was reminded to book the hotel… Sigh I hate the agency for making empty promises. Even till now, I still have problem trying to confirm the hotel booking. And I’m supposed to look through the itinerary too zzzz… I ended up mulling at home the whole of Sunday till my mum asked me to send my aunt to another aunt’s home after which I decided to send my aunt home since I know where she stay. I guess it was a plan to force me out of the house though I still couldn’t drag myself to Bugis, thus I ended up jogging to Pasir Ris Park again and stared at the calm blue sea for an answer.

However I went home with no answer in mind. In fact, I most probably will not have any answer till the commencement is over. I think I will shut down again (haha my friend said I shut down that period when I was worrying about my network security exam) and just lead a life where they make the decisions for me. It’s a very escapist viewpoint but for now, this is the only way I can figure out how to appreciate them and the present.

All killings are cruel

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“All killings are cruel.”

When my friend said that, it jolted me. I had been watching Sharkwater, a documentary on how sharks were killed. And I can guarantee you, anyone who watched the show, will think twice about eating shark fin from now onwards. In fact, when I saw rooftops filled of shark fin, sun dried; when I saw those syndicate laid the trap which harmed not only the shark but any sea creatures that came into sight; when I saw how the law actually punished the guys who were trying to stop the killing. My heart hurts. Had money even bought justice?

And somehow I remembered about Feet Unbound. A movie I had not reviewed after a month had passed because I don’t know what to say about it. Other than, it hurts too. It hurts to know that in this world; only fame and winning are glorified. I still remember on 27th May, the headline news for MyPaper was about the soulless Chelsea. The world has only eyes for the winners? What about those who fought but lost?

Feet Unbound is about a never been told tale of the Chinese Red Army’s female soldiers of The Long March. I don’t really know the history of China and had only scathing knowledge of the Red Army. From the movie, I learnt that The Long March is a massive military retreat of over 200,000 troops on foot over 12,500 kilometres that lasted from 1934 to 1937 [Source: docnz.org]. Only 1% of the troops were females, some with bound feet, some without. But all of them faced the hardships, the cultural prejudices, the killings and the bullying which only females faced.

At one point, Elly, the female protagonist, interviewed an “enemy”. She was the descendant of Ma Bufang, a vicious warlord who killed and tortured that group of soldiers. When Elly was discussing about how Ma’s troops killed many Red Soldiers, she replied “Well, it’s war. War is about killing people.”

That line was why I remembered Feet Unbound when watching Sharkwater. All killings are cruel, regardless whether it’s people we are killing or animals. And with killing comes the innocents. Like those other sea creatures caught in the trap, like those women soldiers. And like the “enemy” who was banished and had to borne all the punishment for her ancestors sins because she was the last one alive.

When the march ended, some of these women were not even rewarded accordingly. Some were even branded as deserters. Did anybody commend these soldiers sufficiently? Did anybody give those who died on the march a proper burial or proper acknowledgement of their efforts?

And back to Sharkwater, did anybody ever understand the sharks well instead of branding them dangerous because of a stupid made-believe Jaw movie? The only icing I received is the news on 30th May where Sentosa IR says ‘no’ to shark’s fin. Thank goodness for such news. How many more will embrace such efforts?