Anger management

Author: Daniel Theyagu, who runs Lateral Solutions Consultancy, which designs and conducts competency-based training for organizations. He is also an adjunct lecturer with the Management Development Institute of Singapore.

Source: Recruit (March 22 2007 & March 29 2007)

Link: Lateral Solutions

While reading this article, it reminded me of a veteran toastmaster who once touched on this topic many years ago (when I was still a member). Her husband and she were very powerful and inspirational speakers and I wonder how they are now.

“Anybody can become angry, that is easy; But to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power – that is not easy”
- Aristotle, Greek philospher

Indeed, it is impossible to get rid or avoid anger totally. You are human bound to encounter situations that will enrage you. And if you control your anger, you are only delaying the outburst. Sooner or later, it will resurface and might even be multiplied and magnified due to your earlier suppression. The objective should be to channel both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes more constructively.

Anger can be positive or negative. Positive anger may prompt you to take action to see what you can do to rectify the situation. It spurs you to express your viewpoints and feelings towards issues that bother you. It is one of the reason people fought for social justice and unfairness.

Negative anger; on the other hand, disrupt your life and relationships with family, friends and working colleagues. It makes you irritated and leaves a bad impression on the person with whom you were angry. It clouds your rationality and judgment and makes you feel physically and emotionally drained.

Like how you manage time and changes, you must learn how to manage anger, to decide to be angry and stay angry or not.

“You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.”
- late Indira Gandhi

Tips to manage anger:
1. Analyse the situation that makes you angry.
You might be angry over the wrong reasons e.g. getting stuck in a traffic jam and end up acting irrationally.
2. Analyse the people you are dealing with.
If you are always in the company of people who lose their tempers easily, it may rub off on you.

“A wise man associating with the vicious becomes an idiot;
a dog travelling with a good man becomes a rational being.”
- Arab proverb

3. Learn to laugh at mistakes you make.
Instead of always asking “Why me?”, ask yourself “If not me, then who?”
Either laugh at your own stupidity or take it as a learning opportunity (or both!). The more you are able to do this, the more inner peace you will attain, and the better you will become at handling situations or people who make you angry.
4. Develop a sense of self-regard.
Self-regard is defined as the ability to identify who you are and what you are capable of.

“Only a person who has faith in himself is able to be faithful to others.”
- Erich Fromm, writer