Thought of the day

After my previous successful thought of the day post, I decided to post another thought? Haha not really, just that my theme of this blog is indeed about my thoughts. But I'm really happy to elicit some comments on the timezone & telco issue.. it is an interesting topic. My friend had expressed surprise when I told him I blogged that topic of which I replied why not, if someone commented I learnt something new. If nobody commented, then I can always just look back and see what dumb questions I asked myself before haha.

Which makes me wonder how much of my writing is responsible writing. Hmm it's a digress thought. But I have been thinking that while I blog frankly, I must ensure I can handle all implications and repercussions my posts invoked. Most importantly though, I still hope to say what I mean because I feel responsible to myself more so than to the society and I really don't wish to live in a life of self-delusion. Although the intensity of frankness is subjective and I shall try not to be too extreme though I'm pretty extremist.

Anyway my thought of the day before I go for my long leave cum study period is on... Logical Coherence.

Have you ever wonder why you ask a question, but the other party reply in another format yet you are still able to elicit the info u want?

For e.g. someone asked me how's my weekend?
I replied that he is asking someone whose life only revolves around studies and playing chocolatier now.
He infers my weekend has been spent studying and gaming.

Another recent e.g. someone mentioned there will be a training end of the month. X will be in-charge of this project. Those interested can attend.
I inferred, it is close to my exams, thus I'm not interested to attend. So I decided to take leave that day instead.
Then the day before the training, he mentioned there will be a training tomorrow at Y time. After which X will lead the team with A, B and ME to assist him.
Thus inferring that it is now compulsory for me to attend and I was rebuked indirectly for taking leave when I informed him I had taken leave.

Imagine this is a communication between 2 computer agents. How much inference can the 2 agents elicit? Will they really be able to understand all the implications and intonations judging both examples were consisting purely of words only. Will they be able to react the exact same way too? How does one formulate logical coherence in AI? (Thought about this due to my 2 years of KE learning)

Anyway I think I read about logical coherence in my case studies.. but I can't remember which case hmm.. also not sure why I used it in that context and whether they are appropriate. Hmm heck.. back to work... sighz...

Frank Words

This is another draft post that I did not publish as I was waiting for someone’s evaluation. But I did something yesterday which made me recount about this incident again. I will still try to ask my friend about my attitude but I just wanted to unload this burden which got heavier because of what I decided to do yesterday.

I remember a particular day, MyPaper writer Mr. Chia Han Keong had written an article about being cynical in sport. He had been advised before that “it pays to be cynical in this business” because you do not want to find yourself praising a win only to realize it is but a minor achievement deemed by the rest of the world. For the record, I don’t read sports news. But I was curious with what the writer had conveyed, thus I read that section. And I asked myself, who are we to judge if this is a major or minor achievement?

News editors, writers, bloggers and even normal e-mailers all hold a weapon in their hand – Words. Their words can make the subject happy, can hurt the subject. I once thought we are always kinder to strangers, but with globalization and the bridge of telecommunication, I suppose we are getting unkind to celebrities whom I considered strangers in some sense. And if we are getting unkind to strangers, I can envision how much worst we are treating familiar people.

I possess that skill too, especially when I am in a critical mode. Which is why after that incident, I totally shun off all communication. Maybe the chocolates are a factor too as too much choco makes one moody as well as increase the potential of gaining weight. After that blog on my choco addiction, I think it went worst. I finished another half bar of choco, which my friend wanted to dispose because she did not want to eat them anymore, in a day because I was stressed up with my security assignment. After that I tried Lindt chili chocolate, which is more cherry than chili though, bought in Candy Empire because I had to get a last minute gift for my friend. Then my parents came back and brought back more Japanese chocolates. Hmm but the past few days, I had not touch much chocolates so maybe my moodiness kinda rubbed off.

Hmm I think I shall take this chance also to tell QR that period, I was avoiding you also. Because you possess that skill when you are in a hurtful mode, and somehow I felt you were hurt. I can’t be too sure because I can’t even cure myself but each time we talk, you say something hurtful unknowingly because you did not know what is troubling me that period either. And to tell you the truth, I wasn’t joking when I said I could have been dead. In fact I did not plan to tell anybody before my parents came back, though I don’t know why I told someone. That Saturday, home alone, I decided to boil water. My mum had wanted me to use the electric way to boil the kettle but I preferred the gas way, and being stubborn, I felt that I would remember that I was boiling water. Although I was stressed by my security assignment, I honestly don’t believe that is the reason why I over-boil. But I also don’t want to attribute it to the fact that I read something disturbing. I know what it says hurts me terribly even though it allows me to understand the other party’s perspective, but it is no excuse why I forgot. Except that I really wanted to retaliate and write another post to explain my own actions. But halfway, I gave up because what do I gain by explaining. I decided to shower instead to try my best to forget the entire matter. Even till now, I really am thankful for my GA for protecting me. I had asked my friend what is the impact of over-boiling, (and he thought I left the kettle in the morning and stuff and got concerned for me till I said I don’t boil water in the morning) and he told me kettle usually can withstand a lot of heat. The only worst case scenario is when the water overflow and put off the fire thus leaving only the gas to emanate the surroundings. And luckily I don’t have the habit of boiling too much water so what I got was an extremely dry and hot kettle with the fire still intact. I ended up spending the rest of the time scrubbing the kettle because of the rust. Guess it really make me forget whatever I wanted to forget.

Anyway I also don’t know how to react when xi xiong remarked that I’m alive the next day, and when QR called a few times in the week to check if I’m dead or not. I really don’t know if I had almost caused a serious accident or not. I only know after that, every time I boiled water, I stayed in the kitchen too. So maybe QR words were hurtful only because of what I had encountered. But seriously, and I think QR knows too, no matter how much hurt he can inflict on me, is nothing compared to what I had been inflicted on because of that incident.

Eugene Loh, a 938LIVE DJ, had an article on “How Words Impact Your Relationships”. In it, he advised all to “give your words more deliberation before you speak. They can build or harm relationships, and empower men or crush them.”

It was referenced to bring up that point.. and I do agree with the DJ’s perspective and his perspective. Anyway at the end of the day, I felt the fault lies with me. I had commented but not fully (because I was distracted by work) and thus conveyed the wrong meaning to them. It was a remark to state that I needed more concentration to check the figures and I will do it at night instead, except I told them in my haphazard mode of communication that “it takes a lot of patience to check through and I lack patience”. My fault is my casual use of words to say what I thought and without re-reading what I had conveyed. But I do wonder if I really should switch to proper use of words when it comes to work/studies so that while work gets efficiently done, the inter-personal relationship is forever lost.

It is this stand that I held while filling in my appraisal form comments yesterday. I asked if I should be frank or fake. Frank means I will write what I thought, without mincing a single word. Fake means I will write what I know the company wants to hear. I chose frank, and immediately my supervisor hopes to have a good talk with me if I want. Was I reckless once again? Sigh, when one is stress, one really does illogical stuff. I should not have submitted the form till I went on leave; at least I would have one less worry now.

What is spoken and what is unspoken? Times I voice my thoughts but nobody cares. And times, I no longer feel like explaining myself because I feel they don’t listen. Besides I realize words can be re-worded. A situation can be painted into another perspective to reflect the other person’s thoughts. Actually I did consider everybody’s stand when I said and did certain stuff. It is true that one cannot say something and take it back, or slap someone and say he did not mean it. Which is why what I said, had been verbal actually and only to selected people and indeed I meant what I said. But if that in people’s opinion breed negativity to the group, considering that walls have ears, then I readily admit it is my fault for voicing out. After all, I might have hidden agenda as I already said before; I possess the skill of using words to hurt people.

So once again, I admit I meant what I written yesterday, and I know the full consequence when they read it. Truth is I really want them to know it before it is too late. I don’t want to keep living behind a façade, and I really feel it is time for them to really wake up. Too many times, we have all tried to conceal the flaws and close an eye hoping the hole will mend on its own. But it did not.

Although right now, the escapist in me wish to take back that form and submit a fake opinion.. kinda like the time I said sorry when I don’t mean it. And I know it hurts, to both parties. I recently asked XDD that too, who is more hurt when one apologies politically? Interestingly he told me both because behind every such “sorry” is an untold “story”. Ya, it is untold. I wanted to tell the story a few days later but time did not permit. Besides I’m still waiting for my friend’s evaluation.

Anyway, I’m now more concerned about what I’m going to face next week. So I shall say my thanks to
1) GA for protecting me twice in fact. The second time was an honest mistake. I really did not know that bowl is not for microwave use. And I was not distracted or anything, just… blur? Hmm hopefully you can shield me from whatever that happens due to my reckless action yesterday.
2) QR for checking if I’m dead or alive. In a sense, it is still some sort of concern.
3) Doc for the postcard and good luck. Same to you.
4) A friend for the wise words and the company to watch Run, Papa, Run though I doubt I will blog about it. Kinda fall short of my expectation. And yes, I once again hide in a cinema when stressed.. sigh.
Also thanks for being my grammar checker. Both assignments were being written and submitted uneasily because I feel I could have done a better job especially my case study research. The least I could do is to send them for some stringent grammar check by a critic.. though after that evaluation, I continued to amend so I guess I incur new sentence structure problems. I have to admit my language is not good, sigh...
5) Stressor and xi xiong for checking on me sometimes too
6) My family because I’m just grateful you guys are around. Although they kept harping on the near-disaster that I caused that day, thankfully they never mention it after that. Actually, I really feel guilty about the whole incident and wish to forget it too..
7) A friend. At least I saw another perspective even though I feel I’m seriously misunderstood but I guess it doesn’t matter now. And I have to say thanks for asking about me and encouraging me.

Tarot Card - Temperance

Source : Aeclectic Tarot

TEMPERANCE

Basic Card Symbols

An angel (often female or genderless), a pool or river of water. Two cups or beakers, a fluid flowing between them.

Basic Tarot Story

Continuing on his spiritual path, the Fool begins to wonder how to reconcile the opposites that he's been facing: material and spiritual (which he hung between as the Hanged man), death and birth (the one leading into the other in the Death card). It is at this point that he comes upon a winged figure standing with one foot in a brook, the other on a rock. The radiant creature pours something from one flask into another. Drawing closer, the Fool sees that what is being poured from one flask is fire, while water flows from the other. The two are being blended together!

"How can you mix fire and water?" the Fool finally whispers. Never pausing the Angel answers, "You must have the right vessels and the right proportions." The Fool watches with wonder. "Can this be done with all opposites?" he asks. "Indeed," the Angel replies, "Any oppositions, fire and water, man and woman, thesis and anti-thesis, can be made to harmonize. It is only a lack of will, a disbelief in the possibility of unity, that keeps opposites, opposite." And that is when the Fool begins to understand that he is the one who is keeping his universe in twain, holding life/death, material world and spiritual world separate. In him, the two could merge, as in the vessels that the Angel uses to pour the elements, one to the other. All it takes, the Fool realizes, is the right proportions....and the right vessel.

Basic Tarot Meaning

It is hard, at first, to see where Sagittarius, the ruling sign of this card, fits in. Sagittarius is an expansive sign and Temperance is, on a surface level, about "tempering." Butler points out that the original pouring from cup to cup might have been about cutting wine with water. So this is a card about moderation. There is, however, another angle to the card, that of merging seemingly impossible opposites. Sagittarius, the centaur, merges beast and man into a unique creature. And then there is the bow and arrow, one moving, one stationary, working together to point the way. Temperance may be, at first glance, a warning to the Querent to "temper" their behavior, to cut their wine with water. But it may also be a reminder to the Querent that seemingly irreconcilable opposites may not be irreconcilable at all. Belief that fiery red and watery blue cannot be merged may be the only thing standing in the way of blending the two. Change the belief, measure out each with care, and you can create otherworldly violet.

Thirteen's Observations

This is one of the hardest cards to interpret. I think, perhaps, Crowley is most helpful in understanding it, as he calls the card: "alchemy." It sometimes works best for me to imagine the Angel wearing a lab coat and very carefully pouring measured amounts of colored liquids into beakers rather than cups.

This card really does seem to be less about moderation then about the Sagittarian desire to find a unified field theory, a way of blending opposites, achieving synthesis. In a reading, this card can mean that the Querent sees two opposite camps (choices, belief systems, families, friends) and no way to unite them. But sometimes the only reason the two won't blend is that we're not taking the time, not measuring out the right amounts (the Querent might, for example, be trying to merge two full families when blending has to occur bit by bit with individuals). It is also a reminder that a bow and arrow are useless apart, but together a formidable weapon. This card tells the Querent that they CAN and should put thesis and anti-thesis together to get the even more useful synthesis. But it will take time, care, patience and experimentation. And also, yes, moderation.

Bflygal's comment:
Interesting card.. everything in moderation. Sounds like a good advice for my friend too...

Thought of the day

My dad’s phone had automatically adjusted to GMT +9 because it detected that it was in Osaka… and when he came back SG, even though the time zone went back GMT +8, whatever messages we sent to him was late by an hour. After some serious findings, he manage to resolve the issue.. but it got me curious on…

1) How did the phone do an automatic time-zone update? Some told me is by entering the cell… Another told me could be tagged to the network since our phone will change network, which will then access the time-zone info. Interesting…

2) If I had specify an appointment in the hand phone at 3pm at country X. Then when I fly over to country X, should the time stay the same as 3pm (obviously should be the case) or will it get adjusted as well? This is a programmer dilemma ??

>> my friend went to clarify with someone on this matter.. apparently she will have a pop up box to ask if need adjustment to local time or not... interesting except this is still a programmer way to solve the problem..by throwing the decision making back to the user...

(and yes.. I think I'm crazy spending my time thinking about this.. because I'm demoralised as my administrator has patched the system but I still have one user unable to view ... been stressed with this problem since the upgrade is completed last week... sighz...)

p/s: the last I heard, my friend's friend got excited about this topic too and was asking around too.. he said he might consider asking a friend workin in telco about it.. haha stay tuned.

Watch the Sky of Love in a Leap Year…

When stressed, I do the most illogical things. And this semester, I did far too many illogical things to the extent; I think I might still surprise myself further. Anyway I watch Sky of Love and Leap Year last month so this is a much backdated post.

To trace back, it was a Monday when I cancelled a planned arrangement to watch the movie “Sky of Love” with another person. I rarely cancel arrangement last minute but that was really fate because in the end my friend had to cheer his gf who had a bad work day and needed some humouring hee hee. Told him I am psychic “p

I was told the story will be touching and I would cry. Let’s say the moment the story begin, I roughly guess the flow.. and towards the middle portion, I know what the whole story line is already. But that doesn’t stop me from sobbing slightly.. because it is a simple innocent love, the kind which my friend said you can never find here… maybe? This movie did not leave a very deep impression on me because the storyline is mediocre thus not much thoughts were invoked. And given that I’m writing this a month plus later, I kinda forgot the feel too. Just felt that most high school relationships don’t last but they might be the most memorable as I recalled the personal encounters my friends recounted and experienced.

A week later, I can’t exactly remember the events that made me stressed and upset. But I just wanted to watch Leap Year. Maybe the response given reinforced my desire to watch it. I mean I can understand when my friend rather watch Sky of Love than Leap Year because of his penchant towards Jap stuff… but him.. such a response hardly made me want to continue that conversation which I had initiated… Maybe it is a subtle rejection.. who knows? who cares? I do.. but I also learn that sometimes one dare not hope anymore because of the disappointment it brings time and again. I think after that incident, I refrain from getting myself embroiled in such situation again…

Anyway it was a Thursday I think when I chose to watch it. I had actually asked XDD if the movie is good because he is a movie critic. But he said he haven’t caught it and said can watch together. It caught me by surprise because we weren’t that close that time still.. just mindless chatting while waiting… It was even more amazing that I tried to challenge with time by rushing back to Tampines to see if can catch the evening movie instead of the night one.. which means having dinner later but heading home earlier. Think I was rushing a particular assignment though I can’t recall which one.

(The picture was from the website.. I like the Singapore Flyer... hmm.. maybe I might splurge on this ride... still debating... But seeing my parents took a similar ride in Osaka changed my mind that I should try it.. except their ride was so much cheaper)

Surprisingly, we were pretty punctual. The movie started with schoolgirls wondering about their future partner and the female protagonist being foretold that it has something to do with the wind, and the blue image. When she was sixth (she was born on 29th Feb) she met her first love and wrote poem on an Irish tradition to ask him to partake with her. When she was seven, they gate crash a wedding because she says weddings make her happy. When she was eight, she lied to him that her daughter happened to love the sponge cake in the café that they first met each other. When she was ninth, she no longer hold on her tenacious belief that one should only fall in love with the special someone, and that settling down really just means.. settling down.

A lot of people (including XDD) criticize the elder Chinese male as being far from the male protagonist especially since the mole has disappeared. Would it surprise you if I said I did not notice that, and that my entire focus is on the female only? I guess human only want to see what we want to see, or at least I did that haha. The songs were also melodious because they were sung by Corrinne May (partly why I wanted to watch it). And the quotes that were spewed while the narration continues were beautiful…

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves
- William Shakespeare

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous
- Albert Einstein

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it
- Jean de La Fontaine

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on
- Robert Frost

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
- Oscar Wilde

I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Weddings made her happy.. somehow when one is young, she tends to be more reckless and do the stuff that she is happy.. imagine gate crashing into a wedding as one such reckless action. Hmm kinda finds the explanation of my illogical actions.. so long I’m happy right? Unsure… Will there be repercussions? Will there be scars? She was scarred badly after her seventh birthday. So was her good friend whom carries a torch for her all these years. The most significant thing he said to her in the movie was when he explain that he know X is the one for him, when X make him forget her. It really makes sense… And when the female protagonist finally realized the significance of Wind (which happen to be my favourite element too) and how impatient she had been… somehow it got me thinking about my own impatience.

Oh ya, there was a part where the female protagonist was given a windmill and her immediate reaction is to blow it.. of which XDD suddenly look at me and said he can imagine me doing the exact same thing.. ZZZZ.. Then another part where I happen to remember my apple in the bag and was happily munching it.. when the scene changed to her eating an apple and chatting with her mum (in Cantonese .. coolz, tried to pick up some phrases haha) .. Haha, no wonder my entire focus was only glued to her. She invokes my thoughts…

Hmm decided to find some Corrinne May’s song to listen… On my way to the path… Accumulating the scars to strengthen myself… is that the reason why I had to be hurt again and again? Whatever.. now I'm just interested in Run, Papa, Run... and Feet Unbound. That reminds me, I remember I wanted to watch another documentary previously... back to surfing... (it was entitled The Kite Runner)

‘Scars (Stronger for Life)’ by Corrinne May

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don’t want to hear them say
“You’re no good at this”

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I’m meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away
All within me
That won’t bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Scars make us stronger for life

“On My Way" Corrinne May

I’m far away from what I’ve known
And there’s static on the radio
Just a girl in a car on a lonely highway
I’ve been up and down this winding road
It’s getting dark, the stores are closed
The map is wrinkled, my coffee’s turned to grey

But I’m on my way, I’m on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I’ll be alright
‘Cos I’m on my way, I’m on my way
Sweet embrace, I’m on my way

So many beat-up cars on this dirt road
I see them sputter and start to choke
How many miles must I go till I rest in your grace
I feel like giving up and letting go
Let the world invade my mind, my soul
Will this road make me, a sinner or a saint

But I’m on my way, I’m on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I’ll be alright
‘Cos I’m on my way, I’m on my way
Don’t give up on me, I’m on my way

I can picture your smiling face
Your arms stretched to hold me
Waiting there by the gate
If I ever get lost
I know that you’ll find me
There’s a cross on a hill saying
“Do not be afraid.”

I’m on my way
If I keep you in my sight
I know I’ll be alright

Dedicated to all... 许茹芸 & 阿穆隆 - 男人女人

Source of the article: Lakeakan - a multiply user whom happen to like my post "Love conquers all?"

To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.

To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if theyaren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'

To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not 'going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....

TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature, never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.

Author’s comments:
The reason I am posting is because I like the first four advices although not completely.

Single –

"A butterfly is a love note folded into two"

I still remember that quote vividly.. think it is for a movie… By the way, I don’t agree with taking your time and choosing the best because there isn’t really a best actually as you are not comparing and or choosing like how you choose fruits. That’s not accepting/finding love, that is grocery shopping. However I think the idea here is like how Li-Ann in Leap Year, waited for that special someone and not gets hitched for the sake of getting hitched (initially).

Heartbroken – have you learn from the lessons?

Naïve – Reminded me of the courage to face love…

Afraid to confess – Maybe that is the only reason why confessions were made even though we regret it later on, especially when it seems to change how we react towards each other.. in a more cold, distant, unapproachable and maybe even harsher way…

Three things never returned...
The past, the neglected opportunity, and the spoken word

Oh and to all my friends, yeah I sincerely wish you such a love although I had mentioned love comes in different forms and while most preferred eros love, if you had chosen agape, I wish you luck too. However the song dedication below is more appropriate for those who prefer eros love haha. It’s quite a simple yet sweet song which I heard it yesterday while on the journey back. The MV is very cute too.. Valen is so pretty as usual.. the guy is boyish looking too haha.. dunno who he is though. But the last part, when the girl reach out to the guy, why must the guy take so long to react ah? Zzz...

许茹芸 & 阿穆隆 - 男人女人

女: 爱爱爱爱了几回
也明白其中滋味
付出的从来不会等于收回
我却还在等待着谁能出现

男: 伤伤伤伤了几回
也曾经为爱憔悴
爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈
我却还是学不会狠心对谁

女: 男人男人多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼
男: 女人女人我答应做个好人
我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

女: 爱爱爱爱了几回
也明白其中滋味
付出的从来不会等于收回
我却还在等待着谁能出现

男: 伤伤伤伤了几回
也曾经为爱憔悴
爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈
我却还是学不会狠心对谁

女: 男人男人多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼
男: 女人女人我答应做个好人
我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

女: 男人男人多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼
男: 女人女人我答应做个好人
合: 不会再让我(你)心疼一等再等
你就是我等的那个人

男: 男人男人
女: 女人女人
合: 多么希望你是对的人

Love conquers all?

Ms Esther Au Yong wrote an article on “Why couples can’t live on love alone” in MyPaper (11th April 2008). It was with reference to the love turned sour relationship of Mr Ronald Susilo and Ms Li Jiawei. Coincidentally I had been listening to that episode by DJ FD & Glenn when they dedicated almost all the songs to this couple in one of their morning show, and decided to ask the question – Whose side are you taking? And I vaguely remembered one of the DJ side the female because she is preparing for the Olympics and should not be disturbed at this point (Bad timing by the guy I supposed, and talking of Olympics remind me of what politics can do to sports.. but I’m digressing).

I’m not sure if the entire story is authentic anyway. I mean, if you co-buy a car but under the girl’s name, I can accept it. But a house which is a condominium fyi. How naïve are you? I’m not trying to say he is a liar or he is trying to be disruptive or anything. I’m just questioning how much truth is there on “Love conquers all?” as asked by the writer.

In the face of love, the writer still retains her logic and applies the necessary legal arrangements when she bought a flat with her then boyfriend, now fiance. She owns it to herself to wise up and take care of herself. Because if she doesn’t’, who will? And while her friends thought she is overly practical, I actually agree with her action. Just as I owe it to myself to be happy, I owe it to myself to be breathing too.

Sigh which reminds me that I’m supposed to take care of myself from tonight onwards. Actually it should be manageable just that lately there is a bit more things on my plate. But I always trust myself well in handling stress because the main thing is I forget easily. I can griped and complain and whine, but by the next day, I will forget everything I said. And because GA loves me. I remember a few weeks ago I was so stressed that I had actually ended up watching Leap Years, which I felt did me lots of good. And last weekend, I had been debating if I should take time off and go out or to trap myself at home and rush my assignments. Funny how these 2 occasions presented themselves because twice, I actually felt GA telling me to just go out. And I did enjoy both times. At least I learnt to see some things in a new perspective.

What I remember significantly is the courage towards love. Many people no longer trust love anymore, especially pure innocent love. Many people deliberate and hide and escape when in the face of love. Then there are some who mention cooling off period because they got so lost towards the love they shared. (Ms Shenton was mentioning about it in MyPaper April 10th 2008 and I remember because she had use MDQE as a reference. Sigh the problem is that couple is.. well they really been through a lot since QWBWZ days.) But if one, in the face of love, does not avoid it, I guess you can say he is courageous. Even if he’s been hurt before, and chided naïve before, and no longer trust love that easily. At least he never avoids it when being approached. How many of us are willing to be that courageous towards love? How many of us are willing to give love not only a second, but third, fourth chance?

Does love conquer all? I’m not sure. But it does helps to be practical and courageous in the face of love.

I shall end by saying my thanks to
1) My colleague who had drove my friend and me to eat. Glad he remembers his “promise” to bring us there to eat since he changed his car that time, although it might be the last time there already.
2) My friends when I was utterly upset over an email even though I felt I was not at fault. Because I kept questioning myself if I really did convey such a meaning and doubting myself to the extent I was sleepless and yet unable to do the work promised. Still remember one of them asked me, why you think it’s your fault when you yourself feel you are not at fault. Kinda jolted me back to one of the ministries talk (from the previous post on Promotion, she had talked about doing things right in a later segment). I should indeed have more trust and faith towards myself. Anyway that incident taught me a valuable lesson. So I guess I should say thanks to the person that causes it, sincerely.
4) My parents, as usual. Mum kept asking me what I want her to stock up haha. I’m just glad I have the car… =D
5) Friends who cared for me especially those who expressed concern about my box of chocolates haha. Oh ya I was saying that I was stressed and GA presented those 2 opportunities to distress me. I forgot to mention he also presented chocolates haha. It started when I was in Science co-op searching for some dark choc. Then I had proceeded to 7-11 for another brand of dark choc. Last spot was in Shop&Save. But I still can’t find something more bitter.. still searching.. But I think my stress has dropped significantly since just handed in that particular assignment. So maybe my search for bittersweet choc might stop (don’t have time to shop anyway)
6) Doc for remembering what I don’t remember. And good luck for your exams. Also to a friend who’s looking for job lately. I still haven’t tried the game though haha. Actually I’m not sure if you still read my blog but I think you do. Wish you luck.
7) Lastly to a friend. Thanks for the new perspective and stories. Yeah I love stories =D

Acting Out Your Own Story

Source: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

Many thinkers and writers have likened human beings in this world to actors on a stage, this life, to one great play. But what role are you playing? Who's writing it? Are you acting out your own story? Or are you simply going through the motions in someone else's play?

We each have a set of ideas or beliefs about ourselves that define us as a central character in a "story" that we're living out. All of the elements of the story have been passed down as part of our culture or upbringing, taught or ingrained, or simply fabricated in our own minds. We then go about enacting our stories as if they were true.

The thing is, most of us don't even realise that we're enacting a story, much less someone else's story. Because of this, we're completely at the mercy of the story and its writer, how it unfolds, how we react to certain events, and the eventual course our life takes.

If we don't take the time to construct our own story, we'll continue enacting our current one, even if it isn't working for us, and even if someone else is holding the pen, or typing the keys.

So how can you discover the story you're enacting and decide if it's time to create your own spin-off?

First, assume you are in fact enacting a story. Uncover the elements of your story. Be a detective, hunting for clues. Look at all your behaviours and describe them piece by piece, until the "whole" story emerges.

Next, assess your story. Are you happy with it? What would you change, remove, or add to this story to make it more satisfying? Re-write your story - become the author of the grandest story you can envision - a story that truly inspires.

Share your new story with important people in your life. Talk about your specific role in the story and why it appeals to you. The more you talk about your new story, the more it will become a part of you.

Commit to living your new role in some way. Make at least one change that is in alignment with the new story.

Finally, explore how your new story fits into the bigger story of your family, organization, corporation, country, and the world. What contribution can your new individual story make to the bigger story?

Remember, you are the author and you can write your own story any way you wish.

Bflygal's comments:
In my own story, I will be happy no matter what because nobody owes me my happiness. It is my life, my story. And when GA takes me away from this world, I am actually anticipating it (if you think along the line that I'm forever curious, then it should not be a surprise why I'm excited at going to an unknown place). In fact, I think since young, I don't think I'm ever afraid of my own death (only afraid of my parents' leaving bah...) because of what I experienced since young.

So no, I don't need anybody's company in my last journey, esp if the person has to tell me stories and make me smile. Why not, I tell you stories and make you smile before I leave the world? And yes, I'm definitely leaving before you because it is a pact I made with my GA already. And no, I don't wish you to be unhappy at my departure. Or rather I don't subscribe to the theory that the person living is actually the more sorrowful one. Why can't both parties be happy? The one who leaves, has finish his/her job and should return to GA's arms. The one who stays, maybe he/she has not finish the job, but when done, he/she will too return to GA's arms. So why be sorrowful towards the one that left earlier?

Anyway, I'm a daydreamer (and a blogger) so story making is something I do too often already haha.

Promotion

Source: Joyce Meyer Ministries

I chanced upon this video from a friend’s friend post. (Thanks for the innovation of peer to peer networking.) The speaker is very funny, she speaks with an impact. Sometimes she sounded fierce but every point she makes, hits hard, at least to me. Because she was discussing the exact topic I had been thinking for the past few months.

Some snippets extracted (not exactly word for word and might contain my own thoughts and interpretations):

True promotions comes from God and God alone.

So if the guy is not giving you the promotion you deserve, God will circumvent. He will remove the guy, replace the guy, or move you to another organisation.

And if you really do deserve the promotion, and you are not getting it, what's wrong then?

Truth is, are you really working?

Have you been doing personal matters? Anything that you have to hide and do, there is definitely something wrong with it.

Then there is the excuse - because they don't pay me well anyway.

But are you really working 8 hours for 8 hours pay? The times you spent surfing, taking your personal calls. If you really leave at 5pm on the dot, you are actually preparing 20 minutes before it already.

And if you do not leave on time, you will not be the first one out of the carpark. You will be stuck in the long Q in McDonalds. You will miss your show. But God will notice it, He will notice this extra mile.

In addition, if things are not working well in your life, the first thing you should look at is actually yourself. Don't go blaming everybody but yourself.

Check, have you been sowing discord at work? Gossiping? Talking about the boss, the colleagues. Always using 'they' should do this, and 'they should do that'. What about 'we'? What about ownership?
(Man, I really love this segment. Somehow she made me resolved to discuss what I wish to discuss after my exams ended. Because, I really don’t want to see the culture here continue degenerating. Sometimes it pained me to see how everybody just goes about doing their stuff. The day I chose to study, 2.5 years ago, it was also due to this fact. In a sense, I thought maybe by studying, I will not focus so much and will not blame too much. But as the years go by, it got worst, and I got unhappier. But I wonder, how much can I do, how much can I convince, and how much can he listen and absorb? Of course I also must consider what is at stake but since he no longer trusts me, I think that should not be much of a problem.
On a sidenote, maybe it is indeed a blessing that my friend is leaving. At least I will clamp my mouth from now onwards. Afterall I ought to have learnt my lesson well having been the subject before last year. And ya, gossips can be frightening.. No wonder my friend gave me this advice 8 years ago.. just that being woman, I still tend to slip into such situation at times. Will try my best to refrain.)

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance
and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Most importantly, God never tells you to do something you can't do

Would you rather live your life and not need a miracle? Because most of us are just whitening our knuckles and hanging on, waiting for the miracle. Why not just live your life, enjoy your life instead of always waiting for someone, for God to bring you your joy.
(Yeah, being grateful helps a lot with the appreciation of life. I’m just grateful for having a chance to hear this video. Thanks.)

An Attitude of Gratitude

Source: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

Author Melody Beattie once said "Gratitude turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

An attitude of gratitude is one of the most useful things one can possess. It's an unending resource from which one can draw inspiration and comfort. It's also one of the most precious gifts a parent can give a child.

Have you ever wondered why it is that some children who seem to have it all are pleasant and friendly while others become spoiled? The difference is in the attitude. Some children expect to have certain things, and they soon become spoiled and easily discontented. Other children remain thankful and appreciative.

Think of adults you know that fit these descriptions. Whom do you know has a chip on their shoulder or feels the world owes them something? Whom do you know greets each discovery with appreciation? It is easy to guess who is happier and more fulfilled.

Developing a thankful attitude goes a long way toward developing a more resilient and appreciative self. Here are a few ideas for spreading the attitude of gratitude. Think about the whole process. When you receive anything, be it a child's drawing or an expensive gift, focus on how much time, effort, and thought went into the gift. Taking the time to realize how much work, caring, and thought a person has given you is a wonderful way to deepen your appreciation of both the giver and the gift.

Realize that each day is a gift. There are so many things that we take for granted. Many times we don't realize how much we actually take for granted until tragedy strikes. Take your loved ones, for example. Do you regular take time to appreciate them? To show them how much you love them? Remember, they won't be around forever.

And lower your expectations. If you keep expecting things to be in your favour, you'll be thwarted by the many things that will be unfavourable. You'll focus on the negative until you become an irritable, unpleasant grouch. But when we quit expecting the world or people to give us things, we can become more focused on enjoying the gifts that do come our way.

A good way to cultivate gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. In it, record five at least five things you can be thankful for each day. Even on seemingly lousy days, you should be able to list at least five. Look beyond the obvious. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation for life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.

The Cabbie

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. One night I took a fare at 2:30 am, when I arrived to collect,the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once. But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door.. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.
So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.'Oh, I don't mind,' she said 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'. I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,'
she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I' m tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said'You have to make a living,' she answered. 'There are other passengers,' I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly 'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~ THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

*** You won't get any big surprise if you send this to ten people.
But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on.

Bflygal's comments: I chose to share it on the blog. Thanks for the touching story. I'm teary now ..

何润东 & 陈怡蓉 - 摘星

在爱情的国度里
每个人都像个孩子
我愿为你摘下天上的每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
我愿为你摘下天上的每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴...

想像你就躲在云里
探出头来对我眨眼睛
你的笑容一点一滴的
占领我的心里没有怀疑

每当我依然在夜里
闻着你留下的旧毛衣
我的心情一直不停的
随着你的栖息起伏不定

在下雨天好想陪你出去淋雨
看着你躲在我温暖的怀里
闻着香香的身体清清晰晰的手臂
这感觉多甜蜜爱到难呼吸

我愿为你摘下天上每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
只要你能答应我从此不再离开我
我愿意为你做任何事只要你愿意

我想带你穿越满天冰天雪地
我想带你到世界最热情的岛屿
只要你能答应我一生一世陪着我
我的世界因为你而美丽

想像你就躲在云里
探出头来对我眨眼睛
你的笑容一点一滴的
占领我的心里没有怀疑

每当我依然在夜里
闻着你留下的旧毛衣
我的心情一直不停的
随着你的栖息起伏不定

在下雨天好想陪你出去淋雨
看着你躲在我温暖的怀里
闻着香香的身体清清晰晰的手臂
这感觉多甜蜜爱到难呼吸

我愿为你摘下天上每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
只要你能答应我从此不再离开我
我愿意为你做任何事只要你愿意

我想带你穿越满天冰天雪地
我想带你到世界最热情的岛屿
只要你能答应我一生一世陪着我
我的世界因为你而美丽

不管这路上经过多少荆棘
多希望你知道我对你真心真意
无论到最后结局结果是悲还是喜
我始终无怨无悔一直在这里等你

我愿为你摘下天上每颗星星
我愿为你擦去脸上的每颗泪滴
只要你能答应我从此不再离开我
我愿意为你做任何事只要你愿意

我想带你穿越满天冰天雪地
我想带你到世界最热情的岛屿
只要你能答应我一生一世陪着我
我的世界因为你而美丽

Bflygal's comment: Dedicated to QR & ??.

Air Supply - Goodbye

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

Bflygal's comments:
Although the version i was listening to was by Janice (卫兰). After 1 year plus, I ended up finding a song that explains.. except the moment is lost too.

Btw Doc, (added this para because lazy to type a new post to reply you.. and lazy to comment in your post) I don't know why I said 10 dreams leh. Maybe I was mistaken la.. coz now I can't even remember 1 dream. Maybe 10 people haha.. Dunno. And why leave me? But you reminded me a reply I gave DK.. if both of us ever fall in the lake, who should he save. I told him to save you not because I know how to swim, but because I believe you should live longer than me. So I'm not very sure your context of leaving but if anything, I really hope you have a longer life because the world needs you. Of course I don't meant you don't know about love and such.. coz u do kies. So don't argue about this point. What I say is final, as usual.

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

Angel
by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Author’s comments:
That day DK say he like a song from Sarah McLachlan, I immediately asked is it this song.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance

Hmm… haven’t heard the song for ages…

I woke up with a headache today. Funny that I finally decided to sleep and yet I end up the next day worst than if I don’t sleep. But maybe it is because of what happen yesterday… Something that reminded me of the words from Leap Year again…

Why do I love Leap Year so much? Is because of the wind? The blue image? The wait? Still can’t find time to review it, but would you believe that till now, even till now, the images are still vivid in my memory. It is so deeply etched because like the female prodigy, I can be stubborn at times. Actually I’m quite impressed with her patience, her silently waiting, her strong resolve .. but even she prove fallible when she succumb to temptation/desperation 16 years later..

Yes I fear I might have meant nothing to him which is why I just let the moment pass again though my friend said he would have gone for it. I have grown so reliant to listen to GA that I believe this is meant to be. The funny thing is before that I was actually thinking of him which explains the choice of place. Anyway I kinda not think for the past few weeks/months purely due to exhaustion… which explains my lack of attitude too. I just want.. more sleep…

Anyway it just hit upon me that week; I’m not only losing a lunch buddy. It is also my last school week thus I have been telling all to just tolerate me another 2 more lessons and I will not be in their life anymore (btw I really don’t want to fail any modules). In some sense, I said it very light-heartedly bah. But I don’t know why my heart seems heavy since last night.

It was at this point my friend made me think about what I want to do next. Then I asked him what if I really want to stay and change the culture here. He said it is not my business. Then I asked what about the government? The ministers are worried over who will be taking over them, is it not our business too? Am I not a citizen too? He said it is not my business only. Then what is my path? GA has no answer for me. In fact my heart has no answer either. What is the reason I want to leave? To run away, escaping one last time? Or to restart my life? To keep a distance with him because… if I don’t, I am scared that I will only make his angel angry.

Funnily, that week is also the week where I’m left home alone. I don’t know if I will be like how I was 2 years ago though.. because 2 years ago, at least my exams were over. But now I’m still preparing for it… so maybe I will be too tired to miss my parents?? Haha but I think not la.. they are the only people I have now… And I was joking with my mum last week that I really should follow her for tomb sweeping last weekend so that when I die, at least my ancestors will recognise me and bring me back home. Sigh the sad part is I did not manage to follow her to visit her parents’ on Sunday. Although I went there the year before, but I thought this year, I shall try to visit both sides (equal treatment) especially since they loved my brother and me when they were around. Sadly I couldn’t finish my stuff on Sunday plus I had an online meeting in the evening so I gave up following my mum. It is also the first weekend I gave up on my gym sessions totally. I’m feeling so unfit now haha.

I’m tired… seeking my angel now.. to find some comfort from him…

p/s: GA, do you think I can grad successfully? Do you think I should go to my convocation?

Pp/s: Haha I woke up and decided to continue this post... Taking this chance to say my thanks to
1) My ancestors for blessing my family this past one year. First time I drove to visit you, thanks for the smooth ride.
2) My friend for the ride to school yesterday. And it is gratifying to see how much in love you are hahah.. because I had so much fun disturbing you.
3) My dad for the ride back. Was feeling very lethargic and queasy.. luckily you were at home phew..
4) My colleagues for the fried rice and chicken for lunch today.. oh and pre-thanks for tomorrow’s lunch too
5) GA for blessing me. The distribution list is out already and this time, I did not get as much systems as compared to previously. But given my situation, I don’t think they dare to overload me with those systems too. Fear can make one thread more carefully sometimes.
6) Oh some writers for some interesting articles e.g. Ms Bevlyn Khoo’s Don’t adopt a ‘pencil attitude’ in myPaper (3rd Apr 2008). Indeed the starting journey to the unknown is always slow, and the return journey so much smoother. And Ms Wendy K Wand’s My Secret? Mummy’s ‘thankful diary’. See even mothers keep a diary to say thanks to.
7) And reporters for the news. Although the news were pretty depressing but they reminded me where my focus should be. It’s sad to read about the lady who was intelligent to get into Oxford at a very young age ending up in such predicament. It’s shocking to know that young children actually thought of teaching their teacher a lesson for making him stand on the chair. And I’m still depressed about the next generation here, if their attitude for attending interviews is an indication of the mentality here. Sigh I really don’t know how…

牛奶@咖啡 -越长大越孤单

多年以后
你回到我身边
不安全
充满了你疲倦的双眼
看着我
也告诉我
你是否
依然相信童话

你曾对我说
每颗心都寂寞
每颗心都脆弱都渴望被触摸
但你的心
永远的燃烧着
永远的
不会退缩

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不看梦想的翅膀被折断
也不得不收回曾经的话问自己
你纯真的眼睛哪去了

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不
打开保护你的降落伞
也突然间
明白未来的路
不平坦
难道说这改变是必然

多年以后
你回到我身边
不安全
充满了你疲倦的双眼
看着我
也告诉我
你是否
依然相信童话

你曾对我说
每颗心都寂寞
每颗心都脆弱都渴望被触摸
但你的心
永远的燃烧着
永远的
不会退缩

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不看梦想的翅膀被折断
也不得不收回曾经的话问自己
你纯真的眼睛哪去了

越长大越孤单
越长大越不安
也不得不
打开保护你的降落伞
也突然间
明白未来的路
不平坦
难道说这改变是必然

你曾对我说 每颗心都寂寞
每颗心都脆弱都可望被触摸
看着我 也告诉我
你的心依旧燃烧着

Author’s comments:

I think I owe Doc some words bah… 越长大越孤单 is a song actually. Anyway I don’t know what you responded coz I had to read and absorb your that chunk of stanza in one min before I rush to school. And it is in Chinese so I did not absorb anything in the end.

Actually, shall take this chance to be honest with you that lately I haven read your blog properly. Maybe after May? Coz after a while, my eyes will get tired easily already as Chinese words are usually harder to read and decipher and understand for me… I did read the line where you scald your hand of which I can only say sorry for causing you to worry. But then I know you got QQ to take care of you also. By the way I saw the bear bear already, but how come no photo of QQ and bear bear? The bear is indeed quite cute and I’m glad QQ likes it.

Then you mention you were “unhappy” to share the same line of thanks with DK. Hmm bo bian, both of you equal. Though u said he is there for me due to time zone and distance proximity and I was “quarrelling” with him that he is never there for me.. and he actually shoot back that he is and that he got hotline for me to call anytime one.. hahah… so end up the conclusion is I never utilize .. which is true because that’s me bah. I’m contented with having my GA that I got lazy trying to verbally communicate my thoughts…

Having said that, well you are right to say you should just remain as yourself, where we always talk about those topics.. so long they are topics that you are happy to discuss which you are because you always have a lot to say. If you tried DK’s style, we might end up not saying much also. The rest of the posts hmm will review again another time. Thanks for writing. And take good care of QQ, your jap lady, Katrina, your patients, your family, yourself (how’s the report btw?), boeing… and her. She’s quite lucky to be always in your thoughts no matter what. I believe she will always be in bliss because you will always think of her and wish her well.

Chocolic musing

On the way home, I thought of blogging this post. But when I reach home, I thought of gaming to forget blogging. Except I got bored of the game within a few minutes plus the fact that a friend accidentally poke some nerves of mine and made me want to grouse. And to grouse here because I no longer feel there is any point trying to make any human understand me.

Nah its just the mood. The last day of March. The day my friend had been anticipating. And as usual I don’t really look forward to days that she looks forward haha. 18 days from now, I will lose my lunch buddy. Yeah its kinda depressing considering we are the only two who will order takeaway (often) and she usually buys “lunch” in for us. Oh but that is not really the reason why I don’t look forward to today. Besides, I feel she should move on. As for me, just find another lunch buddy or skip lunch more frequently which is not really a problem considering I wish to change my constitution to eat just twice a day. So to reply my friend if I skip lunch, ya I guess so but I have been doing it on and off since secondary 2 so err… I don’t think you should worry too much. Concentrate on your surrounding bah.

So why do I dread today? Because I am in charge of today’s training. Because I had a presentation to make tonight. Because I had spent 2 sleepless nights on it. And because at the end, I still did it wrong. Someone once told me that his friend could not graduate because she did not do well for her last semester. I think I might be able to understand her sentiments then. I keep making mistakes for both modules that I don’t know if I really could graduate successfully. And the last module is a group work where I rarely contribute already.

Anyway I have downed half a tube of dark chocolate to cheer myself up. Suddenly had a strong craving for dark chocolates.. I have more to say but I rather sleep now.. and see if I can wake up later…

I do have a question though. How many dreams can one made in a span of one hour of sleep? While trying to sleep for an hour yesterday, I vaguely remembered I had more than 10 dreams maybe?

And thanks to my classmates for their advices and suggestion for case study.. sighz…