An Unexpected Day

I had dreaded today because I spent the last 3 nights attending classes, and something had depressed me lately. It got to a point I really thought of cancelling my gym session because I feel I’m dragging myself to the gym.

Then I saw this phrase “Wipes Away Every Tear”. The natural tendency is to immediately ask Pte what happened. And he sounded very hurt, very dejected. Haha he admitted that even I did not make him so lost that time.. then I jokingly tell him it is because I did not matter so much to him. Anyway it is a joke, and it doesn’t really matter (now). And no, I’m not jealous haha.. I’m just concerned to see that nick that’s why I asked. (Maybe also due to the fact that when I’m upset, I rather focus on others than myself.)

Coincidentally I saw that article later on through another person’s blog .. ok maybe not so coincident afterall because of certain reasons. And I like this phrase very much

He knows where the hurt is the deepest,
The tears of the night and the day,
And whispering softly, “I love you,”
He brushes the teardrops away. —Anon.

I told Pte that when I read this phrase, I just felt a fuzzy feeling. Haha but the quote that he preferred is this:

Even though friends can be a help, only Christ can reach beyond our tears and touch the deep hurts of our hearts. His comfort can carry us through the struggles of our lives until that day when God Himself wipes away every tear from our eyes (Rev. 21:4). —Bill Crowder

Anyway, I found out that Pte has a blog. I was so engrossed reading it that I forgot my afternoon training session till my boss came 5 minutes beforehand to ask me if the training is still being held. I gave him a shock look, telling him I actually forgot about it, then ran all the way across the street to another building where I was supposed to conduct the training. I think I heard him asking if I need him to attend but I did not reply because I was trying to get the key to the training room. Haha anyway I managed to get the key, start the system and gave the demonstration to 2 out of the 6 users. The other 4 were still stuck in another training session and I guess it is tough to get them down. Then I came back to report to my boss the training session, and rush out the user manual because one of them wanted it. Besides maybe if the other users can understand the system based on the manual, I might not need to conduct a second training. *evil grin* But I left it to the rest to decide if they need training or not.

Then it is back to the blog. There was this line where I was supposed to have told him that “I will be happier without him”. I asked him did I really say that because that sounds so critical. And he replied me that it is in the past and it does not matter, of which I replied “Insensitive”. Was I saying I’m insensitive or he’s insensitive haha. Actually I was saying him but I did not elaborate because I was packing up to go already (especially since I’m still dragging myself to the gym.) Anyway I decided not to clarify with him because I’m almost 1 year late.. thus it really is the past and I decided it is only for me to know that sometimes, the words I used don’t really mean what I had intended to mean i.e. I should THINK before I speak. Because in my opinion, I never felt that I will be happier without him, I only felt that he will be happier without me.

Anyway this situation reminded me of the recent words I used to someone else. I mentioned that I will definitely reach my goal before he does. Not sure if he mistook anyway but I don’t wish to elaborate anymore already. To avoid affecting his decision, I chose not to even talk to him. I think he has already submit the decision and I know this is actually the best for him but sighz, I still can’t help feeling sad especially when I was given a chance to make the switch but I gave it up. But it was my choice so I can only blame myself. Weird though that I suddenly remembered months ago, I had accidentally ventured in unknown grounds and felt I was kinda punished by his GA. Although it is true that

God is not vengeance, God is love. His only form of punishment is to make someone who interrupts a work of love continue it.
- A quote from The Pilgrimage

But GA can be fiercely protective of the person they are protecting and though I don’t remember what I did, I just had a vague feeling I did something wrong and was punished quite severely. Thus this time, I threaded exceptionally careful and chose rather to avoid than to confront. Anyway his GA will protect him, this I’m sure so maybe I should just back off.

While reading the blog, I was thinking though, why Pte had faced a similar situation I’m facing. But he had once embraced it, thus it is easier for him to go back to it (though not entirely for her sake). I, on the other hand, had made a pact with God thus I would not allow myself to break the pact. Neither do I ever want him to break his promise either. The funny thing is Pte is giving up .. not funny in that humorous way, more so in a sad way. And I actually know why he failed, he knows it too. Just that they could really be perfect for each other if they can overcome certain tendencies. It’s weird that I feel everybody around me actually had a better chance than I have, and yet all around me, all are feeling dejected (and I ended up comforting them instead haha.. )

Sometimes, I think I really should analyse my brain especially the fact that I was reading his entries on how he chased the girl.. I mean those are stuff I should avoid because my natural tendency is to ask why he never really bother to do such stuff to me. Then I would reason and say because we were younger and thus courtship was much simpler? Then I would ask myself would I ever be courted again.. only to remember some people never believed in courtship.. oh and GA reminded me my fate wahahha.

Anyway what actually made my day is my gym session. Funny that I had dreaded seeing my trainer (though I have to admit she is GOOD!) because I’m mentally drained. Yet I actually had fun today. It started because she felt that today’s gym suddenly got crowded and she told me because the “men” were taking their own sweet time. Then I told her I don’t know how to identify and she started pointing out to me. She said she’s been here long so roughly will know already. Of course there are some that are obvious because they were exercising together in a couple way. Anyway saw one sufficiently famous actor who she told me is gay too and that it is not a rumour haha. And I suddenly remember my classmate claiming that his distant cousin (another quite famous actor) is definitely not a gay. That reaction by him was very funny, plus the fact he actually read through that flowerpod thread (but then he can be very nosey when he wants haha). Out of sheer curiosity, I asked if there are les around and she said rare bah. Haha I have to admit though that whenever I go gym, I rarely see guys though. I will only see girls, and envy their shapely legs or toned abs…

Oh but there was a pretty cute Chinese guy today too.. though I did wonder if he’s .. hmm.. but no harm bioing abit. Actually this week has been a “good” week as I remembered I had seen another cute Eurasian guy 3-4 days ago. That guy was more interesting because when I first noticed him, he did not wear his glasses. Then halfway through the MRT ride, he suddenly wore his glasses and looked so scholarly. Either image looks.. pretty good to me hahaha. Anyway it was more of my conversation with my trainer that made my day although I still cannot decipher when he’s not and when he’s.

THINK before you speak

Koped from Private.... heehee my nick for him now. Didn't realise he is SO private that he hid his blog from me sia.. if not because of his "weird" nick today, I wouldn't know more about his thoughts... sighz there is some element of irony though.. but thou shall not dwell... Oh and I quite like his nick though.. later..

A story told by his pastor:

There was once a man, whom was guilty of slandering (lying and telling untruths) his neighbors and friends. So one day he went to his pastor and asked, "Pastor pastor, I am guilty of slandering my friends and neighbours. What can I do to make it right?"

So the pastor handed him a big bag filled with feathers and said to him, "Son, go to the house of every one whom you have slandered and there, drop a handful of feathers."

The man did as the pastor said and spent the day going around the town, dropping feathers at each of the houses. When the bag was empty, he returned to the pastor and said, "Pastor pastor, I've did as you instructed. I've put a handful of feathers at the house of each of those whom I've said untruths about."

The pastor nodded and said, "Very good son, now tomorrow, I want you to take the bag and put the feathers back in."

The man was shocked upon hearing it and replied, "But but its impossible! The wind would have blown the feathers away."

Smiling at him, the pastor replied, "And so it is with words, once you have spoken them, it is impossible to take them back."

T - True? Is what you say the truth?
H - Helpful? Is what you say helpful to others?
I - Inspiring? Is what you say of benefit to others?
N - Necessary? Is what you say of necessity?
K - Kind? Is what you say kind?

I told Private.. that there are times when we had to say necessary words, but these are not exactly kind words.. may sound unkind if the intonation is wrong. But they were necessary, and truthful.. not sure if helpful or inspiring though. Anyway it is just my thought because I recently sent a pretty unkind email (in my own standard) due to my resentment. But it is to explain my own stand, and hopefully to let him understand that whatever critical words I said, I sincerely do want him well still. Sighz not sure if my message gets across.

Oh ya, today DOC says I'm very harsh on myself.. because I told her how much I want to love my job and why I kept failing it though. And I kinda hate myself because I tend to back out everytime I meet some weird bug.. and yet .. sighz I don't think I want to elaborate...

Anyway I'm thankful though that she enlighten me greatly with regards to IT & Healthcare, a topic that I have been thinking about for sometimes. She reminded me at least that as doctors, the main aim is to cure not only the disease but to heal the person too. This is something I hope to remember forever.. never to let IT replace the doctors.

Why I did not want to watch another romantic comedy again?

Article : AsiaOne - Why I did not want to watch another romantic comedy again?

Written by:
Geraldine Ling
Mon, Jan 28, 2008

Senior was trying to "suan" me with another article because I told him I was sleep-cleaning last night again. It is really a slow process because I'm a collector and this year, I not only decide to throw out most of the "collection", I tried to segregate them for recycling. Thus my room ended up more messy and I had to fend off grumblings from both my parents for
1) throwing out too much stuff that he cannot go through and see if he wants or not
2) taking too much space and putting too much effort to recylce
blah blah blah...

Then I happen to see Ms. Geraldine Ling's article and was curious haha. Afterall I admit I'm still smitten by such movies though lately I haven't catch any at all. What piqued my interest is this paragraph

"Young people nowadays focus too much on romantic love," he remarked with a wry grin. "There are other things out there that are so much more important than love between a man and a woman.

"Look around you. Can you see the green grass rustling and swaying in the wind? And the blue sky above you?

"What about the laughter from your classmates as they share a joke with you? And the kindness from your family? Aren't these on par, or more important than, romantic love?

"Don’t let the fear of loneliness rob you of appreciating life for what it can be."

This is something I advocate too. This festive season will be unlike my last few years.. It will be spent on books, gym, and sleep… Shhhh...

Dreams - Good Fight (Good Combat)

URL: WarriorOfTheLight

The journey, which prior to this was torture because all you wanted to do was get there, is now beginning to become a pleasure. It is the pleasure of searching and the pleasure of an adventure. You are nourishing something that’s very important – your dreams.

We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide nourishment for the soul, just as a meal does for the body. Many times in our lives we see our dreams shattered and our desires frustrated, but we have to continue dreaming. If we don’t, our soul dies, and agape cannot reach it. A lot of blood has been shed in those fields out there; some of the cruellest battles of Spain’s war to expel the Moors were fought on them. Who was in the right or who knew the truth does not matter; what’s important is knowing that both sides were fighting the good fight.

The good fight is the one we fight because our heart asks it of us. In the heroic ages – at the time of the knights in armour – this was easy. There were lands to conquer and much to do. Today, though, the world has changed a lot, and the good fight has shifted from the battlefields to the fields within ourselves.

The good fight is the one that’s fought in the name of our dreams. When we’re young and our dreams first explode inside us with all of their force, we are very courageous, but we haven’t yet learned how to fight. With great effort, we learn how to fight, but by then we no longer have the courage to go into combat. So we turn against ourselves and do battle within. We become our own worst enemy. We say that our dreams were childish, or too difficult to realize, or the result of our not having known enough about life. We kill our dreams because we are afraid to fight the good fight.

Author’s comments:
I wouldn’t say I have released the pent-up resentment, but my brain works in such a weird way that it suddenly remind me of The Pilgrimage and asked me to re-read the article. And the paragraph that caught my attention is none other than the one that mentions about Dreams and Good Fight.

In his web, he had further elaborated on the symptoms that killed our dreams:
1) Lack of time.

The busiest people I have met in my lifetime always had time for everything. Those who did nothing were always tired, couldn't cope with the little work they had to do, and complained that the days were too short: in reality, they were scared to engage in Good Combat.

2) Our certainties.

Because we do not wish to accept life as a great adventure to be lived, we start to see ourselves as wise, just and correct in the little we demand of our existence. We look beyond the battlements of our everyday lives, hear the sound of clashing lances, smell the sweat and gunpowder, the great falls and warriors' thirsty glare of victory. But we never notice the joy, the immense Joy dwelling in the hearts of those who fight, because they do not care about victory nor defeat, the important thing is to engage in Good Combat.

3) (And the last one) Peace.

Life becomes a Sunday afternoon, with no great demands, certainly nothing greater than we are willing to give. And so we think we are mature, having left behind childish fantasies, and having achieved personal and professional success. But in truth, in our innermost heart, we know that what happened was that we renounced the fight for our dreams, ceased to engage in Good Combat.

And his last 2 paragraph shocked me:

"When we renounce our dreams and find peace, we encounter a short period of tranquility. But the dead dreams start to rot inside us, and infest every part of our lives.

"We start to become cruel to those around us, and in the end we turn this cruelty upon ourselves. Illnesses and psychoses emerge. That which we sought to avoid in combat - deception and defeat - becomes the only legacy of our cowardice. And one fine day, the dead, rotten dreams make the air difficult to breathe and we begin to long for death, which delivers us from our certainties, from our preoccupations, and from that terrible Sunday afternoon peace."

Scary! And I just told GA that all I want is Peace. Is this the answer? The reason I have to continue this journey with my pent-up resentment. For the sake of fighting a good fight? Even if I may be bruised and battered? Sighz my new classmate’s words haunt me though… he said even though this is the last semester, he does not wish to slacken and just get by because he worked very hard to get his CAP. (That guy is quite a go-getter that juggles much stuff and is so busy but still seems quite energetic. Guess one should really believe in mind power and strong belief.)

The truth is I did not want to either, which is why I tried to drop this module. But maybe, this is a fight I have to embark. If so then I can only wish one thing for myself, grant me the strength and determination to pull through like how I did for my AI.. sighz God knows how much time and effort I expended just to do well in the finals to scrap that paltry grade.

Resentment...

I have resentment, as much as I don’t wish to acknowledge that it has been building in me. It is one of the reasons why I refuse to continue watching The Secret. I remember it started saying that if you keep thinking of the good things, you focus on the things you want, life will try to alter and you will get it.

I remember my friend had wanted me to watch it to salvage a relationship, a year ago. But I did not register that advice that time. And I thought now, since it is fate, I should listen to it. Unfortunately I never did complete the video due to sheer tiredness. And now I don’t know if I’m being too critical on it.

This must be the first time I don’t want CNY to start. In fact, I’m dreading it. My spring cleaning is still incomplete. And every night, I dragged myself home and sleep-clean. I know I asked for it sometimes because I got so tired I just end up chatting and venting some anger..

Maybe because today suddenly so many systems call for my attention that it totally spoil my day, my appetite and makes me so resentful I just want to pen it out. I usually read the stars for fun. But it seems dreadful if all of them keep telling me that my new year will be very tough, all because I have 2 stars that are supposed to help me. But to help me, I have to be in dire situation, the drearier the situation, the more obvious I know the stars are helping me. But GA, I don’t want any obstacles, I only want peace. I don’t mind just maintaining status quo, please…

I was told to be brave, to persevere and that I will see the silver lining at the end of the situation.. I was told to believe that everything will work out. Will it? I know my standard, 3 years as an undergraduate, I never did pass much of my programming assignments. The worst experience is when I took the AI module which my senior suggested saying it is easy, only to fail both the test and the programming assignment and barely scrapped a D for it. After that, I shunned all modules which need programming except HCI which was relatively easy because it was VB.Net.

GA, I tried to get out of this course. I know I cannot code in C, but why, why did you still make me take this course. I feel so betrayed, and yet I shouldn’t be. I am so paradoxical now. People have a chance to drop it, but I cannot. I only see one path for it, and if I refuse to accept it, it is suicidal to me. I hate this feeling.

I really don’t want CNY to come if all that comes are just obstacles. Because I fear, that I don’t have the courage to preserve. I know if I get through all these, I might become stronger, but today, I really feel so powerless that I just want to cry. I don’t even want to attend tonight’s class…

80 floor

There were once 2 brothers who lived on the 80th level. On coming home
one day, they realized to their dismay that the lifts were not working
and that they had to climb the stairs home.

After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decided to
abandon their bags and come back for them. They left their bags there
and climbed on.

When they struggled to the 40th level, the younger brother started to
grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the
flights of steps, quarrelling all the way to the 60th floor.

They then realized that they had only 20 levels more to climb and
decided to stop quarrelling and continue climbing in peace. They
silently climbed on and reached their home at long last. Each stood
calmly before the door and waited for the other to open the door. And
they realized that the key was in their bags which were left on the 20th
floor ......

This story is a reflection on our lives...

Many of us live for the expectations of our parents, teachers and
friends when we were young. We seldom get to do the things that we
really like or love. It is under so much pressure and stress that by our
early 20s, we get tired and decide to dump this load.... and enjoy
life. Being free of the stress and pressure, we work enthusiastically
and dream ambitious dreams.

But by the time we reach our 40s, we start to lose our vision and along
with that, our dreams and goal in life. We began to feel unsatisfied and
start to complain and criticize. We live life in misery as we are never
satisfied. Reaching 60, we realize that we have little time left for
complaining and we began to walk the final episode in peace and
calmness. We think that there is nothing left that could disappoint us,
only to realize that we cannot rest in peace because we have an
unfulfilled dream.....a dream we abandoned about 60 plus years ago......

So what is your dream? ......Keep them alive.... Follow your dreams so
that you will not live with regrets...... and you will have stories to
share with your loved ones.

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would
shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall
in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change.
So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's
comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if
you're very lucky, a plane ride away..."

Author’s comments:
Weird, GA must have heard me today. Else why would I check my office mail now only to see this mail… haha

Today I went to Bugis gym for the first time. And the place is indeed spacious. Like a lost child, I had to first figure out where is the towel corner, then the Ladies. Oh even the shower rooms are pretty spacious. No wonder I read in forum before that Bugis gym is very spacious one. But I had to go through a few rounds before I finally figured out where the toilet, the sauna, steam room and etc are located. Then I had to go through another few rounds to familiarise the equipments. Saw some weird (new) equipment too haha.. but couldn’t figure out how to use them.

It was at this time that I caught sight of the beautiful scenery overlooking the gym. I remembered the sales manager was telling me before that if he were to exercise, his first choice would be Bugis, then Orchard, Novena then Raffles. And that most of his clients train in Bugis because of the scenery.

While looking at the scenery, I suddenly thought about my dream.. and was thinking aloud to God on it. Guess this is the reply…

First Name? Last Name?

Name is something that I am quite particular about. My first recollection on seeing the words “first name” and “last name” was when I was filling up a form in USA. At that time I asked my parents what is the meaning, and how do I fill it up. Actually I couldn’t recall their answer now, but I remembered it became a habit to me to fill up my surname as “last name” and given name as “first name”.

On and off, I always doubt if my own definition is right because the letters kept addressing wrongly. And a few months back a friend was asking me again the definition of first name and last name because he was filling up his resume. I remember telling him my definition but he did not believe me haha. Not sure what format he adopted in the end.

So why did I went to research on this definition today? Because I was at MyHeritage.com and this doubt on the definition of name came floating back to my mind. A search in Wiki states that

Most noticeably, a Chinese name is written with the family name (surname or last name) first and the given name next, therefore "John Smith" as a Chinese name would be "Smith John". For instance, the basketball player who is commonly called Yao Ming would be addressed as "Mr. Yao", not "Mr. Ming".

Yes, another thing I do not like is to be addressed as Ms. (Given Name). My classmates could not understand why the particularity and I did not explain further. Wiki reminded me this recent incident though. Maybe since young, people noticed that my name format is quite different from others already. Thus I developed a particular sensitivity towards my name. After all I am always asked to repeat my full name, twice. And each time, the caller stills doubt me in the end haha.

Actually I did not meant to be fussy with the address terms, just that sometimes I feel that my surname should be the focus, as a form of respect to my ancestor, who are after all my heritage. Anyway I have yet to register MyHeritage.com, when I have time again…

Developing an Attractive Attitude

Source: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

In a previous programme, we talked about how a positive and energy-giving life attitude is the most important quality we should look for in a life partner. However, as we get ready to seek our future partners, we often neglect our own attitude towards our own lives.

For just as we increasingly understand the value of a happy and fulfilled disposition in a life mate, they are also waking up to this fact. They are also looking for the same qualities in us.

How you feel about your life now as a single person and the possibility that you might stay single, affects how you come across to others. If you hate your life, think that being in a relationship is the only way to live, and look towards a future as a single as depressing, sad, or bleak, believe me, that shows. And it is very unattractive.

Not only is it unattractive, this kind of mentality makes you feel insecure, needy and desperate. This frame of mind clouds your judgement when it comes to sorting through spousal possibilities. If the thought of leading a single's life scares you, then you're very likely to build most of your life towards that goal of finding a mate. A mission that can become so consuming that you feel compelled to throw yourself at the first person who shows a bit of interest in you. With that kind of compulsion, how can you make a good judgement? You'll very likely scare off the other person too!

So how do you stay centred and clear-headed?

Well, begin by thinking about how you can improve your life as a single. What are the talents you can hone and sharpen? Could you cultivate more meaningful friendships? How can you improve your mind and body, naturally, so you can feel better about yourself?

Stop thinking about being in a relationship. That possibility is not definite for anybody. Instead, if you knew, right now, that you were going to spend the rest of your life as a single, what would you need to do so that you would have an interesting and vital life? You know, love is a funny thing, people say, you can search for it your whole life and not find it, yet, the moment you stop looking for it, it can literally bump into you on the street. So let it go, be good to yourself, develop a fulfilling and happy relationship with yourself and you'll find that more doors will open that way.

The balance you feel and your satisfaction with what you have will be exciting and attractive to others.

Bflygal's comments:
I just realised other than Happiness, Love too is just under your feet. To stop searching for Happiness, to stop searching for Love.. because they were always right here besides you. Because you should be happy now. Because you should feel love now. You just need to know you are being loved.

I am still not sure about my modules, and I admit I was quite upset and blur about the whole event. But deep down, I am still thankful that all these people had tried to update me about their situations. And grateful they got what they wanted.

Most importantly, I am grateful for this article.

張紹涵 - 親愛的,那不是愛情

URL: Music Video

作詞：方文山
作曲：周杰倫

教室里那台风琴 叮咚叮咚叮咛
像你告白的声音 动作一直很轻
微笑看你送完信 转身离开的背影
喜欢你字迹清秀的关心

那温热的牛奶瓶 在我手中握紧
有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马 在脑海里转不停
出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

那温热的牛奶瓶 在我手中握紧
有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马 在脑海里转不停
出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

Bflygal's comments:
First song I really heard in office, had to be this song. Someone had asked me to hear this song. The irony is he had told me something the night before.. something that saddened me. A sad feeling that keeps gnawing me for the past 3 days... even though I kept telling myself to focus on happy thoughts. To the extent when I drove today, I ended up not only speeding, I was pretty reckless too. I kept switching lanes... to keep my mind occupied. That's why I did not even listen to the radio in the background at all. That's why this song became the first song I heard today.

If DK really exists, can I read Tian Shu? And if I sought Tian Shu's help, I will have to know how I die. Hmm sounds abit like the Pilgrimage. But that is besides the point. The point is, whether I believe what he says, I am still upset. The only consolation is I felt GA's comfort last night at my lowest ebb.

Maybe it is a mistake.

难以走近的五名星座

URL: http://www.d1xz.net/show.aspx?id=12427

1、天秤座

天秤座算是属于比较爱交朋友的星座，那奇怪怎么会排在第一位？还是因为风向的天秤座重用“大脑”而轻用“心灵”。他/她自然可以和你一见如故话语投机甚至成百年之交，但是他/她也可以和很多人达成“共识”。交往的本能演变成一种人际手段，那么心灵的真感觉和新鲜的沟通方式，就很少有了。你永远觉得他/她和你有一个固定的距离，就是走不近。

2、双子座

那个天天和你粘在一起处处纠缠着你的双子座？呵呵，正因为这样，他/她兴趣消失的时候也走的更远。双子座属于害羞的孩子星座，所以刚开始密切交往的时候你会觉得慢慢在接受他，保护他，但是却总是难以了解他多变的一面。也拿捏不定他的心里在想什么。而再深刻的情侣关系，之间再浪漫，总是会发现这一切都是双双们给你的“小用心”的惊喜，而不出自共同的情怀。

3、处女座

很容易联想到的是她的洁癖。没错，生活上她的洁癖显而易见，但是心理上的洁癖也一样把人“滤”得够呛。倒不是她在苛求一个和她一样洁癖的人，而是她对细节的要求影响了两人感情的进展和大方面的步骤。这就让人抓狂了——和处女座在一起，尽管享受到她对你的百般悉心照顾，还是觉得要放开心畅快地互相体贴理解，太难太麻烦了。

4、水瓶座

由于水瓶座是个比较独立的星座，心思也比较奇怪和多样化，所以要想完全走近他的心灵世界也够辛苦的。就连两个瓶子在一起都未必能进行亲密沟通（比如肢体眼神和语言）。因为瓶子不大善于表达感情，对感情的事情也不太重视，你要是强迫地追问，他还会避开甚至推开你。即使表达爱意，也绝不有一点肉麻。因此，和瓶子在一起，要多多享受少少追究。

5、双鱼座

和双鱼座难以走近是因为双鱼座无法带你再走得更近了。他们对自己都难以捉摸，带着你更难保不“误入迷途”。但是双鱼座绝对是最容易和你敞开心扉的星座了。8过，不容易的是，敞开以后你看到了什么，看到了以后你又知道了什么？——好像什么都看到了，却不知道到底知道了些什么呢？他们就连矛盾的意思都表达得很明显，以至于，还是不知道矛盾问题在哪里？也许最后发现，他们对谁都是这样的“处处留情”同时“处处不留意”着。

Bflygal's comments:
Was reading Jie Fa's blog, a Yes 93.3 DJ who usually will share horoscopes. Did not know he actually put up the source in his blog till today. Haha and it is mentioned that Virgo is unapproachable. Kinda agreed. But since 2008, I kinda change my approach due to what lecturer says. To be successful, one must open up bah.

Imagine in the past, I doubt I would really talk to the auntie who sold Yammi Yoghurt. But that day I just couldn't resist saying her price rise liao haha... Maybe I see her bored bah coz not much students buying her yoghurt. Actually every time I see Yammi Yoghurt, I just couldn't resist eating it... thought I always am unsure what berries/fruits to choose haha. Anyway she was saying yah had to rise haha.

Then yesterday, I went to the Science Co-op again to buy the textbook & readings for my friend. The auntie remembered that I came the day before though she forgot she sold me that copy (which she had actually photocopied for someone first hahaha) because when she told me must book and then come back tomorrow, I gave her a look that says I might not pass by there the next day actually. And I thanked her profusely for selling me that copy first haha. So yesterday when I came again, she asked if I had lessons here and I said no, I made a detour to buy the readings for my friend. Then we chatted briefly on the class quota where she said people might want to photocopy in office for free so she is not sure how much to photocopy haha. And she gave me a 30cents discount hahha. So nice of her!

Anyway yah, I must open up...

罗志祥 - 败给你

败给你
罗志祥&萧亚轩

陪你讲冷笑话
像冻到北极
要我陪你吃冰
恋爱是什么逻辑
算算星座和命理
到底谁在你心里
你这么惊天地
就要一路证明
谁在乎我有的比
当我一遇上你
却那么情不自禁
肯宁愿你蹂躏
你什么时候要回去你们火星
我越来越介意
做梦也梦到你
这算是我的天敌

你爱罗嗦又爱生气
喜欢我还嘴硬
好面子又假生气

好想被你吃定

败给你 说话的眼睛
败给你 微笑的魔力
不知不觉 想每天跟你在一起
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo love
败给你 少一根神经
爱上你 这是我的命
我们世界 原来就等这默契
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo

请问你还逼得我抓得那么紧
只是穿得性感些而已
你明明很自恋
让人等好着急
我心中你是第一名 耐心还有爱心
爱不是有帅气就可以
拜托你别一直耍嘴皮
Oh my Oh my Oh my Oh my

什么时候要付出你那颗心
我越来越介意
做梦也梦到你
这算是我的天敌

很奇怪只要看到你
就变得好开心 (有吗)
我已不能判你出局

我想把你吃定

败给你 说话的眼睛
败给你 微笑的魔力
不知不觉 想每天跟你在一起
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo love
败给你 少一根神经
爱上你 这是我的命
我们世界 原来就等这默契
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo

败给你 爱上了你
看到小狗就蹲下去
骗自己 你一定充满
我没发现的爱心

败给你 爱上你
看不见你会生病
原来我也有 害怕你
突然不见的危机

你也有温柔的时候
害我抬起头 以为天上下着红雨
不然就是我还没有睡醒
只有一个 我在意着的一个你
竟然的让我爱你
想你一天又一天又一天

我败给你 说话的眼睛 (我败给你)
败给你 微笑的魔力 (我爱上你)
不知不觉 想每天跟你在一起 (想每天跟你在一起)
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo love
败给你 少一根神经 (我败给你)
爱上你 这是我的命 (我爱上你)
我们世界 原来就等这默契
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo
败给你 说话的眼睛(Woo 败给你)
败给你 微笑的魔力 (Yeah Yeah Yeah )
不知不觉 想每天跟你在一起
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo love
败给你 少一根神经 (我败给你)
爱上你 这是我的命 (我败给你 爱上你)
我们世界 原来就等这默契
Woo baby baby Woo baby baby Woo

My god My god My god My god
My god My god 我的败给你
My god My god My god My god
Oh my love

Bflygal's comment:
Quite like this song very much. But today, when I heard it again, I only thought of.. dedicating it to DK. YOU really 败给 her liao hahahaha. BUT BUT BUT.. something good will happen. I believe!

An Hour to Live, An Hour to Love

If you had one hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would it be to, what would you say, and why are you waiting?
- Stephen Levin

It is a very short book. Thus I actually finished reading it in MPH last Sunday. I know it is bad to the author for not buying the book just that I really don't have space to keep books for the time being...

Anyway it taught me what I already know - Do not procrastinate. However the love letter to the wife is very poignant. Luckily he wrote this letter on their 18th wedding anniversary, such that when he did depart from the world suddenly 3 years later, there are no words left unsaid between them. I guess this is why I chose to carry out certain actions.. so that when I depart suddenly, at least I have lesser regrets.

However my question is, “If I had one hour to live, would I make a phone call?” I think I most probably end up blogging, to say my last words. At least I can properly say goodbyes to those who care for me.

Sighz I think the Queen in Goong-S is making me melancholic. Her relationship with the guy seems so helpless. Their disparity in background, their obligations to the society all seems like major obstacles to their past relationship. I still remember her asking the guy, can he understand her position. Can he? She is the Queen, shouldering a heavy burden. Can she just give up her throne? If she has an hour to love, what will she do?

(Sidenote, I was suddenly reminded of what my lecturer mention about the 3 philosophy for Case Study Research – Positivism, Interpretivism and Critical. Critical approach is someone who tends to take the minority view… I’m quite entranced by that area… After what the lecturer shared, I suddenly thought of wanting to be a case study researcher. At least there might be a chance they send me to overseas to research on a contemporary trend e.g. Google working environment.. that would be so cool!)

Driving in Scandinavia

Scandinavia is a historical and geographical region centred on the Scandinavian Peninsula in Northern Europe. It includes Denmark, Norway and Sweden. Amazingly, driving distances in Scandinavia are shorter than many travellers think.

• Driving in Scandinavia is right hand side.
• All passengers inside a car must wear a seat belt.
• Motorcyclists must wear helmets and dipped headlights are required 24 hours a day on all vehicle types.
• Rental cars are available to drivers over the age of 20.
• Drunk driving is not tolerated, and acceptable levels are very low. High fines await violators.

Motorways can be used free of charge in Denmark and Sweden.
A fee applies when crossing the Great Belt Bridge between Sealand and Funen in Denmark,

and when crossing the Öresund Bridge between Malmö in Sweden and Copenhagen, Denmark.
The cost varies depending on the type of vehicle. The two bridges create a link not only between the regions but also makes travelling between Scandinavia and Europe a lot easier. Most importantly, the scene is so breathtaking; I wish I’m on the road there now.

In Norway, road tolls are very important for maintaining the quality of the roads and tunnels. There are 45 road tolls in total (2007) of which half have electronic fee collection – AutoPASS. This allows you to drive through road tolls in the AutoPASS lane without stopping. The subscription and tag needed are also available to foreign vehicles.

Speed limit must be adhered to strictly.

Denmark’s speed limits:

• 50 km/h in towns,
• 80 km/h on open roads, and
• usually 110 km/h on the highway (some parts allow 130 km/h with posted signs).

Sweden’s speed limits:

• 50 km/h in city areas
• 90 km/h in open country roads
• 110 km/h on highways

Norway:

• 90 km/h in highways
• 80 km/h on open country roads
• 50 km/h in towns

When travelling consider planning your trip with the route maps of Cheaperthanhotels which provide route planners between cities and hotel stopovers. Try these pages for examples Sweden Hotels ; Stockholm Hotels ; Norway Hotels ; Oslo Hotels

Some roads in Norway are closed during winter season but the main mountain crossings are intended to stay open throughout the cold season. It is always best to check this before going on any longer trips or crossing the mountains as the road closures vary depending on the weather conditions. For further information, please contact the Road User Information Centre. When in Norway simply call 175 (+47 815 48 991 from abroad). The service is open 24 hours.

Lastly, for any emergency assistance in

Denmark:
If you get into an accident or require other emergency services,
Emergency telephones are available on motorways.
Call 112, the national breakdown network called Falck, which can be called out 24 hours a day.

Sweden:
In emergencies, you can reach the Police, local fire department, and ambulance by calling "112" nationwide.

Norway:
Emergency services can be reached under different phone numbers: 110 for the fire department, 112 for the police, and 113 for ambulances.

Quotes - Religion

While spring cleaning, I saw my GP notes on religion and caught sight of this quote

“There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.”
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

(Sidetrack abit, Doc I forgot what you asked me to buy for my skin irritation. Sighz yesterday went back to clear the notes & magazines and ended up with a very irritated neck and hands too… can’t even wear my necklace now.. Guess is my fault for accumulating that pile of dust…=( )

Then for some reasons, I was asking Doc if she has a religion because wanted to ask her pray and hope the best for someone as she is really a tough nut to crack. And she replied me “Religion is a way to express spirituality”.

So profound. Hmm anyway I hope to read finish my notes on religion soon (so that I can throw them away haha). I only managed to read finish Martin Luther’s “I have a dream”. Oh and that is really a good piece of article. Most importantly, it tells you that you should never falter in your pursuit of dream when facing with strong opposition.

Reminds me of another remarkable person, Nick Vujicic. He may not have arms or legs but he went around giving his speeches and doing what his heart desires. That is what I call courage. As quoted from him:

I believe that if you have the desire and passion to do something, and if it's God's will, you will achieve it in good time. As humans, we continually put limits on ourselves for no reason at all! What's worse is putting limits on God who can do all things. We put God in a "box". The awesome thing about the Power of God, is that if we want to do something for God, instead of focusing on our capability, concentrate on our availability for we know that it is God through us and we can't do anything without Him. Once we make ourselves available for God's work, guess whose capabilities we rely on? God's!
- Nick Vujicic, “No arms, NO legs, No worries”

Yeah, the problem with most people is we start to say “No” before even trying. Reminds me to try to watch a movie, I think is Enchanted. If I’m not wrong is Miss Shenton mention that in this movie, the fairy tale princess asked the real life prince why people in his world tends to say “Can’t” and “No” often. That is because she lives in a fairy tale where everybody can do and every ending is a happy ending. I think I will like this movie too.

Oh there was another movie that I just watched – “I am Legend”. Anna said that “The world is quieter now. We just have to listen. If we listen, we can hear God's plan.”

Beautiful, I really want to focus on my listening skill as I realised that I’m deaf. I am unable to focus on anything anymore. And the more I try to concentrate, the lesser I hear. Sighz.

By the way, I like how Neville was describing Bob Marley too.

He had this idea. It was kind of a virologist idea. He believed that you could cure racism and hate... literally cure it, by injecting music and love into people's lives. When he was scheduled to perform at a peace rally, a gunman came to his house and shot him down. Two days later he walked out on that stage and sang. When they asked him why - He said, "The people, who were trying to make this world worse... are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness."

Indeed, the people wrecking this world is not resting, we should be vigilant too.

By the way the first half of the movie was quite boring (luckily there was the dog) and the second half was hmm.. quite touching. When Neville said he was saving the bacon, and when he said he can save the mutants, you can see his desperation. Sighz…

Breakfast at McDonald's

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology.

The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.' The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning.
It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden
everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'. His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the
blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed
gentleman's cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me,
Honey, to give me hope.'

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent
as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to
LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

Bflygal's comments:
I got this from an e-mail. Got soppy when I read the part where she bought the 2 breakfast meals. She taught me unconditional acceptance. And I'm really touched.

MacBook Air

I so want that lappie!

K I'm speaking in Singlish.

Anyway the specs as follow:

1. 13.3-inch LED-backlit widescreen display that has a 1280 x 800 pixel resolution
2. It weighs about 3 pounds, and sports a thickness of 0.16-0.76 inches. It's 12.8 inches wide and 8.95 inches deep
3. 1.6 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor with 4MB L2 cache
4. 800 MHz front-side bus
5. 2GB of 667 MHz DDR2 SDRAM
6. 80GB hard disk drive with Sudden Motion Sensor
7. Intel Graphics Media Accelerator X3100
8. Micro-DVI port (includes Micro-DVI to VGA and Micro-DVI to DVI Adapters)
9. built-in iSight video camera
10. built-in AirPort Extreme 802.11n wireless networking and Bluetooth 2.1+EDR
11. one USB 2.0 port
12. one headphone port
13. one Micro-DVI (to connect an external display)
14. multi-touch TrackPad with support for advanced multi-touch gestures including tap, scroll, pinch, rotate and swipe
    
15. 45 Watt MagSafe Power Adapter

Estimates that with wireless networking turned on, the MacBook Air can get about 5 hours of battery life.

Bosch Dishwasher

I never knew there are so many different types of dishwashers till I saw this site

It is a site that collates everybody reviews and processes it for you before you decide to buy or not. And I happen to end up in a review section of Bosch dishwasher. The Association of Home Appliance Manufacturers estimates that a dishwasher saves you up to four hours a week over hand-washing dishes. If it is true, then those busy people should really invest in one of it.

Anyway you can filter the Bosch Dishwashers by the different drying types e.g. Economy/Air drying or Thermal Drying. They seem to have more dishwashers that use the Economy/Air drying method. Maybe it is because they might save energy and reduce costs more efficiently.

Then there are the numbers of wash cycles to consider. As advised by ehow.com, these options include light cycles for washing lightly-soiled dishes or china and crystal; normal cycles for normal, everyday dishwashing; heavy or "pots and pans" cycles for dishes or baking pans with stuck-on food; and "rinse and hold" cycles to remove food and odours if dishes will sit in the dishwasher for some time before a full washing cycle is run.

Most importantly, you must be comfortable with the controls whether you prefer electronic or push button. Convenience is the key factor to buy a dishwasher.

Girl In Bliss

Precisely because of this pensieve, I had to post “Girl seeks bliss” first. But yesterday, I really felt blissful even though the morning was unexpected. It started with the bus driver actually missed his stop and had to made a round again in the interchange for us to embark on the bus. Guess he must be very tired. Because he drove so slowly that I missed the shuttle to office and ended up walking to office. Not that I mind since I am unable to go gym this week, thus walking would be a good substitute.

Then at about 4 plus, my classmate said he’s in Woodland and asked if I want to hitch a ride to school since he has classes today too. (The rare thing is he is attending class on time haha, ok ok, shall not suan him further). And since we were early, we had dinner in Clementi where we had rice with Sesame Chicken. He said I got high on sesame oil though haha because I was quite “excited” for my first day to school. Not sure, I just felt it would be an interesting day.

And it was indeed an interesting lecture because
1) The lecturer just wanted to give a short briefing of this module because he felt usually half of the class will not come back to continue this module. It is a hard to score module plus the fact it is a PHD module actually.
2) Although he planned it short, he had to repeat at least 3-4 times because of the latecomers. The funny thing is some of the latecomers were not here for the module briefing. Apparently NUS had a mixed-up and had planned a MComp briefing in the same room, same time. The only thing is they postponed it to Wednesday but did not inform these students. Thus these people came in blur. The coincidence is this lecturer is supposed to be giving the briefing for that event too and that he was told it is on Wednesday. Thus he ended up saying a bit about MComp so that these students did not really make a wasted trip down. He did asked if they want to drop now considering how “cocked-up” NUS had been for the briefing.
3) My two other classmates who were supposed to take this module with me did not turn up. And when I sms them, both gave me the same reaction “There is class today?” Worst one of them had alighted from the MRT and was taking a cab to school but I told him lesson ended already.

Anyway it still ended very early and I decided to head home. On my way home, 2 of my other classmates had offered to give me a lift home on separate occasions. One of them had ended lessons just when I had alighted from my station and was waiting for my dad to fetch me home. He was shocked when I told him I already reached home haha. I was quite touched by their offers because it is really tiring to have evening classes especially when I start work very early. I know I’m very lucky indeed. Thanks!

But the nicest surprise is still the bouquet. Girls cannot resist flowers no matter what I guess. It is a thank you bouquet from a friend though I think I did not do much and don’t really deserve such pretty flowers. But hmm no way am I going to return the flowers though “p. The name is “Pretty in Pink”, and it really is pretty.. though it kinda shocked my whole family haha…

I’m truly in bliss.. Thank you to all!

Girl Seeks Bliss

Sites:
Girl Seeks Bliss Excerpt
www.buddhanet.net
www.spirit-of-tibet.co.uk
www.wildmind.org
www.ecopractice.fwbo.org
www.shambhalasun.com
www.urbandharma.org
www.mindandlife.org

I read “Girl Seeks Bliss” by Nicole Beland last year before I got busy with my FYP and exams. However I am only reviewing it now so that I can write my next post “p.

This book is about Buddhist philosophy for 20-30+ ladies. It is interesting to note that Buddhism doesn't have much in common with most other major religions. There is no all-knowing, all-powerful deity to worship. Buddha never claimed to be a god or to believe in any gods. If a person acts with intelligence and compassion, good things are likely to come her way. If she acts with ignorance and carelessness, then her life will tend to be difficult and unpleasant. This is the natural, universal law.

Buddha taught that the only way to know anything for sure was to experience it yourself. As for questions e.g. where all life comes from or what happens when we die, they might be fine subjects to ruminate on but there is no point getting all riled up over the unknown as it will not free ourselves from suffering and enjoy life at its present.

Noble Truth

1. Life isn’t easy for anyone. Suffering is a natural part of existence.

2. Suffering is caused by unnecessary craving. Examples are those serious cravings e.g. wishing that a relationship did not end, or wishing for the past or a different body, a different life. We have to know what makes us unhappy to defeat it.

3. There is a way to reduce, and even end, suffering – by training ourselves to be more content on a regular basis.

4. Eight basic guidelines for living the good life, otherwise known as the eightfold path


Eightfold path

1. Right Understanding – opening our eyes and perceiving the world as it is, rather than as we might expect, hope or fear it will be. Expectations whether positive or negative are a huge cause of everyday suffering. They distort what we see and hear and make it incredibly difficult to approach an experience with clarity or openness. Part of attaining right understanding is realizing how expectations can and do make our lives much more difficult. While it’s ok to plan or think ahead, it’s never a good idea to convince ourselves that things are guaranteed to be one way or the other. When we stay open to the theory that whatever happens happens, we feel less vulnerable and more at ease. Things don’t upset us so easily. Right understanding also requires that we ponder 3 basic ideas about life known as the 3 marks of existence

a. Impermance – nothing in this world is fixed or unchanging – no thing, no thought, no emotion. Because of this, it is pointless to try to grasp, or hold on to anything material or immaterial. Instead, we should be open to things as they happen, accept them for what they are and let them go when they pass.

b. No self – Every individual’s identity is also constantly changing and in transition. Our minds and bodies are an amazing collection of cells and energy in perpetual motion.

c. The source of suffering – to fail to realize that the first 2 marks of existence are true will cause unhappiness and dissatisfaction because we will continue to want the world to be other than what it is


2. Right intentions = approaching Buddhism, and life in general with the desire to overcome our own suffering and prevent the suffering of others.

Right thoughts because Buddha taught that thoughts are the origins of all intentions. In his words

Mind is the forerunner of all things. If you act based on kindness and wisdom in the mind, happiness will follow you like the wheel of a chariot follows the ox which draws it. And if you act based on unkindness or you act from an unwise state of mind, then unhappiness follows just as the wheel of the cart follows the ox which draws it.

3. Right speech – examine our impact on the world, starting with what we say. Speak positively.


4. Right action – sometimes we do the right thing to different degrees, depending on how much of our own comfort we’re willing to sacrifice

a. Do not speak dishonestly
b. Do not take what isn’t given to or meant for you
c. Do not kill other living things or ask that they be killed for you
d. Do not engage in sexual activity that might harm you or others
e. Do not become intoxicated to the point where you can’t control your speech or actions


5. Engage in right livelihood. Having a job that does not cause harm to living things.


6. True effort – a reminder to try and face every new moment with energy and vitality because keeping our minds front and centre can be hard work. If we consider the eightfold path a list of ideals to value highly and do our best to realize when and how we can, we can’t go wrong.


7. Right mindfulness – how paying close attention to what we thing and what we do is to the practice of Buddhism. Buddha taught that the reason we’re so often unhappy is because we don’t see things as they really are. We are too caught up in our own perceptions, too distracted by our memories of the past and our hopes for and expectations of the future, as well as by endlessly guessing at what other people in our lives are thinking and doing. All of this makes it impossible for us to just BE. Our minds have the ability to work like blender and without realizing it, we constantly hold down the button marked ‘puree’ causing our thought and impressions to spin out of control at such a high speed that they become wildly mixed up and distorted. That’s why when you’re sitting there mulling over your life as well as what’s going on in the rest of the world and someone asks you what you’re thinking about, you can’t come up with a single thing. Mindfulness is being aware of our thoughts, our words, our actions and is very difficult to maintain some of the time. Meditation is mindfulness training. Simply pay attention to what’s going on around us right here, right now – to focus all five of our sense front and centre.


8. Right contemplation. Staying focused and thinking deeply. Major goal of Buddhism is to develop the ability to stay connected to the present moment, so is intelligently pondering the big picture. Contemplating different aspects of life – the past, present, the future, your community, the world, art, music, the sciences etc at different times, as is appropriate and helpful. It’s wise to give careful, focused thought to what it is we want for the world, for ourselves and for the people we love. Buddha means awakened one. An awake person is very aware and that awareness leads to intelligent, productive actions. Ability to view the world in both practical and absolute terms. In absolute terms, a Buddhist looks at the world and sees that nothing in it – not a person or a thing or a feeling – is solid or definite. Right contemplation suggest that we always keep in mind the simultaneous mysteries and practicalities of life. We are always changing and can be perceived hundreds of different ways. A sister to one, a friend to another.


How to meditate?
Sit quietly, your body still, your speech silent, your mind at ease and allow thoughts to come and go, without letting them play havoc on you

Stop obsessing. The basic Buddhist meditation chant is om mani padme hum (pronounced om mani padmay hum). Chant it over and over again.



The Tao of taking things in stride
1. Open up
2. Inhale the bad
3. Exhale the good

Yin and yang represent the natural duality of all things. Yin is the feminine element that represents darkness, receptivity and softness. Yang is the male element that represents activity, light, and harshness. The small amount of the other contained in each is symbolic of the idea that each element carries the seed of its opposite and can therefore change into that opposite.

• Balance out areas with a lot of electronics or metal by placing green, leafy plans nearby.
• Hang colourful paintings on white walls and black and white photographs on coloured walls
• Create a single area in every room that your eyes will be naturally drawn to first
• Store small easily scattered things like coins or jewellery in solid, heavy containers
• Place bright colourful objects in dark corners
• Don’t pack bookshelves tightly. Leave open spaces
• Use cool colours e.g. whites, light blues and greens in rooms that get an excess of sunlight; use warm colours e.g. reds, oranges, yellows in rooms that are often cold
• Your bedroom should be the simplest, sparest room in your house. There should be nothing in it that makes you think of work or stress
• Mirrors are a good way to add metal to a room that has too much earth
• A layer of stones in a small bowl makes a perfect soap dish and helps balance the element of water in the bathroom
• A single flower or branch can be far more soothing to look at than a giant bouquet


3 ways money can make you happy

1. We shouldn’t become so attached to our possessions that the thought of losing them, or not being able to get more stuff in the future, causes us to suffer. And we should never be under the illusion that having a lot of stuff makes us a better, more attractive, more interesting, or more worthwhile person because, again, that will lead to all sorts of stress and worry about whether we’ll ever have enough. But if we can possess things lightly, enjoying them but not holding on to them too early, then having money to buy material goods can be a wonderful thing.
2. Completely free of debt.
3. To give to charity and help other people


It’s not the nature of our job that makes us happiest, it’s working hard that gives us pleasure. The moments when we’re dissatisfied with our jobs are usually when we’re doing our work in a half-assed way or not at all – we’re procrastinating, unfocused, worrying about getting it done, confused about what we’re even trying to do, or multitasking to the point of madness. But when we’re actually fully engaged in a single aspect of our work, no matter what the work is, we develop this sort of happy buzz. The best way to be happier with your job is to get into it. Don’t just sit there at your desk, or allow yourself to go on automatic pilot. Really be there, and put true effort into completing the task at hand to the best of your ability.


Work on breaking the habit any time you feel a desire or dissatisfaction during your daily life. Instead of altering the situation right away, wait a while. Hang out and just deal. Be bored. Be hungry. Be hot. Tolerate a yucky smell, or an annoying sound. Force yourself to face something you’d usually just run away from. After several minutes go ahead and make whatever change you want. By riding out an unpleasant situation, you learn that you don’t always need to chase or avoid things. You already have the ability to be OK no matter what’s going on around you; you just need to wake up and realize it.  I am still unable to withstand the cigarette smell. Sigh! But I am taught not to be too harsh on myself. Guess it is the comfort level and this is really way out of my comfort level.


Own less to stress less


If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you would not let a single meal pass without sharing it in some way


It’s good to put aside some money for the future, but if you focus most of your time and energy on constantly preparing for the next phase of life, you’re making a grave mistake.


I know nothing which brings suffering as does an untamed, uncontrolled, unattended, and unrestrained heart. Such a heart brings suffering.

I know nothing which brings joy as does a tamed, controlled attended and restrained heart. Such a heart brings joy.


The Buddhist way is first to distance ourselves from what’s causing us trouble. If we can’t distance ourselves physically, we can do so mentally. This gives space in which to study the cause of our distress.
- Venerable Adrienne Howley, author of the Naked Buddha


Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Looking deeply at life as it is
In the very here and now,
The practitioner dwells
In stability and freedom.


Are you quiet?
Quiet your body.
Quiet your mind.
By your own efforts
Waken yourself,
Watch yourself,
And live joyfully.

Pilgrimage – Love Part 2

URL: Paulo Coelho Blog

This is a continuation on the agape love that I had been thinking about. Oh and btw these few entries will be about Paulo Coelho’s The Pilgrimage. I decided to blog this first instead of my other outstanding entries because it is quite a theme based book even though it is a story of a guy and his journey to oneself. Oh and I finally remembered the venue is Northern Spain, on the Pilgrimage of Santiago de Compostela in 1986. Maybe my last entry will be on my review of this book.. I have not made up my mind on it yet.

Although I used to say that my GA has been with me since I was born, but seriously I am too young to really remember if he was around or not. I only know that to have lived till now, I have indeed been blessed.

What I do remember was that at a tender age of 10 due to some encounter, I firmly believed that there are spirits. Maybe that is the time I acknowledged GA’s presence. In my teens, I was sent to a Christian school due to my results. My first choice had not been that actually. 4 years there, you either get converted or you don’t. And I did not. It is weird that since young, my family never had good feelings about Christianity and yet they sent me to this school. Maybe it is destined that I have to see the other side of Christians. My best friend then tried to convert me but failed. However we both respected Mother Teresa a lot. Thus her death saddened us both that time. And she inspired me a lot, especially on my dream. Maybe I felt an affinity with her as we share the same horoscope haha. I made a promise to God then on my dream.

I was 18 when I gave in to temptation and thought I experienced eros. Only that it hurt me badly and nobody knew it. I remember my friend said I was an ice maiden in my uni days. At that time, I had regrets and thought I should concentrate more on my dream instead.

Then I met him. I am not sure if that is giving in to temptation again. But this time, I don’t really have any regrets. Even though we might have not been too truthful with each other, I still felt that when the flame of eros died, we still had philos to keep us together. And I believed even now, philos still exist because we are still friends.

A year ago though, I remembered about my dream. And I realised I did not want to give it up, for him. Maybe it was destined that with the break-up, he would find his own enlightenment. And with the break-up, I would rethink about my dream, and on agape.

For the past 9 months, I was trying to adjust and adapt and to figure out how to embark on my dream. Then I happen to read Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist. And maybe, just maybe, I am starting to try to understand myself better. (However I did not really like the ending of Alchemist haha)

Anyway the Blue Sphere Exercise is to let one experience agape. (Btw, there are many exercises in The Pilgrimage.)

The Blue Sphere Exercise

Seat yourself comfortably, and relax. Try not to think about anything.

1. Feel how good it is to be alive. Let your heart feel free and affectionate; let it rise above and beyond the details of the problems that may be bothering you. Begin to sing softly a song from your childhood. Imagine that your heart is growing, filling the room – and later your home – with an intense, shining blue light.
2. When you reach this point, begin to sense the presence of the saints (or other beings) in which you placed your faith when you were a child. Notice that they are present, arriving from everywhere, smiling and giving you faith and confidence.
3. Picture the saints approaching you, placing their hands on your head and wishing you love, peace, and communion with the world – the communion of the saints.
4. When this sensation becomes strong, feel that the blue light is a current that enters you and leaves you like a shining, flowing river. This blue light begins to spread through your house, then through your neighbourhood, your city, and your country; it eventually envelops the world in an immense blue sphere. This is the manifestation of the great love that goes beyond the day-to-day struggle; it reinforces and invigorates as it provides energy and peace.
5. Keep the light spread around the world for as long as possible. Your heart is open, spreading love. This phase of the exercise should last for a minimum of five minutes.
6. Come out of your trance, bit by bit, and return to reality. The saints will remain near. The blue light will continue to spread around the world.

This ritual can and should be done with more than one person. When this is the case, the participants should hold hands while they do the exercise.

Pilgrimage - Love

My friend was discussing this a few days ago. He felt that “Love is simple” but nobody believes it. I felt it is because Love might be simple, but Human complicates it. And that I don’t think nobody believes in it, just that we cannot resist trying to complicate it.

Yesterday I asked another friend about it. He believed love is simple too, just that matters that needs 2 person to clap, you just don’t know the rhythm, the beat. Indeed sometimes when you want to clap, the other person might not want to clap with you haha.

Anyway why I’m blogging this is to thank some people (one of them I believed will read this post). It was the first time I attended a gathering with him, not as couple anymore. I think everybody was threading carefully. Beforehand, I had asked him if we will be seated in different table. He said not possible as we are still friends. But I beg to differ, and I was right. He ended up with his juniors while I chatted with my “lost” friend which I know her since TJ days actually, and my senior.

Halfway through the conversation, I got curious how she know about my status. Because it seems that she has lost contact with the “world”. She told me someone updated her so that she will not say the wrong thing ha ha.

Human really tend to think too much. But I appreciated their efforts. It is indeed hard for ex-lovers to turn back friends I guess even though we parted amicably. I only wondered, where did those feelings went after a break-up? In physics, energy only gets transformed. In relationship, do feelings get transformed too?

I thought about what I have learnt recently from the Pilgrimage:

Eros, philos, agape. These are three Greek words that mean love. Eros is the feeling of love that exists between two people. Whether it’s good or evil, the face of eros is never the same for any two people. And no one can escape eros. Everyone needs its presence, despite the fact that many times, eros makes us feel apart from the world, trapped in our solitude.

Philos is love in the form of friendship. It’s what I feel toward you and others. When the flame of eros stops burning, it is philos that keeps a couple together.

Agape is total love. It is the love that consumes the person who experiences it. Whoever knows and experiences agape learns that nothing else in the world is important – just love. This was the kind of love that Jesus felt for humanity, and it was so great that it shook the stars and changed the course of history. His solitary life enabled him to accomplish things that kings, armies and empires could not.

It might sound terrible for typical human being but the love that consumes makes everything else – absolutely everything – lose its importance. Those men lived just to be consumed by their love.

Love is simple, just that we have too much considerations and thoughts. Hmm suddenly I thought of David Tao’s song…

《爱很简单》
(I Love You)
作词：娃娃　
作曲：陶吉吉

忘了是怎么开始　也许就是对你　有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己　已深深爱上你　真的很简单
爱的地暗天黑都已无所谓　是是非非无法抉择　喔~~
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随　那个疯狂的人是我　喔~~
I LOVE U 无法不爱你 BABY 说你也爱我
I LOVE U 永远不愿意 BABY 失去你
不可能更快乐　只要能在一起　做什么都可以
虽然　世界变个不停　用最真诚的心　让爱变的简单
I LOVE U 一直在这里　BABY　一直在爱你 Oh ya~
I LOVE U　(yes I do)　永远都不放弃　这爱你的权利
如果你还有一些困惑 Oh No 请贴著我的心倾听
听我说著　爱你 (yes I do) 我爱你

An Interesting Encounter

This happened last Saturday in a little spot in Taka. I was reading a book when he came along. As I had been sitting for quite some time, I decided to stretch myself. When I put my hand on the chair to stretch myself, he noticed my hand too. He then placed his hand besides me too. It was as if he was trying to compare our hands. I decided to twitch my little pinkie for fun. He did the same too. Then his hand tried to close the gap.

After that he tore out some sticker from the pram and made a little cute ‘Oh-Oh’ to his mum. Then he stuck the sticker on the chair over and over again, and kept making his little ‘Oh-Oh’ sounds. He kept pushing the sticker into the gap and picking the sticker again. When I placed my hand in front, he gave me half of the sticker. Haha.

He got thirsty and went to drink his milk. While drinking, he suddenly jabbered some words. He kept repeating them but I only heard “Auntie…..”. His dad later told me he is telling me his little brother’s name. I couldn’t catch it though other than the fact that it might be a Malay name. I’m quite bad in trying to guess people’s ethnic race. (Everybody is God’s children mah.. so one race only right “p)

After both he and his brother finished the milk, the family made a move. He gave me 2 goodbye kisses and happily followed his dad.

It’s been almost a week but I till remember the incident. Not really because he called me Auntie but because a little boy had tried to befriend me wahhaa. I sounded like nobody dares to approach me now haha (but that is true ah!). I believed he will grow up to be a real charmer, hopefully he don’t become a heart-breaker though. As for the greeting, actually I already have nephews and nieces calling my Auntie already so I think it should be easy to accustomed myself when my friend’s children start calling me that too.

The Present

As usual was clearing my thumb drive again and saw this picture. Decided to blogged it to remind myself what I promised, to be true to myself.

It had been a fun week as it is once again the CIA week. And I had to man the booth again (for the same project I presented last year only that this year it is "contesting" as best implemented project. As this time we need to host a game, our department chose the Rubik's cube. And I got addicted to it. Still not sure about the strategy though (I had bugged my colleague to teach me haha). Saw another colleague had a keychain Rubik, so cute. I will definitely buy it. After all I collect key chains. Aww feel like going shopping for it... But I cannot shop. Just last week I tried to spend my 40 bucks Taka voucher and ended up buying stuff that is not needed. Sigh.

Anyway because of the event, I had accumulated quite a lot of sweets and lollipops. Almost got ice cream to eat too but I shared with my friend (haha must give in to temptation some times, but must also restrict). It was also a surprise that my project won in that category because I did not really do much publicising this year haha. The limelight should be my colleague’s project for best innovation which is the big prize after all.

School will be starting next week and I should be busier than ever. But I feel that I'm happy with whatever I'm busy with. Whether it is work, school (err can't comment because haven't attend. Though NUS is making me irritated because they can't confirm my modules till it’s quite late), gym or self-learning, I feel that I am leading a life that is true to myself. Even though I’m home late at times and will just fall asleep, I feel that my heart is getting lighter.

By today, I hope I will finish The Pilgrimage then I will finally settle my last emotional hurdle. This book taught me a lot, the one main thing is it taught me how to deal with death. I am not afraid of Death. But the death of my JC mate, and a recent comedian made me re-think about life. I remember in 2007, I only want to lessen the regrets if I should ever die the next day. And my friend asked me why I should have regrets. To me regrets are unfinished dreams. And regrets are here for a purpose. I’m not sure if this friend has any regrets or not since he believed everything could be prioritised. I, on the other hand, believed more in Murphy's Law. What I plan, there is always something that will disrupt the planning. Death is one thing that could disrupt life's planning. Thus as much as I want to prioritise, I decided more to listen to my heart. I might end up messed up but hmm, I'm always messed up so no difference la haha.

Most importantly, I decided to live only for Today. So whatever little steps I can embark to reach my dream, I will definitely take it. Yesterday is over, Tomorrow might never come. Only Today is something I can hold on to, can cherish it and can change it. I wish to treasure my every Today. And with it, at least my future might be more definite.

Spring Cleaning Moi Pig

I did that test a few months ago and happen to see the saved screenshot today while clearing my thumbdrive. Yah I have to start burning my last sem notes and prepare for my new sem that will start next week. Sighz I'm still vexed about my study notes. Every year, I will start asking my mum, should I keep these notes? Every year, I threw away some notes. Only to keep half of what I throw, as rough paper. I think I can still find my secondary school notes in my rough paper pile (maybe even primary school notes).

That reminds me, DOC, I'm packing room not playing room lor haha. Dunno why you say I play room.. hmm..

Sighz, my neck is still irritated.. dunno why I developed an irritation while packing these notes 2 days ago. Argh.. And I'm still vexed. Over 2 years, I generated so much notes for my masters that it is spilling ... Argh someone save me.. haha!

Quote of the day

Don't let someone become a priority in your life,
When you're just an option in theirs.
- unknown

爱我的
我伤他
我爱的
伤我
为恨我的活
为我爱的亡
人总是迷失在这迷思里
- 蝴蝶飞了by 大S

Bflygal's comment:
Re-read 大S' book after seeing the first quote... just a perspective bah...

Kiss - Because I'm A Girl

Kiss - Because I'm A Girl
Model: Goo Hye Jin
MV: Youtube

English Translation:

I just cant understand the hearts of men
They tell you they want you and then they leave you
This is the first time, you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy

You should have told me you didn't like me any more
But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything

I heard that if you give up things too easily
To a man, he will get bored with you
I don't think this is wrong
A girl says that she will never be fooled again
But she will fall in love again

You should have told me you didn't like me any more
But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything

[narration]
Hey babe
The pain
It's not enough to describe how i feel
We were so happy together
But I know now
I've been blind
You told me that you'd never let me down
Whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
Even though you hurt me
I still love you
I still love you
Don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love
And her caring instinct
U didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything

[the guy said]
There is a girl whom I love. Now I can`t stay with her, but I still love her.

Bflygal's comments:
I heard this song long time ago.
I saw this MV long time ago.
And yet today when I saw the MV again, it was replaced with another song.
The English song is nice.
But it cannot replaced this song no matter what.
It just cannot replace the lyrics.
Because I'm a girl.
Weird, why do we like somethings that are so similar,
and yet so different?
GA, I don't understand.

The Beautiful Flower In The Broken Pot

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. 'Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old,' I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body.But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.

Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, 'Good evening.I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning.'

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. 'I guess it's my face... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments...'

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: 'I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning.'

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. 'No thank you. I have plenty.' And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch.

He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair.' He paused a moment and then added, 'Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind.' I told him he was welcome to come again.

And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning.

As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.

Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.

'Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!'

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.

I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

Recently I was visiting a friend, who has a greenhouse, as she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all, a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket. I thought to myself, 'If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!'

My friend changed my mind. 'I ran short of pots,' she explained, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, till I can put it out in the garden.'

She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining just such a scene in heaven. 'Here's an especially beautiful one,' God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. 'He won't mind starting in this small body.'

All this happened long ago - and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.

Bflygal's comments:
I was a teeny bit upset just now, then I saw this post. Somehow the story touch me. Somehow it reminds me, packaging is not important. I don't know, somehow the story comforts me in a different sort of way.

Medicaid and Medicare

Remember the movie “Sicko”. I watched it months ago but still remember how scary it is to fall sick in US. (A similar parallel view towards my home country too). And it gets worst if you do not have insurance. It is unlike its neighbouring country which was giving free medical help and even reimbursing your transport to the hospital.

I remember a particular scene vividly. A man had lost 2 fingers and was asked which finger he wants back because he cannot afford to pay for both fingers back. Is US medic really that bad? I have no idea. A random search leads me to Medicaid and Medicare.

Quoted from the site:

Medicare and Medicaid are different and separate programs. Medicare is a federal health insurance program primarily for older adults. Medicaid is an assistance program for people with low incomes.

Medicare is a plan most Americans will receive automatically at age 65. The basic Medicare coverage most recipients get, often called Original Medicare, consists of Part A hospital insurance and Part B medical insurance. You can learn more about it here.

On the other hand, Medicaid is a government assistance program for anybody regardless of age so long they do not exceed strict limits on income and assets. The benefits vary by state, but at minimum, Medicaid covers the same services as Medicare. In most states, Medicaid covers nursing home costs and provides transportation reimbursements to and from treatment.

If Medicaid really serves the low income people, then I guess this would be good. Too many a times, we live in a world of me only. A helping hand is greatly appreciated when medical charges just keep increasing. Even if you are rich, just by falling ill, you still can spend a huge chuck of money and end up broke as happen to one of the family in the movie.

The objective of this site is to bring awareness to Medicaid which most of them ignored due to the misconception that they do not qualify for it. But never try, never know right?

For more information:
Medicare & Medicaid
Medicaid FAQ