Faith

I was clearing my mails today after many days of closure when I came upon the story of “Paid in full with one glass of milk”. Nah I’m not sure what should the actual title be, but it is a common story of a boy who once asked for a glass of milk. Years later, the lady that has given him the glass came back to him as a patient and he waived her hospital bills due to the kindness she showed when he was a child.

Out of curiosity, I search for the truth of this story.

Quoted from Truth of Fiction.

As is often the case, someone has fictionalized the details of this story and gotten some of it wrong, but it is essentially a true event.

Dr. Howard Kelly was a distinguished physician who, in 1895, founded the Johns Hopkins Division of Gynecologic Oncology at Johns Hopkins University. According to Dr. Kelly's biographer, Audrey Davis, the doctor was on a walking trip through Northern Pennsylvania one spring day when we stopped by a farm house for a drink of water. A little girl answered his knock at the door and instead of water, brought him a glass of fresh milk. He visited with her briefly, then went his way. Sometime after that, the little girl came to him as a patient and needed surgery. After the surgery, the bill was brought to her room and on it were the words, "Paid in full with one glass of milk."

Our thanks to Andrew Harrison, the Processing Archivist and Fine Arts Coordinator for the Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions, for help with this story.

After reading the truth, I felt that it is more heart-warming and real. Of course I pledged my donations never for the sake that these people will repay me. I just want these people to get the assistance required.

Anyway, I remembered another story told by my classmate a long time ago. From my vague memory, this story was about a man who forced himself to learn English so that he can study in a particular Christian school. However towards his last year, he had problem trying to pay his school fees and was on the verge of quitting school. The week before, he wrote God a letter to ask for guidance. Then on the day itself, the principal called him in and he was worried as he was still unable to cough out the school fee. However, the principal had called him to tell him that his school fees are waived as in they will give him a scholarship. Apparently someone from a very far country had decided to write to the community head of this village to sponsor someone. And this person had actually written the letter a few months back based on God’s instructions to her. Just that the entire correspondence took quite some time before the letter finally arrived in the principal’s lap. It was a blessing to this man who later continued preaching Christianity.

I have to put a disclaimer that this story was typed offhand thus the facts might have been mixed up. The gist of this story is to tell one to just put faith in God.

The mention of this story is because; once again I do not understand the omen. 2 days ago, I was told to trust what the Heaven has in place for me. Yet later in the day, I was delivered news that will impact me. For the past 2 days, I kept wondering if I should broach the topic. But what good will it do? I might have made my indications clear initially but that I did not enforce on it, they chose to take it everything is well. And if I insist on my idea now, I will only cause them more worries. The problem is I owe them too much thus I cannot bear to execute my decision. I need a clear indication.

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Written by Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

Complex our mind may be, but it can really only hold one thought at a time. If you're looking for a way to feel better at any given moment, all you have to do is change what you are focusing on. Your brain is a very powerful tool that you own and you should use to your advantage.

When was the last time you were reminiscing about a great time in your life and it made you feel terrible? When was the last time you were thinking about a painful event in your life and it made you feel good? These paradoxes exist because what you focus on is what you get!

With this in mind, the next time you find yourself in a less than desirable situation, be sure to find the positive side of it and focus your attention on that. Not only will you feel better about the situation, but also you will actually be in a better frame of mind to work through it. With this mind-set you will find yourself focusing on the solution rather than the problem.

The best way to control your focus is to ask yourself good questions. Such as "what can I find that is good in this situation?", "what have I learned from this that will make me more successful the next time?", or "how can I make this situation better?" By asking yourself effective questions, you will force your brain to look for and find a solution for what you can do to solve a problem and how you can make a situation better.

On the other hand, if you ask yourself self-defeating questions - such as "why does this always happen to me?", "why can't I have that?", "what did I do to deserve this?" and similar ilk, your brain will look for those exact answers and tell you why bad things happen to you, why you can't have something and why you deserve something bad. Now it's one thing when someone else tells you something like that, but when you tell it to yourself, you are sure to believe it! So be your own best cheerleader.

Practise focusing on positive thoughts and learn to ask yourself effective questions that will lead to constructive answers. If you look hard enough, there will always be a positive side to every situation. And for the challenges you must face in life, focus on the solution, not the problem. If you focus on the problem at hand, you will never find the solution. Focus on your dreams and they will become a reality. Ask yourself, "how can I reach my dream?"

Don't be surprised when your brain gives you the answer!

Bflygal's comments:
I am my own cheerleader.. hip hip hooray! haha. Anyway, I don't wish to be found does not mean I wallow in depression or anything. I took it as a chance to learn something from it. So if you are worried for me, please don't. I still have my dreams to accomplish. I still have not visited certain places that I have promised to. And I still need my energy for my upcoming exams. Rest assured I will not let my thoughts run wild.

Let go? Forget? Trust?

In a blurry state of mind, I saw kaixinkitkat’s latest post <放下與忘記>

This phrase struck me “放下從前一段感情，才能追求將來”. It had emphasized 放下 and not 忘掉. I always believed too that one should not forget the past because it is the past that makes my present me. Thus I never regret meeting those whom I have met, even though for some, I wish never to see them again.

“看著眼前的你，誰又料得到，多年後，記憶原來從不曾退去？”
“放下與忘記，是兩回事。”

There isn’t so much years between us thus there isn’t so much changes in him. As usual he is late though and I was rushing to school so we only had a brief conversation. Although I had contemplated cancelling the meeting because I really wanted to head school early and find my classmate to finish up the agreement. But I wanted to clear up this last entanglement especially since it involves money and I never like to be bound by money. Sigh need to find some time to settle it fast. Anyway I managed to make it in time to discuss with her and finish up what should be done.

DOC is right. There is no trick. Everything is fated. Everything is meant for.
“所以對於人家來説，只要我什麽都不做，已經是一份最好的禮物”

The best present hmm… I was thinking maybe God finally answered my prayers and gave a pretty good present. Everytime I visit Goddess of Mercy, I pray for his well-being. So God finally took him in and care for him. And make him trust people again.

Actually, how much trust did he place in those years? I don’t dare to ask. While on the topic of patents, my classmate realized the loophole is such that Singapore will just approve unless someone object. This works similar to the registry of marriage. And there is a site you can check if the guy is married or not. So if you are going to marry this person, will you ever use that site to check if he/she is married already? One of them said he wouldn’t, because if she meant to lie to him, there are other ways to execute the lie. How much trust should a couple has?

It suddenly occurred to me that if I had been graded on my capacity of a girlfriend, I might not even get 10 marks out of 100. Not knowing someone’s religion for that whole period, not able to let him trust you, not able to communicate effectively, not able to comfort him on a particular incident. She is a failure.

Today’s air con has malfunction. Thank goodness. I shall submit my assignment and concentrate on my last assignment as well as my project before I am graded a failure as a student too.

Hoi Sum DR Exercise

I have been involved in the DR exercise for 3 years but today’s exercise is the most memorable one. For the past 2 exercises, I usually need to go to the DR site only in the afternoon. And my boss has been kind to always let me head home straight from there as I stay nearby.

However this year, my users were reporting in the morning. The thought that I had to head back office in noon was kinda depressing but I took it as part of my job scope. However, I was still “evil” enough to request to report to the DR site directly instead, a suggestion which my boss accepted thankfully. And that really saved me a precious hour to amend my assignment and sent it out to my classmate as I had ko-ed while waiting for her attachment last night.

Then I rushed to the DR site early because it is a long walk. On the way, the radio was playing你是我心中一句惊叹 just when I was walking past DOC’s secondary school. Fate has play a trick for DOC too as her “心中一句惊叹” is now in the site too. I also don’t know if Fate is playful or cruel. Heck!

Anyway I ended up real early in the site and had a joyous conversation with an auntie there. (Cannot divulge her occupation haha!) Apparently she has affinity with my company and is mildly excited to meet us which explains how we started our conversation. (I’m not chatty k! :-p )

After that my users arrive, then is testing phase and before long, they are done. I was contemplating if I should asked for a last minute half day request when my boss say I can stay for the second half too. Yipee!!! For that moment, I almost called out saviour because he just bought me more time for my security notes which is in a BIG MESS (anyway is my last e-learning module but it is the worst of my 3 e-learning modules).

And I have my third reason why I’m so hoi sum today. We had lunch near my secondary school. Haha everytime I see the 100+ steps, I just feel happy because it holds a lot of memories for me, especially those tiring times where my good friend had supported me. Hmm 2 days in a row, I had actually thought of him. Hmm decided to pray that he and his wife is happily eating dinner now heehee.

Oh and coincidentally I saw my alma mater (both are my alma maters anyway) that I mentioned yesterday. I know it is shifting in 2008 to the former Bedok South Secondary School. The thing is I don’t know where that school is because Bedok has just too many Bedok XX School. I don’t even remember if I know anybody in this school haha (I got a niggling feeling I know someone from that school but I really can’t remember who?). One day see 2 alma maters, makes me happy too haha.

Then the afternoon session came and the users were pretty fun. I have this colleague who loves to discuss with me Japan and is always asking me when I want to go Osaka haha. I promised her next year we go together hahaha. Then another user was stimulating termination of employee and she decided to terminate herself because there is no chance she can execute that in LIVE. We were all laughing because that is indeed so true haha. My boss had even joined in the fun to terminate himself 5 years later for retirement. The noon session was filled with lots of laughter.

Then the testing is over and I followed them out. Met the auntie again and she was telling me she know our driver and seen him when he was born. Oh man, the world is indeed small (and she indeed has lots of affinity with my company). The driver was also amused haha. Anyway that driver is a very nice driver who always drives my colleagues to certain sites that are far away from our main site. He was asking if I’m heading home too, if so can take a lift. But I rejected because I can go home from the site easily.

Anyway we ended the day by packing up the site and clearing up the stuff. Then say bye to the auntie and I happily reached home. Really felt very light-hearted for unknown reasons. Guess I’m easily happy. But of course, I remember what DOC said, “hoi sum” is the most important word that she taught me and I must remember it. And today, I really am “hoi sum”.

Did you just play a joke on me?

GA, tell me, did you just play a prank on me? Tell me, why, why did you do that? The office is cold, my hand is frozen. But you have just made my heart iced up. Tears that flowed down, just froze at that moment.

When I saw the nick, I pondered if I should say good luck to him. We have all move on, so I just wanted to wish him good luck to know her better. What he told me, shocked me totally. So much so I’m trembling. So much so I totally couldn’t finish my Security Chapter 2. So much so, I just feel like hiding myself somewhere.

GA, why, why did you play such a prank on me? Tell me. I know you didn’t meant to hurt me. But why. For 4 years, I never knew he was a Christian before. For 4 years, I always thought it was my fault because I couldn’t trust him no matter how I tried. You let me know today he had never managed to open up. I rather he told me that he wants to know the girl better, than tell me he wants to know God better.

Nah, that is a dumb thought. I’m so glad he finally believes in God. For 4 years, I always felt upset because he couldn’t understand my beliefs, my actions. He tried not to be too extreme but I always wanted someone who can support me. I thought I ask too much. But I was unable to settle for anything less for a life partner. I blamed myself. Everybody asked me what wrong did he do but I defended him.

It took a girl to bring him back to God’s arms. Expected! My intuition can’t be wrong one. I know he is definitely dating or trying to date. Afterall, with him for 4 years, I know he is the marrying guy. So of course must date haha.

Actually I really don’t know if I’m angry with him or with GA. GA, you know since young, how much I hated Christians. And yet I ended up in a Christian school, something which I never understand either. You make me read the Old Testament, you make me study the New Testament. I took it you wanted me to know them better. I admit my resentment did decreased. But I refuse to like a Christian.

Because of my stubbornness, I never accepted my good friend. There was this period where I had to make a choice. I chose the non-Christian and lost my friendship with him. And it took me 4+ years later to know that day, I had still chosen a Christian. What a joke?

GA, you who know my troubles, why did you let me know this. Are you trying to give me an answer? But what kind of answer can you give me? I have been telling myself there is no possibility in liking him. Yet whenever I know he reads my blog, I feel so happy. Whenever he shows me concern, I felt touched. Unfortunately I am someone he will never consider. Like what my friend says. He treats everybody well. A guy who people falls for easily, but who rarely falls for people. And he is a Christian.

Why do I feel so ironical now? Why of all church, he chose the same church as this guy too? Gosh, did the world turn small? There are so many churches in this city, yet it had to be that church. And why did I have a niggling feeling that it would be that church when he told me he is going back to God. And why after knowing all these, I still feel helpless because I really don’t want to have feelings for this person. I just don’t want to get hurt again.

GA, why do you always spring surprises on me when it is my exam period? I really don’t understand. And I’m so impressed with myself now. I can still be so nonchalantly discussing work with people when I’m hurting inside. I really cannot function now. I want back my sanity. I’m only glad that I found myself a hiding haunt on Monday. I’m going back there to hide later. An hour more, I really cannot take it. GA, can you just kill me. Because I really cannot accept the harsh truth you just delivered to me. Thank god tomorrow I’m on DR site. I’m definitely not going to be found online… I dread the questions my friend will ask me.

I don’t even know why I want to blog this. To let him see? The likelihood that he will read is 1% though. I give up! My mind is whirling.

My Alma Mater

Links :
Alumni Dinner
School Site

I was trying to find the link that my schoolmate had sent me regarding the alumni gathering when I chanced upon the school site. Haha I have to say the webpage is not very stylish, and it felt foreign to see the photos. But when I saw my school song, my long lost memories floated back to me. It's been ages since I last hear the song. It was written by my music teacher then, wonder if she is still teaching? Gosh I couldn't even remember how to sing it already.

ONWARD, TAMPINES PRIMARY SCHOOL

Music & Lyrics - Stella Goh Chiew Chin
Music Arrangement - Iskandar Ismail
Choral Arrangement - Stella Goh Chiew Chin
Sung By - Tampines Primary School Choir

(A) With gladness of hearts we join in song
With loyalty and oneness of minds we throng
Tampines Primary School, place of my youth
Fountain of intelligence, goodwill and truth

(B1) Our teachers we do honour and obey
We shall never slacken come what may
Duty and obedience shall we be schooled
Onward Tampines Primary School

(B1) Our teachers we do honour and obey
We shall never slacken come what may
Duty and obedience shall we be schooled
Onward Tampines Primary School
Onward Tampines Primary School

Anyway the site posted quite a lot of motivational stories. I found the F.R.O.G's story interesting :

F.R.O.G.’s favourite phrase is NEGU (Never Ever Give Up!)

FROG IN A MILK-PAIL story

A toad and a frog drowning in a pail half-filled with milk... The frog swam about attempting to reach the top of the pail, he found that the sides of the pail were too high and steep to reach …

He tried to stretch his hind legs to push off the bottom of the pail but found it too deep. But this frog is determined not to give up, and he continued to struggle.

He kicked and squirmed and kicked and squirmed, until at last, all his churning about in the milk had turned the milk into a big hunk of butter … The butter was now solid enough for him to climb onto and get out of the pail!

It is a bit exaggerating (compared to the donkey and sand story) but I just found it funny haha.

I know I will not attend the alumni dinner because seriously, its been like ages. I don't even know who are the teachers there. I was told recently that my then principal is teaching arts now. But whether he remembers me as the little girl who always take the loud hailer for him or not, I have no idea haha. Besides my friend has no indication of going (I was sorely tempted to ask him organise but I worry I might not even have time to turn up... hmm later send the url to a few of my friends and see their response.)

Hmm ever since I move house 5 years ago, I haven't seen the school for some times. Now that the school is going to be renovated, wonder how it will look like in 2009. I do pity the current students who have to study in Bedok South Secondary School now.. so far. Gosh!

Renter & Owner

Ms. Shenton from MyPaper mentioned something interesting today. She asked if you are a Renter or an Owner of your work.

Characteristics of Renter:
• They always complain if things go wrong and expect someone to solve it
• They never suggest solutions
• They ignore problems, and do not lend a helping hand
• They tends to get eliminated or will never be promoted

Characteristics of Owner:
• They don’t grumble, they just help
• They don’t really discuss the injustice felt
• They treasure every milestones, and are forward looking, not backward looking
• They are concerned with the possibilities of the future, not what should the past has been

Ms. Shenton had given an example that if you are driving a rented car, you will just drive till you realized the petrol level is low, only then you would head to a petrol station. However if you own the car, you will first make sure there is sufficient petrol before you embark on your journey.

Based on the characteristics, it is obvious that we should be an Owner of our work. But this is not so clear cut as yes, I will suggest or yes, I will just do my work. Most of us are a mixture of the two. If I had been driving a rented car, I will still check the petrol first. But that is because I will worry that I cannot find a petrol station. And it is known that I tend to grumble, because I need to vent anger at times. If everything is bottled up, I will really end up somewhere else already. So am I a renter or an owner? Hmm maybe I am a renter...

The "Middle Wife"

The "Middle Wife" by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

Bflygal's comments:
Humour is subjective. Humour is also affected by the reader's current mood. A few days ago, I had commented something not funny (and risk offending the "poster"). It was something about marriage where before marriage a guy is ever obliging and after marriage, he is so NOT obliging. The fact that I read it before and that I was in a mood where I'm so bewildered by what man wants from their ladies that decrease the humour level of that joke.

So what about this joke? While reading it, I had imagined the little girl and all the antics that this mail had indicated. And I felt it is humourous. But if one think along the line of "pregnancy", maybe not? Tsk, it is just too subjective.

Haha, actually I always believed it is easy to cheer me up. Don't know why my DOC always complain I'm hard to pleased. Just saying Hi to me via MSN can make me smile already (are you listening DOC??).

A New Debt...

Once again, I have just laden myself with a new instalment plan and end up in debt again. A year ago, due to some forms of stress and maybe festive season (aka a period one tends to spend more than necessarily), I ended up with a close to 4K instalment plan which I had to take 2 years to finish. After that, for the next 4-6 months, I practically cannot charge my credit card (haha you can guess how “high” my salary is now). In a sense, it is good because I actually curb my expenditure.

And after paying for 1 year already, when suddenly I got more leeway for my expenditure, I ended up getting involved with another instalment plan and maxed out my credit card again. Oh no, now I have 2 instalment plans to pay for. All because it is the festive period (and stressed period for me once again).

I guess it is GA’s reminder to me to not be too casual on my financial state. If not for yesterday, I have forgotten I actually still have another year to complete my previous instalment plan. And now that I have 2 plans, suddenly I felt resigned to my current state. But I firmly believed it is only temporarily. When I chose to embark on this path, and turn my back on certain things, money was one such factor I chose to ignore. So no way will I let these debts bound me.

(Side note: while multi-tasking aka reading mails, debugging, etc, I happen to read a post where someone commented that if one has sufficient cash, one would have more choices in life. And for women, she would be less dependent on the man. To me, that is a state I refuse to let myself be in. Money will never limit my life choices, nor made me dependent on a guy. What I want to achieve in life, I will do it even if I do not know my path. Result oriented? Haha! As for the 2nd matter, my friend says I keep getting attracted to people who don't like me, so I think it is best I be independent haha.)

But no way am I disregarding money because it is a necessity especially in a capitalist economy. Unless companies don’t mind doing barter trade with one another like what was mentioned in today’s MyPaper which I felt is a good idea. Imagine I need door gifts for events which you can provide, in return I loan you function rooms for events. But these are still “calculated” in monetary terms to know how much must be exchanged for.

Anyway I am not complaining about my debt. In a way, the thought that I cannot spend for the next 6 months is welcoming to me haha. I am just counting down to my payday so that I can do my fund allocation to settle all these debts.

你的想法独特吗？

有一天，当你在餐厅吃饭的时候，听到柜台里的服务生在惊慌地交头接耳，说有一颗炸弹被放在餐厅中，你认为歹徒会把这个炸弹放在了什么地方呢？

A、厨房
B、客人座位
C、餐厅门口
D、厕所

A、你常常会想出一些馊主意，让大家听了喷饭跌倒。你的想法属于挺诡异那一类型的，所以就算有人欣赏你的点子，也大多不太敢附议。不过，你对于自己还是充满自信。其实，你的点子都很新颖，但是若是用在别的地方可能会更适合，所以请不要放弃，相信你的那些鬼主意，迟早有派上用场的一天。

B、你的想法很实在，做事的方式也很循规蹈矩。一旦有一点点儿超离常规，你自己就开始很紧张，生怕会有人来揪出你的罪行，在你的心中有一把道德的尺，衡量着自己，也不时打量着别人。渐渐地，你的生活就变得十分规律。

C、你的思考模式很单纯，不会有什么奇奇怪怪的想法，而且因为你老是觉得别人比你厉害，所以常常会先听人家怎么说，你才开口。这样谦逊的态度，当然会成为每个人的好朋友，大家无论做什么事情都不会忘了你，但是因为你的配合度太高了，人又过于随和，久而久之，就会失去自己的个性，忽略了自己内心的声音。

D、你的思考非常缜密，常常会考虑到很多细节，所以想事情的速度很慢，当大家都已经进入到下一个话题了，你才冒出一句没头没脑的话。可是因为你说的话都很有道理，所以让每个人都不得不重视。你充满了锲而不舍的精神，什么事都会坚持到最后一秒钟，就算不被人理解，你还是会静心等待，一有机会就表达自己的看法。

Scattered Thots...

I'm in rambling mood once again... Made my friend send me her latest addition, a doggie.. she said her name is Boeing. Haha, I'm not sure if this pretty dog will answer to it though.

I really like this dog. She's a half cattle, half coogie. The problem is I don't know what dog breed are these. But I really think she makes a good running partner. That is the reason why I seem to like her so much. Made up my mind to find her when I visit my friend. Oops my friend had turned 2nd fiddle to the doggie haha. But my friend said this dog will not grow too big. Sighz, I want a big dog, to protect me I guess. And to hug me. I have not figured out how GA hugs me when I need a hug. But maybe a doggie will be the answer to it?

Lately office is cold and making me feeling lethargic towards work and school. In the past it used to be one module one assignment. Thus 3 modules 3 assignments. But this semester, it is one module, three assignments. And I have used up my energy quota. Still waiting for me to charge up but I feel so vexed. Everyday, I tried to finish something for work, something for studies. But they seem never-ending. DR, migration, lots of bugs catching, lots of programs I need to cater for. I feel overwhelmed. And economic outlook is so bleak... that nothing cheers me up. My friend says I'm always sad. Hmm, I guess if I'm happy, I wouldn't be blogging haha. Not true, I blog regardless of mood.

Arghh... I just wish I have time to think about my future. It is going nowhere and I feel useless. There was a day I just wish I can throw a tantrum and tell my supervisor I don't want to do all theses stuff. But then in the end, I still finished up these stuff today.

While mulling over my uselessness, I felt I disappointed Mother Nature too. No matter how hard I tried, I am unable to get people to appreciate the grass. I realised for almost two years already, I tried to avoid climbing the slope to my school. And I thought I managed to "influence" my classmates already. But lately I felt I'm just childish in my thinking. Nobody in the right mind will not take a short-cut. And when there are people taking short-cuts, all will just follow. I feel useless because I did not even properly maintain Grass Tales anymore. I had wanted more time yet I failed in achieving that either.

If I continue writing, I think the tone will get more and more depressing. And that is not me. As in I can't even afford the time to be in depression. Too much stuff waiting for me. I guess I'm just bidding my time to recharge this useless and selfish body.

张雨生 & 张惠妹 - 最爱的人伤我最深

最爱的人伤我最深

演唱:张雨生 张惠妹

黑夜来得无声
爱情散得无痕
刻骨的风卷起心的清泠
吹去多年情份只剩我一人

两朵孤单的魂
会心的眼神
哦你我的苦竟是如此吻合
感情的沦落人
相遇在这伤感的城哦

chorus: 我最深爱的人
伤我却是最深
进退我无权选择

紧紧关上心门
留下片刻温存
只怕还有来生
我爱的依然最真

我最深爱的人
伤我却是最深
教人无助的深刻

点亮一盏灯
温暖我无悔情春
燃尽我所有无怨的认真

两朵孤单的魂
会心的眼神
哦你我的苦竟是如此吻合
感情的沦落人
相遇在这伤感的城哦

repeat chrous x 2

点亮一盏灯
温暖我无悔情春
燃尽我所有无怨的认真

先逃到很高的地方

Extracted from my previous post :

逃到很远的地方前
先逃到很高的地方
Thus this couple likes to take the lift to DLI (Daehan Life Insurance) 63 Building (63 빌딩 or 육삼 빌딩). The lift up to the storey seems so long and arduous, that they tend to have quite a lot of missed chances. Hmm… but I think to go to one of the highest building and have a panorama view is indeed a wise choice. When you see how small the surroundings are, you will realise your worries are insignificant. Besides that building seems like a pretty place to go, I hope to go there one day too.

One day when I decided to go somewhere far, I must remember to first visit somewhere high…

On 11/11/2007 (11th Nov 2007), I finally visited somewhere high.
Aim to reach the 73rd storeys,
Aim to climb 1,336 steps,
Aim to see the helipad of Swissôtel The Stamford.

When I registered this, it was in September, near my birthday. 2 months later, I had only trained like 6 times in gym. And the step machine is really different from the actual marathon. But Swissôtel The Stamford was a place that had fascinated me since young with its famous revolving Compass Rose restaurant. Sadly, I had only took the lift up once and did not loiter long as I was a young then (and couldn't afford a meal there haha).

Some say I spend money to suffer. Some say I am mad. But yesterday, I'm definitely not the only one that is mad right haha. Except that I agree I really pushed myself to the limit. On Thursday, I thought I had completed most of the assignment due and from Thursday onwards, I should sleep sufficiently for the marathon. But Friday, I realised that I had done some sections wrongly. And I had an online group discussion to attend, thus it dragged till very late at night. Then Saturday was another long day as the discussion kept droning on... and I couldn't submit the report by the end of the day. And before I knew it, it was the day of the marathon.

Actually I was worried. I had joined the Open category randomly. And decided I should have registered for my age instead as the open category has many well prepared runners. I saw the Australian lady being interviewed as well as the defending champion for Men's open and the 2 men from Kenya who confidently said they will finish in 6 minutes & 6 minutes 20 secs. Haha they were more confident than the defending champion because the defending champion had just completed some marathon recently and do seemed tired. I was pretty worried I will freak out and just head home. Especially when time seems to keep dragging as there were just too many participants and women's open is the second last category to start.

Surprisingly, before I knew it, it was time for women's open participants to get ready. One had to “run” to the stairways before starting the climb although I was kinda lazy and just jog to the stairways. Initial levels were still bearable but as the conditions were really different from the step machine, I started having problem from level 10+ unlike the step machine where I only had problem at level 20+. One thing for sure, the stairs were not automatic moving like the step machine. And one had to keep walking a distance to go to the next floor, much like HDB stairs. But HDB stairs one had to take lift a few times to really climb up 73 storeys thus giving one a chance to rest. I only tried that once because I felt stupid taking the lift 5/6 times haha. Anyway my block is not suitable to train because certain levels smelt badly due to public vandalism.

Many a times, I did thought of giving up. But that means I never succeeded in escaping to somewhere high. And I refuse to admit defeat because I really want to escape to somewhere far one day. Then there were times I saw people resting at a certain level and thought of doing the same. However I was worried that I might not be able to restart my engine once I stopped it. Sometimes, I let people overtake me. Sometimes I overtake people (my dad was shocked when I told him I overtook people haha.) Usually I silently wish these people strength to finish anyway, though got once I verbally wished someone Jia You because that was initial stages where I still had energy. Wonder did she make it to the top?

Being first timer, I really don’t know what to expect. I remember a kind man, who was encouraging this lady who is also her first time taking part, advising not to climb 2 steps at a go, especially not at the end. And I guessed after 10+ levels, I indeed just slowly climb 1 step at a time. It was quite arduous and slow though and I had to mentally tell myself to finish a certain level, much like little milestones. And while I almost wanted to break into a run on the 70th level, I restrained myself because I was worried my energy will just depleted and I will never complete it.

Anyway the view was pretty. Being so high up, one can really see far. It does reminds me of the times I went to Tokyo Metropolitan Centre and Tokyo Tower to see Japan. Except Swissôtel’s is still not tall enough to see much.



It’s been a day since I was up there. After that climb, I had went back to school to submit the assignment and explore The Central (which is really a haphazard building although I like the Singapore River day and night view). And all these while, my legs had not really hurt as much as I (and my mum) expected haha. Luckily! Just that I’m in a sick of steps mood and was dragging myself to climb the 3 storeys to my office this morning. Maybe it will hurt tomorrow? Unsure?

Now, to plan for my escapade to somewhere far, where nobody can find me anymore…

如果我可以让别人来取代你
是不是我就能不伤心
只是 我愿意寂寞 爱著感应

- Lyrics from 《感应》 by 泳儿

IpodTouch

I saw something cool yesterday. Really cool. It was metallic. It was slim, really slim. And I couldn't take my eyes off it. The only thing I knew about it, was it belonged to an Apple product. The apple logo.

Later on, my classmate told me about this particular product that has Wi-Fi to surf the net. WHAT!! To surf wirelessly. To be able to read adobe pdfs. I had only seen it can deliver music haha, cos the guy was listening to music with it. This is too good to be true...

And this morning, I realised it is one of the lucky draw prize for my management party. The party that I had intended to skip. Afterall I might have school that day. God, why do you have to put me up to such temptation... it is the only gift that caught my eyes (yeah, I don't mind admitting the rest of the gifts are "useless" TO ME kies haha). Darnz, the temptation is just too great... Arghh... To go or not to go?

p/s: Was asking my colleague last year, what was I bio-ing too.. and he told me is another ipod variation. Sigh it only shows that the lucky draw prizes have never really attract me much. Funnily, he is once again bio-ing the LCD TV haha, the top prize.

The Story of Noah Ark

1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9. When you're stressed, float a while.
10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
11. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

The first time I read the Bible, it was the Genesis. In a foreign country's hotel, a young girl tends to be bored. It was fun reading Genesis anyway. To know how God make the world and mankind. Just as I like the story of Nuwa and Pangu.

Anyway I'm stressed. I'm worried about the upcoming report. I'm worried about the current module. I'm worried about the project documentation. I'm worried about the migration. I'm worried about the DR. I'm worried about what I wished for. I'm worried about everything. I wish to float ... somewhere... And let nobody find me...