因为我很感激现在

Source: The Present by Spencer Johnson, M.D.

QR: “我们都是孤独地存在。。而不同的是。。你孤独的这么自在”
ME: 我可以如此自在，因为我很感激现在。。。

Yes I’m proud of this line though initially when I created it, it wasn’t meant to counter you. It was because I happen to read The Present by Spencer Johnson, M.D (to correct your blog). So when you suddenly praised me that I know how to counter, I was amused as it was just an after thought feeling. And yesterday, when you told me your friend like it too, I really burst out laughing haha. Feels like I hit jackpot without knowing…

Anyway there is another reason why I chose a Chinese title, but I digress. And yes I agree I have indeed 走火入魔. It can’t be help because I tend to go extremes. Everyday I lead my life thanking GA for every single simple pleasure. I even gave my family each a handwritten letter to express my thanks (and may their birthday wishes come true). I know God has given my mum an answer. I will just be thankful for whatever God decrees. Oh and I realized I rarely thank my brother in the blog haha.. because I was writing out all the thanks that I blogged before of which I concluded I thanked my dad most often. So today, I shall thank my brother for helping me collect my hard disk (hmm I do hope he will not forget about it though haha).

Ever since my exams ended, I had been lost. I rarely came online and even if I do, I don’t have the mood to chat. In fact I have also lost momentum in blogging as I spend most of my time reading and watching shows thus decreasing the time to blog. But it amused me when some people suddenly express surprise that I’m finally online. “To let you guys find me”, is what I usually reply. Maybe I’m hiding but other than staying reclusive, I really don’t know how else to face the problem. I can only keep immersing myself in books and shows, to find out what I am supposed to know.

It is through one those chances that The Present came into sight. I had been searching for another Mitch Albom’s book but was at the wrong shelf. And I passed by this book 3 times before deciding to finally check it out. When I realized is the author of “Who Moved My Cheese?” , I decided to borrow it.

(Sidetrack a bit, I realized the post on Change was written in 2005 before I took my Masters. Somehow I feel that nothing changed and yet everything changed. And that I’m still lazy to draft my commencement interview script.. Maybe is the doubt that I might not graduate which makes me lazy to book my gown and draft my script. SIGH!)

Anyway here are the pointers obtained from the book.

You already know what the present is.
You already know where to find it.
And you already know how it can make you happy and successful.
You knew it best when you were younger.
You have simply forgotten.

The present is not the past
And it is not the future.
The present is
The present moment!
The present is
Now!

Even in the most difficult situations,
When you focus on what is right in the present moment,
It makes you happier,
And gives you the needed energy and confidence to deal with what is wrong.

Being in the present means tuning out distractions
And paying attention to what is important, now.
You create your own present
By what you give your attention to.

It is hard to let go of the past I you have not learned from the past.
As soon as you learn and let go
You improve the present.

Anytime you are unhappy in the present
Or feeling unsuccessful,
It is time to learn from the past
Or plan for the future.

Look at what happened in the past.
Learn something valuable from it.
Use what you learn to improve the present.

You cannot change the past,
But you can learn from it.
When the same situation arises,
You can do things differently
And enjoy a more successful present.

No one can predict or control the future.
However, the more you plan for what you want to see happen,
The less anxious you are in the present,
And the more the future is known to you.

Picture what a wonderful future would be like.
Create a realistic plan to help it happen.
Put your plan into action in the present.

How you respond depends upon your purpose.
When you want to be happy and more successful
It is time to be in the present moment.
When you want the present to be better than the past
It is time to learn from the past.
When you want the future to be better than the present
It is time to plan for the future.
When you live and work with purpose,
And respond to what is important now,
You are more able to lead, manage, support, befriend, and love.

Success is becoming who you are capable of being.
And progressing toward worthwhile goals.
Each of us defines for ourselves
What it means to be successful.

Three ways to use your present moments:

1. Be in the Present.
When you want to be happy and successful:
- Focus on on what is right now.
- Use your purpose to respond to what is important now.

2. Learn from the Past.
When you want to make the present better than the past:
- Look at what happened in the past.
- Learn something valuable from it.
- Do things differently in the present.

3. Plan for the Future.
When you want to make the future better than the present:
- See what a wonderful future would look like.
- Make plans to help it happen.
- Put your plan into action in the present.

Internal Tourist - Wheelies and the rest

Last weekend was a long weekend as Monday was a public holiday. It was also my first long weekend where I was out playing almost every day haha.

Travel Details:
Nearest MRT: Bugis MRT Station

I went to gym early on Saturday before meeting my stressor and his girlfriend for an interesting lunch with them. Indeed there is a difference in thinking between a Singaporean and a China citizen. While conversing with her in my half-baked mandarin, I thought a lot about what she said, her frank remarks and opinions. Hmm.. Anyway we had lunch in MOF (Bugis Branch) of which the only thing that interests me is actually the dessert – Mocha imo. Partly because of what the lady said when she knew it is sweet potato… And partly because it is a hot/cold dessert that contains my favourite Japanese sweet potato.



Travel Details:
Nearest MRT: Tanah Merah MRT Station
Beside Bedok Simpang

Then as I was preparing to head home, QR suddenly asked to meet me.. And we ended up in Miss U Café which is actually near my secondary school. Everytime I see my school, it never fails to bring me back memories. Anyway the mummy’s chicken wings were yummy.. probably because it was our dinner only hahahah.

The next day is gym again before meeting my friend. We were shopping around for birthday gifts (separately) but ended up empty handed. Coincidentally his mum and my dad share the same birthdate even. Hmm I haven’t told my dad yet. Anyway I did buy donuts back for my brother later in the day so at least I’m not such a “failure” haha. Oh and I managed to buy the Breadtalk Panda bread baked to gather donation for the China Earthquake Aid.






Travel Details:
Nearest MRT: City Hall MRT Station

Anyway we idle till it was 5pm before making our way to Singapore Flyer which was the main activity. After many times of watching it from afar, I finally got a close-up view of it. Although my brother chided me for wasting 30 bucks considering the surrounding had construction work in progress, I did not regret going to the Singapore Flyer.

When you like your country and enjoy it and the various cultures here. You can’t help liking its people too
- Ravi Veloo “A tourist in my own country”

After reading that article, I am resolute to be an internal tourist. Haha.

At first my friend had complained we went up too early as the sun was still bright when we boarded the capsule. However, I felt that the timing was just right. Indeed I did not expect to see the moon on one end of the capsule and the sun on the other end. It was, in my opinion, a beautiful coincidence. And when we reached the peak, I wouldn’t say there was a “wow” feeling, but it felt pretty wonderful in its own way. Later, my friend did agree that the timing is just right because he realized if we tried to delay a bit longer, we might not have caught the sunset. Oh I do believe the night scenery would be very pretty too (no comparison made) but for that I need my tripod. And something else…
















Travel Details:
Nearest MRT: Pasir Ris MRT Station

After that we went to the E-Hub in Pasir Ris Downtown East to see an indoor ferris wheel. Very pretty sight but I did not board it haha. The structure of E-Hub is very unique because it is like a huge playground. It is afterall an entertainment complex extended from Downtown East and was designed with the targeted audience in mind.

Oh and I made my mum jogged with me to E-Hub the next morning to show her this new building too haha. I think I rested on that Monday as I had played too much the past 2 days haha.

And I took it easy for this weekend too partly because I had a gnawing pain on Friday that made me lethargic. I was contemplating if I should go for my French class that debuts on Saturday and ended up dragging myself there so that I will force myself to go gym later. I would say the lesson had been interesting though crammed and that I’m thankful I forced myself out as I had once again fulfilled something I wanted to do. I had been thinking since that long weekend how to give my mum a porridge treat at her favourite Bugis stall and was given a chance yesterday. She had earlier told me she will be visiting the temple but I thought we might not have a chance to meet because class ended late. Surprisingly she left home late too, plus the fact the gnawing pain made my gym session uncomfortable thus I decided to cut short my gym session and asked if she would be interested to lunch with me instead. Haha and she agreed.

Then we did some shopping in OG. I knew it is the GSS period now but was telling myself that I’m refusing to buy anything this time. The problem is I had once again spoil my shoes and mum made me buy another pair because she discarded that pair (I thought she will repair it for me haha). So I ended up buying something while she went home empty handed (so unfair when she was the one that had the intention to shop… zzz).

Today was another fulfilling day. As usual I headed gym in the morning as the gym is usually less crowded and finished earlier than planned because I hurt a nerve and did not want to exercise further. I was thinking where I should spend my time when I remembered that I had passed by KFC yesterday and realised they served breakfast in the Bugis branch too. Yummy, I ended up ordering an egg wrap meal and whiled my time away before heading back home for my appointment with my beautician. I wouldn’t say it is fantastic or not, but I had been curious about the Honey Biscuit so I guess I did satisfy my curiosity in the end.

Oh and I had a fruitful trip in the library (both my Uni library and NLB) as I found some interesting books. And with the NLB doubling the reading quota again, I am once again tempted to borrow every books I see haha.

To conclude, I feel that lately whatever I wish to do/try/eat, will be pre-planned somehow e.g. visiting Miss U Café, taking a ride in the Singapore Flyer, giving my mum a treat at her favourite porridge stall, and finally trying the KFC breakfast. Somehow I feel very grateful for how the events turn out, I really appreciate the plan .. the path.. the present.

QR, you mentioned “我们都是孤独地存在。。而不同的是。。你孤独的这么自在”
我可以如此自在，因为我很感激现在。。。

Related Posts:

Internal Tourist - Wheelies and the rest
Internal Tourist - Club
Internal Tourist - Temples
Internal Tourist - Palau Ubin and Changi
Internal Tourist - Southern Ridge
Internal Tourist - Museums
Internal Tourist - Arts
Internal Tourist - Arts Part 2
Internal Tourist - Asian Civilisation Museum

Disable "Virus Scan" in Excel

Source: Tech Guy

After so many months of trouble-shooting it, I think I finally found the reason why my Excel keeps hanging. Sighz don't know if I should attribute it to Vista problematic nature.. Anyway I read that usually is the Norton Security Scan that is handling the office scan. Finally found in this post that AVG also has a office scan...

The dll in-charge of the office scan is avgoff2k.dll

To un-register it:
regsvr32.exe /u "(path)avgoff2k.dll" where (path) refers to the directory that stores the dll

To register it again:
regsvr32.exe "(path)avgoff2k.dll"

The Tractable Apostrophe

Source: Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss

Job 1: It indicates a possessive in a singular noun: The boy’s hat

Job 2: It indicates time or quantity: Two weeks’ notice. Hmm pardon me but I never did know there was an error in it.

Job 3: It indicates omission of figures in dates: The summer of’68

Job 4: It indicates the omission of letters: We can’t go to Jo’burg (Probably when you don’t know how to spell Johannesburg)
Most famous example is the word “it’s”:
It’s your turn (it is your turn)
It’s got very cold (it has got very cold)

Job 5: It indicates strange, non-standard English: Appen yer’d better’ave this key…..

Job 6: It features in Irish names such as O’Neill and O’Casey (The “O” in Irish names is an anglicisation of “ua”, meaning grandson

Job 7: It indicates the plurals of letters: How many f’s are there in Fulham?

Job 8: It also indicates plurals of words: What are the do’s and don’t’s?

And the reason I chose to highlight the jobs of an apostrophe is due to the fact that in French, there is no apostrophe. (Thank goodness?). Thus the children’s game in French is Le jeu des enfants which means “the game of the children”. *Smack* Sounds interesting.

Hope to finish the book by this weekend although I must say this book is not for me as I commit practically all the felonies the author described and detected. The author also mentioned that native English speaker rarely pick a book on proper English usage, only the foreigners will do so. Hmm maybe, maybe not. Indeed I don’t want to learn French well and yet have a poor command of English. But then I doubt such scenario will happen either… I most probably fare poorly in both French and English. Because till now, I am still having problem rattling the numbers in French … eeks.. so tough!

I shall end the post with the joke (from which the book title came about?)… Adieu!

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says, at the door. “Look it up”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

“Panda. Large, black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

Beatitudes

Be understanding to your enemies.
Be loyal to your friends.
Be strong enough to face the world each day.
Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.
Be generous to those who need help.
Be frugal with what you need yourself.
Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.
Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.
Be willing to share your joys.
Be willing to share the sorrow of others.
Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.
Be a follower when you are shrouded by the mists of uncertainty.
Be the first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.
Be the last to criticize a colleague who fails.
Be sure where your next step will fall so that you will not stumble.
Be sure of your final destination in case you are going the wrong way.
Be loving to those who love you.
Above all, be yourself.

Bflygal's comments:
It’s a bookmark from the Youth Challenge
I carry it quite often when I’m reading… and at times will read this bookmark too.
Hmm be myself…

Sand and Stone

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

“Today my best friend slapped me in the face.”

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

“Today my best friend saved my life.”

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?”

The other friend replied: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”

Learn to write your hurts in the sand, and to carve your benefits in stone…

Bflygal's comments:
Has it been a ritual for me to think too much on a Friday morning or is my burden increasing... I have read this story before but have forgotten about it.. today. Thank you for reminding me to remember only a person good... please please please..

Sighz.. I'm so stressed that my hair loss rate is increasing... I need to do something fast I guess...

卫诗 - 宁愿你不知道

责备。。。最痛苦的不是指责而是自责，尤其是自己真的错了。。。
原谅。。。最难原谅的人不是别人而是自己。。。
Source: DK

沉默。。。 若你不经意说伤人的话，最好的行动就是保持沉默。。。
随缘。。。 一切若是注定，施主何必急躁，就随缘吧
Source: Me

Actually, like DK, I really wish certain things can go back to normal.

宁愿你不知道
- 卫诗

情人时节能握手便足够
嘴边的温暖没需要拥有
无聊时间能一起听演奏
跟你就永远止于良朋挚友

宁愿你永不知道
我多想与你好
能做你知己
不必与你拥抱

无谓爱意一宣布
就此把你吓倒
能陪我已很好
欲望未大到高攀不到

维持朋友无需要便拥有
亲昵的感觉已享受得够
灵魂和你同一秒在挥手
恋爱在有无之间仍然引诱

宁愿你永不知道
我多想与你好
能做你知己
不必与你拥抱

无谓爱意一宣布
就此把你吓倒
道别了你的好
情人与友好都得不到

宁愿你永不知道
我多想与你好
能做你知己
不必与你拥抱

无谓爱意一宣布
就此把你吓倒
能陪我已很好
欲望未大到高攀不到

Quote/Joke of the day

Don't live your life afraid of Miss Fortune
It's Mr. Fortune you got to look out for...

Bflygal's comments: Heard it this morning from Class 95 DJ. I think it was FD who said the first line "Don't live your life afraid of misfortune"... then Glenn added the next line “it is Mr. Fortune you got to look out for” which make the quote turned joke and brought a smile in my otherwise stoned/gloomy/worried face…

And in case you are wondering, I’m not a Chelsea fan haha. My boss had told me on Tuesday about the much anticipated match this morning and that a lot of people will be taking leave today.. hmm… but it does not apply to our department though haha. Besides I only caught the crucial moment where Man U scored and Chelsea missed. It was quite comical to see my brother worried when it was Man U’s turn for penalty, and even more hilarious when he was wishing Chelsea would miss which the guy eventually did. Hmm I was just wondering how many others had their wishes came true at that moment haha. Even the DJs were a teeny bit crazy this morning as I awoke to their Man U cheer just as my first bus was about to reach my alighting stop (timely!). And when I saw how empty my second bus was, I really wondered if so many people had taken leave as what my boss had expected?

Anyway GA, for the past 3 mornings, you had given me a pretty orange sky such that I really could die with no regrets now… Merci. I only wish this orange sky could bring a smile to those I hold dear to my heart.

杨丞琳 - 只想爱你

After a long weekend of doubting love and marriage, yet GA made me chanced upon this article…

In a corner of Shifang, China, a guy had given up hope of being rescued and tried bending his neck against the wall to kill himself. His wife sensed he was giving up and told him “If God wants to kill us, he would have killed us right away, but since we’re still alive, we must be fated to live.”

Hours later, they were rescued. And even though she lost an arm and they were homeless, all that does not bother them now. Because during the ordeal, in the guy’s words “the only thing we had was each other. We encouraged each other to live on, and we said once we got out, we’d live a good life and care for each other. Now we have a new start.”

Source: My Paper (Tuesday May 20 2008)

The irony is before the calamity, the couple’s relationship was going a rough patch and they were no longer on talking terms actually. Maybe it was God’s way of giving them a second chance to their marriage.

Lately I realized I have a lot to say but the moment I start typing, I delete most of what I want to say. Because I really don’t know if I should say it out, and will it becomes a burden. Stressor says I read too much of certain genre of books and has become 走火入魔. Actually I beg to differ. I have always been the type who will question when in doubt. The only stuff I bottle up though is my deepest thoughts and fears especially when I promised to keep them secret. That is why I tend to write long letters/emails questioning people only to get short succinct or zero replies back. That is why I am conditioning myself now, to no longer expect anything back in return because it hurts to be disappointed.

GA, I may have visited the temple two days in a row but I’m still helpless. Coach Morrie from “Tuesdays with Morrie” did mention a paragraph on Marriage:

There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage:
If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.
If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.
If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.
And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.
And the biggest one of those values… Your belief in the importance of your marriage.

Coach Morrie personally believed that marriage is very important, and one is missing a lot if one doesn’t try it. When I posed the question to my mum, she expressed a similar stand, a fact I find it ironic. Coincidentally, ASOL had also talked about Committing to Commitment. Are Singaporeans really commitment-phobic?

Somehow I realised that there is a pattern in human though. I saw that every articles a guy read, are about female partners being unfaithful, or the female abandon the significant other. And every encounters recounted by a female, are always about a male playing infidelity and having an affair. Both genders only concentrate on the betrayal of the other gender. And I stand in the mid-point, seeing the unfaithfulness of both genders. Thus if they are disillusioned by these articles and real-life encounters, I should be doubly disillusioned. But I also happen to stand in a crossroad where I read about people rekindling true love and giving love a second chance. What should my stand be then?

p/s: To a friend, you asked me on Friday the classic question. Maybe Morrie’s rule can answer it more properly:

“If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.”

It should be my fault though as I might not have tried hard enough to open him up. Just as I realised it is still my fault now that I cannot dissolve him. And my fault for liking the same genre guy… because at the end of the day, I never knew what they are thinking…

pp/s: Was reading MyPaper (Wed 21 May 2008), Jill Alphonso's "Action speaks louder than love". It's quite a touching article of a blur lady who did not really register the near-disaster she had almost encountered and a .. hmm.. foolish in a cute way type of boyfriend who accidentally shut himself out of the flat while making toast. Anyway I have only one advice for that guy, Quit Smoking haha.

杨丞琳 - 只想爱你

我终于还是说了一句我爱你
还记得那个微凉夜里天空正飘着小雨
心跳的声音像舞动奇迹

你看着我说千万不要爱上你
因为你只会让我伤心别傻了快点喊停
你那么冷静忽远又忽近

我知道我对你来说也许太年轻
我想我猜我问我终于了解
原来为爱流的眼泪也是种甜蜜滋味

只想爱你当我和你走在一起就已经决定
不看不听不问也不会放弃
是你让我了解自己可以为爱那么坚定

只想爱你好想每天睁开眼睛就能看到你
我知道我偶尔有一点任性
不管你做任何决定究竟爱我还是逃避

sorry我还是不会放弃爱你
sorry我还是不会放弃
我还是不会放弃爱你

Copy-right?

Disclaimer: This post contained in the site is solely a personal opinion and do not necessarily reflect the positions or opinions of my friends or their affiliates. All comments are based upon the author’s current (limited) knowledge and personal experiences. You should conduct independent tests to verify the validity of any statements made in this blog before basing any decisions upon those statements.

Copyright is a law that protects all original works created. Copyright is not just a right that allows others to copy original work. It is also right to stop others from copying original pieces of work. Copyright, unlike what its singular name might suggest, is a collection of more than one right.
Source: http://www.medialaw.com.sg/copyrightguide.htm

I had taken 2 modules which touched on copyright law and the only thing I learnt from it is you have to learn how to protect yourself. But actually when stressor told me about it on Saturday, the only thing that came into my mind is, they had the resources to do a better job. Although I still hope they would have at least credit my stressor a bit.

At the end of 2006, stressor had come to find me to develop a plan. For the whole of 2007, I should say I did not sacrifice as much as stressor other than those hours spent in McDonalds and other places, where I had to juggle school work cum FYP, work and the plan. Our biggest obstacle though is the fact we do not know how to program, especially for a search engine. Our programmer friend has to juggle his countless of projects too and could not spare too much time to code this plan out of interest. Even though we did find VC, and the results were positive, we did not accept it in the end due to certain reasons which should not be divulged.

In March 2008, I read about Rednano and told stressor about it. At that time, a friend’s words came into my mind that if we realised whatever we thought of keeps getting developed, it means others could also be thinking about what we were planning. I knew technology world prides first mover advantage and we really lack resources. Thus throughout 2007, when whatever we thought about was implemented subtly by Google etc, I always felt it is just luck. And Rednano’s founder could have shared the same thoughts as us too, just that they have better luck.

I would say I don’t really follow up or use Rednano often (Google is still my first choice) and might have neatly forgotten it if stressor did not mention about it on Saturday that he checked it out and found out that Rednano originate from our plan. My first thought was, are you sure? I’m surprised stressor did not feel too affected by that finding. Either he is more preoccupied about another matter or he also felt that we really did not have the resources unlike them.

Actually it is good to see the plan materialise (a large bit?) in that form. Just that I felt stressor should have taken some credit for it (by copyrighting his work???). But knowing how the world works, I can only say the practical world like this cannot tolerate the idealist people like stressor... and me haha (although I sometimes do wonder am I practical or idealist... mixed bah).

Anyway I have to add that we moved on... or more accurately he is trying on another plan which I sincerely wish him success. As for me, sigh, I’m still lost. However I’m telling myself the reason why I like here so as long as the reason remains valid, I can still survive working here hopefully.

And stressor, as you knew I tried to say thanks to you on Saturday... however it is indeed hard to say aloud the reasons haha... so it’s back to typing for me.
1) During my undergrad days, thanks for trying to befriend me. Yes I admit I do give people the impression that I’m a little chilli padi (but is little spicy only rite haha) so I might have really had too much heated arguments with you. Thanks for being understanding.
2) 2004, thanks for calling me again and patiently explain how MLM works. It’s always good to keep one updated.
3) 2006, thanks for yupz.. once again calling me again haha.. And for roping me into your plan which even though did not materialise, I learnt a lot.
4) Thanks for all the books you make me read, that’s where the name came from initially haha. Although you no longer stress me but hmm I don’t feel like using another name on u “p
5) Thanks for the investment tips. As for that matter, I did not get angry with you partly because of the economy and partly because (as always), I trust you will be able to do a good job and you will just need a year bah. But no stress kies.
6) Thanks for the listening ear and advices you dispensed and the company.
7) Lastly, from your experiences and perspective, I learnt a lot. So thanks to that too. And I hope the two of you will happily walk towards your shared values.

p/s: Can I still borrow books from you wahhaah =D

樱野3加1 review

I cannot don’t review YY3J1. I cannot give up on MingEn because they simple mesmerized me when I watched PTF. And I cannot forget how much news I used to read about them. I cannot forget how courageous QE has always been. I cannot forget how many times, she was hurt by his 口是心非. I cannot forget all my posts on them…

Post 5
Post 4
Post 3
Post 2
Post 1

The past week has been tiring. Ever since I came back office, I received a few new tasks. Adding on to my backdated tasks, I don’t know what to do first. Thus I reach home sleepy but unable to sleep. I ended up completing YY3J1. I ended up crying myself to sleep daily haha.

I recall what Belinda Lee mentioned when they interview her about her series where she visit Singaporeans living in other countries (I watched the first series, very interesting. I did not catch the second series though.) Tears, is not a sign of weakness. It is just an expression of emotion. She’s a very emotional person and very true to herself. Which she says can be a weakness too. Likewise, I think I’m too emotional for my own good haha. But I just want to be true to myself. (And I don’t think it warrants a visit to the doctor.)

Xia Tian is a very courageous girl in YY3J1. But she is too stubborn. From the first episode, she only has eyes for Ah Jiang, a guy who keeps denying he like her. He makes her confused, he makes her lost. I wonder where her courage comes from. Although this is just a drama, I can’t help but be impressed with a girl who is willing to give up all 矜持 (reserved/restraint) and openly tell the guy she likes him. As I say, this is a drama, so of course it is a happy ending. Despite the countless denials, he can’t stop himself from caring her.

Actually the storyline does not flow smoothly because the show went into a lot of problems including low viewership and cash difficulties. Halfway into production, the entire production team changed, and they included a few new characters. In addition, they could not finalise the story such that when one watch, one will realise the story keeps changing stand. But I just cannot stop myself from being drawn to the show.

Maybe is Xia Tian’s words that entranced me. She made a gamble to find back the love by going on a TV game show to pour her feelings in front of the public.

当一个优秀的警察，是我的梦想，可是如果能在生命中找到真爱，我宁可选择留在真爱身边。因为梦想什么时候都能实现，可是真爱却是不能错过的！

你还记得吗？你曾经为我挡下一颗子弹，这表上的破缝，就是这颗子弹的纪念。而上面的时间刚好停在你来不及说喜欢我的那一秒。但是我们想爱的力量，却带来了 生命的奇迹，把你从鬼门关前拉了回来。你说过，不要再让我们的爱情有来不及的时候，可是现在为什么你要放弃呢？如果你那么轻易就说放弃的话，那么发生在我 们身上的一切困难，还有出现在我们生命中的奇迹，又算得了什么呢？

Source: Baidu

After seeing this scene, I can only sigh. Time once stopped at where he had not had the time/opportunity to say he like her to remind them of how fragile life is and how precious love is. Yet he had forsake that love because of outside oppressions, not realising that what she wanted is still that simple and innocent love.

Sighz, I don’t know how to continue… I can only say thankfully her final gamble manages to wake him up. And sometimes, I wonder, if I have her courage, do I have her luck too?

樱野3加1
其实你懂我
- 陈乔恩

我到底是谁
在你心中占有怎样的地位
你不说清楚
你让我们的爱坠在七里雾

爱 很讨厌
总是忽近忽远的让人追
追半天 你连抱歉
一句抱歉也不给

我向前走 低着头 眼泪不停向后流
一直走 不回头
希望你会找到我
但是始终不如愿
希望都落空
我仍相信 其实你懂我

我发誓千遍
我这一走你就无法挽回
虽然心会痛
总比受尽委屈还要更好过

我 等了等
脑海始终浮现你对我的好
好半天 你连Babe
一句安慰也不给

我向前走 低着头 眼泪不停向后流
一直走 不回头
希望你会找到我
但是始终不如愿
希望都落空
我仍相信 其实你爱我

一前一后
你跟在我的背后沉默
Yeh……Yeh……Yeh……
前前 后后
希望你握住我的手
Yeh……Yeh……Yeh……
Wo……Wo……Wo……

我向前走 抬起头 擦掉眼泪向前走
一直走 不回头
相信你会找到我
梦里寻他千百遍
希望都实现
我不想走 无法心不动

我向前走 抬起头 擦掉眼泪向前走
一直走 不回头
相信你会找到我
梦里寻他千百遍
希望都实现
我仍相信 其实你懂我

我向前走 抬起头 擦掉眼泪向前走
一直走 不回头
相信你会找到我
梦里寻他千百遍
希望都实现
我仍相信 其实你懂我
Source: Ai ting - mumuaini

Lesson in Perseverance

Source: Email Attachment
Author of original slide show: Unknown
Translation from Portuguese: Pedro & Mila Ramos – Dowerglen, RSA – Sep 07

Have you ever watched birds when they have to face adverse circumstances?
They spend day after day weaving their nests, collecting building materials, sometimes brought from distant places… and when it is almost ready and they are prepared to lay eggs, actions of the weather, human beings or other animals destroy the nest which was built with so much care, effort and love.

What does the bird do? Stops and gives up?

Not at all! Starts over and over again, until the first eggs are laid in the nest.

Many times, just before chicks are born, an animal, a child, a storm once again destroys the nest, but now with its precious contents.

It hurts starting from zero... But in spite of it all, the bird never hushes or gives up, carries on singing and building, building and singing.

Have you ever felt that your life, your work, your family, your friends, are not what you dreamt of? Do you feel like saying: “That’s enough, it is not worth the effort, this is too much for me?”

Are you tired of starting over and over again the struggle of everyday life, the betrayed trust, the failed dreams, the broken promises, the unmet goals, when you were almost getting there?

Even if life hurts you again and again, do not give up! Pray and put your hopes in front of you and go forward! Do not worry if you get scarred in this process, it is something you can expect.

Collect all the bits and pieces of your broken hopes and dreams, put them together, and go forward again. It does not matter how many obstacles you have to overcome. Do not lose courage. Trust God and keep on going in faith. Life is a constant challenge, but it is worth to accept it…
And above all… Like the birds…

Keep on singing!

Bflygal’s comments:
Coincidentally, I had just told my friend a few days ago to give me some time to pick up the pieces of life I scatter for these years… before I meet her. I’m still thinking… but I am also standing by my wish to sleep and…..

一句話

Source: Email

人生的成敗，常常因為一個人、一件事，甚至一句話而有決定性的影響。
尤其對人有用的一句話，勝過千言萬語。
古今中外有很多人因為別人的一句話而深受感動，甚至豁然開朗；
由於「一句話」而改變一生的事例，更是多不勝數。

美國著名的教育家和演講口才藝術家卡內基，小時候是一個非常調皮的小男孩。
他九歲的時候，父親將繼母娶進門。
他父親向新婚妻子介紹卡內基時，
如是說：「希望你注意這個全郡最壞的男孩，他實在令我頭痛，
說不定明天早晨他還會拿石頭砸你，或做出什麼壞事呢！」

出乎卡內基預料的是，繼母微笑地走到他面前，托著他的頭，注視著他。
接著告訴丈夫：「你錯了，他不是全郡最壞的男孩，而是最聰明，
只是還沒找到發洩熱忱地方的男孩。」此話一出，
卡內基的眼淚不聽使喚地滾滾而下。

就因為這一句話，建立了卡內基和繼母之間深厚的感情；
也因為這一句話，成就了他立志向上的動力；
更因為這一句話，讓他日後幫助千千萬萬的人一同步上了成功之路。

「一句話」很容易說，但重要的是要能讓對方受用。
失落著的生命再造，不一定要靠能言善道的人來開導，
有時僅僅是一句看起來普通的話，就能為對方帶來力量。
生命是一種學習，任何人在學習的過程中不免遇到困難和迷惑。

給人一句好話，讓人生命奮起飛揚，何樂而不為呢？

所以，人要常說：
第一、給人歡喜的話；
第二、給人鼓勵的話；
第三、給人肯定的話；
第四、給人讚歎的話。

多說好話，少說壞話。

不經意的一句輕浮話，有時會自毀前程，而一句關懷別人的話，
卻能讓沮喪的人有生存下去的勇氣。
因此，人要經常檢點自己的口舌，以免破壞了好因好緣...

Retirement

Speaker: David Seah from Fei Yue Family Service Centre

Things to achieve before retirement

Financially Independent
1) Work as long as you can – No wonder the government asks us to work till the age of 82
2) Buy only what you need
3) Don’t become your children’s ATM
4) Cut bad habits
5) Don’t sell the house if it has been fully paid

Physically Healthy
1) Brisk walk – On the way to work, I saw this banner stating “A walk a day keep the fats away”
2) Tai-chi – and one should start young. My boss always advised me that haha.
3) Exercise regularly
4) Hobby to exercise the brain and body (Most importantly) e.g. Mah-Jong, Sudoku

Emotionally Stable
1) Do housework – kinda sounds like being a free maid but it is better than to mull around and do nothing at home. I always believe one’s mind is a powerful tool and can be manipulated easily. So if you just spend your time thinking, you will think too much and end up depressed if you fill your mind with depressing thoughts.

Socially Active
1) CC Activity
2) Karaoke
3) Dancing
4) Volunteer Work – actually I was wondering it would be an interesting scene to see a retired person helping someone of his/her age too. But then I remember there are indeed cases on it. Besides voluntary knows no age right?

How to enjoy retirement?
By building relationships. That means you have to invest in your
1) Spouse – Be a companion. And you should start when both of you are a young couple. This is tough in the real world though because everybody is just so buried with work that he/she allows work to consume him/her. Spouse, family, friends just disappear in the eyes of the workaholics.

2) Children – Be a consultant such that they will seek your help and advice. The speaker said it is because you depend on them when you get old. I thought it hard though because teenagers are rebellious. But I wonder is it because parents were naggy in the first place? Then the teenagers develop an aversion to confide to their parents. I remember a DJ once said, if you have a good relationship with your teenager, then there must be something wrong right? Of course she was kidding, I hope. I wouldn’t say I have the best relationship with my parents as I have the tendency to also show them my colours when I’m stressed and irritated (which is no excuse) but I hope to forever be my mum’s listening ear.

3) Friends – Have some close friends. Hmm reminds me to start finding my friends haha. Glad I have Facebook to find my lost friends too.. Recently a senior just found me… actually I’m quite shocked and happy to get back contact with him as we totally lost contact since we graduated. But sometimes Facebook makes me feel hollow… as in we spend so much time keeping contact virtually that we seem to have missed out the physical world of meeting face to face. Friends know that I no longer talk on the phone because I am just not accustomed to it anymore. That’s the effects msning and gchatting has done to me…

p/s: Thanks to my colleague for recounting the entire talk to me again as I had missed it. Ever so grateful.

pp/s: Adding on some pointers from an article I received from another colleague:

Growing Older is Mandatory, Growing Up is Optional

• We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.
• There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
• We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
  >> i-Weekly also mentioned about it.. A lot of us, are actually living dead. Sad but true. We let Habit, overcome us and refuse to accept Change warmly.
  
• Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.
  
• The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.'
  

News Muse

Computer attacks typically do not inflict physical pain on their victims.

But in a rare example of an attack apparently motivated by malice rather than money, hackers recently bombarded the Epilepsy Foundation's website with hundreds of pictures and links to pages with rapidly flashing images.

The breach triggered severe migraines and near-seizure reactions in some site visitors who viewed the images. People with photosensitive epilepsy can get seizures when they're exposed to flickering images, a response also caused by some video games and cartoons.
Source: The Age

I read about this attack in TODAY on Saturday morning (think it should be the Friday edition), and it saddens me to know that hackers no longer do it for money or fame or even just for fun. To pull such a prank on the ill, it is such a cruel and bad taste joke. I really don’t know what the world has become. Cold? Merciless?

Last night, after I told dad about the earth quake in China, I asked him, what is wrong with the world. Cyclone in Myanmar, tornado in USA and earth quake in China. And the most devastating news is that the earth quake had toppled a school and buried 900 children. Dad told me probably God is punishing the wicked. But the innocent are implicated too.

GA, can I ask you the same question too?

Sleepy Weekend

On Friday, my lovely friend told me to enjoy my first weekend after school. But I told her tomorrow morning, I most probably “died” under the hands of my trainer haha. However that knowledge did not motivated me to go gym on Friday night still because I just want more sleep. I can’t really remember what happen on Friday night but I think I was grousing some really dumb stuff with QR and his advice to me was to just go and sleep.. then before he knew it, I really went to sleep and his msn nudge did not wake me up haha.

Then I woke up to see a thunderstorm at my neighbourhood. While brushing my teeth, my immediate thought was to cancel the gym and sleep more. So I actually went back to bed, only that I skip the part on cancelling the gym. Maybe I was just hoping the rain will stop while I nap awhile. Haha and God did listen to my thoughts because the next moment I woke up, the rain had subsided, except I had to rush a bit. I did meet my trainer on time, just didn’t have a chance to do warm up like I always did.

Anyway both of us realised I haven’t seen her for 2 months. Scary how time flies. In between, I believed I did visit the gym one more time in April. And yes I’m so unfit. Come to think about it now, I do feel sad because I took 3 months to train a teeny bit only to lose everything. Halfway through the session, I was so shacked that I actually felt giddy and she had to scale down the session. She was also quite surprised as she had done more strenuous exercises with me before. Sigh taking my back’s condition as a yardstick, I guess I’m most probably back to square one. I was telling her that means I can never slack in my exercise regime already which she replied of course, oops.

After the gym, I decided to watch Feet Unbound (which I will review separately). Just that I thought I had ample of time to reach there only to realise I actually reached there on time only. There goes my breakfast because I had been told Cathay always screen their movies on time (of course punctuality is good). I only hope I did not miss much as they were still building the background story I think when I went in. But I did wonder why is it that for all the 3 movie visits this year, I always arrived in the cinema theatre on time. Hmm I am usually not the last-minute type of person but well, this semester, I practically finished all my assignments on the deadline themselves. Still, I’m thankful GA that I managed to catch Feet Unbound. And QR, I did prove you wrong if you still remember haha. Actually the cinema is quite empty because it is a morning slot and this is a re-run of some sort. Other than me, I noticed 2 other single ladies and a handful of couples bah. Haha think the movie will only attract my genre. Oh and because Picturehouse don’t allow food so I ended up heading home to get my.. lunch. Can’t remember what happen after that except I went back to nap again. The morning gym tires me.

Then Sunday came, which I plan to first go facial then gym because I needed to go SLS too. But I realised the shop doesn’t open on Sunday, and on the spur of moment, I switch to gym first then facial. Hmm so is another hurried morning for me but it is fine because I get to sleep again while in facial haha. Not sure if I sleep too much or because I walk a lot while trying to get the Mother’s day present, I ended up gaming the whole noon. I’m delighted though that I finally found the missing recipe after playing the game 4 times. Hmm that’s the end of Chocolatier for me. Not sure if I want to try Chocolatier 2 though.

Oh ya, I would like to remember these 3 readings before I end the post:

A road trip may be a good idea. It is not where you go, but what you do when you get there that is important.

The Fool

The Fool desires to achieve great things in life, but does not always anticipate the hard work required. Full of curiosity and searching for answers, the Fool symbolizes a new beginning and endless optimism. He must be careful in the decisions he makes, as his lack of experience is often a hindrance. While others may avoid taking on insurmountable odds, The Fool will attempt to accomplish near impossible goals with almost reckless abandon.

Blessed Change

“A major life change brings you great blessings.”

Although you may feel as if your life is upside-down right now, everything that’s occurring is for the best. This card assures you that the changes in your life are actually helping you leave behind that which no longer serves you. Your spiritual purpose with the old situations is now complete. You’re urged to stay centered in grace and acceptance. Keep affirming: “I welcome Divinely inspired change, and I stay centered in the eye of the hurricane as change occurs around and within me. All change is for my highest good. I know that love is stable and always provides for me and my loved ones – no matter what our outer situations appear to be.”

Change ushers in fresh opportunities to learn, grow, prosper, and create new relationships. The key is to keep breathing and enjoy the changes, even if they’re intimidating. If the Universe pushes you toward new responsibilities, know that you’re qualified in Heaven’s eyes.

Stressful Driving

It is a post I had wanted to write for quite some time. Before I went on my long leave for my exams, as I was driving back to work, the DJ was saying that driving in Singapore is stress. And I was agreeing with DJ and that most of my stress comes from parking, and getting lost.

But I delayed the post as I was preparing my exams. Before I knew it, it was 7th May 2008, Wednesday. The “first” day I went back to work after my leave, where I was very stoned still. However, that morning, someone was more stoned than me. After boarding the bus for a few minutes, I realize I’m still in neighbourhood which should not be the case as the bus usually will hit the expressway soon. For a moment, I froze and wondered did the bus change route while I’m on leave? Then I saw the bus went a very big round my neighbourhood until a commuter went forward and ask him if there is a change in route or he is lost. The driver then admit he is lost and wanted to make a BIG detour back to the interchange, which shocked the commuter (and us on board) because there is a shorter way out to head to the expressway. At that point of time, I suddenly wondered, was the driver stressed especially when he is carrying a busload of passengers?

The driver never did apologise to the rest of us though he did say sorry to that commuter. Not sure if he did thank the commuter for leading him the way back though. Actually I’m not surprised that he doesn’t know the roads well in my neighbourhood. After all these drivers usually drive a fixed route daily, and probably don’t even stay here. Just that he reminded me of this blog that I wanted to write about…

My stress usually comes from parking, which explains why I do not drive to many places other than home and work. When I first got my license, the only places I drove were to my university’s hostel and around my neighbourhood. And that is because I do not have to park. I only started parking often 2 years ago when my dad finally allowed me to drive to work. The only problem is my workplace tends to roughen the car. This has becomes my second stress factor whenever I did not managed to get to park the “rare” slots lately haha. And because this year, I “pleaded” my dad to let me drive to school at times, my third stress came from getting lost.

In fact I think the times I got lost to school outnumber the times I managed to get to school as intended. The first time I took the wrong expressway while the second time, I almost ended up at checkpoint. Hmm then the week where my parents were holidaying, I changed the route and thankfully the first two days, I did took the route as intended only to get totally lost on the third day and almost hit back to city area (as I saw the ERP gantry switched on). I did ponder if I should go home since haha.. but I exit out and randomly drove before stopping myself at some quiet road to read the map. Actually till now, I’m still surprised all these times; I managed to find my way to reach school relatively on time. Think I got strong survival tactic whaha. (Thankfully, considering I get lost very easily.. just yesterday I was lost in my own neighbourhood while searching for a specific shop. It was my fault for not jotting down the address but I thought I should not have a problem finding it since it is a shop I have been going since secondary or jc days to purchase durian puff on Mother’s day. Except that such is a yearly affair and that I did not walk there for at least two years already.)

Hmm so yes I concur that driving in Singapore is stressful. Just see how sick QR got when he had his car the first few days, oops. So in this post I would like to take the chance to thank all the drivers whose car I sat before namely
1) My dad of course. He is my ever-so-obliging driver though he rarely picks me from uni except some rare occasion which really made my day. And the fact that he agrees to pick me from MRT every time he is at home for this semester really save me as I’m usually so tired after school.
2) QR for those 3 exam nights that you fetched me home. I’m really grateful especially the weekday’s nights. And since I’m talking about exam nights, for the past 2.5 years, I have been grateful to have Pte and classmates (and my dad) who have driven me home, or MRT. I really appreciate it. I still remember once I had a flight to catch after my last paper and a classmate offered to send me back. Sometimes, I feel I am really so lucky to meet you guys.
3) Talking about school days, of course it will start since my uni days even though I lost contact with them already. Thankful for my uni mates who drove me back sometimes too. Still remember a few occasions; this guy will drive a group of us back home. Very sweet of him haha (also very fun coz it was one group of us heading home together).
4) Then I have to thank my masters mates e.g TC, XX and others who either send me to school or send me to the nearest MRT or home. Even if it is just a ride to the nearest MRT, and though sometimes I might not have sounded appreciative, I just want to tell you guys that I actually appreciated it a lot. It’s just that you guys like to ask me about my other rides so I just reply truthfully. But I do remember the times you send me back home due to certain reasons.
5) Work wise, of course must thank my colleagues and bosses who send me to the MRT or nearby bus-stop or home sweet home haha.
6) Most probably parents of my friends who drove me home haha. Or boyfriends of my friends. Or friends of friends.. Or just friends who sent me home before la. I’m thankful for all the rides I hitched, including those taxi drivers and bus drivers.
7) As usual, I’m thankful for my GA. Even though he does not drive, he has been guiding me all these while. How else could I find my way back every time I’m lost.

My first impression of Morrie & Mitch

Source: Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
Disclaimer: This entry contains quotes from the book, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

Reading about Morrie reminds me of Randy Pausch and his famous last lecture.

The first lesson Morrie taught me, is to conduct my own living funeral if I ever have a chance. Indeed when I die, I most probably cannot hear what you have to say about me. So why not hear it when I’m still alive. It is the same mentality I should have towards the rest too, to tell them what I feel about them.

But it is easier said than done when one stays undecided on eros, philos and agape. Doc said that to like a person is a separate issue from whether the person likes you. That is why she just keeps doing what she is doing regardless of my friend’s reaction. But only she can be so self-giving bah. To show concern to someone who most probably has a lot of people showing concern already, and knowing that your concern is just so normal to him, it really takes a lot of courage. I don’t know how she does it, but each time, to muster that amount of courage, to think if one should message or not, to ponder if there would be a reply or not… is agonizing.

Maybe that is why Nike has an ad that says “Just do it!” This is to prevent you from thinking because one thinks too much and does too little in life. But I’m a thinker.

The first lesson Mitch taught me was to speed through life. He felt time were suddenly precious, water going down an open drain, and he could not move quickly enough. Instead of chasing his own fame, he wrote about famous athletes chasing theirs. He worked at a pace that knew no hours, no limits. He was in demand. He was cranked to a fifth gear, and everything he did, he did on a deadline. He exercised like a demon. He drove at breakneck speed. He made more money than he ever figured to see. He met a lady who somehow loved him despite his schedule and constant absences. His days were full, yet he remained, much of the time unsatisfied.

Did Mitch really teach me to speed through life? No, he didn’t. Through Morrie’s words, they taught me that the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We’re teaching the wrong things. And one have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it. Create your own. Which most people cannot accomplish. Thus dying may be one thing to be sad over but living unhappily is another issue.

Timely. Thanks stressor for loaning me the book. One of the stuff I agree when I was high on Wednesday, was to progress. But should I really listen to my friend’s advice? Not everybody can be a high flyer, and I never once put much emphasis on money which to some people, they would deem me childish. It is not that money is not important, else I wouldn’t be working. But do I really want that kind of life that my friend just left for? It’s something she can accept, and something I never really accept. I don’t like city life, I don’t like taking crowded public transport. I don’t like dressing up which includes make-up. Most people cannot envision why I’m willing to reach office by 7, why I’m willing to be in such an ulu place. Because the morning bus journeys are quiet. Because the morning walk to work is a treasured experience as it is close proximity with the nature.

I wanted to create my own life but my character is weak. Thus I procrastinate a lot and accomplish little. There are still many things to note in the book which I will do so another time. This post is written more for someone. Except I know his angel has already given him sound advices and he has already accepted the matter.

Never mind, it can be a post dedicated for me.

“The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it.”

ASP.Net - Close window after download prompt

Source: Madalina's Blog

I spent the whole morning before I finally found my solution in this blog. Eternally grateful for such a simple solution considering I tried everything from javascript to startupscript.

As quoted:

So what is the answer? It is simple yet not easy to be found - because you always have in mind the premise that the user must have the option of Opening/Saving the file. The answer is:

Response.AddHeader("Content-Disposition", "inline; filename=" + [file].NewFileName);

How come? Well, if you select Inline, the application will try to write the file directly to the browser. If the browser has a plugin for that type of file (for eg PDFs) the file will be opened in the new window. (Y) If the user wants to save it, the plugin has a menu bar and options for saving on disk. If the browser does not have a plugin for the file, the Open Save dialog will appear and upon any choice the new empty window will be automatically closed.

adapted from Madalina's Blog

Happy Muse

Hmm I still have not started on my themed post.. maybe will just write one and a half of them after this (depends whether my hair dries).

Just that I'm quite happy today. Still recovering especially since I'm not the only one that felt this semester is tedious. XX felt it too. And while we had been complaining that we got classes later for the past few months, suddenly we were gathered together for a post-exam dinner. I really don't know how I endured it, and how much I am actually looking forward to the upcoming public holiday which is my first real PH where I don't need to spend on school work. Err hopefully not on work either though sometimes I have to admit I prefer to go back office when there is nobody and I'm in casual wear plus the car is available.

To jio my ex-classmate and TC was a good choice haha. Together with XX, we had ordered 2 sides (mushroom & spicy chicken wings) and one main course (some steak dish). And we shared a brownie too. Surprisingly my ex-classmate ate little too plus TC wants to slim down and I'm ever conscious about my weight thus the portion actually seem just right for us. I think I can skip my gym tomorrow. A bit lazy, and tired as in for the whole week, I still have not been home early. Plus maybe I want to stay in office a bit later tomorrow.

Talking about office, hmm I'm just glad the people I trust, are truly trustworthy. I admit there was really this 5% that I thought I mistrusted somebody especially since it felt that the person will not go around telling people what she had emailed me. Because it is something that she proposed which I did not comment nor revert back ever since I got back office. But after morning's conversation and finding out it is indeed the person who spread the message herself, I totally heck care about the whole saga in a sense. To my conscious, I never once demanded anything and never will. I admit I can be outspoken and seek clarification if I see a need for it. But I will never demand for something which they felt I am not ready for, and which they give reasons e.g. I'm laid back in my attitude. Something I never once denied because I had slowed down purposefully when I chose to study as my initial pace was too fast and they were not ready to give me the responsibilities. So I decided to just study and blocked my thinking for the past 2.5 years. At least I will not feel so exasperated, or so I thought.

I know there will be people who will not know the full picture and thought I demanded for certain changes for myself. In fact comically, one of them had emailed me to congratulate me on something that I do not even know and might not come true. Of which I can only say "shi mu yi dai" bah. I have no wish to defend myself anyway except to those close to me. I know I'm overdue but seriously, if management does not want to do something, they can give you 100 possible reasons to reject and there is just nothing you can do about. Haha I also learnt what my friend always enforce on, that there are no secrets in office. It was a matter I did not mention to anybody in my department due to my own principles but which I have no control too if spread through other sources.

Oops I'm tired... think the post can wait again ... I'm just happy with today.
Thanks to XX for organising, and to TC for the lift home and to all for the insights and stories and life experience shared. So happy!

p/s: I suddenly recall about the article I was reading on Jolin Tsai in i-weekly... Did not realise she's a Virgo. But the other guy (both were advertising Taiwan which is why I'm reading because mum and colleague has been asking me if I'm interested to go or not) was saying that Taiwanese girls are very hardworking and thrifty as compared to the guys and that the guys better buck up. Hmm is it true?

Then he proceed to say especially virgos are extremely hard at work. Err.. but I did find it a coincidence that both Jolin and I valued intelligence alot. Sighz the problem with me though is I think I want to learn too much but I can't absorb and end up I don't remember what I learnt. Hmm.. so I'm still pondering if I should take that French class or not.. My friends will most probably shake their head saying first German (barely remember much already), then Japan (skuoshi) and now French haha... Well has to do with my love for Switzerland ... and Japan (though I have been strongly advised not to work in Japan due to gender discrimination)...

pp/s: Hmm and after a night's sleep, just want to say no matter what, I still appreciate my current work environment. Because .. I'm just thankful for certain things bah.

O.O.S

I'm O.O.S (Out of school, a term borrowed from bro's gf... haha).. though not officially because I'm still so worried about my last paper. Basically the effect is still on me though it had been 24 hours later.

Network security has been my only worry this whole semester to the extent I almost thought of dropping it which render a fail immediately because I thought no difference already. Anyway come 30th May or so, I should be able to know if I can graduate successfully and proceed with my commencement though this time, I don’t really bother so much. Such occasion is meant to make parents happy only. Actually when I went through my undergrad’s commencement, I never thought I would step into it for a second time. But I definitely will not go through it the third time here. (Err please don’t play a joke on me kies.)

Anyway as much as I was stoned to death and the only thing I know what to murmur was “I’m so dead” after the paper… managed to gain some conscious today to do some work and get pissed off by some comments (usual) and finally worked out (a bit cos really no stamina).. YEAH!

And read some papers which got me thinking.. for e.g. I did not realise the full impact of Cyclone Nargis on Myanmar till today. Sigh to read that the rice price might be impacted again, to see the damages incurred (while in gym), saddens me. Such that I couldn’t bear to throw away the bread that was holding the soup even though it was so tough. Thank goodness my friend finished it for me… note to self: do not ever order the soup bread in Swenson again. Also got me thinking of something else…

Then the mummy editor (haha I forgot her name, just know she’s the lady who usually write articles related to parenting) was discussing about teaching her child to be bilingual. I remembered the day before the lady passenger besides me was reading a Korean language book and I was thinking I should buck up on my mandarin now that I’m free. Oh ya she also ever discussed about blogging about her child online and what’s the impact as in, when the child grows up one day and starts to google himself/herself (assuming Google is still the number 1 search engine in the future heehee) and saw how his/her parents described him/her.. what would be the reaction. Seriously, I think it would be as shocked as if a child in the future decides to google search his/her parents and see what they had blogged about in the past on themselves during their teenage/young adult days?

Anyway I got 3 more separate themed posts to write.. hmm but I’m tired so I shall zzzz now. Afterall I think I’m too high considering initially I did not want to participate so actively in the post-exam dinner because I thought of going gym. But I ended up going gym today, and coz I jioed my ex classmate… then later his ex-colleague… then later my T.C. .. (initially I only just conveyed the message to my proj mates robotically as I was still preparing for my last paper).. and I suddenly realise if I don’t go there on time (which I planned not to initially), I might be hammered by them sia haha. And coz I jioed too many people, I became abit too excited about tomorrow’s dinner. Most importantly is because I get to try a restaurant I wanted to try before haha..

Oh ya, and I was high enough to secure a month end movie date with my friend.. yeah Sex and the City.. Waited for it for a long time manz! And to agree to all her other suggestions which include a massage session somewhere??? I better re-evaluate what I have agreed haha.. think the rest is nothing much though. Just accepting her suggestions on certain matters. But for now, I am anticipating Feet Unbound.. think I shall watch alone (prove QR wrong??? haha.. j/k). See how on Saturday.

Friendship

Source: Facebook - Forever Friends Application

Haven't really been checking my Facebook for a real long time... saw a friend engaged, some friends wishing not to go back to work (think they enjoyed their trip too much haha)... And lots of notifications which I have not really look into. But I happen to saw this notification and upon clicking "Accept", I saw a cute little bear wishing to brighten my day.. Aww.. so sweet. Thanks "Tues Chauffeur".. think that name will stick with you for a real long time even though we no longer have lessons on Tues haha.

Reminded me about a "joke" I heard from the radio. Think it was Dan&Young show.. Not sure is Dan or Young asked the other whether they ever hear a joke that will make them go "Aww". Coz jokes usually make one laugh supposedly. Then he proceed to ask "What ship will never sink?"... the answer.. indeed makes me to "Aww...".. Touched to the Max!

Oh I also accepted all the plants I received in (Lil) Green Patch... Saw they had new plants.. so cute too.. Thanks!!

Still got a lot of cute stuff sent to me which I have not accepted.. gosh Facebook always make me touched to the max haha..

李圣杰 - 最近

MTV Source: Youtube

最近
- 李圣杰

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

Bflygal's comments:
Someone in youtube commented "love...is it worth dying for?"
When I heard this song, I pondered why the guy couldn't give the girl everything, and why what he could give is not what the girl wants. Only till I watched the MTV did I realise why...
Is it worth killing someone who no longer loves you?
Are human dependable? Are human faithful?
Guess not...

Note to self: 忘了一切，闭门修炼，修身养性。

Security Intoxicated

Sleep deprivation attack:
Exhaust the batteries of the sensor nodes (belonging to the wireless network) with whom the captured node shares keys by excessive communication.
>> And I was sleep depriving myself to read this article.. how apt!

Selfish behaviour:
Fundamental in the p2p model. Selfish people is probably the majority.
>> Minimum upload limit, Maximum download limit...

Honor among thieves:
And here comes Samsara, to force all to play fair in p2p storage systems.
>> Seriously, why do I want to save my file in your disk and your file in my disk... Bizarre...

Sybil attack:
Single user pretends many fake/sybil identities
>> "sybil" is from a book "Sybil" depicting a woman with 16 personalities (multiple personality disorder).. WAH.. I need to use my toes to count.. zzz

ARGH.. most importantly, I want to ask.. why do technical research papers keep putting me to sleep... Cries upon seeing the thick stack of unread research papers...

Suddenly I feel like a little girl.... hmm wish I have power too..

Little Superhero Girl
- Corrinne May

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wild world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to run
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore
And imagine how I'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na...

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
Sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na...

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

p/s: That reminds me, Blogger's scheduled post doesn't work well with Multiply though.. hmm I might de-link Multiply.. might not.. see if I use the scheduling post often or not. Lots to do after my exams over.. but.. but.. *see left, see right*, it's not over yet leh hahahha.. I'm impatient and yet I haven't read finish so... *gives up on what I really want*

Oil Price

Source The New York Times

Not sure what article my lecturer wanted me to read when he gave me this link but I read this instead and it is a worrisome article. Because rising oil prices doesn't bodes well to economy. And it definitely doesn't bodes well to the environment. With people trying to find more oil mines, I wonder in the process, did they take precaution to ensure no damage is done to the environment...

It is also making me think carefully if I should drive to work.. sighz sometimes I think the car is more expensive to maintain than me.

Hmm anyway lecture was stating that some people believe that with fuel price increasing, the transport will be more expensive as everything will goes up. In this article, it has also state the point that an increase in oil price will curb demand and induce oil supplies (usually) but such scenarios are not happening currently. In other words, hmm.. one can only hope for the best.

Quote of the day

Source: The Negotiation Skills Company, Inc

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."
-- William James

How apt.. how apt...

On another note... lecturer had asked why would anyone buy a "Royal Salute" scotch whisky in one of his lecture. Hmm at that time I did not pay attention because I'm not a wine person. But it is said they are buying for the label... so.. how come my dad just recently acquire one... such a coincidence... shall ask him later... hmm but I like the free gift haha...

(Note: Photo provided by me. Link provided by lecturer.)

Never stop asking why...

Source: BW Online

Anyone bedeviled by a small child constantly asking "Why?" will forever be put to shame by Edwin Land, best known as the inventor of instant photography and founder of Polaroid Corp. On a sunny winter day in Santa Fe, N.M., in 1943, Land's three-year-old daughter Jennifer asked why she couldn't see the picture Land had just taken of her, right then and there. According to a speech Land gave many years later, "Stimulated by the dangerously invigorating plateau air, I thought, 'Why not, why not design a picture that can be developed right away?'"
- Mike Brewster, "Instant Photos, Lasting Fame"

Thanks to the little girl's Why.. came the invention of Polaroid... though I much prefer my digital camera..

And sigh, I kinda feel sad at how the inventor's demise came about.. why do great people end in such way? Although I feel they are humble people too who would like to leave the world quietly.. but .. sighz maybe I'm too emotional and self-perceived in my own world for my own good..

Stand out?

Sometimes I think I’m too rigid, too stubborn in my pursuit of a life that most might not agree upon.

Events like being rebuked even though in a mild tone might irked me the whole day (...) because even though I could see why I might have been wrong, I just feel that if instructions were not handed in clearly, I should have my right of way. This of course doesn’t work in the real world due to human emotional entanglements. That’s where the stakeholder’s theory came about with factors like obligations and trust factors to consider.

And when instructions were sent out last minute, but written clearly, as much as I grumbled that it is just too last minute and that I’m already on leave, I cannot and am unable to ignore the instructions. Even if I have been told countless of times that I DO NOT need to return back to finish my testing by Friday since I’m on leave already.

I know most will either say I’m
1) stupid
2) stubborn
But to say I wish to stand out.. was something I tried to avoid and am quite hurt about it. The fact that the whole plan was not clearly distributed black and white other than verbally in a fortnightly meeting has already make me disinterested in the system, which I admit is my fault. The fact that I did not take an initiative to change my connection file and waited for my colleague to do so since it is going to be a common file used by all, and I did not rush him to do so, is also my fault. So the last thing I want to be faulted is to be the cause for any parts of the plan to be affected. And even if nothing will be affected, I cannot take my leave in peace if I know someone had wanted me to finish my testing by Friday. It just bugs me the whole of yesterday that I cannot study in peace as much as my colleague already assured me that I am allowed to drag the testing since I’m on leave.

Yes, I’m stubborn. I don’t want anybody to have a handle against me. Because I have enough handles by my boss already. It is a known fact that they know clearly what I’m doing. In fact, I have been part of the gossip subject albeit unintentionally which at that time hurts me (...). But all these I asked for it, so I can’t complain. Thus why do I want to add one more handle when I can avoid. To finish the testing of the system takes me just two hours. The fact that the car is available for use and that it is a Labour Day thus nobody is in the office and I can be in casual wear, sounds good for me to go back.

What I did not expect is that no proper transport request has been generated yet. Thus all I did was to clarify with my colleague only to have him say what I did is trying to stand out. Sigh times like this I really find the real world too complicated to handle and wish to just go somewhere less developed but also less complicated to avoid all these hated office politics.

Many years ago, I had told myself to stop worrying about people’s view of me (...)… even till now, I am still trying very hard to accomplish it.