Omens

A lot of things are running in my mind now. Like directions. Some leads me to someplace good. Others lead me to mazes. Thus I’m getting disoriented now… In the end this post became cluttered with minor episodic memories. I had thought of not posting it. But there are some signs I need to record. Maybe another 6 months later, when I read this post again, I will understand it better?

6 months ago, when I was at a crossroad, and I make the turn, I never saw these happening. I’m known to think too much, think too far, and think too deep. If I ever contract any mental illness, I think bipolar disorder would suit me just fine.

I think I’m still a beginner. I’m unsure how to read the signs. My heart keeps saying a different thing every second. I keep misinterpreting the signs, and then misinterpreted the misinterpreted signs. Actually, I did not even know what I’m doing all these while.

When The Alchemist came into my vision 3 weeks ago, it was just a book lying on the table. A few other recommended books were laid on the table but I had no interest in them. When my eyes laid on The Alchemist, I only had one thought; this book is a known book. I did not know who had read it before. I did not know who had been inspired by it. Period. It was like how I borrowed To Kill A Mockingbird. Only this book was on a table, not a shelf. Only this book had caught my sight when I usually just ignored the table. Was it a sign then?

逃到很远的地方前
先逃到很高的地方
- Quote from My Girl
I know I’m escaping. I turn quiet, and withdrawn. Especially to people who I am close to, whom I rely a lot in the past. I never know how to say goodbyes properly. And yet there are times I will be warm again, because I tell myself I should cherish every single present moment. I guess I’m a paradox.

I read the introduction of the Alchemist at the bus interchange, waiting for my bus. It griped my heart. A suffocating feeling, like your heart squeezed itself and tugged itself. It was an awakening call. But I postponed the actual message. Those days I spent after reading the introduction … was haphazard.

I finish the Alchemist in the wee hours of Sept 11th and finally understood what I was going through. I had been trying to listen to my heart. And that initially the luck I had were beginner’s luck which will wear out soon as my journey gets more tedious and arduous.

Because of a comment, I remembered a story of how an angel treated a rich family and a poor family. I remembered its moral – Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we only see what we want to see. We become fixated by the image and lost the real image.

Another friend reminded me of the bamboo and fern story. The bamboo had taken a very long time before showing its leaves. The time was spent to build its foundations – the roots. Good days give you happiness. Bad days give you experiences. Both are essential to life, so keep going. That was the moral of the story.


Mermaids are magical spiritual helpers who exist on the etheric plane, and who are ready to assist us.
Dolphins are the mermaids’ physical companions, playmates, and co-workers. They bring magical otherworldly energy to Earth, and remind us of the importance of playfulness.
- Extracted From the Guide Book.

My friend had wanted to buy me a pack of tarot cards but she ended up picking a pack of oracle cards instead because of the Mermaid and Dolphin theme. It reminded me many years ago, when I had wanted to learn about horoscope, my mum bought me a book. Only that the book was on anything except horoscope. Hmm another sign that I’m seeking at the wrong divination method?

Last night, I chose to take dinner with my family instead of taking my shower first. It was about 7 p.m. I was told that a friend had been waiting for me online. I guessed I had missed her. A pity, but I wouldn’t exchange that with what I experienced yesterday. For the first time, I had experienced earth trembling. At first my dad had asked who is shaking the table. It is only then did I realised the floor is shaking too. It is quite amusing to recall back the scene as we were all seated at the table (minus my brother). The sensation, the trembling, the body natural reaction towards it, left me deeply unsettled. Last night, I kept asking… pourquoi? Last night, I withdrawn, even in the virtual world.

Do females who are braver, get hurt more easily? Reading MingEn’s forum no longer gives me any elation. I have not watch櫻野3加1. Because I’m worried I will get disappointed only. Actually I guess females are really more expressive in body gestures. QE has always been very direct, 爱恨分明. All these while it is more obvious to see she is the one that leads. And when MD just keep making thoughtless remarks and blowing hot and cold at her, one can see that she did give up. But what really transpires between the 2 of them, only they know. It is the same scenario for Sonjia Kwok’s character and Nick Cheung’s character in The Last Breakthrough.

I’m such a coward. Every time, I tell myself I will keep a distance. But when the situation presents itself, I turn soft-hearted. I had almost succeeded that day, only to soften because I got to know the actual situation. Sighz. I’m so confused by the mixed signals.

What’s my choices?