教我看世界的勇气 , 把最好的我交给爱我的手里

最好的 - 于文文&伊一
作词：李怡萱
作曲：于文文
联合创作：伊一

于：
红了的眼睛
你将我的手放在掌心
没太多言语
你的爱一向沉默安静
那一些倔强的任性
那被宠坏的孩子气
留在我的房间里
随时随地家都在这里

伊：
教我认识自己
教我看世界的勇气
把最好的我交给爱我的手里
让幸福继续陪着前进

合：
当成长写着日记
快乐悲伤我都珍惜
在最好的时刻里遇见了爱情
认真的练习认真沉溺
想在一起 

于：
关上了耳语
爱和我约定放心相信
满天的星星
太多的愿望触不可及

伊：
唯一如信仰般确定
是爱情动人的语气
能让我专心聆听
风和日丽都变成风景

于：
学着不只自己
学两人世界的勇气
看最好的我走进爱我的心里
让幸福继续陪着前进

合：
任时间筛出默契
一颗真心多不容易
在最好的时刻里酿成了爱情
醉人的微醺醉人着迷
想在一起 

于：
教我认识自己
教我看世界的勇气
把最好的我交给爱我的手里
让幸福继续陪着前进

合：
当成长写着日记
快乐悲伤我都珍惜
在最好的时刻里遇见了爱情
认真的练习认真沉溺

伊：
想在一起 于：
不再犹豫 伊：
想在一起 于：
说我愿意

于文文 say the first half of the song is a love letter of a daughter to the dad, and the second half is a love letter to the daughter's groom. I was particularly touched especially when 伊一  shared her father's letter to her, on growing up and on wedding. And I thought of my dad when I hear this song. All the reasons why I chose this path now is because of him. I always remember that scene "看最好的我走进爱我的心里 让幸福继续陪着前进".

Thank you dad. And may you be forever blessed. 

我年幼时坚持过什么

I always know song writing is tough even though I don't have the music talent. But watching the season <<无限歌谣季>> really prove how tough it is to turn someone who don't know how to sing into someone who can sing, write and maybe even dance.

Yesterday when I watched the second song written by 薛之谦 & 杨迪 again, I went back to find the first song he wrote with 岳云鹏. If I could, I would have downloaded Kugou but sadly country restrictions. Because I think I'm smitten by him haha. He has a pained look whenever he is not being funny. And a tough past which probably contributed to his pained look. All (talented) musicians probably have wider spectrum of their emotions. Maybe that's why they easily fall into the abyss of depression.

Funny that I don't have any talent but I can if I don't control myself, fall into such abyss of depression. That's why sometimes I do ask myself,

我年幼时坚持过什么， 我现在又在坚持什么呢？
还好大家匆忙没人管。。。
我疲倦的灵魂重演着, 醒来后继续活着。

p/s: No matter what risks I raised, the project will continue to repeat its mistakes. This is the reality, of how ambitious powerful people thinks they can make fast food style system implementation in this upcoming 21st century. I shudder to think of the 22nd century. GA, please, I don't wish to re-incarnate.

醒来 (Live)
- 薛之谦/岳云鹏
词：薛之谦/岳云鹏
曲：薛之谦
编曲：黎偌天

薛：
我莫名又来了孤独感
可城市分明人山车海
有一片树叶在飘过来
证明了 我的存在

岳：
我抱怨着生活的艰难
 嘲笑着别人的勇敢
要喝醉了助兴谈离散
展示出 我的难堪
那羡慕的烟火去哪了
那信任的朋友疏远了
我年幼时坚持过什么
你们还记不记得

 薛：
我轻狂的样子被席卷了
我心爱的姑娘她不等了
在生活里换来了什么
这一切值不值得

岳：
所以 请你 同意
我回去拿个行李

 薛： 如果可以 我想找回我自己

岳：
我嬉笑后怎么会伤感
还好大家匆忙没人管
谁不想有退路或依靠感
让思念入土为安

薛：
我面具已泛不出情感
感谢你赐我窒息感
让我们看上去不太艰难
心里还留着期盼

合：
我沙滩的城堡去哪了
我捍卫的小草枯萎了
我年幼时坚持过什么
你们还记不记得
 我自私的样子生长着
我内心的斗争停止了
我现在又变成了什么

薛： 这么做值不值得
岳： 所以 请你 同意
薛： 我回去拿个行李

合：
我疲倦的灵魂重演着
我沧桑的肉体缝补了
我梦境里追逐着什么
醒来后哭着笑了
醒来后继续活着

告訴自己 我要堅強

Bell 宇田
我们

記得從前的那個走廊
你搭著我的肩膀
是我一生 最好的時光
因為有你我勇敢夢想
哪怕千萬人阻擋
朋友是一種信仰

 * 好想 輕輕靠在
你的身旁 和從前一樣
不去 任何地方
只要有你 都是天堂
我的心事你幫我收藏
你頭髮我幫你綁
一起經過了憂傷
為何 眼光放得這麼長
如果最好 就在身旁

Repeat *
 好想 牽著你們
走在街上 看人來人往
就算 白髮蒼蒼
也要記得 那老地方
今天晚上我卸下了妝
看著自己的臉龐
告訴自己 我要堅強

I heard this song on 2nd June, on a train to Amsterdam Muiderpoort. The first train station I alighted a decade ago after the snow storm with my friend CL.

I have been thinking a lot of things. From friendship, work, love, marriage... I wondered, and i pondered as this song repeats again and again.

These days, I give up alot on family and friends because of the huge amount of work and stress. To the extent I worry daily, if i will die of overwork like the Japanese do. I worry about the pain on the left of my chest daily. I worry about the lack of sleep. And I think about the past where I have my friends to support me then.

How do I resolve this vicious life cycle? How will GA guide me? When I lost my wallet the next day (3rd June)... the very first time I lost a wallet.. and in a foreign country... I started reflecting. Has life brought me to such a state that I am incapable of even performing my every day duties. I am grateful that GA still protected me (I think). At least I only lost a credit card and an ov card. I dont remember what else is in the wallet other than cash and receipts. And because I got tired that I gave up collecting receipts, it felt I got tired of living and spending too.

It took me one week... and I still question myself every day... why did I lost my wallet. Is it so that I dont lose my sanity and thus this is just a pre-warning.

Month of June, where I take leave every mon & fri to force myself to rest.
Will I get the respite I need desperately? Do I know what life is installed for me? Can I find my path?

25th June update:
After taking 3 days off, I cancelled the rest of my last 2 week leave ... To be taken in Aug :)

Pitch and the power of suggestion

Is not about yanny or laurel fab that i'm posting this.. is about what Ellen said about "Hearing the exact same thing and then hear something completely different"... 

Which is my life story in this project.

I mean how often would I meet people who hear the same things as me, and yet come blaming me that I did not KT him?

Or read the same emails, and then come asking me to please response again when I did 5 minutes ago

But then actually the focus of Ellen video (to me) is all about pitch and the power of suggestion.

And I'm so going to use that next week, though I simply hate, dread that flight to that country to face those people who makes my blood boil and who chases me daily over a new tracker (imagine a list of NOT YET - sprint ready, UAT and now Closed tasks). Is like a never ending marathon seriously. Who needs running exercises when I'm running everyday from these tasks now.

But back to this laurel and yanny fab. What scares me most is that no matter how much brain wash I gave myself, telling my brain the correct answer is laurel... I just kept hearing yanny. I tried the pitch method, the brain wash method but it still don't work for me. Have I stayed out of my motherland too long that brainwashing doesn't work for me anymore?

凡所有相，皆是虚妄

从前，有个书生，他喜欢上尚府的千金
他们两情相悦，准备打算成亲了
但这位千金，却突然悔婚
书生很难过，伤心欲绝

然后他遇到了一个和尚
和尚听了他的事情，就掏出了一块镜子让他看
说，你看看你们的前世

有一个姑娘，遇贼被劫，暴尸荒野
期间，有三个男人经过
第一个男人，看了一眼，走了
第二个男人，看到姑娘尸体衣冠不整，很可怜
于是脱下了自己身上的衣服，盖住了姑娘
第三个男人，眼看姑娘暴尸荒野很可怜
于是，挖了一个坑，把姑娘埋葬了

和尚对书生说，镜中的姑娘便是你的未婚妻
而你，是那第二个男人
前世，你对姑娘有恩，所以你会和她有一段缘
是她欠你的
但她始终嫁给了第三个男人
因为，第三个男人对她恩义更重
她决定要以身相许

I was never interested in 《夸世代》until episode 32. When it repeated the story that I heard before. Which I always pondered about the significance of it on my life. And I remembered I tried to repeat this story before to...

武功分三个境界，见自己，见天地，见众生
修行也是这样，一开始，我我我，放眼远望后，方可以看到其他人

Is been a 2 years plus since I stay in Singapore with sufficient time (very judgmental on that) to arrange to meet people. And the last 2 weeks, the people I met were indeed of a wide range. I still met some of my regulars like my jap gals & my unimate-cum-colleague or my docent friend.

Then I had to meet 1 ex-colleagues who was upset with me for not sharing the good news. And which I am very touched by his kind gesture. his family had played a very significant part in my life in Melbourne and those days were very precious.

And then I met the friend I made at Domain Interchange. Another lady who also played a significant part in Melbourne too.

But what amazed me is to meet 2 other friends whom i haven't seen for a decade. I happen to be playing with the DIY coaster and decided to take a photo and send to the creator. Couldn't remember the last time we met though that was when we were both working already. After she gave up helping the family business and move into private sector, So I never met her till now.

The most amazing story though had to be my cap fren. Someone whom I haven't seen for 15 years i think. Funny that when I saw him, i just started talking like normal. And he had to remind me that we haven't met for a long time already. These are school friends who were part of my growing phase.

Am I feeling old? Perhaps because is the year again.

In any case, I feel blessed. GA always give me good friends at various stages who will advise me to the extent of nagging at me too. Like the recent one which I had just wrote a sinterklass poem to :

The first introduction letter was formal and showed your politeness The first video meeting was expensive but showed your willingness to help The first house visit was a surprise and showed your warmth But it was your constant nagging that made me realise you really are a good friend.

It was my first sinterklass poem but I did not get to see his reaction because he was not at his desk. The team said he shed a tear when he read the poem though haha. We all know personally I should leave, but professionally, I cannot leave. And thus the only other way is to keep chasing me to sleep or try not to harass me with lots of meetings.

I really do appreciate all these people who walked into my life. They make me stop to see the bigger picture.

TA GA!

Amber Light

You really don’t know much about the sweetness that life has to offer.
I want to take things easy at the amber light instead of coming to a halt at the red light or going full-speed at the green light.

<<Oh My Venus / 오 마이 비너스>> 

I wish I am at amber light now too. But maybe I have been on amber light for the last few years.

So since Dec 2015, it has been green light and I have to keep driving. Even though I'm so tired. That I only slept less than 5 hours a day for the last few days. That I nurse a headache. I kept driving. Driving myself to finish <Return of the cuckoo>. To understand why and what. To realise that Chu Ge Ge resemble Doc so much. To miss Doc's way of living. The naggings. The actions Chu Ge Ge took.

I always believe that everything happens for a reason. When I saw this last friday, I was shocked. I had reached the last episode of the drama then. I had been depressed for a few days, partly cos I need to submit my R on Sunday. Decided to go Crown to catch the CNY deco and watch my colleague play poker. Who knows I ended up lending a ear and hearing a sad tale. And seeing this phrase "祝君好运". I always wonder why the female lead name is 君好. And what does the song 祝君好 means. Aas her favourite song for so many years, I only know it today, what it really means to her. It saddens me to know that perhaps, I hardly know her.

Maybe I'm like 君好. I cannot decide. So I let GA decide for me. In a way, I let circumstances decide. But in a way, I feel that is because I just take one step at a time, letting the puzzle unravel before putting the next piece.

Sometimes I wish I can go to the future and see what's it like. Then decide on the present what should be the steps. But this isn't like a novel where I can read the ending first and then go back to the middle. But everybody keeps asking me what is my next move. Is not that I didn't. But sometimes one cannot rush the follow-ups either right. Alot of times, my actions impact not only myself but others too. So it cannot be just me making all the decisions.

Just like I keep WA someone that has blocked me, all I can do is just wait... and perhaps blog this entry in hope to understand why....

p/s: I got an answer why even before this blog is published. Such is life...
So on such a life day.. I wish such a person to have the best luck in such a future... 

The home that never is

The home that Sheba never got to see as the drilling continues...

Macabre Trade

Today is the Hungry Ghost Festival. And as I flipped through my old drafts, I remembered this old news I read in Feb 2012.

A WOMAN in northern China was sold into marriage twice within days - despite dying weeks earlier. The young woman, from Hebei Province, a large region near Beijing, died over the Lunar New Year holiday.

Her family opted to sell her body for a "ghost marriage" - a macabre union designed to prevent deceased bachelors from wandering the afterlife alone. They received 35,000 yuan ($5560), a large sum in China's still-poor rural areas.

But the deal turned sour just days later for the dead woman's new family, when robbers raided the grave and removed the bride's body to marry her off to a dead bachelor in another town for 30,000 yuan, it was claimed.

Source:theaustralia.com Reading this news remind me of the temple I once visited in Singapore.

Seng Wong Beo Temple in Tanjong Pagar, Singapore

This temple is famous for conducting "ghost marriages". Also known as Du Cheng Huang Gu Miao, meaning "Temple of the City Protector", Seng Wong Beo is a Taoist temple similor to Seng Ong Beow in Penang.

Hundreds of this ritual have so far been conducted at the temple. According to Taoist belief, the rules in Hell permit only the married to eat at the table. Children and the unmarried could only eat under the table. For that reason, the spirit of miscarried fetuses and the unmarried would not be able to receive offerings made on family altars.

Thus some families conduct a ghost marriage to upgrade their status and meal tickets in Hell. However this usually happens when the dead appear to their living relatives, seeking their help to find them a match. Though rituals conducted at ancestral altars, the dead were introduced to each other. The success of the match is determined by the casting of lots and interpretation of dreams.

During the ghost marriages, the altar is decked with paper furniture such as bed, car and other material possessions for the dead. Paper effigies of the bridal couple are positioned in worshipful posture in front of the temple deity before they are torched for the couple.
Source: singapore-traveltips

At that time, I find the tradition fascinating. At least the marriage is respectful. Unlike the case in China where it insinuates a certain demeaning feeling to the corpse bride.

In fact an old news had mentioned a case where a 52-year-old farmer Sung Tiantang had admitted to killing six women in northern Hebei province and selling their bodies to be used as ghost brides, for a total profit of less than 20,000 yuan ($2,600). And that was because there is a lack of females (corpses) due to the one child policy in China. Fresh dead bodies, known as wet goods, also could fetch higher prices than bodies buried in the grave for some time, which is known in the industry as dry goods.

Sigh this is not the Tim Burton's Corpse Bride that we are definitely dreaming about.

Pride and Prejudice (Erotic Vesion)

When I first heard about 50 shades of Grey from the radio (which I seldom hear in Oz), I was curious what is the story that could make the author so famous.

Then my colleague told me it is just a beginner cookbook, advanced and intermediate. And I gave him a blank look. How can a culinary book capture the attention of so many readers. He was of course pulling a fast one on me.

As what another friend described, this is just... female porn. And that should end the story, especially since it gives me nothing to remember about after finishing the first book. Nothing other than making me interested to read Tess of the d'Urbervilles (which after I finish it in wiki, I conclude is sufficient... like how I finish read War and Peace on wiki too.)

I probably would have finished Grey on wiki if my friend did not give me a book version to read. I'm still very much a book person as I cannot really tolerate reading novels on the screen.. that's why I gave up War and peace which is such a long novel. I have to admit I am not a literary person. I can't write flowery prose. I prefer to read and co-relate instead.

And thus, while I was flipping through old magazines to clear, I suddenly thought of Pride and Prejudice, and suddenly, it clicked. I finally understood why this first book felt so familiar. Because Ana and Mr Grey is exactly like Elizabeth and Mr Darcy. A conceited man falling in love with a witty lady.

And then I started thinking, does all love story of today starts just like Pride and Prejudice. Did feminism rise at that time. Did women learn that they should be heard and yet not be overboard. Is that why Ana is so not submissive? Why conceited Mr Grey likes to be challenge?

I know there is a second and third book. And I know it that is where the similarity ends between Grey and Darcy. But for now, I only have one burning question. How independent should a women be? And how vocal should she be? I'm confused by what the society expects. I'm confuscated with the double standards applied to both female and males.

And as I can't write well, I decided to find a picture to conclude my entry.

Filial Piety Month

It was the 7th Lunar Month and the Taoist believe it is the month of Hungry Ghost Festival where the spirits leave the lower realm for a visit as I was brought up to know since young. Thus it was the first time that I realise that Buddhism believe the 7th month to be a Filial Piety Month too.

This was based on the Ullambana origin where the Buddha had taught his disciple Maudgalyāyana how to obtain liberation for his mother, who had been reborn into a lower realm.

Source: Wikipedia

It is interesting to know the similarity in these 2 religions which involves giving offerings to the ancestors and remembering them. In addition, Ghost festival is the time where we pay respects to all the deceased, including same and younger generations (unlike Qing Ming which is generally paying homage to ancestors).

From my friend, I also learn that Buddhist chant every morning and evening. But this day, the service that we attend is a special service which she has never done. Thus we were just following what the others do. I spent 2 hours doing the rituals and chanting The Precious Litany of 88 Grand-Name Buddhas. As my mandarin isn't very good, I require the English translation to read. However I was still chanting in mandarin (reading the han yu pin yin) and thus I did not have much time to read the English interpretation at times.

After the ritual, when I was discussing with my friend, then I realised that she had said hers in English. Hmm, next time I shall read mine in English too. As of now, I only know the gist of the chants where I was paying homage to the 88 Buddhas as well as the typical stuff on the proper conduct we must have.

We also had our vegetarian lunch in the hall before we head back home. In my heart, I actually hope that through this ritual, I would help to gain some blessings for my just deceased grandpa (on the 95th day of his departure) as well as my other ancestors and lastly for the survivors too.

Source: Fo Guan Shan Melbourne

Forgotten sales technique

2 years has passed, since I taken these photos. At that time I was jobless, and directionless. I remember out of curiosity, I went to dabble roadshow sales and even telephone sales. In between, I went to help out World Vision with this event.

While managing the stall, I noticed the similarity of this event with the roadshow sales. Both requires me to approach the passer-by and create small talk with them. To elicit their interest and create an awareness to the event that I am supporting.

I still remember my sales mentor taught me that every time a passer-by passed you, if you stretch out your hand at an angle that he has to shake, then you have successfully stopped someone. The rest will then depend on your conversation technique.

How fluent is your conversation, depends on how frequent have you practiced your speech. We probably never knew (or at least I didn't know till I join them) that these roadshow salesman actually practiced their speech with each other, to perfect their skills. With more practice, you actually remember the product information better. Then you will feel less anxious when conversing with your potential audience. Also, with all these practices with your colleagues, you will have an exchange of various potential scenarios that you may encounter. This will bolster your confidence when you meet similar situations which you are prepared to react.

After that, I helped out with a few more volunteer events of various causes. I remember for eureka climb, I had to repeat the safety instructions to the participants which I had find it tough initially. But as I repeated it the tenth times, I realised it is no longer as tough as the first time.

And for the times I have to give out pamphlets to passer-by, I really noticed how it is easier to stop children and teenagers to accept your pamphlets and cutesy stuff as compared to the adults. Sometimes I do wonder why did the adults grew to say no more readily than to say yes. Are there too many pamphlets givers, roadshow agents and salesman badgering us? That the first thing we learn is to say no?

Looking back, I actually appreciate my short stint in sales as it allowed me to see behind the scenes. As I flip through the little booklet which I had been forced to take notes, I realised that even a good salesman need to work very hard to perfect his sales techniques. It's actually not just being thick-skinned though such a criteria probably would have helped you stop your potential audience.

As for back to Watato, after this event, I remember when I got back this job, the first thing I did, was to sponsor another child. Because I realised, sponsoring a child is still the easiest way to help these children. But if I can afford the time again, I hope to be able to spend some effort to participate in such events again. Even though I no longer remember what exactly happened 2 years ago, on that day, other than the beautiful outdoor performance which the children delivered.

These children are among 2 million boys and girls in Uganda who have had the tragic experience of losing one or both of their parents to HIV/AIDS, poverty or war.

Through their colorful and lively demonstration from their 'Concerts of Hope' performances, the Watoto Children's Choir hopes to move the hearts of Singaporeans as they share their stories of joy and hope, all in the hope to raise awareness of the plight of the vulnerable children affected by the devastating HIV/AIDS pandemic.

My last moments with grandpa

Day 620 has passed.

The day I learn one can actually changed her tickets 14 hours before her flight,
booked another ticket back 3 days later,
packed 7 hours before the flight
and arrived in the airport with just A backpack.

The day I learn that even with a backpack I must go to the check in counter and verify myself.

The day I learn what is the real meaning of travel light.

The day I learn that when someone passed away,
it is really without warning
and even if you wish he would leave later
perhaps a month later
he is still gone
and you have to learn what is applying urgent leave
and booking last minute flights.

Most importantly,
it is the day I learn that hunches are right.

Why I did not persist to make plans to go UK.
Why I was not able to accommodate my friends to stay in my apartment in Melbourne.
And why I had this sudden urge that I should buy that Miranda Orange Soft Drink for him
when he said he was craving for it.

It was my last glimpse of him.
It was the last thing I could do for him too.
I still remembered the last time I did something for him.. it was the 1777 call...
After that, the next time I did blog him, it was the drawing for Father's Day 2010
He was miles away then.
And I sometimes wondered if we did right to put him on so much medicine and invasive care.
Especially after reading "How Doctors Choose To Die" by Ken Murray

Torch was no doctor, but he knew he wanted a life of quality, not just quantity. Don't most of us? If there is a state-of-the-art of end-of-life care, it is this: death with dignity.

Had we put him in prolong pain?
Did he finally get his delayed relief?
Is he resting in peace now?

On Day 612, I had went to burn incense sticks as per my normal routine.
And I had prayed that he will be in peace.

On Day 629, 11 days after he departed, I had once again burnt another incense stick on Buddha day.
And this time, I wish he is happy with his new home.

R.I.P.

Skydiving

There was a parcel in my letter box when I came back to Melbourne after several flights and I immediately guessed it was my skydive video.

Re-playing the whole scene back again, I remembered my thoughts when I was weighing between a hot air balloon or a sky dive experience. Both equally important to me. One lasts a minute or two, one lasts 30 minutes. And staying at Port Douglas makes the sky dive very inaccessible unless we rent a car. Even then, we couldn't make it to Cairns city in time and had to drive all the way to the skydive site. And we couldn't make it if it did not rain which make them delay their sky dive trip till the weather turns better.

I was thinking would I be fated to attempt my skydive. And the answer from GA is, I can tick this off my bucket list. Yipee...

So it started with the interview where the guy asked if I have any last message and I actually replied Nope. In some sense I felt it is because I should be back alive so I don't see a need to leave any message. But yet I was the only one out of the 3 who had chosen to include the insurance as well. Because since young, my mum always inculcated to me that buying insurance is not about getting claims, is just to ward off the ills that may happen should you not buy at all. So I can't say I'm entirely sure I would be back alive, all I can do is to trust in my Tandem Master to bring me back to the ground safely.

And the flight up was super cold. I had left my jacket behind which was a mistake. So in the plane, I started to shiver while it escalates. In no time it went above the cloud level and the beautiful eagle-eye view was covered by white fluffy clouds. Before I knew it, it is time for the descent and I was the third in line.

I have no idea how I dropped off the plane. I did not even remember if I saw the plane above me. But I remember the full 360 degrees beautiful rainbow which one could only get because it had been raining beforehand. And this is when I have to appreciate the rain that had fallen beforehand and that had stopped timely for me to witness it while skydiving.

I did went weak during the descent and I wondered is it because of the empty stomach that caused my paleness. But I have no regrets trying it out because it really was an awesome experience... even though I look so distorted in the video that I'm wondering how much face fats do I possess... haha.

A Spoonful of Sugar

Jane (speaking): It is a game isn't it Mary Poppins?

Mary Poppins (speaking) : Well, it depends on your point of view. You see...

(kinda, sing-speaking)In every job that must be done
There is an element of fun
You find the fun and snap!
The job's a game

(now singing)
And every task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake
A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that...

A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

(Robin starts Whistling)

A robin feathering his nest
Has very little time to rest
While gathering his bits of twine and twig
Though quite intent in his pursuit
He has a merry tune to toot
He knows a song will move the job along

(Robin whistles a bit with Mary)

For a Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

[Interlude where all the toys go about putting themselves away as the children snap and the Robin whistles away. It seems so magical and I wish I can spring clean this way too...]

The honey bees that fetch the nectar
From the flowers to the comb
Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro
Because they take a little nip
From every flower that they sip
And hence (Mary's reflection echoes: And hence),
They find (Mary's reflection echoes: They find)
(together) Their task is not a grind.

(the reflection alone) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(Mary spoken to the mirror) Cheeky! (now to the children) Don't be all day about it please

Michael (yelling from inside the closet): Let me out! Let me out!

Mary (spoken to the toys): Well, that was very... Thank you now... Will you quite finish! Thank you.


Bflygal comments: I have always wanted to watch Mary Poppins esp as I have been in Melbourne for as long as the broadway has been here... but I can never find the excuse to spend the money on a theatre ticket. So I did the next best, I chose to watched Julie Andrews' Mary Poppins and what fun I had. A spoonful of sugar is what I really needed to cheer myself up.

It's been a long time since I watched a show. Perhaps my brother leaving Melbourne has made my room a tad too quiet and thus today (the 2nd day of the quiet day), I decided to waste my bandwidth and watched Mary Poppins. At least is better than watching TV.. only he can take the humour of 2 and a half man and South Park and etc.

And as usual I like this song best. Although I always thought it was a spoon full of sugar haha.. And I did not know that Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious originated from Mary Poppins haha. Trying to say this word in a breadth really makes one lightened up tremendously.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! It is time for me to shower...

p/s: that was written in 24th Feb 2011...hmm I forgot to publish it till I watched it again on 7th Jul 2011 in SG as I came back for my brother's commencement. Realized I actually had a copy in my HDD when I was clearing space haha... 

and I was seeing this scene

Mr. Banks: Just a moment, Mary Poppins. What is the meaning of this outrage?
Mary Poppins: I beg your pardon?
Mr. Banks: Will you be good enough to explain all this?
Mary Poppins: First of all, I would like to make one thing quite clear.
Mr. Banks: Yes?
Mary Poppins: I never explain anything.
[exits]

Cool.. sometimes I wanna be just like that. Never explain anything. Do as I wish hee hee.. Just recently CL asked me why am I back in SG.. while I explained is because of my brother's commencement.. I thought over it a few days later and asked myself, is there really a reason why I must fly back? Just because my visa expects me to only be in Australia for max 90 days? And when my work visa gets approve, does that mean I am no longer expected to be back in SG? My Sri Lankan lady says it best when she told my PM, I do have the flyback option, I just don't utilise it.  Because she has her hubby with her in Melbourne. But my family is still in SG, thus going back home is something I should do, without any special reason.

Anyway the reprise of A spoonful of Sugar is also lovely

A Man Has Dreams

[George Banks]
A man has dreams of walking with giants
To carve his niche in the edifice of time
Before the mortar of his zeal
Has a chance to congeal
The cup is dashed from his lips
The flame is snuffed aborning
He's bought to rack and ruin in his prime

[Bert]
Life is a rum goal, guv'nor, and that's the truth

[George Banks]
You know what I think?
It's that woman, Mary Poppins
From the moment she stepped into this house
Things began to happen to me!

[Bert]
Mary Poppins?

[George Banks]
Yes, yes of course

My world was calm, well ordered, exemplary
Then came this person with chaos in her wake
And now my life's ambitions go with one felled blow
It's quite a bitter pill to take

It's that Poppins women, she did it!

[Bert]
I know the very person you mean
Mary Poppins
She's the one what sings
A spoonful of sugar, that is all it takes
It changes bread and water into tea and cakes

[George Banks]
See, that's exactly what I mean
Changing bread and water into tea and cakes, indeed!
No wonder everything's higgledy piggledy here

[Bert]
A spoonful of sugar goes a long, long way
Have yourself an healthy helping every day
An healthy helping and crubble if you ask me

[George Banks]
Do you know what she did?
I realize it now
She tricked me into taking Jane and Michael to the bank
That's how all the trouble started

[Bert]
Tricked you in to taking the children on an outing?

[George Banks]
Yes

[Bert]
Outrageous!
A man of all the important things you have to do
Shameful!

You're a man of high position
Esteemed by your peers
And when your little tykes are cryin'
You haven't time to dry their tears
And see them grateful little faces smilin' up at you
Because, their dad, he always knows just what to do

Like you say, guv'nor
You've got to grind, grind, grind
At that grindstone
Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve
And all too soon they've up and grown
And then they've flown
And it's too late for you to give

Just that spoonful of sugar
To help the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Medicine go down

Well, good-bye, guv'nor
Sorry for your troubles

And lastly, Mary Poppins taught me never to make piecrust promise.
Easily made, easily broken.
It took me quite a few months to finally realise that if some people is sincere to pass you the photos, they will really do it at the first opportunity like how my previous apartment owner did. And some people, when she said she would but forgot it the very next moment no matter how many times I asked... I decided, is not worth keeping the photos too. Hmm talking about that though, I got other people to chase photos for when I'm back in Melbourne again haha...

How to F-O-R-G

蘇永康-那誰沒有下次
聲演：卓韻芝

It was winter solstice the day I was introduced this song.
And it was supposedly the longest winter night when I listened to this song.
And when you are all alone braving the cold winter listening to a sad song, somehow a wave of depression seems to come rushing to greet you.

The next day, trying to see if the video is true, I purposely went into Google and was greeted with this..

Image source: Google

First thought, beautiful artwork. Somehow it brought a smile after braving a cold night.
Second thought, oh so it was winter solstice. That's how I knew that I had endured a longer night than before.
Coming from the tropics, I never knew my days and nights could lengthen and shorten till I arrive here.
And that the impact really do seem great when you are not a tourist here, but someone living here.
Because the winter I experienced in Europe never seem to be so dreadful, even when I experienced a snowstorm that disrupted my train trip to Amsterdam.

Anyway as I typed in Google...
H
o
w

t
o

f
o
r
g

the first suggestion was 'How to forgive'
So the video was only partially correct.
Hmm...
I ask 2 of my friends to type that too, without explaining the context too much.
Both didn't elicit the vibe I was looking for.
Hmm one was having a summer solstice while the other was having summer all year round.
Maybe weather does play a part?

And as I replay the youtube video in my Nokia phone the whole day.
Again and again.
I kept thinking.
Between 'How to forget' and 'How to forgive'.
A 3 letters difference.
A stark difference.

Recently I just repeated to a friend this line.
It takes the same amount of time you once loved someone, to forget someone.
But had we all been looking at the wrong direction?
Should we have tasked it upon ourselves to 'forget'.
Or should we have tasked it upon ourselves to 'forgive'.
Forgive the relationship that has gone awry.
Forgive the other party who did not managed to complete the life with you.
Forgive yourself for not able to sustain and hold on to this fragile bondage.

不是每一个人可以放胆去爱，但只有真正爱过的人，痛过，但也体会到爱的真正原理。

House cleaning

I always knew it is hard work for my mum to clean up the house.. especially when we moved to a bigger apartment a decade ago. But it is only when I moved to a bigger apartment in Melbourne, that I really do understand the pains.

It is not as if the house was left in disarray. On the surface, things look fine. But when you start to touch, and as I move in, and I start to see the nooks and creaks and when I was brought up in a family where there is a certain level of hygiene (obviously not maintained by me)… I cannot help but feel the need to sanitise whatever I can. So I started with the toilet as that is nearest to the water source. Proceed to the bedroom that I will be sleeping. Found porn magazine and other trash and realised sigh, that why can’t I learn to close an eye like all my previous occupants. Anyway I gave up that Thursday night and went back to Blackman to sleep. Then Friday I decided to clean the kitchen, (as usual near the water source), and that’s when I realise what my friend had meant when she had taken the whole afternoon to scrub her oven clean… because I felt the same way for my microwave. Haha.. can see I’m the microwave person. After all I started cooking from it initially. So I cleaned the microwave and then the oven and the stove till it was passable. And I learnt why mum always clean up the kitchen after every session.. because when oil gets accumulated, it is not as simple as just wiping anymore. Even till today, I still feel that oily plastic feel. Sigh. And that includes the cabinets and stuff. I also concluded I will only move in as late as possible because afterall Blackman is newer and definitely so much cleaner. (And yes it is a good idea to do a weekly clean-up because likewise dirt when accumulated really gets stubborn.)

Once in awhile I will start to wish for mum to be here to clean for me.. and then I remind myself that the reason I moved is because it is time to take the next step. Looking back, from moving out, staying alone, cooking and now, cleaning.. I am taking steps to learn how to take care of myself. And I ought to be thankful. Obviously if I follow the typical steps of most of my counterparts, it will be moving out + cooking + cleaning lump up. The only pro, you have another person to share the burden haha. So for me, I have to do all these in baby steps.

Even as I am writing this, I still have the 2nd bedroom, the balcony and the doorway uncleaned. And I had planned to take it slowly as I am going hols for the Easter weekend. except my friend suddenly sprang a surprise and asked if can bunk in my place next week.. the day after I came back. So now pressed for time, I’m trying to clean up the 2nd bedroom as much as I could. I really hope they don’t mind the cleanliness of this place *cross fingers*.

And as usual, I will say, now that I understand how tiring it is, I should try to help my mum when back in SG.. but knowing myself, I may be out daily to lift even one finger in the household chores. But I really do appreciate her…sincerely. Thank you so much Mummy.

written on 20th April 2011

 p/s: Publishing this on Mother's Day... Obviously not hoping she will read it... just hoping for something...

What is the Singapore Embassy Number in Australia?

This is a question that suddenly popped into my mind after the Japan's earthquake.

It was dinner time on Friday and I had just reached Burnie after a 2 hours bus ride. My friend's friends had picked us up for a lovely dinner. When I went to the ladies after the meal, I saw the news of Tokyo's earthquake and immediately got worried for Senpai.

HP was on Whatsapp then and I asked her if Tokyo is having earthquake which she replied yupz. Afterthat, I guess I did not continue my chat with her as I concentrated on trying to get connected in FB (I was in rural Tasmania with limited connection). It was my only way to contact Senpai. Seriously I have to thank FB.. it was through FB that I checked my NZ fren was safe just a month ago.. and it was through FB that I managed to see Senpai posting status updates and photos.

Over the next few days, I have to admit I was in holiday and thus I still have to do my sight-seeings. But I checked occassionally to see my Senpai status. I remembered receiving an office email about a colleague then and thus I checked up on him too even though he isn't a FB contact (haha I did not think of adding him.. though he is nice.. just never felt the urge to do so). Then mum sent me a sms and told me my friend is in Tokyo shopping and Auntie was so worried for that span of time where she was uncontactable.

Hmm, I suddenly remembered how in 2007 Tokyo had a minor earthquake at the time I was in Nikko (and thus avoided it) and that my boss then even emailed me and checked on me. At that time, my classmate also did check on me and reminded me to call my mum (I had earlier on sent Mum an email actually). In some sense, I never realised how serious an earthquake could be bah. And actually I think my mum didn't know about the earthquake either then. I mean she didn't even know about some natural disaster in Osaka the day that I flew (I can't remember it now either haha.. but I remember telling her after I checked in haha)

But there is something different about the earthquake this time. Something which I did not really understand (I was deprived of my morning news that weekend) till I was back in Melbourne and HP told me the seriousness. Furushima was suffering from a nuclear crisis. Then it all made sense on why Senpai was trying to catch a flight back. And in his status updates, why he had mentioned that he will contact the SG embassy soon.

And I realised... I did not know the SG embassy number here either. It had never occurred to me to know it I guess. Later I was telling xL about it and she asked me if I really am in such a crisis, what will I do. I said check FB still because I'm still lazy to search for the number. Besides it is indeed the best way to broadcast to everybody I'm safe. I had read an article of a Canadian first hand encounter and who has posted his touching email to a very long list of friends about his current situation.. but seriously, I think I will first FB. Then I will take my time to write the long email (and say my last words just in case). Then call the embassy.

And yes, I finally did google search the SG embasy in Australia...

Singapore High Comission , Australia

17 Forster Crescent
2600
Yarralumla
Canberra
Australia
Phone:
+61-2-6273-3944
Fax:
+61-2-6273-9823
+61-2-6273-8165
Website URL:
www.mfa.gov.sg/canberra

Significance of a Proposal

Probably too many people had been talking to me about this topic which triggered my thoughts about it. The latest conversation was with my brother when he came to visit me and noticed my new toy – a ring watch.
The conversation triggered a few question markers namely:
1. Will you ever receive a ring as a gift from friends?
2. Must a proposal ring have a diamond on it?
3. Or in another perspective, can you accept a toy ring for proposal (something like what I bought for an e.g.) And backtrack to a past conversation with a friend on the significance of proposal generated the following questions
4. Can a graduate student who has not started working propose?
5. Would you accept that proposal when the future is still unknown?
6. What exactly is the significance of a proposal?
7. Can it elevate a person’s status? Or firms a relationship?
8. Is it just a mental action taken especially for long-term relationship where things do seem stagnant?
9. Does it mean you must buy a house immediately? Or starts planning for a life with each other immediately?
And then backtrack to another conversation with senpai who was ‘drilling’ me certain questions not related to proposal but nonetheless still has impact to BGR… 10. Can you accept a guy who does not have much savings?
11. Do you need a guy to hit a certain wealth marker before you embark on a permanent relationship with him?
Seriously, I’m not too sure if people had put in too much realistic expectations in love or think it is the path to financial freedom but when love and money starts to be in the equation, it makes life very complicated. I’m not saying that I believe in fairy tales where one lives happily ever after, or that I believe in Wu Xia Xiao Shuo where money never seems to run out for these heroes. But if everybody goes into a relationship with a certain level of expectations and if that expectations were not met, then are you using your heart or your head to fall in love?
Is it that tough to use both your heart and your head to fall in love? What if you are presented with 2 choices:
Guy A who doesn’t has much savings but is willing to work hard because he loves you.
Guy B who has inherited a huge pile of savings and does not need to work, thus he spends his time courting you lavishly too because he loves you just as much.
So since both guys love you just as much, never mind my theory that love cannot be compared or measured, the only difference is one who works hard versus one who does not need to work hard or maybe does not even work at all. Which do you prefer?
To me, seriously, even if the present moment shows a certain amount of security does not infer the future. And thus I can actually accept a guy who does not have much savings, and who uses a toy ring to propose to me. It surprises my senpai though because he says not many SG girls will accept it. Perhaps it is because for me, what I really want in life does not involve so much wealth. As long as it is sufficient for me to do what my heart truly desires. And love which comes in many forms, is but a bonus for me.

In Love or Being In Love?

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

- extracted from a FB photo where I was tagged for unknown reasons (ok supposed to vote but I don't know who that person is leh..).. but I found the caption thought-provoking...

So I wrote a long long rambling to a friend what is the difference of "being in love" and "in love"...

and I finally saw light of my rambling that
"being in love" means you were using your mind to convince yourself that you love that person and that you were seeing through a rose-tinted glass the beautiful image that you conjured up.

then
"in love" means that you were no longer using your mind but your heart, you were no longer holding that rose tinted glass but seeing in bright clear light, that the person in front of u is who that person really is, and that you still want that person very much despite any flaws you can detect.

So how many can claim that he/she is truly in love?

Happy Birthday, Capricorn Friend

Haha I believed you still check my blog and perhaps this would be a nice surprise to you.

So why did I dropped a post specially to wish you happy birthday?

Well initially doc had mentioned that because there is no way to contact a long lost bday gal, thus the only way is to blog and wish the bday gal happy bday. And actually at that time, I did remember your bday is today.. I had wanted to wait till 12 am to email u happy bday.. but I realized I’m 3 hours ahead of you haha. So I gave up the idea and just emailed u in the morning instead. But doc’s idea remained fresh in my mind so I decided to type a fast post during my lunch break and wish you this old friend a happy birthday. Because I remembered it was due to my blog that we regained contact.

I still remembered the last time we met; it was the day before I finally accepted my ex. I was very confused and I remembered I asked u “does holding hands matters?” And you replied nope. But somehow being me, when I let him hold my hands, I probably had accepted him subconsciously. Haha that’s why after that, every time during trekking trips, I always refused to accept anybody’s helping hands already. After that meeting, we lost contact.

I did remember contacting you on one of your bdays though. I can’t remember I sms u happy bday, or I send you a happy bday card first. The bday card which I remembered I drew a rooster, did not elicit any reply. (Don’t ask me where I sent it to, I don’t remember haha). The sms though, you responded that you just got married and that you did not invite me because you did not invite much sec sch frens in the first place. (Later on, both YL and I concluded that you no heart la… if invite the 2 of us, we will have each other’s company already what haha).

Then all was forgotten till I started clearing my online presence. At that time I really cleared up a lot of the online junk I accumulated. I removed all my Friendster information including photos. I was clearing away all my past I guessed. And I removed the blog url in Friendster. Which triggered you to Friendster msg me asking me for my blog address. I was shocked. You were the last person I expect to read my blog haha. Ok when I created the blog, we had already lost contact. And I have never once mentioned to you I have a blog. Plus even my senior said my blog is boring, always about horoscopes and lyrics only.. and gave up following already. So it came as a surprise that you knew its existence and had been following it (not so regularly though I know haha).

So let’s see when you will see this post. This will probably gauge how often you read my blog “p.

And do enjoy this special day with your beloved wife and 2 children. As your long time friend, like what I said in the email, I think the best present would be to hear your 2 children say “Happy Birthday Daddy!”. Somehow I can feel the warmth for u too =D

p/s: and we have indeed proved after all these years, that platonic relationships do exists right ;-)

pp/s: Is 2 a.m. here, but it should be 11pm back home so I think I managed to be in time to publish this haha.. Sorry, I had a steamboat gathering with my colleagues... and I needed to push out the post before this... phew at least I made it in time still "p