Making Friends

Past Memories - Episode 3

11th Jan 2003
School has started already. Nothing much to add, taking 4 modules this sem because I was not able to get my 5th module. Have been reading some interesting books e.g. 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie and 'Yoga Mind & Body' by Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Centre. All these books were loaned to me by my friends (thanks so much). Hmm guess I should be starting to study soon... but still don't have the mood.. how how how??

PART ONE - Fundamental Techniques In Handling People

Principle 1 : Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

Principle 2 : Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Don't flatter. Flattery doesn't always get you anywhere.

Principle 3 : Arouse in the other person eagers and wants.

PART TWO - Six Ways To Make People Like You

Principle 1 : Become genuinely interested in other people.

Principle 2 : Smile.

Principle 3 : Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Oh dear, everybody knows how bad I am in remembering people's name, no matter what methods I tried already. Sighz... =(

Principle 4 : Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Principle 5 : Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

Principle 6 : Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Nobody hates a sincere person =)

PART THREE - HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

Principle 1 : The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
I totally agree. Just as one can never get rid of a temper by losing it. Works the same way. Always wait till you cool down before you reply an angry e-mail, or resume a highly charged conversation.

Principle 2 :Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say 'You're wrong.'
Ha Ha that is really not easy. How many people in this world will not want to take this chance to show he/she is more learned?

Principle 3 : If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Principle 4 : Being in a friendly way.

Principle 5 : Get the other person saying "yes yes" immediately.
Hmm a bit tough to work on this principle.

Principle 6 : Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Oh I love this principle. But then of course you must be a sincere listener too. Cannot act that you are listening yet your mind is wandering away.

Principle 7 : Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Principle 8 : Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Put yourself in the other person's shoes?

Principle 9 : Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

Principle 10 : Appeal to the nobler motives.

Principle 11 : Dramatize your ideas.

Principle 12 : Throw down a challenge.

PART FOUR - BE A LEADER

Principle 1 : Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
'G'd morning, this is a very pretty dress you are wearing.' And while the person is basking in happiness at having been praised, continue 'Ok I was just flattering you. Please do not make so much spelling errors in your document the next time.'
- An example given by the author, Mr. Dale Carnegie. Well I did not copy word for word, just what I remember from my memory. It's an interesting story but I think I do not really want to face such a situation. Because I might end up disbelieving all praises thrown to me... Ok I'm joking "p

Principle 2 : Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

Principle 3 : Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the others.
Long before your time, there used to be a Ms. XXX who did this mistakes, that mistakes...... Thus she understand why you might commit certain follies..... (One can guess who Ms. XXX is right?)

Principle 4 : Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Principle 5 : Let the other person save face.

Principle 6 : Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. "Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

Principle 7 : Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Principle 8 : Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Principle 9 : Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Acknowledgements :

* How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

In conclusion, this is a very very informative book. Couldn't believer that it was first published in 1936. Woah, that is almost 67 years ago. And yet when I was reading this book, it is still as highly useful as I believed it was in that age. (FYI, I had not even existed when the book was published... hmm)

Very thought-provoking book. Hopefully that I would remember the pointers as time goes by...