Attracting Healthy Relationships

Someone once said that in order to love fully, you have to risk having your heart broken.

Too many people in infatuations, romantic relationships and marriages make the mistake of withholding love. Most of our relationships have boundaries. We use them for protection. We've been hurt before, and we're afraid of becoming too intimate with someone lest we get hurt again. As a result, there is a mistrust, we play mind games, withhold who we truly are, and refuse to cede our power and pride.

Trust takes a while to develop. The problem is when someone is never able to completely open and honest. In order to have an intimate relationshipwith anyone, we must first love and trust ourselves. If we are untrustworthy, we probably will not be able to trust anyone else. The problem is often not the other person. The problem is when we make unsound choices based on our insecurities and fears.

It's good for us to be able to see our own areas that need improving. However, it is distorted to believe ourselves to be unlovable. No matter who we are or what we've done, what we choose to do with our lives is a matter of free will. We can, at any time, change our thinking and immediatelybeing changing our experience. That is, if we prefer to grow rather than wallow in self pity. Until we can truly accept and love ourselves exactly as we are, close, loving relationships will be hard to come by. Instead, we'll find ourselves dogged by unhealthy, secretive and selfish relationships.

If we can resign ourselves to be in that perfect place of love, where we are giving, loving, and trustworthy for others, people will come into our experience. Some will be healthy for us and others will be draining. To attract those who will resonate with us, we can simply speak softly our highest truth and stand quietly in our integrity. Those who cannot bear the light will slip back into the shadows.

It is often easier to love those we haven't met than those we face daily! Potential partners are always more attractive and interesting in our imagination and in our distance. We always want what we do not have. When we do have it and the illusion falls away, we find that we are unable to deal with the reality, and begin to hanker after another false image.

If we would be loved, we must be loving. If we can look beyond the humannes of another – that is, the weakness and fallibility of being human – then we can see the beauty within. It's that beauty that we fall in love with. That grows ever more lovely even as age creases the skin, loosens the muscles and greys the hair.

Love is an infinite commodity. You can't give it away without creating more. You attract into your life that which you are. To find the right person, be the right person.

Source: A Slice of Life – Presented and written (unless otherwise indicated) by Eugene Loh