蝴蝶飞了by 大S

I'm tired.
Because I found myself lost.
Weirdly, Captain Barbosa said that one must be lost.
Only then we can find the places that can be found.

Lately I thought of escaping.
And I went to find the book I read a month ago.
蝴蝶飞了by 大S.
A purple butterfly.
A book filled with incoherent thoughts, or so in my humble opinion.

心变小了
所有小事情
都变大了

Coincidentally Captain Barbosa was saying that the world used to be a bigger place. And Jack Sparrow replied that World is still the same, there is just less in it.

2 different statements conveying 2 different meanings. But I wonder did my heart really shrink or was there just less worries in it?

爱我的
我伤他
我爱的
伤我
为恨我的活
为我爱的亡
人总是迷失在这迷思里

Paradoxical. I like it. This way, one can never die I suppose?

我在等一个永远不会回来的人
我很小心地等着
。。。
那个不会回来的人
名字叫快乐

Too pessimistic I guess. I say happiness is at my heels. I say whenever I'm unhappy, I'm trying to smile. I say no matter what, I know how to self-amuse myself. Maybe I'm comforting myself, but at least I can laugh when I see something funny.

有时候快乐是假的
可以用药物控制
有时候悲伤是假的
可以自导自演这出戏

Wallow in self-depression I suppose. Maybe too pessimistic. I might venture into that area at times. But I don't wish to stay long. Is not healthy for one's future.

如果伤害我对你有好处
我愿意牺牲
问题是
伤害一个人
对你到底有什么好处？

Reminded me of my friend lately. He chose to be hurt. Why? Because he chose to be true.
She chose to hurt him. Why? Only she knows.

I have been wondering lately, have I turn cold? I was forcing my classmate to prioritise. He said I do not understand. I never seek to understand anyway. Because I no longer care. I only seek logic. When one takes into accounts other stuff, one cannot move on. The only thing that is clear is logic. The only thing I can understand is logic. And human complicates things, anythings, everything.

Maybe I really should withdraw. Because I'm babbling nonsense. I'm giving terrible advices and forcing people to feel so helpless. I feel I have sinned to cause him in such a compromising position. It always happen if you feel everything is important. But is it really important? Maybe for now. But 10 years down the road, it might loses importance, or it might become more important. Such is life. Such is human.

What have the cards shown? Lots of pretty cards. And the outcome, the significance of October, does it mean anything to me? I know I should listen to my heart and just do it. Should I?

P/s : All quotes are from the story book 蝴蝶飞了by 大S and Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End.