Love conquers all?

Ms Esther Au Yong wrote an article on “Why couples can’t live on love alone” in MyPaper (11th April 2008). It was with reference to the love turned sour relationship of Mr Ronald Susilo and Ms Li Jiawei. Coincidentally I had been listening to that episode by DJ FD & Glenn when they dedicated almost all the songs to this couple in one of their morning show, and decided to ask the question – Whose side are you taking? And I vaguely remembered one of the DJ side the female because she is preparing for the Olympics and should not be disturbed at this point (Bad timing by the guy I supposed, and talking of Olympics remind me of what politics can do to sports.. but I’m digressing).

I’m not sure if the entire story is authentic anyway. I mean, if you co-buy a car but under the girl’s name, I can accept it. But a house which is a condominium fyi. How naïve are you? I’m not trying to say he is a liar or he is trying to be disruptive or anything. I’m just questioning how much truth is there on “Love conquers all?” as asked by the writer.

In the face of love, the writer still retains her logic and applies the necessary legal arrangements when she bought a flat with her then boyfriend, now fiance. She owns it to herself to wise up and take care of herself. Because if she doesn’t’, who will? And while her friends thought she is overly practical, I actually agree with her action. Just as I owe it to myself to be happy, I owe it to myself to be breathing too.

Sigh which reminds me that I’m supposed to take care of myself from tonight onwards. Actually it should be manageable just that lately there is a bit more things on my plate. But I always trust myself well in handling stress because the main thing is I forget easily. I can griped and complain and whine, but by the next day, I will forget everything I said. And because GA loves me. I remember a few weeks ago I was so stressed that I had actually ended up watching Leap Years, which I felt did me lots of good. And last weekend, I had been debating if I should take time off and go out or to trap myself at home and rush my assignments. Funny how these 2 occasions presented themselves because twice, I actually felt GA telling me to just go out. And I did enjoy both times. At least I learnt to see some things in a new perspective.

What I remember significantly is the courage towards love. Many people no longer trust love anymore, especially pure innocent love. Many people deliberate and hide and escape when in the face of love. Then there are some who mention cooling off period because they got so lost towards the love they shared. (Ms Shenton was mentioning about it in MyPaper April 10th 2008 and I remember because she had use MDQE as a reference. Sigh the problem is that couple is.. well they really been through a lot since QWBWZ days.) But if one, in the face of love, does not avoid it, I guess you can say he is courageous. Even if he’s been hurt before, and chided naïve before, and no longer trust love that easily. At least he never avoids it when being approached. How many of us are willing to be that courageous towards love? How many of us are willing to give love not only a second, but third, fourth chance?

Does love conquer all? I’m not sure. But it does helps to be practical and courageous in the face of love.

I shall end by saying my thanks to
1) My colleague who had drove my friend and me to eat. Glad he remembers his “promise” to bring us there to eat since he changed his car that time, although it might be the last time there already.
2) My friends when I was utterly upset over an email even though I felt I was not at fault. Because I kept questioning myself if I really did convey such a meaning and doubting myself to the extent I was sleepless and yet unable to do the work promised. Still remember one of them asked me, why you think it’s your fault when you yourself feel you are not at fault. Kinda jolted me back to one of the ministries talk (from the previous post on Promotion, she had talked about doing things right in a later segment). I should indeed have more trust and faith towards myself. Anyway that incident taught me a valuable lesson. So I guess I should say thanks to the person that causes it, sincerely.
4) My parents, as usual. Mum kept asking me what I want her to stock up haha. I’m just glad I have the car… =D
5) Friends who cared for me especially those who expressed concern about my box of chocolates haha. Oh ya I was saying that I was stressed and GA presented those 2 opportunities to distress me. I forgot to mention he also presented chocolates haha. It started when I was in Science co-op searching for some dark choc. Then I had proceeded to 7-11 for another brand of dark choc. Last spot was in Shop&Save. But I still can’t find something more bitter.. still searching.. But I think my stress has dropped significantly since just handed in that particular assignment. So maybe my search for bittersweet choc might stop (don’t have time to shop anyway)
6) Doc for remembering what I don’t remember. And good luck for your exams. Also to a friend who’s looking for job lately. I still haven’t tried the game though haha. Actually I’m not sure if you still read my blog but I think you do. Wish you luck.
7) Lastly to a friend. Thanks for the new perspective and stories. Yeah I love stories =D

Acting Out Your Own Story

Source: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

Many thinkers and writers have likened human beings in this world to actors on a stage, this life, to one great play. But what role are you playing? Who's writing it? Are you acting out your own story? Or are you simply going through the motions in someone else's play?

We each have a set of ideas or beliefs about ourselves that define us as a central character in a "story" that we're living out. All of the elements of the story have been passed down as part of our culture or upbringing, taught or ingrained, or simply fabricated in our own minds. We then go about enacting our stories as if they were true.

The thing is, most of us don't even realise that we're enacting a story, much less someone else's story. Because of this, we're completely at the mercy of the story and its writer, how it unfolds, how we react to certain events, and the eventual course our life takes.

If we don't take the time to construct our own story, we'll continue enacting our current one, even if it isn't working for us, and even if someone else is holding the pen, or typing the keys.

So how can you discover the story you're enacting and decide if it's time to create your own spin-off?

First, assume you are in fact enacting a story. Uncover the elements of your story. Be a detective, hunting for clues. Look at all your behaviours and describe them piece by piece, until the "whole" story emerges.

Next, assess your story. Are you happy with it? What would you change, remove, or add to this story to make it more satisfying? Re-write your story - become the author of the grandest story you can envision - a story that truly inspires.

Share your new story with important people in your life. Talk about your specific role in the story and why it appeals to you. The more you talk about your new story, the more it will become a part of you.

Commit to living your new role in some way. Make at least one change that is in alignment with the new story.

Finally, explore how your new story fits into the bigger story of your family, organization, corporation, country, and the world. What contribution can your new individual story make to the bigger story?

Remember, you are the author and you can write your own story any way you wish.

Bflygal's comments:
In my own story, I will be happy no matter what because nobody owes me my happiness. It is my life, my story. And when GA takes me away from this world, I am actually anticipating it (if you think along the line that I'm forever curious, then it should not be a surprise why I'm excited at going to an unknown place). In fact, I think since young, I don't think I'm ever afraid of my own death (only afraid of my parents' leaving bah...) because of what I experienced since young.

So no, I don't need anybody's company in my last journey, esp if the person has to tell me stories and make me smile. Why not, I tell you stories and make you smile before I leave the world? And yes, I'm definitely leaving before you because it is a pact I made with my GA already. And no, I don't wish you to be unhappy at my departure. Or rather I don't subscribe to the theory that the person living is actually the more sorrowful one. Why can't both parties be happy? The one who leaves, has finish his/her job and should return to GA's arms. The one who stays, maybe he/she has not finish the job, but when done, he/she will too return to GA's arms. So why be sorrowful towards the one that left earlier?

Anyway, I'm a daydreamer (and a blogger) so story making is something I do too often already haha.

Promotion

Source: Joyce Meyer Ministries

I chanced upon this video from a friend’s friend post. (Thanks for the innovation of peer to peer networking.) The speaker is very funny, she speaks with an impact. Sometimes she sounded fierce but every point she makes, hits hard, at least to me. Because she was discussing the exact topic I had been thinking for the past few months.

Some snippets extracted (not exactly word for word and might contain my own thoughts and interpretations):

True promotions comes from God and God alone.

So if the guy is not giving you the promotion you deserve, God will circumvent. He will remove the guy, replace the guy, or move you to another organisation.

And if you really do deserve the promotion, and you are not getting it, what's wrong then?

Truth is, are you really working?

Have you been doing personal matters? Anything that you have to hide and do, there is definitely something wrong with it.

Then there is the excuse - because they don't pay me well anyway.

But are you really working 8 hours for 8 hours pay? The times you spent surfing, taking your personal calls. If you really leave at 5pm on the dot, you are actually preparing 20 minutes before it already.

And if you do not leave on time, you will not be the first one out of the carpark. You will be stuck in the long Q in McDonalds. You will miss your show. But God will notice it, He will notice this extra mile.

In addition, if things are not working well in your life, the first thing you should look at is actually yourself. Don't go blaming everybody but yourself.

Check, have you been sowing discord at work? Gossiping? Talking about the boss, the colleagues. Always using 'they' should do this, and 'they should do that'. What about 'we'? What about ownership?
(Man, I really love this segment. Somehow she made me resolved to discuss what I wish to discuss after my exams ended. Because, I really don’t want to see the culture here continue degenerating. Sometimes it pained me to see how everybody just goes about doing their stuff. The day I chose to study, 2.5 years ago, it was also due to this fact. In a sense, I thought maybe by studying, I will not focus so much and will not blame too much. But as the years go by, it got worst, and I got unhappier. But I wonder, how much can I do, how much can I convince, and how much can he listen and absorb? Of course I also must consider what is at stake but since he no longer trusts me, I think that should not be much of a problem.
On a sidenote, maybe it is indeed a blessing that my friend is leaving. At least I will clamp my mouth from now onwards. Afterall I ought to have learnt my lesson well having been the subject before last year. And ya, gossips can be frightening.. No wonder my friend gave me this advice 8 years ago.. just that being woman, I still tend to slip into such situation at times. Will try my best to refrain.)

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance
and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Most importantly, God never tells you to do something you can't do

Would you rather live your life and not need a miracle? Because most of us are just whitening our knuckles and hanging on, waiting for the miracle. Why not just live your life, enjoy your life instead of always waiting for someone, for God to bring you your joy.
(Yeah, being grateful helps a lot with the appreciation of life. I’m just grateful for having a chance to hear this video. Thanks.)

An Attitude of Gratitude

Source: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

Author Melody Beattie once said "Gratitude turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

An attitude of gratitude is one of the most useful things one can possess. It's an unending resource from which one can draw inspiration and comfort. It's also one of the most precious gifts a parent can give a child.

Have you ever wondered why it is that some children who seem to have it all are pleasant and friendly while others become spoiled? The difference is in the attitude. Some children expect to have certain things, and they soon become spoiled and easily discontented. Other children remain thankful and appreciative.

Think of adults you know that fit these descriptions. Whom do you know has a chip on their shoulder or feels the world owes them something? Whom do you know greets each discovery with appreciation? It is easy to guess who is happier and more fulfilled.

Developing a thankful attitude goes a long way toward developing a more resilient and appreciative self. Here are a few ideas for spreading the attitude of gratitude. Think about the whole process. When you receive anything, be it a child's drawing or an expensive gift, focus on how much time, effort, and thought went into the gift. Taking the time to realize how much work, caring, and thought a person has given you is a wonderful way to deepen your appreciation of both the giver and the gift.

Realize that each day is a gift. There are so many things that we take for granted. Many times we don't realize how much we actually take for granted until tragedy strikes. Take your loved ones, for example. Do you regular take time to appreciate them? To show them how much you love them? Remember, they won't be around forever.

And lower your expectations. If you keep expecting things to be in your favour, you'll be thwarted by the many things that will be unfavourable. You'll focus on the negative until you become an irritable, unpleasant grouch. But when we quit expecting the world or people to give us things, we can become more focused on enjoying the gifts that do come our way.

A good way to cultivate gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. In it, record five at least five things you can be thankful for each day. Even on seemingly lousy days, you should be able to list at least five. Look beyond the obvious. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation for life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.

The Cabbie

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. One night I took a fare at 2:30 am, when I arrived to collect,the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once. But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door.. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.
So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.'Oh, I don't mind,' she said 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'. I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,'
she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I' m tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said'You have to make a living,' she answered. 'There are other passengers,' I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly 'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~ THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

*** You won't get any big surprise if you send this to ten people.
But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on.

Bflygal's comments: I chose to share it on the blog. Thanks for the touching story. I'm teary now ..

何润东 & 陈怡蓉 - 摘星

在爱情的国度里
每个人都像个孩子
我愿为你摘下天上的每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
我愿为你摘下天上的每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴...

想像你就躲在云里
探出头来对我眨眼睛
你的笑容一点一滴的
占领我的心里没有怀疑

每当我依然在夜里
闻着你留下的旧毛衣
我的心情一直不停的
随着你的栖息起伏不定

在下雨天好想陪你出去淋雨
看着你躲在我温暖的怀里
闻着香香的身体清清晰晰的手臂
这感觉多甜蜜爱到难呼吸

我愿为你摘下天上每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
只要你能答应我从此不再离开我
我愿意为你做任何事只要你愿意

我想带你穿越满天冰天雪地
我想带你到世界最热情的岛屿
只要你能答应我一生一世陪着我
我的世界因为你而美丽

想像你就躲在云里
探出头来对我眨眼睛
你的笑容一点一滴的
占领我的心里没有怀疑

每当我依然在夜里
闻着你留下的旧毛衣
我的心情一直不停的
随着你的栖息起伏不定

在下雨天好想陪你出去淋雨
看着你躲在我温暖的怀里
闻着香香的身体清清晰晰的手臂
这感觉多甜蜜爱到难呼吸

我愿为你摘下天上每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
只要你能答应我从此不再离开我
我愿意为你做任何事只要你愿意

我想带你穿越满天冰天雪地
我想带你到世界最热情的岛屿
只要你能答应我一生一世陪着我
我的世界因为你而美丽

不管这路上经过多少荆棘
多希望你知道我对你真心真意
无论到最后结局结果是悲还是喜
我始终无怨无悔一直在这里等你

我愿为你摘下天上每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
只要你能答应我从此不再离开我
我愿意为你做任何事只要你愿意

我想带你穿越满天冰天雪地
我想带你到世界最热情的岛屿
只要你能答应我一生一世陪着我
我的世界因为你而美丽

Bflygal's comment: Dedicated to QR & ??.

Air Supply - Goodbye

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

Bflygal's comments:
Although the version i was listening to was by Janice (卫兰). After 1 year plus, I ended up finding a song that explains.. except the moment is lost too.

Btw Doc, (added this para because lazy to type a new post to reply you.. and lazy to comment in your post) I don't know why I said 10 dreams leh. Maybe I was mistaken la.. coz now I can't even remember 1 dream. Maybe 10 people haha.. Dunno. And why leave me? But you reminded me a reply I gave DK.. if both of us ever fall in the lake, who should he save. I told him to save you not because I know how to swim, but because I believe you should live longer than me. So I'm not very sure your context of leaving but if anything, I really hope you have a longer life because the world needs you. Of course I don't meant you don't know about love and such.. coz u do kies. So don't argue about this point. What I say is final, as usual.

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

Angel
by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Author’s comments:
That day DK say he like a song from Sarah McLachlan, I immediately asked is it this song.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance

Hmm… haven’t heard the song for ages…

I woke up with a headache today. Funny that I finally decided to sleep and yet I end up the next day worst than if I don’t sleep. But maybe it is because of what happen yesterday… Something that reminded me of the words from Leap Year again…

Why do I love Leap Year so much? Is because of the wind? The blue image? The wait? Still can’t find time to review it, but would you believe that till now, even till now, the images are still vivid in my memory. It is so deeply etched because like the female prodigy, I can be stubborn at times. Actually I’m quite impressed with her patience, her silently waiting, her strong resolve .. but even she prove fallible when she succumb to temptation/desperation 16 years later..

Yes I fear I might have meant nothing to him which is why I just let the moment pass again though my friend said he would have gone for it. I have grown so reliant to listen to GA that I believe this is meant to be. The funny thing is before that I was actually thinking of him which explains the choice of place. Anyway I kinda not think for the past few weeks/months purely due to exhaustion… which explains my lack of attitude too. I just want.. more sleep…

Anyway it just hit upon me that week; I’m not only losing a lunch buddy. It is also my last school week thus I have been telling all to just tolerate me another 2 more lessons and I will not be in their life anymore (btw I really don’t want to fail any modules). In some sense, I said it very light-heartedly bah. But I don’t know why my heart seems heavy since last night.

It was at this point my friend made me think about what I want to do next. Then I asked him what if I really want to stay and change the culture here. He said it is not my business. Then I asked what about the government? The ministers are worried over who will be taking over them, is it not our business too? Am I not a citizen too? He said it is not my business only. Then what is my path? GA has no answer for me. In fact my heart has no answer either. What is the reason I want to leave? To run away, escaping one last time? Or to restart my life? To keep a distance with him because… if I don’t, I am scared that I will only make his angel angry.

Funnily, that week is also the week where I’m left home alone. I don’t know if I will be like how I was 2 years ago though.. because 2 years ago, at least my exams were over. But now I’m still preparing for it… so maybe I will be too tired to miss my parents?? Haha but I think not la.. they are the only people I have now… And I was joking with my mum last week that I really should follow her for tomb sweeping last weekend so that when I die, at least my ancestors will recognise me and bring me back home. Sigh the sad part is I did not manage to follow her to visit her parents’ on Sunday. Although I went there the year before, but I thought this year, I shall try to visit both sides (equal treatment) especially since they loved my brother and me when they were around. Sadly I couldn’t finish my stuff on Sunday plus I had an online meeting in the evening so I gave up following my mum. It is also the first weekend I gave up on my gym sessions totally. I’m feeling so unfit now haha.

I’m tired… seeking my angel now.. to find some comfort from him…

p/s: GA, do you think I can grad successfully? Do you think I should go to my convocation?

Pp/s: Haha I woke up and decided to continue this post... Taking this chance to say my thanks to
1) My ancestors for blessing my family this past one year. First time I drove to visit you, thanks for the smooth ride.
2) My friend for the ride to school yesterday. And it is gratifying to see how much in love you are hahah.. because I had so much fun disturbing you.
3) My dad for the ride back. Was feeling very lethargic and queasy.. luckily you were at home phew..
4) My colleagues for the fried rice and chicken for lunch today.. oh and pre-thanks for tomorrow’s lunch too
5) GA for blessing me. The distribution list is out already and this time, I did not get as much systems as compared to previously. But given my situation, I don’t think they dare to overload me with those systems too. Fear can make one thread more carefully sometimes.
6) Oh some writers for some interesting articles e.g. Ms Bevlyn Khoo’s Don’t adopt a ‘pencil attitude’ in myPaper (3rd Apr 2008). Indeed the starting journey to the unknown is always slow, and the return journey so much smoother. And Ms Wendy K Wand’s My Secret? Mummy’s ‘thankful diary’. See even mothers keep a diary to say thanks to.
7) And reporters for the news. Although the news were pretty depressing but they reminded me where my focus should be. It’s sad to read about the lady who was intelligent to get into Oxford at a very young age ending up in such predicament. It’s shocking to know that young children actually thought of teaching their teacher a lesson for making him stand on the chair. And I’m still depressed about the next generation here, if their attitude for attending interviews is an indication of the mentality here. Sigh I really don’t know how…

牛奶@咖啡 -越长大越孤单

多年以后
你回到我身边
不安全
充满了你疲倦的双眼
看着我
也告诉我
你是否
依然相信童话

你曾对我说
每颗心都寂寞
每颗心都脆弱都渴望被触摸
但你的心
永远的燃烧着
永远的
不会退缩

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不看梦想的翅膀被折断
也不得不收回曾经的话问自己
你纯真的眼睛哪去了

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不
打开保护你的降落伞
也突然间
明白未来的路
不平坦
难道说这改变是必然

多年以后
你回到我身边
不安全
充满了你疲倦的双眼
看着我
也告诉我
你是否
依然相信童话

你曾对我说
每颗心都寂寞
每颗心都脆弱都渴望被触摸
但你的心
永远的燃烧着
永远的
不会退缩

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不看梦想的翅膀被折断
也不得不收回曾经的话问自己
你纯真的眼睛哪去了

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不
打开保护你的降落伞
也突然间
明白未来的路
不平坦
难道说这改变是必然

你曾对我说 每颗心都寂寞
每颗心都脆弱都可望被触摸
看着我 也告诉我
你的心依旧燃烧着

Author’s comments:

I think I owe Doc some words bah… 越长大越孤单 is a song actually. Anyway I don’t know what you responded coz I had to read and absorb your that chunk of stanza in one min before I rush to school. And it is in Chinese so I did not absorb anything in the end.

Actually, shall take this chance to be honest with you that lately I haven read your blog properly. Maybe after May? Coz after a while, my eyes will get tired easily already as Chinese words are usually harder to read and decipher and understand for me… I did read the line where you scald your hand of which I can only say sorry for causing you to worry. But then I know you got QQ to take care of you also. By the way I saw the bear bear already, but how come no photo of QQ and bear bear? The bear is indeed quite cute and I’m glad QQ likes it.

Then you mention you were “unhappy” to share the same line of thanks with DK. Hmm bo bian, both of you equal. Though u said he is there for me due to time zone and distance proximity and I was “quarrelling” with him that he is never there for me.. and he actually shoot back that he is and that he got hotline for me to call anytime one.. hahah… so end up the conclusion is I never utilize .. which is true because that’s me bah. I’m contented with having my GA that I got lazy trying to verbally communicate my thoughts…

Having said that, well you are right to say you should just remain as yourself, where we always talk about those topics.. so long they are topics that you are happy to discuss which you are because you always have a lot to say. If you tried DK’s style, we might end up not saying much also. The rest of the posts hmm will review again another time. Thanks for writing. And take good care of QQ, your jap lady, Katrina, your patients, your family, yourself (how’s the report btw?), boeing… and her. She’s quite lucky to be always in your thoughts no matter what. I believe she will always be in bliss because you will always think of her and wish her well.

Chocolic musing

On the way home, I thought of blogging this post. But when I reach home, I thought of gaming to forget blogging. Except I got bored of the game within a few minutes plus the fact that a friend accidentally poke some nerves of mine and made me want to grouse. And to grouse here because I no longer feel there is any point trying to make any human understand me.

Nah its just the mood. The last day of March. The day my friend had been anticipating. And as usual I don’t really look forward to days that she looks forward haha. 18 days from now, I will lose my lunch buddy. Yeah its kinda depressing considering we are the only two who will order takeaway (often) and she usually buys “lunch” in for us. Oh but that is not really the reason why I don’t look forward to today. Besides, I feel she should move on. As for me, just find another lunch buddy or skip lunch more frequently which is not really a problem considering I wish to change my constitution to eat just twice a day. So to reply my friend if I skip lunch, ya I guess so but I have been doing it on and off since secondary 2 so err… I don’t think you should worry too much. Concentrate on your surrounding bah.

So why do I dread today? Because I am in charge of today’s training. Because I had a presentation to make tonight. Because I had spent 2 sleepless nights on it. And because at the end, I still did it wrong. Someone once told me that his friend could not graduate because she did not do well for her last semester. I think I might be able to understand her sentiments then. I keep making mistakes for both modules that I don’t know if I really could graduate successfully. And the last module is a group work where I rarely contribute already.

Anyway I have downed half a tube of dark chocolate to cheer myself up. Suddenly had a strong craving for dark chocolates.. I have more to say but I rather sleep now.. and see if I can wake up later…

I do have a question though. How many dreams can one made in a span of one hour of sleep? While trying to sleep for an hour yesterday, I vaguely remembered I had more than 10 dreams maybe?

And thanks to my classmates for their advices and suggestion for case study.. sighz…