12AM. Supposed to be sleeping now having finished my household chores. xL was saying we should get month-by-month post paid internet because there will be more available bandwidth. But I realised I am having lesser and lesser time to surf net since I started staying in Oz. Just yesterday (tues), I spent an hour grocery shopping, an hour and a half cooking and an hour resting (surf net) before I proceed to wash my clothes. It is then I realised 2 things
1) I cannot own an apartment because I cannot find time to clean up. Unless I really give up my weekend to do household chores :(
2) I cannot stay in very backward countries. At least not now when I am using the dishwasher to less out one household chore to handle.
Anyway I digress. I am still staring at the Art Series gift and wondering what to draw on it. And I thought of checking the blog for ideas. And seeing the links, I wondered if any would be useful. And thus I ended up reading the love story again. I had actually forgotten the role '2' played. A cousin. Hmm sadly the cousins never managed to keep in contact no matter how hard '2' tried. Anyway halfway through, I skipped to the ending. Typical of me. And I decided not to read the second half already as I know it is not going to help me. In the background, Prince W news keep broadcasting non stop that I almost could memorize what the next line is going to be. Not that I am unhappy that there is one less eligible bachelor. Since young, I never adore him anyway though I did felt we share some similar traits. It stopped though at 97. But I was surprised to hear they ever parted only to reunite again. 2nd chance. How many believed it enough to actually go through it again. And to conclude after 8 years. I always believed that no matter how long one date, it will only lead to 2 paths. The marriage. Or the break-up. Of course I don't want both to happen but should it really happen, I felt a break-up then a marriage is a better order. I guess the recent events befallen really do have some impact on me. Sigh have to admit I am becoming quite unstable emotionally. I still have a week to stabilize myself.
Back to figure out the poster paint...
p/s: just read this from someone I thought we have affinity
"someone once said, u take the same amount of time u were together to forget the one u really love."
it is weird though.. I felt deja vu, like seeing a scene that happened 3 years ago. Does she know what she is doing? And all I can do is to send a message to tell her to take care. Is it going to be the last message? And the sad fact is, I'm not the only one who had withdrawn...Human when facing with heartbreak will all start to withdraw.. I suddenly wish I can visit a temple or church and pray for them...
pp/s: It is 19th Nov and more accurately 3 days has passed but I am still staring at the plain white sheet. The contrast? My mind is in a worst storm ever. From searching the google to the FB to the blog, I conclude I search the wrong places. Prob the worst choice is the blog.. because I ended up in sep 2006 and re-read something that I forgot. In fact I realised lately I forgot even the simplest stuff. Just today, I had emailed xL last month an email entitled cheese but I don't rem what I told her about it. Even when she opened it, saying I was advising her how long she can keep the cheese, I have absolutely no recollection. Thus I don't know if it is a blessing in disguise to read the condensed story and jolt me back to reality that... what I once gave up, I cannot ask back. Because a childish princess has to grow up and accept her choices.
過去的都過去了,剩下的只是散落在心中,
脆弱且不完整的回憶,有些很清晰,有些很模糊,
有些是曾經發生過的,有些是瞎掰的,
試過很多方法,確定它們永遠都不會再回來了,
既然這樣,那就 讓一切都過去吧!
不然它們一直擋路,
新的 就很難再靠近
- 眼球先生《愛情想太多》
Read the full story here.
20th Nov, was clearing my digital mess and saw this word doc. Thus went to see if I had blogged it. And I did. In 2009. Funny that the afterthoughts always stay the same even if the person in thought differs for all these times I read the story. But I think, I have finally stabilized. I have finally regained my sanity. And I have finally convinced myself, do not attempt to do what I had planned to do. (Thinking back, it is funny though someone did voice out some of my thoughts even though I rarely talk to him already.. but it is good too because I always retort him back sensibly and hearing the sensible answer makes me more resolute not to do anything foolish...)
1) I cannot own an apartment because I cannot find time to clean up. Unless I really give up my weekend to do household chores :(
2) I cannot stay in very backward countries. At least not now when I am using the dishwasher to less out one household chore to handle.
Anyway I digress. I am still staring at the Art Series gift and wondering what to draw on it. And I thought of checking the blog for ideas. And seeing the links, I wondered if any would be useful. And thus I ended up reading the love story again. I had actually forgotten the role '2' played. A cousin. Hmm sadly the cousins never managed to keep in contact no matter how hard '2' tried. Anyway halfway through, I skipped to the ending. Typical of me. And I decided not to read the second half already as I know it is not going to help me. In the background, Prince W news keep broadcasting non stop that I almost could memorize what the next line is going to be. Not that I am unhappy that there is one less eligible bachelor. Since young, I never adore him anyway though I did felt we share some similar traits. It stopped though at 97. But I was surprised to hear they ever parted only to reunite again. 2nd chance. How many believed it enough to actually go through it again. And to conclude after 8 years. I always believed that no matter how long one date, it will only lead to 2 paths. The marriage. Or the break-up. Of course I don't want both to happen but should it really happen, I felt a break-up then a marriage is a better order. I guess the recent events befallen really do have some impact on me. Sigh have to admit I am becoming quite unstable emotionally. I still have a week to stabilize myself.
Back to figure out the poster paint...
p/s: just read this from someone I thought we have affinity
"someone once said, u take the same amount of time u were together to forget the one u really love."
it is weird though.. I felt deja vu, like seeing a scene that happened 3 years ago. Does she know what she is doing? And all I can do is to send a message to tell her to take care. Is it going to be the last message? And the sad fact is, I'm not the only one who had withdrawn...Human when facing with heartbreak will all start to withdraw.. I suddenly wish I can visit a temple or church and pray for them...
pp/s: It is 19th Nov and more accurately 3 days has passed but I am still staring at the plain white sheet. The contrast? My mind is in a worst storm ever. From searching the google to the FB to the blog, I conclude I search the wrong places. Prob the worst choice is the blog.. because I ended up in sep 2006 and re-read something that I forgot. In fact I realised lately I forgot even the simplest stuff. Just today, I had emailed xL last month an email entitled cheese but I don't rem what I told her about it. Even when she opened it, saying I was advising her how long she can keep the cheese, I have absolutely no recollection. Thus I don't know if it is a blessing in disguise to read the condensed story and jolt me back to reality that... what I once gave up, I cannot ask back. Because a childish princess has to grow up and accept her choices.
過去的都過去了,剩下的只是散落在心中,
脆弱且不完整的回憶,有些很清晰,有些很模糊,
有些是曾經發生過的,有些是瞎掰的,
試過很多方法,確定它們永遠都不會再回來了,
既然這樣,那就 讓一切都過去吧!
不然它們一直擋路,
新的 就很難再靠近
- 眼球先生《愛情想太多》
Read the full story here.
20th Nov, was clearing my digital mess and saw this word doc. Thus went to see if I had blogged it. And I did. In 2009. Funny that the afterthoughts always stay the same even if the person in thought differs for all these times I read the story. But I think, I have finally stabilized. I have finally regained my sanity. And I have finally convinced myself, do not attempt to do what I had planned to do. (Thinking back, it is funny though someone did voice out some of my thoughts even though I rarely talk to him already.. but it is good too because I always retort him back sensibly and hearing the sensible answer makes me more resolute not to do anything foolish...)
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