Lost thoughts in Nov 08

Before I begin, this was supposed to be part of the previous post but somehow the tone spiral down and I felt it is better to split the two thoughts.

That Saturday, during the long journey, I was thinking about the topic “I know a lot of people” because I was posed that question twice that week. One of them probably felt so due to my FB, and the other because the previous alumni event, 2 of the participants said they knew me and this current event, one of the participant is my classmate. But are these people my friends or my acquaintances? That 2 guys for e.g. probably only know my name after we graduated from the course. And about FB, a friend used the word “surreal experience” to be able to find lost contact. Probably, but sometimes the longer I’m inside FB, the lonelier I felt

My mood was probably affected by the recent hostage case and chaos in Asia. And further depression set in as I was looking at my JC photos and saw my classmate. It is almost a year since she has left us. Did time fly so fast that December has reached? Why do I once again have the same thoughts I had a year ago? (Mum asked if I blog when I told her my cousin blogs… will I ever let her read? Can I ever explain those cryptic messages to her?) And recalling how a friend avoided it because she had her honeymoon planned then. How her colleague had hid herself in the cupboard to preserve her life. XX told me the lady’s last moments were spent emailing with her BB (I think I might keep a template in my BB too to send out my last words). And those reports kept saying she lived life to the fullest…

Back to the topic, I'm evaluating my character. I believed I treat everybody sincerely even if we rarely talks. Some probably say a conversation littered with questions cannot be defined as a proper conversation, but that has always been my style. The way I converse with people is by asking questions, lots of questions. If you reply earnestly, then we will have a conversation going on. If you don’t then we will just continue to be those I-Know-You acquaintances. If I had attended that last event (which I was interested but was in Japan and chairman did not check his calendar), I might have made small talk with those 2 guys as one of them did make an effort to intro himself before. But then take the Kangoo jump event for example; I ended up making more small talk with the wife than the classmate… which only shows some people can only be such acquaintances.

Having said that, I guess it is probably my attitude that caused me to be hated and misunderstood for reasons unknown to me. I still remember a girl in my sec days who never acknowledge me when we met again in uni days. I don't blame her as it ought to be painful to be subjected to hate group but I wasn't even involved or around then. And to hear what my ex-colleagues thought about me after I left.. a stupid girl who is incapable. Maybe there is some element of truth?

In the end, I still cannot figure out how close I am with most people in FB & MSN & even with people who invited me to their weddings. Not saying it does not matter, it matters at times when I only see a one-way traffic. But then I probably will never understand the complicated and complex inter-personal relationship and to make things simpler for me, I should just continue with my own mentality and rules – to treat everybody sincerely.

Anyway I was thinking about what I blogged about in that post which I had wanted to do in 2008, the video posts, the similar taste in music, and not so similar due to religion. I started thinking about the close friends I used to have, their music preference too and some religious songs they intro to me. Somehow as I questioned why am I always close to Christians, only to lose contact with them, while I was recalling about Hillsong and other Christian singers.. Josh Groban's voice came filling my head.

You Raise Me Up
- Josh Groban
Album: Closer

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

Probably GA was trying to answer me in his own way.

P/s: I think it went well for him though I wonder if refraining from sending him well wishes (while I did for others) might have contributed to the wellness. Haha. One thing for sure, refrain doesn't equate to forget cos one needs to think to refrain.

PP/s: This post has been edited many times to reduce the sombre feeling.. but I guess it still has some elements... if so just wanna say, I have always been the forgetful type so even if you did pass snide remarks, I will probably still talk to you after a few days... I guess I am just too trusting for my own good .. but I rather be too trusting than too sceptical.. at least it will make life easier for me. (Hmm don't mean to sound like a saint though... I'm a devil afterall)

Kangoo Jump

I'm using my BB to type again. Gosh, I better don't get BB thumb syndrome but it is tough typing with other fingers too. Oh brother said the BB touchscreen version aka Storm is out alr.. K for someone who took 2 weeks before I finally figured my BB’s model is Bold and is similar to the ad in MRT, I done "pretty" well knowing Storm is next in line.

Anyway early morning drove to The Playground @ Big Splash though I ended up waiting an hour later for the event - Kangoo Jump to start. Sigh early signs that I'm gonna be late for the noon event. But I have to admit the Kangoo jump was pretty fun. Took a while to balance and get accustomed to the shoes. Then run and jump about. Then more hops and skip. Then a friendly match where we split into 2 teams to play some ball game.

There are dangers though.. A few of us, including me, lean forward too much and the heels came loose. Then guys who are too agressive in the game tend to lose balance. I was supposed to make use of this event to do some training but the heavy shoes make me lazy to hop too much. I admit though it should be fun jogging with it but a marathon might be out of the question.

<-- Heavy shoes

And for CL's benefit, the so called instructor is the cute asian type.. Sadly.. Maybe we or rather I should concentrate hooking u up with the BI guy instead haha. Anyway think the shop is set by the brothers and at least one of them (the cutie) is an NTU mech engr guy..and that they are now going around schools to teach to create awareness I think... (I just happen to be in the hearing range when my friend asked. Haha)

Anyway event ended late and I sped back home to have a quick shower before rushing to CCK. Sigh I do try to avoid the west but some rules just cannot be overwritten. And while rushing to the MRT it started drizzling. Great way to catch up on my slack training… but the distance is rather short haha.

By the way, if any of you are interested in trying out kangoo jumping ... or you wanna see the cute coach... head down to Big Splash - Kangoo Jump then...

Musing about Recycling and Donation Drive

I have been thinking about recycling bins and what happens to the stuff in there. However I cannot seem to find the outcome from the internet. In some sense it makes me wonder how serious we are on recycling or are these treated like normal trash. And because it is the end of the year where spring cleaning is inevitable, my thoughts on such matters came floating back to me.

Especially after hearing what my mum described at the donation centre:
Hope Centre FTS
Address: 7 Upper Changi Road North Singapore 507705
Telephone: 6546 0309
Operating hours: 9.00am to 6.00pm, Mon – Sat

A year ago when I donated out my toys, my brother had been the one that deposited the items in this place. At that time, he mentioned it is like a rubbish bin. We thought he meant the people were treating the place like a rubbish centre.

2 days ago, my mum went back to donate stuff there. And the sight shocked her. Prams were wet due to the rainy conditions, items were subjected to the extreme weather conditions. I'm not saying there is no shelter. There is! But there are too much items plus the fact that neither rain nor wind comes in a downward direction only. It seems that we are not treating the place like a rubbish centre, but they are treating our donations like rubbish if they are not collating/packing them.

Of course I can only see one side of the matter. They might have shortage in manpower or space or other valid reasons. But the thought that my mum had spruced up the toys (dad and I told her cannot donate dirty toys.. and that these people probably had no time to wash the toys either) only to be subjected to such conditions. The thought of those new clothes or those books being wet due to rain.



I cannot bear it. One thing for sure, I am not going to leave my donations at that place no matter what valid reasons they have the next round. I really hope I will find my queries answered soon somehow.

SATC and more

During the weekend, I decided to re-watch SATC. Still remember the opening is:

Women come to New York for the two L's: Labels and Love.

Somehow I was sceptical to believe one could find love in city. But it is a city that I lives in. Maybe that is why I chased after the series years ago.

Anyway rewatching it gives me a different thoughts compared to the first watch. When I first watched it, I did not read any review. Thus I only saw the main points e.g. Samantha Jones handing Carrie her iPhone, which Carrie returns somewhat disgusted replying "I don't know how to work this!". Somehow I could identify that as I gave up figuring how to use a HTC/iphone then. Guess I would never expect myself to be typing this post with a BB though I have to confess a BB is still easier to use than a touchscreen phone.

And the part where Carrie wanted to sleep through NY, something I usually does.

Rewatching with reviews though make me ask if these 4 ladies had over-reacted? Cutting off all contact, refusing to hear explanations, throwing the hp away. A review said that they were not behaving like 40 year old. I then asked my friend had these ladies been rational of which she replied a lady in love is never rational.

Reminded me about the auction where this lady commented that "she’s a smart girl, till she fell in love.". Regardless of age, when you are in love or out of love, you just cannot behave what is expected of you. Does being 40 makes you hurt less than if you were 20? Age and experience might make you more wary but that only happens before you fall in love. Once you fall in love, you are blinded. And when you fall out of love, the hurt in you should be able to justify your actions. However, if you do remain level-headed, good for you as a rational person probably will dissolve the hate at a shorter time.

Thus irrational me had decided to call him a jerk. Coincidentally, an old Cleo issue was talking about a new type of jerk who are not handsome and might be hurt deeply before and yet can capture your attention and manipulate you like a kite. To demean him is indeed too much on my part especially when his friends only have praises for him. But I am like Li-Ann in Leap of Love or Carrie, being tugged and released. Even if it is subtle, it still hurts. (I should take back the comparision, both had happy ending.)

And when Samantha ended her love story, the movie was saying that

“some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories. But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love.”

It got me thinking of the definition of love story? Filled with trust? Faith? Someone before me? Loving someone even if she has AIDS? Side effect of watching TCS "By Your Side" I guess.

Towards the ending when Carrie was in her story telling session saying

“and as I put the wedding gown away, I couldn’t help to wonder, what is it that we’re willing to write our own vows, but not our own rules.”

I did ponder what rules she wanted to make. Is it to marry John James Preston in a labelless dress? Or just making it a 2 person (3 if to include the registrar) affair? Such actions are indeed tough to make especially if you live in a city for too long. The side effects of the city means you are more or less affected by the chasing of labels, the climbing of corporate ladder, the getting in/out of rat race in pursuit of cash.

I think I have lots to complain living in a city life. And lots more grouses to make working in where I am now. But I should end this post and keep such thoughts to myself only as I intend to write my own rules no matter what. My friend will probably say I’m inflexible hahha….

Pourquoi

Pourquoi (布瓜的世界)
Author: Jimmy

"Pourquoi"是法文「为什么」的意思，读音很像布瓜，

Mandarin: 为什么
French：Pourquoi？
Italian：perché？
Holland：waarom？
German: warum
English: why?
Spannish：Porqué？
Japanese：なぜ naze (or なんでnannde or どうして　Doushite)

《美丽密语》 My Beautiful Girl, Mari

Title: 《美丽密语》 My Beautiful Girl, Mari
Author: 权大雄，韩国作家、诗人

http://www.wallcoo.com/film/mari/html/wallpaper6.html

Quotes:
梦并非存在于现实之中而是现实存在于梦境之中。

妈妈的肚子里是远离现实的梦的空间。在合着眼睛的十个 月时间里，孩子们都在看梦的空间，孩子出世后，虽然妈妈慈祥的眼神正在注视着他，但他们看着虚空、带着微笑喃喃自语。其实这正是从梦的空间里出来，进行着 未完成的对话。这样，从渐渐熟悉周围的现实、认识妈妈、哑哑学话的时候开始，孩子们的眼睛逐渐局限于身边的事物。

可能悲伤之余就会容易发怒。

梦，并不是因为人的视野再而看不到我们。是因为人们从不看存在的东西，他们只看自己想看到的东西而已，他们想看的都是坚硬的东西。

现实中，只有拥有一颗纯洁的心才能打开梦眼，并逐渐地从梦的空间中另辟蹊径。

Bflygal's comments:
Is a story book (pictorial style like Jimmy's) I read a year ago in Orchard Library...
Is a movie I saw tonight...

I need my dream eye...

The 50 best free activities in London

Source: The Independent
Dated: Saturday, 24 January 2004
(Details were checked at the time of going to press but are liable to change.)
 
Best children's places
Horniman Museum
Geffrye Museum
Natural History Museum
Museum of Childhood
National Army Museum
National Gallery
Science Museum
Fulham Palace
Visit a nature reserve
Theatre museum

Best cultural pursuits
BBC radio and television audience tickets
Recitals in city churches
Visiting the House of Commons
Changing of the guard
An auction at Christie's
Brixton Market
Films at the British Museum
Salsa dancing
Royal Opera House lunchtime recitals
Swiss Centre glockenspiel clock extravaganza

Best museums/galleries
Tate Britain
Sir John Soane's Museum
Wallace Collection
Victoria and Albert Museum
Museum of London
The Women's Library
National Portrait Gallery
Imperial War Museum
Photographers' gallery
Bank of England Museum

Best outdoor activities
Explore Richmond
Rambling on Hampstead Heath
Join an urban run
Outside swimming at Highgate Ponds
Put your best foot forward
Roller-skating
Fly a kite
Get on your bike
Rugby in Battersea Park and old Deer Park
Skateboarding

Best urban walks
Houses of Parliament to St Paul's Cathedral
Tower Bridge to St Anne's Church, Limehouse
Greenwich to West India Docks
Kenwood to Highgate Cemetery and back
Chiswick House to Fulham Palace
The Tyburn Trail
In the footsteps of William Shakespeare
Hampton Court palace gardens and Bushy Park
Primrose Hill to All Soul's Church, Langham Place
Trains and boats and planes

The panel

Peter Harden is the founder, with his brother Richard, of Harden's Guides, publisher of Harden's London for Free. Ronnie Haydon is the editor of Time Out London for Children. Amy Lamé is the arts correspondent for BBC London 94.9fm, and is appearing in the current series of Celebrity Fit Club on ITV1. Jane Peyton is the author of Looking up in London (John Wiley, £12.99) and devised the urban walks for this feature. Joanna Robinson is director of Sport England, London region. She aims to provide opportunities for all Londoners to be more physically active.

Bflygal's comment:
I guess I can't resist not storing this list... London, Sydney and Tasmania, and maybe Hong Kong and Macau... these are places that I want to visit next as promised...
I must believe... but for now, I must continue to be patient...

Saying thanks in Nov 2008

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late.

Got this paragraph from an email... and was remembering that I haven't say my thanks for sometime so here it is

1. Thanks to my (ex-)colleagues for those times, the guidance, the care given and during the recent Japan trip. I appreciate the times spent which made me who I am today.

2. Thanks to my parents. It had been a difficult decision to move especially when you had also befriended some of my colleagues. And while you still do not understand why my insistence to move, thanks for not probing (forced to also).

3. Thanks to a few friends during this period too. Esp CL haha.. something I probably will not say face to face with u because when we talk, I get distracted for me to remember start this topic hahaha... But I never would dream of hitting well with you esp if I knew you were from RGS. Not because you have more brains or I have less... but I might have stereotype and conclude we were different league haha. Oh and your latest revelation might be my 2nd backup plan if things really don't work out for me.

Of course other friends for showing the concern, sharing the comments and just by reading either my blog, FB status etc. I do worry I lose some of you guys though coz I feel the gap... but gap or gapless, I just want you guys happy too kk.

4. Lastly, thanks to GA. I know I have been difficult lately, especially today. Although I told myself to trust you have everything in place, I still ended up impatient. Whether the tarot reading is true or not, it is evident I am restless. But I had wanted to stay in SG till 3rd Jan... so... time to train my patience.

Full Tarot Reading on 20th Nov 2008

What Covers You 

Four of Wands 

Briefly: Perhaps the family is becoming more important to you or one long distant family member is coming to stay or you are planning to visit their home.

Full Meaning: This is a beautiful card to behold. To me it appears that there is a castle in the distance, on a hill-top and the two wands on either side seem to represent the entrance or gateway to this lovely home. The garland of flowers draped over the wands give an impression of comfort, warmth and beauty. For some this card can mean that you are about to move house. The new one will be a significant improvement on the current abode. If you have already just moved, then the emphasis will be on relaxation and a sanctuary way from the hustle and the bustle of city life. A home in the country would be a suitable location to be living in. Serenity and peace will be the mode of daily living. Perhaps the family is becoming more important to you or one long distant family member is coming to stay or you are planning to visit their home, which is probably at a distance from where you are at the moment.

What Crosses You 

Page of Swords 

Briefly: Time to go out there and make your indelible mark on the world in your own unique way.

Full Meaning: This guy is ready for action and adventure. He is capable of acting quickly and confidently. Yet he is known to be somewhat aloof at times and may seem too young to tackle the tasks at hand. He is brave and sometimes foolishly confident. He learns well though by his mistakes, because he usually makes them while he is young.
He is often very good looking, crystal clear blue eyes, though sometimes has pure black eyes. His skin is smooth and clean shaven. He has a boyish look to his face, even when in his late twenties or early thirties. He has innocent charm and can make the girls swoon around him, yet hardly noticing that he has this affect on them. He has the wanderlust in him and will want to travel at a young age. He can hardly wait to get out there in the world and explore what life has to offer.
If this card is the querent's card, it could be signalling the time to go out there and make your indelible mark on the world in your own unique way with no apology to anyone.
If this card is not you, you could encounter someone like him who briefly walks through your life. Cherish this while it lasts, for it may or may not last very long. He wants to be on the move and no amount of clinging will keep him from getting out the door. Let him go and he will return when he is ready.

What Crowns You 

Knight of Swords 

Briefly: The time for a new adventure. Are you feeling restless and need to get away? Take that chance.

Full Meaning: Physically lean yet strong. He moves swiftly. Restless, active and fiery. Piercing eyes, usually blue. Mostly clean shaven, though not always. Above average height.
Personality: Mostly a gentle type, though a little aloof. Does not give out too much about himself. Tends to be almost shy, and is not the type to talk about himself very often. He is a very adventurous character, always exploring, always searching and looking out for somewhere else to go. He is basically a quiet man, chooses his words carefully and is especially selective as to who he chooses as his friends. He can be a rough and tumble type too, when he feels inclined in that direction. He can travel lightly and with great enthusiasm. He likes to see the whole wide world, not just one country. He may not settle down early in life, there is too much of the wanderer in him. He makes a good nomad. He does not like to be bothered with too many possessions as they can weigh him down. He likes to travel light and usually does. He is clever yet just as gullible as the next man. However, he is aware of this in his nature and is ever on guard for anyone who may attempt to take advantage of him. He is always on alert. He looks over his shoulder, just to be on the safe side.
Occupations suited to him would be the travel merchant, the travelling artist, a go-between, messenger or courier. He could work on construction sites, just for the fact that they are outdoors. He does not like to be constrained within an office type situation, he would rather die. He needs to be out and about, meeting people, exploring, discovering. Even archaeology could appeal to his sense of adventure and excitement and the lure of potential discovery or riches.
His future lies in allowing himself the privilege to be free. Not all people can, or want to do that. He does. This is his destiny. His life is about travel, exploring, discovering and taking risks. He is the daredevil who has no fear of death and may even tend to tempt it at times with his often reckless way of doing things. In love he takes chances and will bear the consequences. As he does not like to be tied down, he is unlikely to settle or marry until later in life, usually after age 30 or even longer.
Querent's card. If this is you, now may be the time for a new adventure. Are you feeling restless and need to get away? Take that chance, that new opportunity that has just presented itself and just go. Do it. Go there. Life is not for stagnation, but then again, you always knew that.
If you are not the querent and this card appears, then there is a somewhat restless person about to enter your life fleetingly. He will not stay too long. He has other plans, other dreams. Do not try to put chains around his neck or tie him down to the drudgery of the 9 to 5 routine in any way. He will leave quicker than you can say his name. He knows his destiny, and you are just a stop over point on his quest for far greater experiences.

What Is Beneath You 

King of Cups 

Briefly: A proposal or proposition.

Full Meaning: This card shows a man dressed in armour.  He is holding a cup, as if offering it to someone on front of him.  In the background is a blue sky, a river and some mountains and lush green trees and grass. It appears to be a Spring day.  The man is clean shaven and good looking.  He wears his uniform proudly.  If this is you, then you may be about to propose to the object of your affection.  If this is someone you know, then you may be on the receiving end of a proposal or proposition from this man.  He is affectionate and caring and offers his pledge with sincerity and love.  There could also be a new job offer and this may also involve a place at a distance.

What Is Behind You 

Seven of Swords 

Briefly: A home move.

Full Meaning: Quite often this card signifies a home move. There is a restlessness that gives the feeling of wanting to move on. If it is not a house move, it could be a new relationship, or one that is a significant relationship, such as your first one, or it has been a long time between relationships, or one that proves important in the long run, such as one leading to marriage. However a small word of caution, find out all you can about this new person, for there could be something secretive about him/her.
This can also mean a significant happening or event at night, having to rush off somewhere, to someone's aid perhaps, someone in hospital and/or a time to make quick decisions and act in a hurry, or alternatively you may act in haste during the night.
This card has also been known to indicate a robbery. It could be a thief in your home, or any other place where you keep valuables, such as a car or an office.
Overall, your life now has the potential to alter in some significant way. You could cut ties with your past, your family or friends and go off on your own path. These changes may be irrevocable and can close the door on your old life to make way for a total transition into a new way of living. Just be sure this is exactly what you want to do. You need to be firm and strong in your decision making now and in the near future.

What Is Before You 

Two of Wands 

Briefly: Time to consider a new move in your life that will make big changes to your existing living arrangements.

Full Meaning: This card shows a man with part of his back to us and he is holding a staff in one hand and a globe of the world in the other and is looking out towards a distant mountain. He appears to be studious and in deep concentration. He may be seriously considering his future. He is tall and well built and wears a helmet for protection and a cloak for warmth.
This can suggest that you are about to consider a new move in your life that will make big changes to your existing living arrangements. You may actually uproot yourself and move to another country, another state or another town. Your job is obviously undergoing some kind of transformation and you may be breaking new ground with some new endeavour. This will require your time, your patience and your strong belief in yourself that you can do anything you set out to do.
You could be presented with a rather unique opportunity that leads you on to pursue your wildest dreams. Or you may have developed your own vision or idea and be in the process of bringing this all to fruition by your very own hands. Don't let others sidetrack you at this stage, for you are vulnerable to suggestion and may listen to some bad advice or discouragement. Trust in your own wisdom and you will ultimately have the last laugh.

Your Self 

Eight of Wands 

Briefly: A new love is coming into your life and very swiftly at that.

Full Meaning: This card has a picture of eight wands running right across it. For some this can mean that a new love is coming into your life and very swiftly at that. It brings things quickly into focus and gives you the opportunity to seize a brilliant opportunity or improve your life in some way. You could also be about to move to a more tranquil setting in either your home life or the location or your work. A river or other picturesque scene may be part of your new environment, or you may meet someone special in just such a location. If you are planning a pregnancy, now may be your most fertile time. The energy of the season of Spring may make you feel inspired to be especially creative.

Around You 

The Fool 

Briefly: Journey of unique and unknown destination. Innocent of life and will have to learn by his own mistakes. He is a wanderer, with great enthusiasm for life and for love.

Full Meaning: This card shows a picture of a young man walking towards a cliff edge, with a long rod leaning over his shoulder.  On the end of the rod there appears to be a handkerchief holding all of his worldly possessions.  Following beside him is a small white dog.  He is almost oblivious to what pitfalls may lay before him.  He is on a, a journey of discovery. He is almost like a tourist, as he looks right, left, above and below to anything that catches his eye.  He is curious and adventurous.  He wants to know everything and is keen to look, learn and discover whatever life is going to teach him.  He is innocent of life and will probably make many mistakes along the way.  He is a student of life and will have to learn by his own mistakes.  He is a wanderer, with great enthusiasm for life and for love. He is young and open-minded, with a desire to have many new and varied experiences so that he can get a taste for life and decide what it is that he really wants.  He does not yet know what the world will bring, nor what his unique destiny is, but he will soon find out.

Hopes and Fears 

Knight of Cups 

Briefly: There is success ahead for you, especially if you follow your instincts at every turn.

Full Meaning: The picture on this card shows a good looking, blue eyed, clean shaven man.  He is wearing a head-dress of some type and is heavily draped in colourful clothing.  He carries a wand in his left hand and a cup in his right.  He appears regal and conservative.  His calm outer nature may disguise a very gentle and sensitive soul. He may be born under a water sign of either Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces.  He is compassionate, caring and considerate to others needs.  In the background there is the ocean, which partly reflects his nature as being deep and potentially mysterious.  If you are this man, you are on your way to reaching your goals.  There is success ahead for you, especially if you follow your instincts at every turn.  If you are a woman and you draw this card, you may be about to meet him and he will play a pivotal role in your life and may even become your husband.  He will be protective of you and look upon the family as his most significant inspiration and reason for happiness.

Outcome 

King of Wands 

Briefly: A man who has come a long way and yet feels he still has so much to do ahead of him.

Full Meaning: King of Wands. The picture on this card is of a man wearing a warm woollen cape and he has an emblem on the shoulder which could signify some kind of badge or logo associated with his profession. He also wears a hood and he is holding a wand in his left hand. He is often a married man with children. His is warm in character and a good listener. He likes to take charge of situations and can handle most that life presents to him. He is a keen sportsman and is usually very energetic. He is proud and can command respect on entering a room. He is masterful and shows others his talents if he is asked to do so, otherwise he is reflective and private. He is a man who has come a long way and yet feels he still has so much to do ahead of him. Travel is one of his favourite pursuits and he does this to explore nature and the different cultures. He is always open to new challenges and loves learning everything he can about life and the differing philosophies. If you are not this man, and you are male, he may enter your life and you would be grateful to have him as a friend. If you are a young male, this will be who you become after about the age of 35. If you are a woman, this could be your husband or your future husband. If you are a married woman and he is not your husband, he may be the husband of one of your best friends.

Bflygals' comments:
I was upset after the call... after learning about the plans... after doing some mental calculation... after unabling to get stressor... I need to learn how to be more tolerant and patient... I need to cut ties... because I'm tired...

Web 2.0 and Hate groups

Source: Todayonline

"The Internet continues to be exploited by people who espouse hate in many different ways -- anti-Semites, Holocaust deniers, racists, homophobes and terrorists," Wolf said on the opening day of the two-day event hosted by the French embassy.

Lauter cited the case of an Oklahoma woman who was shot dead this month, allegedly by a member of the white supremacist Ku Klan Klan, after being recruited through MySpace. The woman was killed after she apparently changed her mind and tried to flee a Ku Klux Klan initiation rite, according to police in Louisiana.

Blogs, social networks, video sites and instant messaging.. welcome to the 21st century. In today's Web 2.0, a world of mobile computing and always-on connectivity. IT has become a tool for love and for hate. For every site you try to close down due to the hate message, another is created instantenously.  Sigh I feel so helpless and trapped in this IT world... a world that without it, might render me useless.  I am addicted to what Web 2.0 can offer me, and saddened by the double edge sword that it posed.  Interesting to note, a few days ago, I decided to reduce the information leakage in Facebook... time to remove more stuff..

Herod's Lost Tomb

Source: TodayOnline

National Geographic announced on Tuesday that its first game, "Herod's Lost Tomb," would come out this month ahead of the December 2008 issue which features an article on the biblical figure known for his architectural exploits.

Interesting... I might dl to try because one, I haven't play games for a REAL long time and two, it's National Geographic = educational right? Haha...

For the record, I am actually watching a children chinese educational series now... though I admit, my limited chinese is tested.

Angel of Life Purpose

Angel of Life Purpose 

Full Meaning: Each of us comes into this world with a special mission or life purpose that only we can accomplish. Often we have a sense of what this purpose is from the time we are very young yet few are fortunate enough to have that sense of purpose encouraged or supported. Instead many of us are pushed into doing things that our parents or other people feel is really best for us to be doing, they ignore our own vision of what we came here to do because THEIRS was also ignored when they were young as well! It takes great strength of will and stamina to go against what others may see us being right for us and sadly many fall into that trap of living out someone else’s dream.
Yet there is an Angel of Life Purpose who is always with each of us, trying to remind us in each moment what it is we know we came here to accomplish. This Angel speaks to us when we are working at jobs that we hate and desperately wishing there was something else we could be doing to pay the rent and put food on the table! It is at those moments especially when this Angel begins to speak to us, urging us to take hold of our original desire and sense of life purpose and begin to work in the present moment to make it a reality! Even if on the surface it looks like it might be very difficult indeed to accomplish our life's purpose and make a living to boot, this Angel stands ready to say that money and support flows where the life purpose is also being focused upon, and in far greater abundance than we would ever receive working at jobs or careers that we hate! We shall also find that as we begin the process of moving towards accomplishing our life mission that all the pieces begin to fall into place with greater and greater ease. We feel more alive and awake when we are pursuing that which we love, our days are filled with joy and harmony rather than struggle and strife. Even the old career becomes easier to bear when we understand that it is a springboard to where we really desire to be in life. We can remain in our old job even as we are embarking on the new and through it, we may even find people that are happy to lend a hand or can lead us to still others who can help us accomplish our life purpose.
For those who are confused as to what their life purpose may be, think back and call upon this Angel to help remind you of what you wanted to be when you were young. I wanted to be an Anthropologist and later, a Forensic Anthropologist. In many ways, my work now does involve digging through the bones of the past to help a client piece together the puzzle of their own life. I help them root through all the aspects of themselves that were " killed off" by their family myth or expectations or simply because society was not ready to embrace what these people had to offer so they drove their life purpose deep underground. I find that I am living out my life purpose though not in ways I ever expected when I was younger! Perhaps though, nothing comes to mind as to what you felt you wanted to be when "you grew up". It may well be that there was nothing in those days that could help you define what your life mission might be, no container to embrace it. Like many others, you may find that you need to create a new niche for your work to find fulfilment. You may love to do research for example and yet have a difficult time finding the right research projects to embark upon that also help to pay the bills! It may be that the research you have come here to do involves alternative methods or ideas, concepts that the world does not yet know it needs and yet stands poised to embrace. There may not be a "career" that you can name but you can still get a sense of all it involves and through this, this Angel will help lead you straight into the sort of work that is truly a part of your mission here on earth. This involves a huge amount of trust and faith as well! It’s so easy to follow in someone else's footsteps yet much harder to blaze your own trail. Yet facing this challenge will also bring you rewards that you have not even dreamed of yet! Or perhaps you need to simply spend some quiet time with this Angel, asking what your life purpose or mission truly is and how you can begin the process of bringing it into your reality. You may find that you love to write and from that, this Angel begins to bring you many topics and ideas to write upon. Perhaps this will lead to a book or having your work published in other ways that brings you great success and joy! Yet you shall never know unless you try, unless you actively pursue those things that give you joy in your daily life even if you can't see how any of it could possibly become a career you truly love.
This Angel also desires for us to know that each of us is worthy of having work that is both life sustaining and fulfilling. Every human being who lives to be between the ages of 38 and 45 goes through what we call "mid-life crises". This is an astrological as well as an inner phenomenon in which the individual is pushed to reconcile what gives meaning and a sense of purpose to life and what does not. This is why so many feel compelled to walk away from careers (among other things) that one has been able to maintain up until this point, but no longer! Some where some how the person knows that something is terribly wrong and the original intent to embark upon the career in the first place now seems meaningless. This Angel is hard at work during these years, pushing the person to begin reaching for that which is their true life's purpose! The person knows deep inside that not to have that sense of mission and purpose means that they have already started the death process. Some folks do leave during these years due to heart attack or an accident if they cannot allow themselves to reach for something that gives them a sense of purpose in life. It is a very difficult time, a time when an individual realizes that nothing, not money, success, an appearance of power or prestige, wearing the right lable of designer clothing, none of it is life sustaining if one is not fulfilling one's life purpose. Even worse is the sense that one may have wasted the best years of one's life in pursuit of an illusion that has left them feeling empty inside. This Angel can then intervene to remind the person that their best years are yet to come! Life can become invigorated again when one has a sense of purpose and mission. Nietzsche once wrote that "he who has a purpose to live can bear any how". Having this sense of purpose and mission keeps the body young just as it does the heart and mind. People who are pursuing their true life's purpose often do appear younger than their actual physical years. Their bodies simply do not age at the same rate as other people's because they have this constant infusion of light and vitality flowing to them through that which they love doing and do well. When we do what we love, when we actively pursue that which is our true life purpose, we attract an abundance of light and energy onto the planet which uplifts all others as well! We then make it easier for every other individual to find their own life purpose and to begin infusing it with the light of the Divine.
If you need help believing in the potential of your life's purpose, ask this Angel to begin showing you all the people that will benefit. You may hear people begin to say "gee, I wish I could find someone who is doing ______(fill in the blank) as I could really use some support in that area." Or you may be acting upon what you love doing and someone will comment how much they enjoy watching what you are doing or how you have inspired them to pursue more of what they love doing as well. The people that you connect with by doing what you love will always benefit in more ways than you can imagine. And they will tell you how much you have helped, even though you may feel you have actually done very little for them! The Universe will find a multitude of ways to help you believe in yourself and your life mission. Its clients or students you need, then those that can truly benefit will find you in one way or another, often through word of mouth. While others may feel the need to take out expensive adverts in magazines or through other media, you will find that you simply attract the perfect number of clients and students to you as you and they are ready. Or perhaps it is sales of some form you are seeking, these folks too will start appearing as if by magic, drawn to your work through the feelings of love and sense of purpose that you have put into it. Other people may feel they need to struggle to attract enough yet you will find yourself sailing along with greater ease. People that can help and support you in getting your work off the ground will appear out of nowhere as long as you are willing to truly try and have faith in yourself and the Universe! As long as you feel a strong sense of excitement about what you are doing, it really makes your heart sing when you are doing it and you miss it when you are not, even if it is something that you have loved doing for years, then you know for a certainty that you are indeed fulfilling your life's purpose!
Some people have asked if it is possible to pursue one's life purpose and yet not attract the business or support they need to make it a success. This can happen when someone has doubts or fears in their own ability or are pursuing something they may enjoy, but it doesn't really suit their deeper needs and they are pursuing it because they can't see how they could possibly create a career doing what they would really love to be doing. It can take much soul searching to determine which may be true for anyone in this position. This Angel is ready to help the person work through this process, to help them look deep within themselves and to be totally honest about what it is they really desire! The person may indeed be on the right track, but needs to drop certain elements of what they are doing and put more emphasis on others. What ever the case may be, this Angel is calling to the person to begin examining what it is they truly want and to begin moving in that direction.
What to watch for with this Angel's presence:
You suddenly realize that a career you have been pursuing simply does not suit and you have a strong, compelling urge to seek out something that is much more in keeping with what you do during your leisure hours.
You suddenly lose a job you hated or hear that the company you are working for is downsizing and your job is up for the cut. Some folks have found that their job was "saved" by some miracle once they choose to begin pursuing something that was truly calling to them. Others have found that even though the job went away, new opportunities were suddenly presented to them as long as they were open to seeing the good in what was happening.
Someone mentions something they have been learning about and you feel a strong sense of fascination with it, a sense of "that is so me!" I felt this with Feng Shui, all they study and effort I have put into learning about it has been an absolute joy that words cannot express! You feel naturally drawn towards learning more about what ever it is and find along the way that all the information you need comes to you easily.
You may have the desire to start your own business and have many wonderful ideas of what you can achieve through it.
You gain inspiration and insight from others who are also doing what they love, these people are keen to help you in any way they can and you both prosper and grow as a result.
You feel a compelling urge to find what is of true value to you, what your time on this earth is really worth to you. We spend so much of our lives working, when you sense you need to be doing that which really gives you joy, then you know this Angel is speaking to you.
Someone may start strongly encouraging you to do those things you really love doing or even offer to help support you financially while you get this new career off the ground. I have known several people this has happened to over the years!
Other ways to work with the energy of this Angel is to write down all the things that you love to do with your free time and energy. Is there a cohesive thread that runs through them all? Or are there ways you can integrate all of the different elements so that they form the basis of your life's work? Even those things that don't appear to fit together most likely do have relevance and meaning so don\t discount them! Next, create a collage usually photos or pictures from magazines or the internet. Paste together anything that reminds you of what you would love to be doing and place it where you can see it frequently. If part of what you are seeking to create is your own business, begin the process of deciding if it is something you can do from home or if you will need to lease space for it. If home based, begin designating and clearing that space now, don't wait! This sets forth the intent that you will have what you desire! If you find you need to lease a space, begin searching for the right area now, even if you don't have the money yet. You will if you keep going! Find ways to honour what you love to do in what ever way you can. One thing I do is to keep flowers in my own work space as well as a crystal or two and other elements that remind me of how fortunate I am to be doing what I love with my days! It need not be elaborate, sometimes the most simple of things can be the best! Light a candle each day to remind you that your own life's work is now being illuminated through this Angel and the Universe and also to give thanks for all the insight and awareness you have already been given. Spend time conversing with this Angel, telling it of all your hopes and dreams for the future, allow yourself to become truly excited by fulfilling your own Life's purpose, make it a part of your career/business team! You deserve to have days filled with the energy of doing what you love!

Bflygals' comments:  On the spur of moment decided to re-visit this site again... hmm.. my world vision... hmm.. 

What is your world vision?

It's been a weird week.. and I just keep feeling lost and dejected and bored and.... all the depressing feelings one can name.

Thus it is with mixed feelings that I attended the new sponsor's meeting, considering I have not sent my letter to my child (written but no stamp affixed yet). But I'm glad I attended the meeting even though I skipped dinner (thankfully mum had sushi leftover which I just gobbled down... which double my feeling on how lucky I am compared to the many others).

Learn more about what WV does, how sponsorship helps... what type of gifts I can give my child (I'm already deciding what to give her for her xmas gift, something inexpensive.. something I don't need... the benefit of having a child is you can give her stuff you don't use but is still new and useful in a child's view... haha).  I got high hopes on my child btw as she loves drawing and her bday falls in the range of my family members... (part of the reason why I decided on her because you know, how close my family bdays are...  That reminds me, another sponsor chose the child because she share the same bday as her and she felt fated.  Funnily, that was my bday too hahaha)

I particularly like the movie they show us.  The slogan:
Our vision for every child, life in all its fullness; our prayer for every heart, the will to make it so.

The children saying their world vision: Asking for a voice, a real voice.  Asking for education, for knowledge. (Reminded me about Sing to the Dawn.  I love that story about how a girl seek for her own education... how many girls are slighted when it comes to studying.  While I felt angry about how the movie changed the story when I first watched it, but I changed my mind when my friend told me it was tied with some animal/nature conservation message.  Torn between my love for nature and for the world to help each other.. I have decided to just appreciate the movie as it is, a deviation from the story).   Asking to be taught "to fish" and not to be "given the fish".  Asking for water... for things we took for granted, they treasured gratefully.  Asking to be cured from AIDS (anyone watched the AIDS show screening in Channel 8 at 9pm weekdays?  I am particularly upset when the innocent has to suffer because of it... the children especially... )

Then they showed us an interactive flash they made which was very informative (Click here to view it).  Somehow I left the meeting with a different feeling.  The thought that I must work hard, to sponsor my child.. and hopefully more to come...  Oh and that I must write to her.. and see her annual progress... When they showed the difference of the first letter of the child (drawing of the child's hand) and a letter 8 years later with words and photo... that feeling is amazing.  I only hope that I must not turn lazy... and that GA will guide me to where I want..

(Sidenote:  Part of the reason for the depressing feeling is because the girl who joined 3 days before me is going to Canada.. and India for training soon... while I'm still lost in this new area they are setting up.  However I did tell GA that I want to be in SG until my friends' weddings are over... 1 each month starting from tonight haha.  Plus I am fully aware that my position is new because unlike those before me, I did not inherit any laptops or mobile.. but was given brand new... just that more stress because I don't know what is expected of me... )

Learn to Let Go...

Source: The Principle of Emptiness by Joseph Newton

Video Version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbWT3Gmn7jg

Text Version
Think...

Have you got the habit of hoarding useless objects, thinking that one day, who knows when, you may need them?

Have you got the habit of accumulating money, and not spending it because you think that in the future you may be in want of it?

Have you got the habit of storing clothes, shoes, furniture, utensils and other home supplies that you haven't used already for some time?

And inside yourself...Have you got the habit to keep reproaches, resentment, sadness, fears and more?

DON'T DO IT! You are going against your prosperity.

It is necessary to make room, to leave an empty space in order to allow new things to come into your life.

It is necessary that you get rid of all the useless things that are in you and in your life, in order for prosperity to arrive.

The force of this emptiness is one that will absorb and attract all that you wish.

As long as you are, materially or emotionally, holding old and useless feelings, you won't have room for new opportunities.

Goods must circulate...Clean your drawers, the wardrobe, the workshop, the garage...

Give away what you don't use any longer...

The attitude of keeping a heap of useless stuff ties your life down.

It's not the objects you keep that stagnate your life...
but rather the attitude of keeping...

When we keep in store, we consider the possibility of wanting, of penury.

We believe that tomorrow it may lack, and that we won't be able to fulfill those necessities.

With that idea, you are sending two messages to your brain and to your life:
That you don't trust tomorrow...
and you think that the new and the better are not for you.

For this reason, you cheer yourself up by storing old and useless stuff.
Get rid of what lost it's color and brightness...
Let the new enter your home...
and yourself

May prosperity and peace reach you soon...

Bflygal's comments:
Was given to me via E-mail from a (ex) colleague.. Prob quite some time ago just that I had been busy with handing over etc and did not open it till the wee hours of today where I suddenly woke up and decided to clear some mails. 

It's been 2 days already and I'm still setting up my own internal system (other than the laptop and mobile)... Trying hard to adjust myself I guess. Especially with the waking up.. I just keep waking up at that specified time.   And today, while using my MSN halfway, this thought suddenly arose inside me that I had to share with CL. This thought that though I wanted the change to make myself busy so that I will not check his MSN status anymore... truth is I no longer am able to check it out because I was instructed to use the company's email to apply a MSN Live ID. Thus I'm switching to that in the day already.. as for the night, I tend to sleep early to really go online already...

Somehow.. a part of me is forgetting him due to the bustle of life... but as I told CL, I still hope to hold on to a wisp... for reason that she understand too...

Goodbye...

Don't be dismayed at good-byes.
A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.
And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes,
is certain for those who are friends.
~ Richard Bach

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?
I guess that wouldn't work.
Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye.
I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.
~ Charles M. Schulz, creator of 'Peanuts'


A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
~ Helen Rowland

“Where's the good in goodbye?”

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
~ Dale Evans "Happy Trails"

Let us not unman each other; part at once; all farewells should be sudden, when forever
~ Lord Byron

Bflygal's comments:
Drafting my goodbye email and decided to find some quote since I'm a quote person.  End up I chose the first two.  But I did ponder.. whats the good in goodbye?  And why do people deviate from 2 extremes when saying goodbye.  And is it really woman that never knows when to say goodbye.. or is it just me? 

Reviewing back after a week has passed... I am still uncomfortable with certain things I guessed...

Email Quotes

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only with what you are expecting to give--which is everything.
- Katharine Hepburn

THE NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES
The first 90 % of the task takes 90 % of the time, and the last 10 % takes the other 90 %

Imbesi's Law
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.

Freeman's Extension
...but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.

Law of the Search
The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Maryann's Law
You can always find what you're not looking for.

The Cardinal Conundrum
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

Bflygal's comments:
Clearing emails, sorting out myself, pondering, wondering... lots in mind... but now that I'm blogging, I feel like clamming up.... Usual...

婚姻存摺

我的'婚姻存摺'是出嫁那天，媽媽遞到我手上的，
當時,我以為會是一大筆錢，打開一看發現只有1000元，
我用失望的眼神看著媽媽，媽媽卻笑著說:'這是我特意為你們辦理的'婚姻存摺'，
'以後每逢值得紀念的日子，都可以存一筆錢，
等到老的時候,裡面除了錢,還有無限的幸福…'。
當時,我對母親這份心思不以為然,倒是丈夫記在了心上。
婚後沒多久!，他就先後存了兩個500元，
一個是因為他升職了，第二個是因為我手術治愈出院。
當時我嘴上笑他無聊，其實心裡甜蜜無比，
畢竟他把我的健康也當作一件讓他感到幸福的事。
沒過多久,我懷孕了,這一次,我足足往裡面存了2000元。
但很快，我們開始有了爭吵和冷漠﹔
孩子出生帶來的快樂是短暫的，洗不完的尿布、喂不完的奶，
進一步加劇了我們感情的惡化而那本婚姻存摺像被遺忘了，
寂寞地躺在抽屜角落，上面的數字久未見漲。
我們鬧離婚的時候，媽媽說:你們先把存摺上面的錢花光了再離吧，
雖然錢不多，但是你們共同的財產。
於是，我第一次取了1000元，然後拎著幾件心儀已久的衣服離開商場時，
我又回去對售貨小姐說:'對不起,我不買了!請你退回我剛才付給你的錢。'
也許當時的局面窘迫極了，
但我腦海裡想到的是那1000元婚姻積蓄的來源:
他是個害羞的男人，但曾在街頭大聲地對我說'我愛你'，我為此存下100元，
他記得我的生日、鞋號、密碼及最怕的事，我為此在生日那天存下300元，
他對女人有風度,也有距離，不給暗戀他的女下屬任何機會，我為此存下500元...
啊，這1000元裡就有這麼多的幸福積累，
再看看婚姻存摺上的兩萬多元，我的眼睛忽然就有些濕潤起來。
晚上回到家，我把存摺交給他，說:'趕緊花吧，花光了好離婚。
第二天晚上，他把存摺遞到我手上，我打開一看，發現反而多了1000元。
他說:'那上面的每一元錢都記錄著我們走過的歷程。'
我第一次發覺原來是這樣的愛你，索性又存進了1000元，
我們從此又和好如初了。
還是媽媽說得對，以愛情的名義為婚姻開個戶口，
把夫妻間所有快樂的、幸福的、浪漫的事，通通存進銀行！
有了這本日積月累的婚姻存摺，即使是再貧窮的婚姻，也決不害怕透支。
這一生，你可能會遇到許多喜歡你的人。
但是，你可能永遠都遇不到一個你真正愛的人。
所以，一但遇到了，一定要好好的把握。
很多事情，錯過了就沒有了，錯過了就是會變的，緣份也是。

Bflygal's comments:  I like the concept.