Touchy

Just a word I thought about...
Just wondering...

I'm reminding myself not to use the word "depression" anymore, especially when I am talking to DOC. So that I will not misuse the word. And because I don't like my tone whenever I am on that topic.

I'm not sure if anybody understands me. I know I can manipulate my thoughts. It is very easy for me to be an optimist or a pessimist. Mind power. That is all it takes. But DOC will most probably says where got so easy turn depressed. Easy or not, I know the answer is suffice.

I'm angry with myself lately. Someone had commented my work attitude again. It is a topic that unnerves me. Because they are not in my situation. And because they are in a joking tone. And because once again, I might have take things too seriously? Truth is, I absolutely hate my behaviour. I tried to rectify the situation but I failed. I don't like to admit I'm idling. Because Virgo's never idle. And yet, there are times I rather be a slacker, I rather be a social outcast. Maybe I will feel better.

Today senior asked me if I have crazy work schedule. Because I said he is a workaholic. I told him is by choice. But even if I choose, I no longer will work promptly. Told him I spent the whole morning to do something for user. Only to have an email from user to say it is not needed. And I rushed because I am going on leave soon and did not want to delay simple tasks like these. The devil in me says I should have take my time. I am poisoned.

And I am touchy. Touchy when people say I am not doing enough for work. Touchy when people say my FYP is done. And I know how bad my touchiness is when senior was afraid I got angry because of his comments. I realised I can be quite an open book. People always seem to know when I'm angry. Guess I'm not those quietly gets angry type.

Little things unnerved me. Whether is my classmate or my friends... because ultimately, I'm angry with myself.

Time's up!

p/s: And after typing this blog, I was delivered a serious blow on.. once again, my work attitude. It hurts because I never expected this person to say it, and because she had wanted to say to my friend but had sent wrongly. No wonder why people says women can really bitch about people. I know sometimes, I might fall into that state, and times like this, I do feel guilty. Which is why I really try to cut down on all these talks... It's times like this that I thought about what my mum asked me, why didn't I R? After she see I kept going library to study.. After she learned that I fell from a flight of steps... Actually ever since I fell down, I have been thinking, what did GA want to tell me? It hurts, but is not my arm that hurts now.. is my heart...