Lost in our times

I was so happy to watch <<我的少女時代>> in Jan. So happy that I forgot my sadness then.

But now that I sit down to blog about all the quotes, all the sadness have come back to me...

时间会改变一个人，会改变很多事。
但是，只有一件事不会被改变，那就是---回忆！

the memories each time I'm cutting celery...
the memories each time I use the thumb drive...
the memories each time I type my password...
No wonder some people try to alter memories... Maybe if that is successful, the world will be less painful... and less love...

或许一直以来都是远远望着谁的背影，
却忘了身边让自己最自在相处的那个人，最让人动心。

I agree we always take for granted the Present. This nicely boxed up gift, who will always be there. Or at least you thought so. Until one day you realised this gift is missing. And then you start getting frantic where it went. Even if I'm prepared for the Present to be lost. I still wish for otherwise. After all everybody wishes for the wistful Past. Which will always be glorified in our memories.

人理所当然的忘记是谁风里雨里一直默默守护在原地。

People in my line realised this phenomenon. Before we had this job, friends were never committed to meet us that frequently. But after this job, every time they know we are back, they will schedule a catch-up session. And we ended up seeing them more often than before. So sometimes I wonder is leaving a good thing? It might make people treasure us more but actually we are the same we. So has it been mis-valued just because we are no easily accessed by them. I guess I digress again.

世界太快了，总有一首歌，你忘不掉；
人海茫茫，总有一个人，守候在角落，等你回首。

Yes the world is going full speed right now. I don't know if I can handle the next avalanche of questions directed at me. But then it could just be me assuming. Maybe nobody will ask me anything. Because everybody is busy asking questions too anyway.

在那个没有手机，没有网路的年代
消失，是很容易的事！

In this time, people can still get lost. My sponsored child for e.g. has now left for greener pastures. I always know she is the intellectual one. Funny I once thought that I will improve my Chinese letter writing for her sake. And that Doc can also write to her. And suddenly I was told that she has left this community for further studies. And the unique journey has ended. I do wish her well in her future studies from the bottom of my heart. Just that I realised this gap feeling I have in me keeps growing.

And so I thought about it, if I R today, will they still be able to contact me. Do I want them to contact me? Will I be gossiped about. In my world though, I no longer can leave silently. Footsteps are everywhere. But at the same time I am thankful of all the blog posts. Just have to get used to the digital imprints.

原来《我的少女时代》还有那么一小段，在戏院都被删了。。

Amber Light

You really don’t know much about the sweetness that life has to offer.
I want to take things easy at the amber light instead of coming to a halt at the red light or going full-speed at the green light.

<<Oh My Venus / 오 마이 비너스>> 

I wish I am at amber light now too. But maybe I have been on amber light for the last few years.

So since Dec 2015, it has been green light and I have to keep driving. Even though I'm so tired. That I only slept less than 5 hours a day for the last few days. That I nurse a headache. I kept driving. Driving myself to finish <Return of the cuckoo>. To understand why and what. To realise that Chu Ge Ge resemble Doc so much. To miss Doc's way of living. The naggings. The actions Chu Ge Ge took.

I always believe that everything happens for a reason. When I saw this last friday, I was shocked. I had reached the last episode of the drama then. I had been depressed for a few days, partly cos I need to submit my R on Sunday. Decided to go Crown to catch the CNY deco and watch my colleague play poker. Who knows I ended up lending a ear and hearing a sad tale. And seeing this phrase "祝君好运". I always wonder why the female lead name is 君好. And what does the song 祝君好 means. Aas her favourite song for so many years, I only know it today, what it really means to her. It saddens me to know that perhaps, I hardly know her.

Maybe I'm like 君好. I cannot decide. So I let GA decide for me. In a way, I let circumstances decide. But in a way, I feel that is because I just take one step at a time, letting the puzzle unravel before putting the next piece.

Sometimes I wish I can go to the future and see what's it like. Then decide on the present what should be the steps. But this isn't like a novel where I can read the ending first and then go back to the middle. But everybody keeps asking me what is my next move. Is not that I didn't. But sometimes one cannot rush the follow-ups either right. Alot of times, my actions impact not only myself but others too. So it cannot be just me making all the decisions.

Just like I keep WA someone that has blocked me, all I can do is just wait... and perhaps blog this entry in hope to understand why....

p/s: I got an answer why even before this blog is published. Such is life...
So on such a life day.. I wish such a person to have the best luck in such a future... 

The role of fire

Aboriginal people have burned country for tens of thousands of years. The ancestors gave them a cultural obligation to look after and clean up country, a duty handed down from generation to generation. Signs in nature told them of the time to burn, a time when minimal harm would be done to country but huge benefits would be gained.

Their ongoing traditional management of country is recognised in Kakadu's World Heritage listing.

In some areas where no burning took place, noticeable harm was done. Now that traditional burning is back, the landscape is once again abundant with native flora and fauna. These days, conservation managers across the top of Australia are using traditional patch burning in the cooler weather to prevent wildfires, to repair country and to encourage biodiversity to recover.

This earth, I never damage.
I look after.
Fire is nothing, just clean up.
When you burn, new grass coming up.
That means good animal soon.
Might be goanna, possum, wallaby.
Burn him off, new grass coming up, new life all over. 

Bill Neidjie
Bunitj Clan

Note:
I wrote this post on 5 Nov 2013 probably after the Darwin trip where we saw a couple of forest fires. I know I should have a photo for this post which I probably didn't upload in my FB. Thus that explains why this post was never published. It's funny that 2 years had passed, but my blog style is still as abstract as ever... as messy as ever... Just like the blogger herself I guess. Always start with something and end with an entire different thought.

So when I re-read this post, I thought about the fire evacuation on new year eve day, about the fire 四月saw in the plane, the nearby fires my users were talking about that were set up intentionally but grew out of control. Fire is as usual the double edge sword. And I been playing with fire for the past few days while trying to light up the scented candle via the cooker. Every time I used a paper to light up the candle, I could never control it. It always start small but fire up big. And I always end up throwing the whole paper into the sink to douse it.

Just realized too that in a few weeks time, it will be the year of fire monkey too. If all signs are about fire, then what does the fire wants to tell me?

p/s: Is heaty also a sign of fire? Must be all the chocolates at fault.... sigh...
pp/s: Almost forgot about the siren that woke me up this morning... the constant whirring....

Pretty Little Mistakes

太太 loaned me a book titled 'Pretty Little Mistakes' by Heather McElhatton. Initially I was bored after trying 2 story paths. But then, because I like to ask 'What If...', so I ended up trying a few more paths.. and then a few more paths.

It might have become an addiction so I stopped and decided I should return this book to 太太 asap. Cos even though 1 beginnings, 150 possible endings. But I only have 1 life, and only 1 ending.

I did pick up some interesting quotes at some of the bizarre endings:

It is good to have an end to the journey, but it's only the journey that matters in the end 

What you chase - isn't there.

It turns out that in the immense phone-book-sized rule book of heaven it says people who turn away from true love must spend a hundred years and then a hundred more looking for those they forgot to look for while they were alive, keep walking. 

I was told that since I made a decision, I have to stick to it. No more 'what ifs'.
I know time will heal, though how much time is subjective.
And I know being rebellious, even if I were to rewind my life again, I will still do what I did.
But I wish that when the fireworks fizzle, and only smoke is left, memories get blurry but what the heart had felt once, will remain fresh forever.
And I still believe 2016, will be a good year ahead. Because GA always knows how to make it good for us.
I'm only sorry that I always never seem to be able to see to the ending of some scenes. But I will try again and hopefully one day I will succeed.

p/s: At Hometown, while window shopping and waiting for 太太 to be awake, I heard this song playing...

有些人愛著愛著就變了 
而誓言愛著愛著會忘記 ...

怕只怕愛著愛著又放棄 
有沒有愛著愛著就永遠 的幸運 ...

Somber Musing II

Something happened today that triggered me to read back my Somber Musing on 2007. That was 8 years ago. On the eve. When a JC mate I once knew departed suddenly.

In between these 8 years, there were a few more funeral wakes. I remember how I rushed back for my grandpa's funeral. And how I didn't even know my aunt's funeral till it was all over. The only clue was my mum was very slow in her response that period and I wonder what happened. How many times I wonder abroad, what exactly is happening back home. I am detached. Very detached. 6060 meters away. 2-3 hours time difference away. It doesn't sound very far; it doesn't sound very late. But yet, I always feel that I am the last to know of anything that happened.

And today, another friend I knew, had departed suddenly last friday on Christmas Day. Cardiac arrest. I didn't ask much details. What more can I ask? When 8 years ago, I already knew life can be taken away as suddenly as it is given. I can only be glad to have gone hiking with him and Xi Xiong. Short term acquaintance. But it suffice. Those were the hiking days when we all had fun. Even though we no longer went much hiking anymore. Maybe age has caught up. Maybe the hassle. After all carrying all my stuff to hike is taking a toil on me these days.

As 2016 is approaching in 3 more days, I'm back in my favourite Dockland library trying to clear my google drive (ran out of space as the HTC promotion had ended a year later and I have exceeded my quota) and then Xi Xiong whatsapped me to deliver this news. So in between clearing drive and mails, and after reading this poem on "A reason, a season, or a lifetime" and hearing this sudden departure of a friend, I decided maybe it is a cue that I should once again penned this pensieve so that I may fetch it in the future again.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

I guess this friend was a reason. I know him for a very short time but those hiking trips had always been my treasured memories.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

But how long is a season? 10 episodes? Then they have season 1, season 2, season 3... New season always happen. And then there are times that a drama suddenly declared this is the last season. Because the ratings have dropped. People have moved on to other dramas. So some people lasts a season. Some people lasts more than one seasons. But I guess more than 1 seasons doesn't mean a lifetime still.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. 

I'm very sure my family will be with me for my lifetime, however long or short my lifetime is. And I always know that everything happens for a reason, because my GA always guide me. So be it CL who had accompanied me at the start of 2015, or CapFren who usually does guest appearances in between the seasons, or tai tai that I reconnected again when I came back to Melbourne and even my client and her family whom I spent my pre-xmas week with. For however long they were meant to be part of my life. I'm grateful that they were here, for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

As I continue staring into this favourite view of mine, I'm grateful for the seasons spent which might not transpire to a lifetime. And I hope that 2016 will finally be a clearer path than all my other years before. Because death and life are all very sudden, so I have to made the best of life while waiting to meet my maker still.

If I could vote...

I only voted once, and that was even before I really knew what voting means. The 2000s was a different environment, and I was a different person then.

Back then I had only just started working. Back then opposition sounded credible. We had Mr. Chiam and Mr. Low. Back then Hougang SMC and Potong Pasir SMC were always considered the opposition wards. Back then social media wasn't that active.

A decade later, I change and everything change too. But that's why I always believe change is the only constant. We have to progress. Much as we all love the old Singapore, we know that the new Singapore has to continue evolving for us to progress.

So every time I come back to Singapore, I see changes. Some for better, some not really. And I compare. Compare against Melbourne, against Tokyo. Many say we don't appreciate our country till we see the world and realized we took a lot of things for granted while we were in Singapore. I say I seen positive points in Melbourne and Tokyo which I'm sure Singapore can learn from. At least the transport in Tokyo is of substantial standard despite the highly dense population. But I could say the same that in terms of efficiency, how much I hate the efficiency rate in Melbourne when comparing it with Singapore. The response rate from the (particular) property agent was driving me nuts just a few weeks ago. Though I'm did encounter more efficient property agent but unfortunately I couldn't find any suitable apartment under their listings. In the end, I feel is not that we don't appreciate the new Singapore, we are just at the stage where we reminisce old Singapore and wish to hold on the good parts about it. Is probably like our parents would miss the kampung days but not the 'partially clean' living condition or the 'water from well' days. Those are the stuff that we progress for the better at the expense of the friendly neighbourhood spirit.

Thus I had been so looking forward to vote in this election. That I even read up about the parliament because I wanted to know exactly what happens when a parliament is dissolved. Is the President in-charge then? Never really got a definite answer on that though. But I had a brief understanding of the history of Parliament.

Source: www.parliament.gov.sg

I realized in 1984, we have already started making efforts to ensure a minimum number of members from the opposition parties. And the existence of GRC is to ensure minority interest.

And then I researched purely on my own constituency. The percentage of votes for the last 2 elections and current election
68+% vs 31+%
57+% vs 42+%
72+% vs 27+%

I guess anyone can see the opposition support is the worst in this election. And many has blog/interview/analyse the reason for the swing towards PAP. In my opinion, none said it better than organising secretary Mr. Ng.

First, he said, Singaporeans had been reminded of the country's progress since Independence, by events such as the SG50 celebrations, the death of founding prime minister Lee Kuan Yew in March and the National Day celebrations in August. 

Their realisation of Singapore's progress was all the more stark in light of its neighbours' current troubles, he said.

Source: www.straitstimes.com

To say it is a biased election is unfair but some will call it that. Obviously if you have the upper hand, wouldn't you set a stage to be more favourable for yourself. Nobody likes going into a battle with the odds against oneself.

But even if the election date had not been strategically chosen. If it will be a year later (which was why I had thoughts that I could vote), the result will still be the same.

Because the petty Opposition quarrels among themselves about 3 corner fights and the disunity among themselves even though they all belong to the Other voice is getting too ridiculous for me. I once thought that voting opposition can do them the favour of getting back their deposit. But this year, if I could vote, I refuse to do that. In fact I want them to lose their deposit and wake up their idea that they are not gaining our support if they cannot clean up their acts and be a stronger party.

Which is why I totally concur with Mr. Ng last paragraph.

When asked if the ballot box result meant that Singaporeans were not in favour of a two-party system, Dr Ng replied that Singaporeans were in favour of high standards.

He said: "What voters are saying is that if you have good candidates then whether it's two, three or four parties, first of all, they must prove themselves to be credible, honest, have integrity. 

Source: www.straitstimes.com

And thus it was amusing to read that people feel that we have given PAP the true mandate as they no longer can say PAP win by walkovers. I agree on that we have indeed voted, but we have all voted because of our love of Singapore, old and new. But I'm still skeptical if we have truly supported PAP or because the oppositions have not proved their mettle. In any case, I still feel our parliament system have much to improve on.  

Meaning of Courtesy in Today's World

Because of what happen yesterday got me thinking about what is the meaning of courtesy in Today's world. A world where we have Meetup and the likes. All these online events entails one basic courtesy from us - RSVP. If we sign up to join this event and we have something last minute, courtesy entails us to change our RSVP to a 'No' (I will not be able to attend). And should we join this event but decided to leave halfway, the organisers had repeatedly mention that out of courtesy, please at least inform one of them that you had to drop out because something crop up in the middle of the event etc. I was constantly reminded of this word 'Courtesy' and how much it is valued in events like this. Why? Because it had been a rather large turnout and while the organisers are not responsible for our well-being, out of goodwill they would like to still be able to account for everybody by the end of the event.

So what if we turn the situation the other way. A letter was sent to us to inform us that a house visit will take place at a stipulated date and time. To me that is like making an appointment with me. And obviously knowing that these people put in effort and sincerity, the least I can do is to just stay at home and welcome them right? But what if they did not even turn up? And there was no notification or explanation why they couldn't make it and we were left waiting wistfully for them? Is this what courtesy entails in Today's world?

Isn't it like Chinese New Year visits where your relative calls you and let you know that they will be visiting you. Obviously time tends to be fluid because they have stagger a couple of visits along the way. And of course if they really cannot make it, they will call you and let you know so that you will not be waiting for them the whole day. That to me is basic courtesy because you could then go on with your own errands and not wait fruitlessly.

And while I do express my thoughts aloud, I know that their response will not mollify my disappointment. After all I know right from the beginning they will not make another house visit, and besides I no longer trust them to keep their promise. And I really wonder how much can I trust the next house visit letter notification I received in Today's World.

p/s: I would like to re-iterate that I appreciate the efforts of the volunteers (students & teachers & grassroot leaders) for putting the effort to deliver the package. I know that in other constituencies, people has to personally collect their own funpack. To me, I don't mind if I have to self-collect it either. My issue here is on what courtesy entails in Today's world when we receive a notification letter that a house visit will be made. And to put it into another perspective, if for e.g. the volunteers really did visit my house but I choose to ignore it and had gone out, likewise, have I been courteous and respectful of these people who made the efforts? It seems that respect is getting harder and harder to earn in Today's World. 

Hanafubuki

Hanafubuki 花吹雪...

Same sun, different angles

Reading this article awoke my blogging sense though I'm actually very sleepy by now as i was sorting out my photos to find a sunset photo... a particular sunset photo...

It was the last sunset photo I took in Melbourne during my metamorphosis process. To me, it is the most treasured process. And when DK was busy trying to find all the 'sun' spots, we start wondering what is the difference between sunrise and sunset. And which one do you love most?

I say sunrise because it is the hardest to catch. I guess I'm the type who is always up for a challenge. But the more I pondered over their differences, the more I wondered if there really was any. Was sunrise really that elusive? And I even stumped a street artist when I asked him which drawings of his were sunset photos and which were sunrise.

It turns out, sunrise or sunset, it still is the same sun, same size, just a different angle. And neither is more elusive. Especially now that I'm in Tokyo, I still haven't got a chance to see sunrise or sunset :(

So indeed like what the article mention, this video really says it best.

And I don't know what is my current Tokyo designation yet.. Will give it some thoughts some day... when I finally am out of that race that Tokyo seems to imposed on me. 

Spring cleaning 2013

This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. ~ Winston Churchill

I started this post in Nov as I was doing my spring cleaning. But I lost my train of thoughts and now I cannot find it back. So I decided to just revamp the whole post and write a summary of 2013 instead. Not because everyone else is doing so. But because I know it deep down in my heart that 2013 is different from 2012 and 2011.

I stepped into Melbourne in the year 2010 not expecting to go through what I went through for the next 3 years. And out of the 3 years, 2013 is the year which the path seems "clearer" in a sense I know I will leave Melbourne finally. Do I hate Melbourne that much? On the contrary. I love Melbourne but know that I cannot just keep repeating this daily process again and again. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. But as each day goes by, with each major events passed, I start to miss Melbourne.

Thoughts of "this is my last chance to watch the comedy festival"

or "I will miss Hosier Lane"

or "I must visit xxx place before I leave".

@ Footscray - Heavenly Queen Temple

One of the last state that I had to visit was Darwin. The only place I feel that is truly Australian. In fact this trip taught me more about Australia than my last 3 years in Melbourne. (I have always felt Melbourne more European.. and Sydney more Singaporean/Tokyo/any other big City names). Darwin on the other hand is so laid back, that I felt time seems to have stopped in Darwin.

@  Bardedjilidji sandstone walk

And before I knew it, it was winter. At that time I thought this is the last winter (for 2013) and I was going to miss it for awhile. So I embraced it twice.

Staying over at my friend's place for a weekend of cold winter...

and finally catching the husky dogs sled ride @ Mt Baw Baw. I was so happy because they cancelled on me 2 years ago and they did cancel on me again once but I managed to postpone to a doable date. Yeah!

And then it is July again. The time for fireworks at Docklands. I do have a fetish for fireworks.. I never seem to grow tired of seeing fireworks again and again.

It is also the time to move out. Bye bye to the place I almost called home after living for 2 years. I learnt a lot from household chores, to cooking, to repairing light bulb, clearing sinks, removing stains. Maintaining the house is indeed hard work.

I had 4 friends due for delivery in Oct/Nov/Dec. Funnily, I never got to meet any of the little ones because of work commitments (in SG) and because I left Melbourne by then. :( Sigh. 

Oh and I caught a musical before I flew back. A musical a year ... hmm but I think I only watched 2 musicals though haha. Annie & King Kong. 

The other "departure" experience I had was with regards to Singapore Zoo. I started volunteering since 2008 with them and had forged so many close friends throughout the years. Thus I felt sad that I had to leave them because I could no longer fulfill their basic requirements.  

After being in the SAP industry for close to 9 years, I finally get to see the SAP HQ in Germany - Walldorf. Quite an eye-opener. Though this trip was totally unexpected as I thought I would be in SG for quite a while and had planned my own holiday trip with my parents to Amsterdam. 

Thus this was quite a deja-vue because in 2009, my original europe plan was to be in Walldorf first too then head to Amsterdam. But we never continue to Belgium and London :( aww... And I still never got to see keukenhof ... *boo hoo hoo*)

As mentioned, I still had thoughts that I will be in SG long long long time.. and started to do serious spring cleaning. Clearing all the old magazine covers even. Felt so sad to throw them away as some of them reminds me of the good movies...

like this Korean movie.. which is really one of the best love drama.

Or the Singapore television serials which we used to love to watch when we were younger (and didn't know the existence of youtube etc to watch the TVB/J/K drama)

we did catch some Jap dramas too when it was the J-pop rage. Nowadays though it is the K-pop rage. Even in Japan I think k-drama are more popular than j-drama. (oops and so ya as mentioned, my so called long stay in SG was cut short when I was told to go Tokyo for a project.)

2013 is also the year where I had to bid my blackberry good bye. Another sad feeling. I do like my new HTC One but it is still a touchscreen handphone. The touch of keyboard is now lost forever :(

I'm glad though that my samsung managed to survive another one more year ++ though I had spent a small amount to revive it.

As 2013 ends and 2014 begins, I know it will begin with Tokyo. A place I find 10 times more crowded than Melbourne, 10 times busier and 10 times faster in terms of pace of walking even. I have been so spoiled in Melbourne, that I had been gasping for breath at the fast pace of life in Tokyo. Sigh.

The fast pace of life also includes thrilling pace and thus I added a roller coaster ride (on the right of the photo) before my 2013 ended. It does seem scary now that I take a second look again. But at that time, when I was at the top of the track, and I opened my eyes just to see Mt Fuji before closing it again, that was so awesome. 

And I have to thank Google+ for their awesome photo effects. Been having fun seeing what awesome effects they have automatically applied such that I don't mind backing up my photos in google+. Though I know I have to sort it out one day due to space limitations. But that probably is a 2014 task haha. (Truth is, it wasn't snowing here even though it is so so so cold. And also I never expect to experience another winter after having just bid the winter in Melbourne good bye in June.... )

As I spend my last 2 weeks in SG, and compare the crowd level while trying to be a tourist in SG (I needed to get some stuff back for client).. I told myself I shall not complain in SG cos it is 5 times better than Tokyo still haha. 

Even though I admit the Christmas illumination in SG pales in comparision than Tokyo. But I think it is at an adequate level as I still feel very much at ease back in SG. Thankfully.

And now to look forward to 2014 to give me new insights and learning experiences. :D